confused! which remedy? _{Page 4 of 6}

Dear John,
First of all thank you for not making me hopeless.
as for the list of symptoms:
1. seeing spots in front of his eyes:(he says it is better and now just sometimes he can see spots)
2. hear a whistle sound in his ears almost always:(no change at all, still can hear the sound)
3. burping loudly after eating accompanied by bringing up foods into his mouth:(no change at all, same as before)
4. high libido with excessive desire for intercourse (even 2-3 times a day) and aroused easily:( I would say even a little bit higher than before!! and still if we don't have intercourse for 2-3 days and he doesn't get the chance for masturbation then there will be premature ejaculation)
5. he loves tomato(still does)
as for the personality and temperment
6. low self-esteem but try to hide this in different ways:(still his main complain, he can't even buy something without talking to me. I will explain this more later)
7. very very clever and intelligent:(obviously the same as before)
8. does not have a strong will:( same as before)
9. usually he doesn't sleep well:(he says he sleeps much more better than before)
10.he is not phyically active(no sport):(still doesn't like to move around too much. he has the energy but he just prefer to lie down and save his energy!! even in driving he use just one hand instead of both hands)

there is another thing that I can see in him: it seems that he has become self-centred recently. or maybe I use the wrong word. let me give you a few quick example.
he expects me to say nice words ALL the time to him. I am not saying that I shouldn't but he is a man and I expect him to act as a man.
to me such a need for hearing nice words from you partner is a feminine need(correct me if I am wrong). he doesn't want me to leave him alone at home. A few times happened that I had to go somewhere and everytime he stayed at work until I got back home just because he doesn't want to be alone at home. one time that he was at home he called me several times on my cell phone to get me back home as soon as possible. when we want to eat our meal he expects to be the first one to serve food for himself. may be the right word would be a little bit acting like kids. he expects me to be happy and jolly all the time to make him happy. he can't be happy without me being happy. I mean he can't initiate happy things. he expects me to ask him if he
would like some fruite or ... during the weekends. maybe the right word would be: he seeks attention!! and need to be realized as a powerful man. but in the meantime as I mentioned previously he doesn't have a good self-esteem. he can't make decisions by himself most of the times. and again as I said before he has energy but his energy mostly concentrate in his sexual organ and in his head(lots of thinkings).
last thing: I thought it was not important so I didn't mention it before: most of the time his hand is on his genital part and kind of playing with it. when he is watching TV, when he is reading books(he reads only scientific books).
If you need more detailed info please let me know and I will explain more.
Thanks a lot,
Phosphor

Dear John,
Sorry for my late reply. I read your postings, specially the last one made me wake up. I don't know how to thank you. I have been thinking about this for a long time but I needed somebody else to confirm it and you did it for me. so last night we had a long talk together. Interestingly after I brought up the subject, he realized the situation and he kind of hate himself because of that(it was not in a bad way). Long story short, we are going to work on this problem. Again thank you sooooooooooooo much.
Well, now about other issues:
Uncomfortableness when being alone is not really new. He wasn’t like this at all but it has been 2 years that he shows this reaction to being alone. He has a fear of darkness as well. He had had this since he was a kid as he said. Even when I am at home he would like me to be in the same location as he is. For example if he is reading a book in the bedroom he would like me to work on my stuff in the bedroom as well but he is not pushy for this. There are times that he is not like this at all and that would be when he wants to fully concentrate on something.
About premature ejaculation: yes that is right when he doesn’t ejaculate for 2 days or more there will be a premature ejaculation. He used to have premature ejaculation all the times, no matter what, but after years it is now at the level that I just explained. There is just one thing that could be effective in preventing premature ejaculation and that is changing positions during the intercourse. I mean if we change positions frequently(every 1 minute) then it will take longer but if we keep continuing on just one position then there is no way to stop his premature ejaculation. But if we have intercourse everyday then it will take longer for him to ejaculate but still I have to admit that he won’t be deeply emotionally involved (low intensity) otherwise still he will have premature ejaculation. And by not involving emotionally I mean, he doesn’t get too emotional during the intercourse just because we experienced that if he does then …
He used to have a tendency for wild intercourse like one of those you can see in porn movies, but we talked and we agreed not to do it. The thing that he specially liked about was slapping the hip. I am so sorry to mention these in the forum but seems that I have no choice.
With premature ejaculation usually our intercourse takes about 4-5 minutes at most and after that he lies down for a few seconds (on his back) with his eyes closed and then he goes and wash himself.
Other than that it will take about 10-15 minutes( There were times that we had it for a longer time but very few times). We don’t have to change positions too much just 3-4 times at most. After ejaculation he usually doesn’t have too much energy and he will lie down for 2-3 minutes and then again he goes and wash himself.
After ejaculation he prefers not to look at my naked body.
I am not sure if I answered your questions completely. So if you think there are some areas that need to be more explained just le me know.
Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Phosphor

