sensitivity to noise, acne, anxiety, grief, introversion _{Page 2 of 5}

Hello all,
It looks as if there are differences in opinion on what remedy I should be taking and I would have to say that I can truly see valid arguments to both sides. I feel like maybe both Causticum and Larchesis might help me.

Pankaj Varma - I have not had an xray of my jaw, although I have discussed it with a few doctors and they all just say its that I probably grind my teeth at night, the pain increases as the day goes on and isn't at its worst when I wake up. I am not prone to coughs and colds necessarily, but I have always gotten strep throat a lot. I had my tonsils removed a few years ago to fix the situation, but oddly enough I still get the same symptoms year after year. I get it the worst during summer if that makes any sense. I don't only get pain in my jaw, but most of my joints. I take fish oil, flax oil, and try to stick to an anti-inflammatory diet as much as possible, but it doesn't alleviate it enough. My dad suffered from fibromyalgia, but I refuse to take pain meds and try to stay away from otc meds as well. My jaw hurts the worst around my ears, but also under my tongue and in my cheeks. Lately, my tongue feels like it is swollen and burning. It is better right after eating, but comes back a little while later. I tend to rub the inside of my cheeks with my tongue to ease the pain of both it and my jaw.

As far as the anger, this was more of an issue in my past. The last couple of years I just become quiet and withdrawen in response to events that would have triggered an outburst response from me in the past. Instead of getting angry, I tend to get sad, sullen, and depressed. I don't know if that makes any difference in the use of Phosphorus as a remedy...

I was intrigued by all of the quotes pulled from the Homeopathic Psychology book highlighted by Raphael because they all describe me perfectly. Honestly, in reading these quotes, I almost felt as if I was the case being described. These are all the emotions that I am battling with. My concern is that I have become INCREASINGLY introverted over the past couple of years, and as this has grown I have become more worrisome (obsessive) and anxious. Little things seem to effect me now more than ever. Ex: At work today for a minute I thought I had mistakenly sent a bad email to a client and my heart started racing, my whole body became flushed and sweaty, and I felt dizzy enough to fall out of my chair. After careful checking, I realized all was in good order and the feelings settled just as quickly as they came and I felt cool and calm again. But, it was the thought of that feeling that overcame me that lingered in my mind the rest of the day, I could not shake the memory of it. My thoughts tend to be extremely negative about myself and I have tried to restructure them positively, but this is very difficult with me and the more negative they become, the more anxious I feel.

When I talked about behaving one way at work and another at home, I am describing the contradiction of what I portray/what others see and what I feel on the inside. I am the patient who takes little out of therapy because I can describe everything so effortlessly, and yet at the same time on the inside my mind is obsessing over every word that comes out, how it is coming across, what to say next, etc. The internal anxiety does not match what I show and the difference between the two makes me feel like I have two halves that are vying for reign.

The sensitivities that I have described are profound. Physical as in the sound of things and mental as in hearing bad news or realizing I have messed up. It's as if my nervous system is high-strung and reacts so aggressively to the slightest upset and it overcomes my whole body.

My issue with not knowing what to say anymore partly stems from a personal belief that I am utterly boring to all others and I feel the values and ideas I have/want to share and discuss would come across as lofty and engrossing or too serious (thus boring). Others seem to talk effortlessly casually and laugh and joke, but this does not come easy to me. I tend to try to store what I hear others say so that I can use this in conversation in a mainstream sort of way. When I mention to others that I am shy, they act surprised and comment on how talkative I am. However, I feel the opposite on the inside and can't come to terms with how much I struggle to hold up a conversation. I'll also add that lately I find myself getting bored with others while they are talking and my mind wonders. I get mad at myself and tell myself to pay attention more and feel bad for being self-centered in this way. Its not like I don't care what they have to say, but I wish I could find more people who want to talk deeply about truths and feelings and realities of the world. I want to discuss theory and the meaning of life and the consciousness of nature. Often, I just end up writing all these thoughts and ideas down, as if I am conversing with someone or writing a book so that I can get it out of my mind and place it somewhere else. It is similar to this forum, where I have been able to say all these things for the very first time to anyone ever, only it has been through words on a screen and still not by mouth. The way that I type is the way that my brain talks to me, but it is in vast contrast to the way I am able to formulate the words I say. There seems to be a disconnect here. Often when I talk, I stumble with my words and cut myself off and get lost in what I am saying. So, I just stop trying to say what's actually on my mind.

