The ABC Homeopathy Forum
This isn't nice Page 2 of 3
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Yes awareness a good thing but there is ego behind it with me. I derive it from it so it is just a compensation I think? When I started reading spiritual material I remember they said. 'Don't start thinking of yourself as the enlightened one or spiritual one because that is just ego slipping through the back door' ... and I think this is definitely the case with me.
I also have quite many bad qualities. Lots of things irritate me in other people. Small things. But I don't let this irritation out most of the time because I don't want to be such type of person.
Ok I am about 90% certain Platina my remedy again. This is all just talk about theory but I have taken Platina before and it felt right pretty much. All felt ok. Problems didnt matter. So the truth is even in the pudding. I used to pick on my face,on my skin with my fingers because of the Body dysmorphia problem. I was on course of self destruction but this has gone away from the Platina dose. And I am even working again.
I started taking things 'lightly' again and able to laugh at myself in public.
Platina must be it. It's just the 10m felt way to deep and caused the problem with the paranoia,, images when I close my eyes
I could be wrong but Platina felt pretty close, pretty much right to me
I also have quite many bad qualities. Lots of things irritate me in other people. Small things. But I don't let this irritation out most of the time because I don't want to be such type of person.
Ok I am about 90% certain Platina my remedy again. This is all just talk about theory but I have taken Platina before and it felt right pretty much. All felt ok. Problems didnt matter. So the truth is even in the pudding. I used to pick on my face,on my skin with my fingers because of the Body dysmorphia problem. I was on course of self destruction but this has gone away from the Platina dose. And I am even working again.
I started taking things 'lightly' again and able to laugh at myself in public.
Platina must be it. It's just the 10m felt way to deep and caused the problem with the paranoia,, images when I close my eyes
I could be wrong but Platina felt pretty close, pretty much right to me
starface last decade
Yes true. I know I can be like a little devil, but I am not letting out this things usually like I said. I knew this has something to do with me, for the things I got criticized for in the past or something like that.
Anyway I woke up today feeling good. Positive. Could be because I dreamed of being with a girl together. Most likely. Don't know whether it is the thuja or meditation I am doing. But my nose today didn't seem big when I touched it with my fingers. I meditated yesterday on the area of my stomach which causes agony often.
Ok yes I will give her info about my improvemts of Platina.
Anyway I woke up today feeling good. Positive. Could be because I dreamed of being with a girl together. Most likely. Don't know whether it is the thuja or meditation I am doing. But my nose today didn't seem big when I touched it with my fingers. I meditated yesterday on the area of my stomach which causes agony often.
Ok yes I will give her info about my improvemts of Platina.
starface last decade
Do NOT do this. Do NOT go to the homoeopath trying to convince her you are Platina. Do NOT talk about remedies and rubrics and what you think about homoeopathy. Just give your symptoms, your problems, honestly without trying to talk her into agreeing with your self-prescriptions. You are not going there to get outside justifcation for your problem with homoeopathy. You are going to get proper treatment that has nothing to do with your theories and corrupted knowledge of our materia medica. Do not make these same mistakes with another practitioner, and certainly do not try to cajole her into enabling your addiction.
LET GO OF THIS. You are already putting yourself into the frame of mind to block her from helping you.
Instead, go with the idea that you know nothing, that you cannot guess your remedy, that you are unwell and someone else must help you find the way to being healthy.
Going with the attitude that you already know what remedy you are and that you need to convince her of that will just make her job even more difficult. Help her out, don't get in her way.
LET GO OF THIS. You are already putting yourself into the frame of mind to block her from helping you.
Instead, go with the idea that you know nothing, that you cannot guess your remedy, that you are unwell and someone else must help you find the way to being healthy.
Going with the attitude that you already know what remedy you are and that you need to convince her of that will just make her job even more difficult. Help her out, don't get in her way.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
ok well not feeling that great after work anymore. There always is issue with isolation, unhappiness, loneliness after work. Right now I am having low tolerance for my father. I feel like one more of his critizisms and I could kill him. I feel that way even though my father isnt even at home, I havent seen him today even. Usually I am forgiving, in this spiritual way and see through why people do the bad things they do and dont get bothered by it. But sometimes at other days it gets to much and I have to remind myself of taking a step back and think that it is just some 'emotion' and there is a better way to respond to this.... This is what makes me think that my spirituality is just ego often. (but not always though I think)
my brother is leaving in a few days. So there will be more isolation at work, more at home, I will have to live alone with my father and mother with whom it is very difficult because so much negativity and unhappiness comes from them all day and nothing else. I think I am feeling the anger because at work everyone is nice, human. polite but my father more like the devil at home. When he speaks of me behind my back it is only when to critizise.
