This isn't nice

Sorry, I calmed down a bit. I dont know What i would do without some good self help tools I know of from the past.

I thought it is an emergency. I get anxious quick and get worried about the future etc. how bad it will get.

I thought this problem needs to be fixed now. And all you are leaving me hanging.

I know I am myself to blame and responsible, but my thinking is if it gets bad that someone should help regardless. That it is inhuman to just stand by regardless of who to blame.

I would just like some reassurance. But am ok now with self help tool which is about releasing wanting to control & wanting security. Than I can look at the pictures and they disappear even.

I still plan to go to homeopath in person. I just thought it might be an emergency

The 10m Platina felt to deep. As if everything opened. My subconscious opened. I could not stay in dark or house.

I still get paranoid when I am inside a bit of a dark room ALONE and have to do something to get the anxiety and paranoia down.

Is this my disease or just permanent proving. What is it?

Ok I have trouble being inside my house alone. Hmm. And I hate dark lit rooms. How will I manage this for another week. Will try to stop posting and doing some self help

November 11th 2011. Sorry for misunderstanding. I am talking about the past. The bad experience of aggravation. I thought I was over this problem, that it sorted itself out over the months. But now that I started working and feeling more tired. I noticed this problem back which scared me. So I wanted to know whether this is permanent proving or what.

But I did take something. Sorry. I really do not wish to say it out of fear. The fear of your response that something terrible might happen now etc. so please do not do this

It was thuja 200c. Small dose just 1 drop and half tea spoon.

I thought I take this in the meantime until I go to homeopath in 1 week when my mother can drive me.

I also researched that tarantula and thuja fall under the symptoms of when closing eyes with images.

I read this about 2 days ago. And I did feel like when I took tarantula 200c that I was much less afraid at night . And never had problem at night

This is why I wished to get some answers about the anger I felt on tarantula whether it was curative or proving.


..I am so weak. Everything scares me. Reading replies on here etc. this is my daily problem. That I react to everything so quick.


I hope thuja going to cure. It should symptom wise? They have bdd, ugliness and so on.

I go to homeopath in week. Already found a woman yesterday on the internet


Edit: I am feeling rather ok now. More manageable.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 18 Feb 2012 04:56:15 GMT]

Well I just took thuja because it highly likely could help.

Like I said I also used to swallow words when talking to someone and got criticized for it in the past. And I read only thuja has this symptom.

And I just took a 200c.

... There don't seem to be many good quality homeopathy here around where I live. This is best what I found.http://www.tanialaing.co.nz/. I feel a bit anxious to go to a woman who a bit young. I would be less anxious if it were an older woman. But than I would have problem with how that would make me look. To be going to an older woman and not a younger one.

... Yesterday I went to bed a bit earlier and as always what happens than is that I wake up at around 2am and be unable to fall back asleep for a few hours.. So I was a bit afraid and the self help tool to calm me only worked partially. Than I started meditating, focusing on how/where I experience the fear... and this helped. I would get many scary pictures that did not bother me much which would make me feel more calm and relaxed when I meditated on them. The pictures felt like fears of a child, from childhood. Sometimes later I would get pictures of scary queens, or a very ugly human who looked like the devil once and was surprised that I did not feel any fear. Or think out of fear that the devil showed itself to me since I am usually afraid of ghosts etc .But no fear, just thought its fear, pictures from my childhood that somehow got opened from Platina 10m dose. And calmness followed after meditating where I experienced the fear
[message edited by starface on Sat, 18 Feb 2012 23:22:57 GMT]

Well thanks for the many nice words ( and feedback) .This is what I feel i have been missing the last few years (lol), which caused me to get more depressed over the past years.

about the remedy identification. I am pretty sure I don't see it accurately (what a remedy is) and this probably is maybe my disease too. But it matters what remedy I am to me. It tells me who as a human being I am. Obviously Platina would be good for me because it would give peace to a problem in me. Whether i am nothing or the best. Or it just gives this feeling that I know I am quite 'something'. I don't know how to describe this accurately. It's about my existence. Remedies like thuja etc I take regardless if it looks like I could be them because if I am not Platina, or 'something' I don't want to be it and i feel the need to find out the truth. Don't want to be fake, pretentious, boasting etc. either i am 'it' or I am not 'it' and going to live in depression and unhappiness for rest of life.

... That's how my thinking about remedies goes. Which I am sure isn't correct. But this surely must give a good picture where my problem lies, so all good.