Hi again,
I decided to mention a few of his positive points as well. In this way I can present the whole picture of him not just the negative part.
He is very kind. He will do whatever to improve our life. He is a logical person. He loves me so much and can’t think of life without me. As he always mentioned: I am the one who brought smile on his face for the first time in his life. He is flexible. Except for some issues he believes in democracy in life. He seldom lies, always tells the truth. He wants all the best for me. He pushed me to continue my studies. He wants me to be active and do sports, yoga, … and I am active. He enjoys discussions with people about philosophical matters and sometimes mathematics and also logic.
Whatever I have asked for in my married life he has done his best to get it for me. He likes to help poor people. He likes to teach. He loves kids. He can play with children for a few hours without any complain, and children enjoy playing as well. He has plan for our life and always think about different aspects. He is organized most of the time. He is neat except for his books and papers. he helps me in housekeeping like vacuum cleaning, ….
Just one more negative point: he can’t cry.
Best,
Phosphor

it has been 4 months that he didn't smoke grass. but from previous experiences, when he smokes garss first of all he craves chocolate very much after an hour or so. and he consumes something like 2-3 Mars bar. it could be pastries or chocolate or cake. his sexual desire increases after smoking grass and interestingly doesn't show any premature ejaculation. he becomes very romantic and smooth. I am not saying that I enjoy these feelings because to me they are kind of artificial(result of smoking grass).
after smoking grass his thinking ability increases as well. he used to use grass for solving problems as well. but also he smokes grass with his friends apparently not for thinking or... but just for fun. when he smokes grass he becomes very very kind and nice. he becomes very slow in his movements. his eyes become red. he becomes very emotional. in one word it is very joyful for him.
as for his chocolate craving in normal condition he may eat chocolate every 2 days. again it could be cookies or chocolate or cakes or...

maybe I should be more clear regarding chocolate:
If I buy cakes or any kind of sweet stuff he will eat good amount of that everyday. But usually I don't. so he eats chocolate at work, somethings like peanut butter cups or twix or snickers every 2 days or so.
he can eat chocolate cakes in the morning, I mean as breakfast.
if he eats too much he will have one or two breakouts on his face and that would be all.