I dislike talking about this very much. because this reflects on me, the environment at home I am living in. (makes me look bad). BUt the moment I talk about this all the anger dissapears and I feel like I am above it. No anger anymore at father. He can do whatever he likes. It doesnt touch me. SO at times I got my lows only where something bothers me.
I dont know what the meditation I am doing is called. I picked up a few from self help I have done. I think one is about going into the center of the bad emotions which makes them dissapear.
I dont think I could even mention I took platina to homeopath. There will be great feelings of inferiority for a moment. The thought that someone like me took platina.. and that it produced results... I would feel really inferior for a moment. And think that she would expect more from me or something like that.
It is going to be tough going to the homeopath. I felt more optimistic earlier in the week. I am feeling slightly worse about myself as a human being.
but anyway just came back from work so its normal that I am not in the best state and have to relax and meditate some more.
How the scary pictures stopped bothering me after meditating for a little gave me motivation to do this again.
[message edited by starface on Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:32:37 GMT]
my brother is leaving in a few days. So there will be more isolation at work, more at home, I will have to live alone with my father and mother with whom it is very difficult because so much negativity and unhappiness comes from them all day and nothing else. I think I am feeling the anger because at work everyone is nice, human. polite but my father more like the devil at home. When he speaks of me behind my back it is only when to critizise.
I dislike talking about this very much. because this reflects on me, the environment at home I am living in. (makes me look bad). BUt the moment I talk about this all the anger dissapears and I feel like I am above it. No anger anymore at father. He can do whatever he likes. It doesnt touch me. SO at times I got my lows only where something bothers me.
I dont know what the meditation I am doing is called. I picked up a few from self help I have done. I think one is about going into the center of the bad emotions which makes them dissapear.
I dont think I could even mention I took platina to homeopath. There will be great feelings of inferiority for a moment. The thought that someone like me took platina.. and that it produced results... I would feel really inferior for a moment. And think that she would expect more from me or something like that.
It is going to be tough going to the homeopath. I felt more optimistic earlier in the week. I am feeling slightly worse about myself as a human being.
but anyway just came back from work so its normal that I am not in the best state and have to relax and meditate some more.
How the scary pictures stopped bothering me after meditating for a little gave me motivation to do this again.
[message edited by starface on Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:32:37 GMT]
starface last decade
And DON'T BEGIN BY HIDING THINGS FROM HER. You have to tell her what remedies you have already taken. She will ask you anyway - don't begin this relationship by lying to her. Stop projecting your stuff on to her - she doesn't care about any of that. She doesn't care about forming a personal opinion about you. She isn't there to be your admirer or your detracter. Just treat her with respect and she will do the same for you.
If you feel inferior - fine. Feel it, express it. What the heck do you think you are there for? To convince her how great you are and how you don't need her help??
If you feel inferior - fine. Feel it, express it. What the heck do you think you are there for? To convince her how great you are and how you don't need her help??
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Well I can bring some papers with my issues written on them to her but again this going to feel embarrassing that I feel the need to do such thing.
You make it sound all very easy.. Tell her you feel inferior and so what, nothing to it. It feels like a very big deal to me. Like death. Those words cannot come out of my mouth.
Anyway I am going to go and take it easy.
I always said That I never said in my life to someone face to face that I feel embarrassed or ashamed for/about something etc. this is not really possible. I can admit to making mistakes, but that I feel those shameful feelings? No
Ok I am going to stop posting. I go either on Saturday or Monday, depending on if I have to travel with my brother to a new place where he will live & study or not. In one way I am still looking forward to it. On the other hand it feels like a bit of my bad feelings about myself back.
I noticed something embarrassing about myself...wherever I go I tend to create a name for myself. On forums etc. when I was not on here for a day or so and got back on here I would look if there are any posts about 'people missing me'... How embarrassing and small/inferior this is of me.
It's day 4 of the thuja 200c and I don't feel anything of it. No aggravation in anxiety or anything at work was noticeable either
You make it sound all very easy.. Tell her you feel inferior and so what, nothing to it. It feels like a very big deal to me. Like death. Those words cannot come out of my mouth.
Anyway I am going to go and take it easy.
