Dr.Sameer, please help-just want peace

Female, late 50's

main complaint-tired-feel stuck- don't seem to be able to move forward with my life; obsessive intense thoughts when feelings hurt, feeling of unfairness at times

symptoms:
mental/emotional most troubling to me right now:have a hard time trusting self but know better from experience as I am very intuitive, deep, perceptive, and sometimes a bit psychic;want to be alone but happier after good, sane company;have been speaking up more after taking years of non-violent communication groups; grief and anger over lack of relationship with grown son: have had a hard time in the past with trusting my instincts and setting boundaries when I am being deceived or constantly given unasked for suggestions about how to improve myself, or am being ill-treated;tend to feel that if I only said the boundary better, did it better, more perfectly, the person would hear me, I'm talking about things like my saying,'It hurts my heart to hear your daughter talked about like that, perhaps you should clear this up with her', or making a request to my son to 'treat me with kindness, consideration and respect', only to be told not to try to control him; so, I guess you could say I feel very porous; sometimes I don't know if feelings are mine after a misunderstanding or are others; so I tend to prefer to be alone; after a misunderstanding with others I tend to obsess and alternate between anger and feeling resignation the grief is harder to get to;I don't consider myself a jealous person, but do perhaps have jealous feelings about people who I've watched say things like, 'don't tell me what I'm feeling,how would you know what I'm feeling' with intensity, and not only do they get away with it, but they get an apology-it baffles me; the very same people tend to be the ones who feel comfortable 'taking my inventory' although I just realized that I have analyzed these events forever and am taking way too seriously critcism from people who have nothing to boast about in regard to their behavior; eg.-these people call me too intense or feel critcized when I make boundaries with them yet I get positive feedback from those I don't have these dynamics with and can take feedback about work related things quite easily; so I have confusion/lack of self trust, sadness, anger, grief- helped by meditation,walking, movement, talking to a trusted friend

sensitive to: noise; anger directed at me; know it all, gossipy, self righteous people

physical symptoms: adrenal-thyroid problems,(Hashimotos thyroid autoimmune runs strongly in my family- I was diagnosed with it around 39),need 10 to 11 hours of sleep; energy was better about 7 or 8 years ago-then a series of emotional shocks to system- haven't returned to energy since; energy feels stuck to me; wake up several times a week around 3 a. m. sweating lightly, have a hard time returning to sleep;recovered from shingles recently-left side of neck, face,hand, foot; very sickly childhood-scarlet fever,pnemonia, tonsilitus, every childhood disease, till 4th grade when we moved to ca.and I could be outdoors a lot; scaly red patches on face and scalp intermittently; toenail fungus little toes; tightness and pain in low and mid-back-both sides,left eye allergies; gall bladder removed at about 50; hard menopause-no sleep, heavy hot flashes;tightness in left side of head started in twenties-probably from being a forceps baby and having dent in head at birth;left lower dull pain in jaw- for last 3 or 4 years-was some gum problem but fixed-still dull pain in jaw under molar;extra twenty pounds-low metabolism;


dreams:starting to dream again - they are about past relationship hurts being relived ,affair-lies about affair for 9 months-asking for truth from beginning as I'm pretty intuitive, maybe even a bit psychic, being told I was crazy repeatedly till I started to believe it and had complete nervous breakdown; thought I was over that stuff; still feel like scapegoat

allergic to morphine and codeine-very sensitive to drugs in general

prefer homeopathy or herbs-
take naturethroid and low dose natural adrenal now

for years went to homeopath I respect---homeopathy worked great for me; but starting around 10 years ago none of the remedies seemed to touch me- have taken so many different remedies over the years don't remember- but can list a few- lachesis, mourning dove, lotus,most recent remedy about 3 months ago during shingles-- was made from breast tissue, can't remember the name-something about the left side, mother issues, resolving the emotional cancer of the family--- but didn't notice any improvement except that I am speaking up for myself more and am not questioning myself after the fact quite as much

I realize other people who seem happier to me than myself
don't seem to need to analyze and question themselves like I do
I started 'working on myself' in 20's--process oriented body work- seminars- therapy- group therapy- non violent communication work/groups-I've done anger,had breakthroughs-now I'm sick of working on self-just want peace and some energy to move forward

lousy childhood- alcoholic father who was rageful, physically abusive to mom and oldest sister,very passive-aggressive victim mom, I'm still a bit ticked off at mom for not protecting us-;sexual abuse by dad probably around 2 or 3- dad also sexually abused by his mom