I dislike whenever I come across egoistic. This makes me look not genuine,

Whenever I talk about this things there is also problem...What if it turns out i am thuja after such post I posted as above? It would be embarrassing.

ok thanks. So I could be one of those child remedies possibly. I wonder which one since I have taken quite a few of those... baryta carb with first homeopath, calcera carb a few times, phosphorus, nat mur, silicea, alumina.

dont know if I was accurate with descriptions of being either nothing or the best. I am not good at competitions. I often will less than other people, less good. It is something else with what I mean being the best. It is a feeling of worth maybe. I dont have to do anything. This feeling is about who I am as a person which will always make people be interested in me, which will always precede everything else. Results, competitions and such things how people judge themselves dont matter if you have this feeling about yourself.
It surely nice living with this feeling.

When I go to the beach. I think everyone who looks at me is looking at me because there something about me. maybe something different. I can tell by the look I get. But this also causes me anxiety when I lie at the beach and want to go into the water for example, because all eyes on me. I will be judged, looked at etc, this just makes me all nervous. When I go into the water finally... my thinking goes like this always. That now everyone at the beach is looking at me and thinking the same thing 'that this person who seems good, different or whatever went into the water, lets look at him. And this all creates anxiety, pressure, expectation. It twists me. My moves are unatural, tense. And I dont want people to see me like this at all, ever.

I am going to call this that I feel a lack, when I am anxious and unable to go into the water, sometimes when people around me. I just cant. I know I wont be good, but tense, self conscious and dont want people to see this.

All would fall into the water, if people saw me like that. Compared to the picture they had of me as to before they saw me go into the water. The picture they formed of me when they saw me just walk to the beach. for example.

This is strange, but I am more confident when I walk to the beach. Than when I lied down on the beach and would have to walk into the water. This is more personal is the problem I think.
[message edited by starface on Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:08:32 GMT]

not sure if I was accurate with above description. But doesnt matter even i guess.

Yea correct. And that is why I have this attachment to appearance (body dysmorphia) if my appearance goes, if I loose it I feel in big trouble than. I worry about loosing hair, maybe having a too big nose, to small chin etc.

Anyway seems like the pictures and paranoia not bothering me much anymore. Might be because of the meditation I did. I wasn't just following my breath but noticing the experience of fear. This feels like it brings me to the center of the feelings and makes me feel less tense, stressed very quick.

But in general I think I use meditation in a way that sometimes strengthens my ego. That I feel maybe more of value for meditating. I dislike this of me. Always feel repulsed somewhat by my egoizem

hmm sure I could do plastic surgery. But right now I am aware that it would not make me happy, because I would still find something to be unhappy about my appearance. So emotionally first need fix. Also I would not really want plastic surgery. Because I would for ever than feel 'inferior' or self conscious that I needed plastic surgery. If I had plastic surgery that would be a vulnerability to attack... And I like genuine stuff. I could not feel good about my new nose, because it isnt really my nose. Not my great pysichal appearance. I disown it because it artifically created. It looses worth.

So if I am loosing hair only naturally stopping it is possible, no artificial stuff later.

I am complicated a bit. but big ego & no ego probably right explanation for me.

Telling a homeopath in person that I worry about my hair loss would cause anxiety, it would feel very very uncomfortable. But it doesnt seem the end of the world anymore, after I took platina. My 'ego' not in such danger I think. Or my existance.

I am 24.

Yes awareness a good thing but there is ego behind it with me. I derive it from it so it is just a compensation I think? When I started reading spiritual material I remember they said. 'Don't start thinking of yourself as the enlightened one or spiritual one because that is just ego slipping through the back door' ... and I think this is definitely the case with me.

I also have quite many bad qualities. Lots of things irritate me in other people. Small things. But I don't let this irritation out most of the time because I don't want to be such type of person.

Ok I am about 90% certain Platina my remedy again. This is all just talk about theory but I have taken Platina before and it felt right pretty much. All felt ok. Problems didnt matter. So the truth is even in the pudding. I used to pick on my face,on my skin with my fingers because of the Body dysmorphia problem. I was on course of self destruction but this has gone away from the Platina dose. And I am even working again.
I started taking things 'lightly' again and able to laugh at myself in public.
Platina must be it. It's just the 10m felt way to deep and caused the problem with the paranoia,, images when I close my eyes


I could be wrong but Platina felt pretty close, pretty much right to me