I always said That I never said in my life to someone face to face that I feel embarrassed or ashamed for/about something etc. this is not really possible. I can admit to making mistakes, but that I feel those shameful feelings? No
Ok I am going to stop posting. I go either on Saturday or Monday, depending on if I have to travel with my brother to a new place where he will live & study or not. In one way I am still looking forward to it. On the other hand it feels like a bit of my bad feelings about myself back.
I noticed something embarrassing about myself...wherever I go I tend to create a name for myself. On forums etc. when I was not on here for a day or so and got back on here I would look if there are any posts about 'people missing me'... How embarrassing and small/inferior this is of me.
It's day 4 of the thuja 200c and I don't feel anything of it. No aggravation in anxiety or anything at work was noticeable either
starface last decade
One last thing:
Now that I am working, I said I feel some pain emotionally and isolation. Also a slight 'force' after work which feels similar to what I felt when I took palladium. It is because I am not what I should be. I dont feel visible really at work. and just unhappy with myself, for not being able to be my true self. But he all smiles pleasing unsure guy.
if I showed the homeopath some posts like this I would feel so embarassed for them because they would feel ridicoulous to me in front of her. I would say that I dont know where I got those thoughts and ideas from. Why I talk about such things.In person (off the internet) these things I write about me seem really ridicoulus. I am much more 'balanced' face to face I guess or ?. I would never talk about such things. Those things would seem really strange. Could not identify with them.
At home everything about my brother bothers me again now that I work again. For example him just sitting down at my computer to play a video game while chewing a bubble gum irritates me to a great degree. I cannot be in the room... When he is driving the car I just focus on every mistake he makes, the bad gear shifts he makes etc... Usually many years ago I would let this all out but not anymore for the most part. When I do critizise I feel guilty that I should not. That I am doing it out of selfish reasons etc and I guess maybe the real reason why I dont do it is that I fear getting attacked back and being lonely? I dont really know. Maybe I am deceiving myself. But I hate hurting people. Because I dont want them to feel down on themselves. I know how bad this feels. So I do keep this in mind quite often when I am about to be critical to stop myself from doing it.
Ok enough of me. I dont know why I write since I wont get prescription. Its just my disease lol sorry
Now that I am working, I said I feel some pain emotionally and isolation. Also a slight 'force' after work which feels similar to what I felt when I took palladium. It is because I am not what I should be. I dont feel visible really at work. and just unhappy with myself, for not being able to be my true self. But he all smiles pleasing unsure guy.
if I showed the homeopath some posts like this I would feel so embarassed for them because they would feel ridicoulous to me in front of her. I would say that I dont know where I got those thoughts and ideas from. Why I talk about such things.In person (off the internet) these things I write about me seem really ridicoulus. I am much more 'balanced' face to face I guess or ?. I would never talk about such things. Those things would seem really strange. Could not identify with them.
At home everything about my brother bothers me again now that I work again. For example him just sitting down at my computer to play a video game while chewing a bubble gum irritates me to a great degree. I cannot be in the room... When he is driving the car I just focus on every mistake he makes, the bad gear shifts he makes etc... Usually many years ago I would let this all out but not anymore for the most part. When I do critizise I feel guilty that I should not. That I am doing it out of selfish reasons etc and I guess maybe the real reason why I dont do it is that I fear getting attacked back and being lonely? I dont really know. Maybe I am deceiving myself. But I hate hurting people. Because I dont want them to feel down on themselves. I know how bad this feels. So I do keep this in mind quite often when I am about to be critical to stop myself from doing it.
Ok enough of me. I dont know why I write since I wont get prescription. Its just my disease lol sorry
starface last decade
I feel like I have done & said something wrong in above posts. I am sorry
It feels like I am starting to recover from this problem I feel after work. Dont feel to bad today.
I dont know what to do with my problem I have with my older brothers behavior. Many things irritate me about him, how we are late to work every time because he cannot be bothered to care about being on time. Very arrogant of him I think. He seems to want preferential treatment from everyone... I am not the only one who thinks such things about him at home.
It feels like I am starting to recover from this problem I feel after work. Dont feel to bad today.