Dear John,
It will be a very long posting, So I will try to be precise but if you need more clarification in any part just let me know.
I am a positive person and I feel a strong connection with God ( I am not a religious person at all). I am very energetic and kind of ready to go person. And I love cooking.
I was very sensitive and kind of shy person but after marriage eventually I learned not to be sensitive as much as before. I am less shy now.
About a year after we moved to Canada I became depressed. Lots of crying, fear of being alone, lost weight, lost concentration, very irritable, vulnerable, and easily getting angry.
I couldn’t get myself out of the situation and that was the first time in my life that it happened to me. I had been able to control different situation but that time was the only breaking time of my life. I was even thinking about killing myself but I couldn’t. I was in a self destructing condition.
It was at that time that my husband made me to go aerobic classes and to register at the university to continue my studies. All of these along with homeopathy helped me to overcome the situation.
During the past 2 years I have tried every possible way(except for energy healing) to make my husband quit smoking grass. As you can see still I am trying. The difference is I used to be very sensitive in this regard but now I am at the point that it is his choice. I will try to help him but if he doesn’t realize that then I will leave. I talked to him about this as well and he agreed. So in one sentence I couldn’t think of leaving this life but now I am very serious if he won’t cooperate.
Emotionally I was very dependent but now I am more on my own. Still need support and attention but less than before. I used to be very gentle and ready to cry but now I am more like a serious person with less crying.
I didn’t have many orgasms for the first few years of my sexual relationship with my husband (I have never had any sexual relationship with anybody else), so during the time I kind of lost my desire for sex. Then as I have become less shy I realized that I can talk to him about this. So I explained him my feelings and my requirements to have a better sexual relationship. He has been cooperative but still not as much as I would like to. But he is trying.
One area that I can remember my serious problems is: my need to be the centre of attention. I was kind of girl who needed sooooooooo much attention from everybody and honestly sometimes jealous. I couldn’t stand my husband talking to another girl for more than 5 minutes. But now I can manage my need for attention and actually I feel kind of power that I don’t need too much attention. I guess I am not jealous anymore. In one word I feel stronger inside than before.
What else do you want me to explain?
Phosphor

one more thing I forgot to mention:
during the past 4 years I have developed swollen lowerlids. I 've never had puffiness under my eyes but now it is always there.

we came to Canada in 2000, from Iran(it is not the same as Iraq and we are not arab). well, the main reason was for better life in one word. we were 1-year married at that time and we wanted to build our life in our own way. back home you wouldn't get the opportunity to make your life as you like because relatives and parents will get into your way and everbody wants to advise you on any issue. for example we didn't want to have a kid until we become kind of stable and if we were in iran there wouldn't be any way to do this. I mean we would have a kid by now if we were back there. anyhow, we have ahd a lot of experiences that I believe made us stronger, and that is good. in the meantime, we go and visit our parent almost every 6 months so that helps us not to become homesick.

any more questions?

yes, it is me who has more desire for his welfare. he wouldn't do anything about his problems if he was by his own. the only thing that he really would like to get rid of is the whistle sound of his ears. he doesn't believe in homeopathy that much as well and he is doing this for me. he believes that it has some effects but not as a final solution. therefore I take advantage of this ear problem to do a complete treatment for him.

Dear John,
He has never had any kind of venereal disease before.
About his sleeping positions: I would say 50% of the times on abdomen, 30% on right side, 10% on left and 10% on back. When on abdomen he brings one leg towards his tummy and the other leg straight.
Ok! His most favorite sweet is cream puffs made with real cream. Then, SOFT sponge cake (being soft is really important to him) with cream and fruit inside or on top of the cake. Then all other kind of cakes and pastries. Then chocolates like peanut butter cups and Snickers and Twix and so on. He likes jam and butter for breakfast. He likes breakfast in general and I don’t remember him missed any breakfast. He likes salt as well. I mean he put salt on his food almost always.
As for his ear problem: it was 8-9 years ago that he failed in his business. I mean his business partner took all the money and ran away. We were just friends at that time. Suddenly one day he found this severe whistling sound (I guess about 2 weeks after he found out about the guy). Since then he hears this sound. He had an audiometry as well and he was told that he can’t hear a range of sounds which was normal according to his problem. I mean when you hear a kind of sound in your ears then if it comes from out of ear world then you wouldn’t realize that. As times went by he learned to ignore this and just live with it.
Please let me know if you have more questions.

He has no problem with that. he is cooperative and become happy if can get rid of this ear problem, as he said himself.
now, I guess you would ask: if he is told that his direct involvement will help him to get rid of the ear problem sooner, will he accpet to be involved directly? again his answer would be no. ask him why? he would say I don't have time for this.