I dont know what to do with my problem I have with my older brothers behavior. Many things irritate me about him, how we are late to work every time because he cannot be bothered to care about being on time. Very arrogant of him I think. He seems to want preferential treatment from everyone... I am not the only one who thinks such things about him at home.
starface last decade
I am a bit feeling anxious about going to the homeopath in person but on the other hand I cannot live like I am living. Very unhappy and it causes bad feelings after work where I am unable to be myself. At full potential. Unable to communicate in a great way etc. I dont want to have the job I have but a much better one, I dont want to have to hide and worry about embarrassment, humiliation around people when I communicate but I want to be the one who the most fun etc.
So for that reason only I want to go. It pains me to be the way I am currently. I am not happy until I also have one of the better looking girls out there etc. Because this is where I see myself, what I deserve.
It is the high standard and where I currently am at which is a great problem for me. I dont see myself being able on my own to move, to get where I need to get too.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 22 Feb 2012 01:31:19 GMT]
So for that reason only I want to go. It pains me to be the way I am currently. I am not happy until I also have one of the better looking girls out there etc. Because this is where I see myself, what I deserve.
It is the high standard and where I currently am at which is a great problem for me. I dont see myself being able on my own to move, to get where I need to get too.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 22 Feb 2012 01:31:19 GMT]
starface last decade
I contacted the homeopath today about appointment and so on... and phew was it hard to keep from not mentioning platina in the email (lol). I dont know why I felt the urge to let her know about platina and me. But I did not do it thankfully. Based on how it would make me look. To give so much info away about myself in the first email makes me look bad. It needed to be short and to the point. I just said that my main problems are social anxiety & depression. Could not mention Body dysmorphia. Way to problematic if she knew I have BDD
I really dont know how I am going to do this. and talk about my deeper issues. But ok I am going to start with easy.
I really dont know how I am going to do this. and talk about my deeper issues. But ok I am going to start with easy.
starface last decade
You do realise that you don't have to reveal everthing in one session. Get to know her, develop some trust. Actually it is pretty hard to say everything you need to in the first consultation anyway.
Remember, if you don't tell her you have a problem, she probably won't be able to fix it. Leaving things out that are important is the best way to sabotage your treatment.
When are you booked to see her?
Remember, if you don't tell her you have a problem, she probably won't be able to fix it. Leaving things out that are important is the best way to sabotage your treatment.
When are you booked to see her?
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
ok, I hope I wont get a remedy than prescribed based on first consultation.
no booking yet. I am awaiting her reply and will get it than. I cannot imagine that she would have a full schedule anyway.
this going to be the hardest thing i ever done. my mother said to me that she could not go to a homeopath and talk about problems in person, my father not either, he is to proud. Homeopathy, psychology all those things are looked down in my family, with fear. It is a great shame to go to such place, to admit to having issues. Homeopathy not so much as psychology though. if I talk about self help with my mother. Just something like that one should acknowledge and feel his feelings instead of pushing them away she looks at me as if I said something crazy. and feel humiliated by it but I sense the uncertain scared ego of my mother when she does that. so I know what is behind this behaviour of hers.
hmm sitting with someone face to face and getting those questions. I can see myself already getting all anxious and it going to feel like an attack when I am asked what i fear etc. Something that I should not answer or reveal.
It could be that it will be easier than I think now, just like it was for work. getting humiliated not the end of the world anymore and i dont feel humiliated even often anymore.
no booking yet. I am awaiting her reply and will get it than. I cannot imagine that she would have a full schedule anyway.
this going to be the hardest thing i ever done. my mother said to me that she could not go to a homeopath and talk about problems in person, my father not either, he is to proud. Homeopathy, psychology all those things are looked down in my family, with fear. It is a great shame to go to such place, to admit to having issues. Homeopathy not so much as psychology though. if I talk about self help with my mother. Just something like that one should acknowledge and feel his feelings instead of pushing them away she looks at me as if I said something crazy. and feel humiliated by it but I sense the uncertain scared ego of my mother when she does that. so I know what is behind this behaviour of hers.
hmm sitting with someone face to face and getting those questions. I can see myself already getting all anxious and it going to feel like an attack when I am asked what i fear etc. Something that I should not answer or reveal.
It could be that it will be easier than I think now, just like it was for work. getting humiliated not the end of the world anymore and i dont feel humiliated even often anymore.
starface last decade
What about this - try talking without looking at her. Sit yourself in a position where you are not facing her. Talk to the wall or out the window. I have had patients do all sorts of odd things - lay on the floor, pace around the room, face their chair at an angle away from me, speak through someone else.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
well I guess I have no other choice than to see this homeopath and manage this somehow. as long as the homeopath not to pushy with those questions all could go well.
starface last decade
***
Earlier today at work I thought I am really in need of a homeopath FAST. Because an older woman who is living in the 'rest home' I work at started talking to me about more personal things. I knew this was going to happen with time and it was uncomfortable to a degree. But I am alright again.
She also told me her life story, showed me her pictures. About how she was married to a millionaire in africa, how beautiful she used to look like, play tennis, model, have a beautifull daughter, horses, never needed to cook or clean in her life etc. But then oneday her daughter got killed one day by some black people. She saw her lieing without her head upon returning home and had a breakdown. Now she is old, wrinkled, lost her beautiful black hair and living in a rest home. Her husband dead too for a long time.
There are many things about this story and pictures I saw that had an impact on me. For one the feelings of security from seeing her pictures, the appearance she had, the good life she had etc . How she had the looks and just everything. And the loss of all this and how she can live with loosing all of it. I thought this woman has enormous strength, or either that she was never really alone when this happened to her as happened with me when I got deep depression, body dysmorphia - worry that I am loosing my appearance etc. But than I did find out after asking my mother about her that she is on drugs daily and it does make sense. This would be so hard to let go off. I can not imagine anyone being able to accept such thing if it happened to them. The feeling when you got it all, when people admire your appearance and than loosing all of it is just to much. Not possible to live anymore without this. this is real suffering.
I cannot get the pictures I saw of her life out of my head, the pictures I saw are all I ever wanted for myself, and the saddness of the story bothers me too, but the pictures give me good feelings
Once she also gave me some sweets later in the day and I was worried she is trying to poison me or that she put something in those things. THis is probably unreal but what do I know. I dont know her that well. I hate this worries. This makes me look bad. Dont want to have such worries. The strange thing was also that she put it directly in my mouth because I had gloves on for work. This made me really uncomfortable and fear if I dont stop this she might start doing more and more things. Maybe some sexuall advancing? I dont know. It is just fear from my side probably.
Anyway she told me all those things about her, and I am a rather egoistic person I think. Sure I feel saddened by her story and feel sympathy but at the same time I am superficial. If she looked like she used to look like, sure I would feel great in her company and she would be just someone I would want to associate myself with but now what she once was, doesnt matter anymore. SHe isnt beautiful or something anymore. I mean I cannot feel all great in her company just because she once in the past had it all. Now she is just like everyone else.
I cannot forget her pictures though about her life. And I can never give this up myself. Loose my hairline, my skin etc. I am unable to get stressed to a point were it is suffering (my BDD) since platina anymore though which is good and strange at the same time, I dont feel cured but the suffering out of it maybe
I noticed that when the owner of the place I work at came by me for the first time I felt slightly anxious. BUt now as the days go on. The owner is the only person I am showing 'egoisem' around. It is like this. I am not going to do my work any better. I dont care about his approval. I dont care whether he happy with my work or not. I am not going to give more effort when he around. Nothing like that. The owner is not above me. And never will. Same when I see people in public who are maybe known from tv etc I give them the cold shoulder and act disinterested.
tonight I had 2 reocurring dreams. One was a sexually screwed up one, which could be considered gay. But I am ok with mentioning this because this totally not me. I am not gay. this is just something screwed up. the other dream was me playing in a soccer match between 2 teams. And I was worried about the fear of not playing good enough. When I got the soccer ball I was trying to play good. Do good things. WHen I made a bad pass I was worried. When I shot at the goal, my shot was to weak and easy for the goal keeper to safe. Bad feelings, performance not good.
Since I started working and the issues and feelings that came up for the whole weak made me see I am not thuja in anyway.
Earlier today at work I thought I am really in need of a homeopath FAST. Because an older woman who is living in the 'rest home' I work at started talking to me about more personal things. I knew this was going to happen with time and it was uncomfortable to a degree. But I am alright again.
She also told me her life story, showed me her pictures. About how she was married to a millionaire in africa, how beautiful she used to look like, play tennis, model, have a beautifull daughter, horses, never needed to cook or clean in her life etc. But then oneday her daughter got killed one day by some black people. She saw her lieing without her head upon returning home and had a breakdown. Now she is old, wrinkled, lost her beautiful black hair and living in a rest home. Her husband dead too for a long time.
There are many things about this story and pictures I saw that had an impact on me. For one the feelings of security from seeing her pictures, the appearance she had, the good life she had etc . How she had the looks and just everything. And the loss of all this and how she can live with loosing all of it. I thought this woman has enormous strength, or either that she was never really alone when this happened to her as happened with me when I got deep depression, body dysmorphia - worry that I am loosing my appearance etc. But than I did find out after asking my mother about her that she is on drugs daily and it does make sense. This would be so hard to let go off. I can not imagine anyone being able to accept such thing if it happened to them. The feeling when you got it all, when people admire your appearance and than loosing all of it is just to much. Not possible to live anymore without this. this is real suffering.
I cannot get the pictures I saw of her life out of my head, the pictures I saw are all I ever wanted for myself, and the saddness of the story bothers me too, but the pictures give me good feelings
Once she also gave me some sweets later in the day and I was worried she is trying to poison me or that she put something in those things. THis is probably unreal but what do I know. I dont know her that well. I hate this worries. This makes me look bad. Dont want to have such worries. The strange thing was also that she put it directly in my mouth because I had gloves on for work. This made me really uncomfortable and fear if I dont stop this she might start doing more and more things. Maybe some sexuall advancing? I dont know. It is just fear from my side probably.
Anyway she told me all those things about her, and I am a rather egoistic person I think. Sure I feel saddened by her story and feel sympathy but at the same time I am superficial. If she looked like she used to look like, sure I would feel great in her company and she would be just someone I would want to associate myself with but now what she once was, doesnt matter anymore. SHe isnt beautiful or something anymore. I mean I cannot feel all great in her company just because she once in the past had it all. Now she is just like everyone else.
I cannot forget her pictures though about her life. And I can never give this up myself. Loose my hairline, my skin etc. I am unable to get stressed to a point were it is suffering (my BDD) since platina anymore though which is good and strange at the same time, I dont feel cured but the suffering out of it maybe
I noticed that when the owner of the place I work at came by me for the first time I felt slightly anxious. BUt now as the days go on. The owner is the only person I am showing 'egoisem' around. It is like this. I am not going to do my work any better. I dont care about his approval. I dont care whether he happy with my work or not. I am not going to give more effort when he around. Nothing like that. The owner is not above me. And never will. Same when I see people in public who are maybe known from tv etc I give them the cold shoulder and act disinterested.
tonight I had 2 reocurring dreams. One was a sexually screwed up one, which could be considered gay. But I am ok with mentioning this because this totally not me. I am not gay. this is just something screwed up. the other dream was me playing in a soccer match between 2 teams. And I was worried about the fear of not playing good enough. When I got the soccer ball I was trying to play good. Do good things. WHen I made a bad pass I was worried. When I shot at the goal, my shot was to weak and easy for the goal keeper to safe. Bad feelings, performance not good.
Since I started working and the issues and feelings that came up for the whole weak made me see I am not thuja in anyway.
starface last decade
I feel so uncomfortable about going to work and seeing this older woman again. She told me she wants to hear everyday a special story from me from my life because she feels bored at the rest home around all those people.
This is uncomfortable and made me think I need a homeopath FAST.
Regarding homeopathy appointment. I got a reply that she just treats children now anymore and refered me to a good homeopath she recomends. Apparently she is the only one with an advanced degree in homeopathics from the new zealand homeopathy college and she looks fairly old so this is good. Going to send her an email about appointment now.
This is uncomfortable and made me think I need a homeopath FAST.
Regarding homeopathy appointment. I got a reply that she just treats children now anymore and refered me to a good homeopath she recomends. Apparently she is the only one with an advanced degree in homeopathics from the new zealand homeopathy college and she looks fairly old so this is good. Going to send her an email about appointment now.
starface last decade
well the next day was like sh*t. I was so nervous when I had to talk to this woman again. Which I knew was going to happen. I cannot deal with expectation, pressure well at all. I tried to avoid her all day. Interestingly I also had a dream where I was put on the spot and had to talk to people but my whole body was trembling from the fear. And this is exactly what happened when I had to talk to that woman again on that day. Trembling everywhere. I also felt that I dissapointed her. Because she might have thought something much more of me and than I came there anxious, trembling unable to talk. I mean I am the only young guy there and she wanted to talk with me and than I was this mess & nothing. Where no good conversation was possible. So bad feelings about myself and that I dissapointed her by not being what she thought I would be or am. the problem is that I dissapointed her. Me. On that day it felt like my 'disease' in social situations was back. Which I havent felt for a while back when I took platina. I was this ugly, fearfull, scatered, feeling in great danger EGO, that felt the need to hide and not be seen by anyone while in such fearful, inferior state.
The next day (yesterday) was ok. I could talk to the woman. On that night I also had a dream where I dreamed about this woman. I cannot remember the dream in detail but it was about her being a devil or something like that. Strange.
At work when I was alone with her. I sometimes feared she is going to take sexual advantage of me (lol). I dont know whats up with those fears but when I sense someone really interested in me and again compliments me about my appearance and tries to befriend me really hard... than I start feeling in danger of getting into this uncomfortable situation where someone might take sexual advantage of me. I dont know how this woman is like, I got often told by older woman things when I was younger because of my appearance so...The problem is that it would be uncomfortable if that happened. When I had to reject her and walk away. I dont want to be in such situation. And than in the future it would be highly uncomfortable whenever I would see her again because I would not know how to deal with it. How to behave.
Another problem came up. Which is one of my old problems that I really HATE. It came up when this woman told me twice about something that I could do at work. A task. It wasnt a should, as in I should do it but just a 'could'. And than I have to say yes because I like to be nice and am unable to say no. But the insecurity comes up about how I am being seen now by people. Am I putting myself in danger and appearing like a push over? Are people thinking of me as someone who everyone can command around etc. THe problem is with WORTH. If I appear like that (ie someone who can be ordered around) it is like someone who got golden clothes on, and all of a sudden lost them... nothing, no worth anymore, doesnt count.
So this made me feel really bad about myself. That I am in a situation where I am ordered around, Being made to look bad, and unable to say no... and than I wonder whether its time to be defending myself egoistic, haughty or whether it is just my insecurities, just my mind and I dont appear that way to people when I do what they tell me to do. But I cannot know for sure. It feels horrible when I do whatever they tell me to do. I should not constantly say YES, YES
Well I talked to my mother and brought this problem up when we drove home. Since the platina remedy I took a few times I started more opening up about my problems and it was good that I talked about it. Becuase my mother told me that I am unreal and this not the case at all when I do things they tell me to do, that I am not appearing like a pushover, but that this old woman just likes to talk with people and this is the reason why she gave me tasks I could do. Not to order me around. Or make me look bad.
The next day (yesterday) was ok. I could talk to the woman. On that night I also had a dream where I dreamed about this woman. I cannot remember the dream in detail but it was about her being a devil or something like that. Strange.
At work when I was alone with her. I sometimes feared she is going to take sexual advantage of me (lol). I dont know whats up with those fears but when I sense someone really interested in me and again compliments me about my appearance and tries to befriend me really hard... than I start feeling in danger of getting into this uncomfortable situation where someone might take sexual advantage of me. I dont know how this woman is like, I got often told by older woman things when I was younger because of my appearance so...The problem is that it would be uncomfortable if that happened. When I had to reject her and walk away. I dont want to be in such situation. And than in the future it would be highly uncomfortable whenever I would see her again because I would not know how to deal with it. How to behave.
Another problem came up. Which is one of my old problems that I really HATE. It came up when this woman told me twice about something that I could do at work. A task. It wasnt a should, as in I should do it but just a 'could'. And than I have to say yes because I like to be nice and am unable to say no. But the insecurity comes up about how I am being seen now by people. Am I putting myself in danger and appearing like a push over? Are people thinking of me as someone who everyone can command around etc. THe problem is with WORTH. If I appear like that (ie someone who can be ordered around) it is like someone who got golden clothes on, and all of a sudden lost them... nothing, no worth anymore, doesnt count.
So this made me feel really bad about myself. That I am in a situation where I am ordered around, Being made to look bad, and unable to say no... and than I wonder whether its time to be defending myself egoistic, haughty or whether it is just my insecurities, just my mind and I dont appear that way to people when I do what they tell me to do. But I cannot know for sure. It feels horrible when I do whatever they tell me to do. I should not constantly say YES, YES
Well I talked to my mother and brought this problem up when we drove home. Since the platina remedy I took a few times I started more opening up about my problems and it was good that I talked about it. Becuase my mother told me that I am unreal and this not the case at all when I do things they tell me to do, that I am not appearing like a pushover, but that this old woman just likes to talk with people and this is the reason why she gave me tasks I could do. Not to order me around. Or make me look bad.
starface last decade
well I got a reply from a homeopath who is willing to help me. Looks like I will be going to an appointment on monday. Her name Julie andrews
And the problem when closing my eyes not bothering me anymore. No images anymore. I dont know whether it naturally went away or from daily meditation.
And the problem when closing my eyes not bothering me anymore. No images anymore. I dont know whether it naturally went away or from daily meditation.
starface last decade
Well today when I checked my email I would have expected that she would reply to me again after she asked me when I would like to see her and I replied to this, but no response today... this makes me feel quickly that I did something wrong or something?
Today I had tough day at work. THis older woman I posted about in above posts was asking things about my personal life and found out I have confidence issues. God it was so difficult from than on to be around her, now that she knows this about me. It felt horrible and I had to keep back tears when the conversation was over and I was on my own again. Now that she knows this about me, my confidence is even lower around her. Cannot really function.
Yesterday was a good day. I felt liked by everyone at work. But today I felt the opposite that I go on everyones nerves, that I am disliked. Like this example... Some guy when I was having to clean something, moved my tools once as if they were blocking the hallway to walk by and this made me feel disliked by him immediately. That I did something wrong he must be thinking
I dont know how to converse with this woman who knows I have confidence issues any longer. Now it will always be uncomfortable and make me feel annoyed by this woman. For her to have conversations with me or friendship will be difficult now, but on the other hand I still keep up my happy face always and cannot relly offend anyone.
She also once started talking about a guy who is around my age, about how he started to go into gym to workout and that I should too, because I have nice eyes, a nice smile etc. And it made me feel really bad. This meant I am not good enough. THat there is something that is not good about me. This comment felt depressing, dissapointment, and like some form of grieving.
everything seems to be about performance. At work perform or you wont be liked. Need to have good personality, social skills to be interesting or I will be labeled as uninteresting and left on my own. I hate this. I have to look good etc
Today I had tough day at work. THis older woman I posted about in above posts was asking things about my personal life and found out I have confidence issues. God it was so difficult from than on to be around her, now that she knows this about me. It felt horrible and I had to keep back tears when the conversation was over and I was on my own again. Now that she knows this about me, my confidence is even lower around her. Cannot really function.
Yesterday was a good day. I felt liked by everyone at work. But today I felt the opposite that I go on everyones nerves, that I am disliked. Like this example... Some guy when I was having to clean something, moved my tools once as if they were blocking the hallway to walk by and this made me feel disliked by him immediately. That I did something wrong he must be thinking
I dont know how to converse with this woman who knows I have confidence issues any longer. Now it will always be uncomfortable and make me feel annoyed by this woman. For her to have conversations with me or friendship will be difficult now, but on the other hand I still keep up my happy face always and cannot relly offend anyone.
She also once started talking about a guy who is around my age, about how he started to go into gym to workout and that I should too, because I have nice eyes, a nice smile etc. And it made me feel really bad. This meant I am not good enough. THat there is something that is not good about me. This comment felt depressing, dissapointment, and like some form of grieving.
everything seems to be about performance. At work perform or you wont be liked. Need to have good personality, social skills to be interesting or I will be labeled as uninteresting and left on my own. I hate this. I have to look good etc
starface last decade
The comment that I have no confidence in myself today from the woman is bothering me a lot. THe revelation. I am hating on myself now all day. I just lost a game I played and felt such anger at myself and the 'no confidence' comment from the woman who said this to me came to mind again also. I felt like destroying myself. This would be the prime time to have BDD to a big degree. But nothing. No picking or anything.
Clearly platina must have helped me a lot. But it been many months since the last dose I took. And I wonder whether I can take another dose?? I am not going to take it unless someone with knowledge tells me that it is ok and safe since the 10M dose caused some trouble. I have no idea what would happen if I took 30c or 200c? Whether this 'paranoia' I proved would come back immediately or not??
To bad david not on here.
Clearly platina must have helped me a lot. But it been many months since the last dose I took. And I wonder whether I can take another dose?? I am not going to take it unless someone with knowledge tells me that it is ok and safe since the 10M dose caused some trouble. I have no idea what would happen if I took 30c or 200c? Whether this 'paranoia' I proved would come back immediately or not??
To bad david not on here.
starface last decade
starface last decade
I am sure the homeopath isnt replying because I mentioned that I used to self prescribe in the last email to her. Looks like this was a bad idea. But anyway she needed 5 days to reply to the first email I sent. So hopefully this the case again. Because I think I am going to need some help soon. THings are getting more difficult again a bit.
starface last decade
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