The pain that comes from the sensitivity is sometimes too unbearable. My mom said I was always super-sensitive to everything. It was easy to punish me because all she had to do was give me a dirty look and it was painful enough for me to never repeat the undesired action again. I can not watch war movies or talk about/think too long about the war in Iraq right now because I feel so guilty about what our country has done to others. I can not believe how people treat each other. I can not watch the nature channel because if I see one animal attack another, it tears me apart and I scream for someone to change the channel quickly, otherwise the images will be stuck in my head and continue to haunt me. I can not watch scary movies because the images stick in my head for days and keep me awake and absorbed in fear. I can not have mirrors in my room because the reflection of movement is startling to my spirit in a way that I can not describe. When I was younger, my mom would find me screaming into the mirror across from my bed for no reason at all. The idea of a reflection just doesn't sit well with me, it just doesn't seem right. I feel guilty throwing away a plant if it is more than half dead because I feel responsible for the life that I have just wasted and given up on. I feel guilty if I don't recycle everything, if I waste water, when I let leftover food go to waste. Its like the guilt eats away at me and I scold myself and think obsessively about it.

However, I am a suspicious and jealous person as well, at least with my boyfriend. There have been a few occasions where I thought he was lying about where he was/who he was with and my heart/mind started racing, I heated up all over and my body started shaking uncontrollably, so much so that I grew very nauseous. Each time, I have been able to confirm that he was not lying. I have a great distaste for lying. I can not stand it and it is the biggest deal breaker in any relationship/friendship with me. Not because I care how it looks, but because I feel so betrayed that I feel wounded in an almost irrepairable way. Which brings me back to the grief. Since my dad has died, the best way I can describe the effect is that I feel like a wounded animal. I have retreated to protect myself, I am overly sensitive to my environment to detect the opportunity for anymore pain.

One of the points about larachesis that struck me was the craving for caffeine. I did not mention before that I have been struggling greatly with this craving. However, this is now one of the allergies I mentioned that appeared after my dad died. I can not drink anything with caffeine, even tea because I get the painful fluid-filled cysts on my face.

At this point I feel like it may be beneficial for me to try both Causticum and Larachesis. Is it best to try one remedy first, though, so that it is obvious which affects it has alleviated?

Again, I feel kind of ridiculous sharing all of this information with you and hope that I have not exhausted you all. Thank you so much for all of your time, care, and responses. I feel very blessed to have found guidance in each and every single one of you.

Good Morning Pankaj,
I was put on high BP meds last week, however it isn't for high blood pressure. The meds have a separate benefit of balancing my hormones in order to treat the PCOS. I actually tend to have extremely low BP, the last time I went to the dr they had a difficult time even registering a pulse. I usually pass out when I'm giving blood.

As far as headaches go, I would say they most often come on in both the morning and the evening and obscure my eyesight.

I do not have distorted nails and feet, although they do tend to be brittle and bend and break very easily.

To all - I am going to give the Larachesis a shot today, I think it's worth a try at least.

Hello everyone,
I am back to report my response to the Lachesis. I was planning on responding Sunday and wanted to share how as each day progressed I felt calmer and my thoughts seemed to stop racing through my head. Friday I went out with a group of my boyfriend's friends that I had never met before and had a great time. I did not feel awkward or uncomfortable and said whatever came to mind effortlessly. I didn't find the need to review it extensively first. Saturday I spent the whole day with another friend of mine and felt calmer and more assured of myself than ever before. I was so excited about the results.

Then, on Sunday I was baking a cake for my birthday party with family and one of the layers dropped to the floor in pieces. I stood there shocked, walked away and went to lay down in bed. I just felt this horrible inertia, not anger, but sadness. As I lay there I started thinking about how bad I missed my dad and started crying. This time, however, I did not start shaking. I just felt numb. After a bit, the crying stopped and I continued to lay there feeling like I could not move. Then, I just started crying all over again. This happened four times. Previously, I would start crying and it would progressively became overwhelming and I would shake and cough and choke, however, afterwards it would stop and I was able to pick myself up and go back to what I was doing. This time, the crying just kept coming on and I couldn't seem to shake it. I just kept thinking about how I can't believe that my dad is gone.

On the way to my party, I found out my grandma was sick and couldn't make it and burst into tears. I just kept thinking how my dad wasn't going to be there, and now someone else is the family wasn't coming. I was emotionally exhausted by the end of the day and when Monday morning came, I couldn't seem to pull myself out of bed. I called in sick to work and layed in bed all day. I just felt numb and unable to cope with anything else going on. Today, I am back at work but I just feel like crying. I don't want to talk to anyone and am frustrated with everything I have to do. I just want to quit and lay in bed. I don't know how I'm going to get through this day. I don't understand how I could have been feeling so great and then a cake falling on the floor could just turn my world upside down. It feels so stupid to be reacting this way, but I just can't seem to move on.

Any thoughts?

Ok, Sameer. Thanks for responding! I still have a lot of the Lachesis remedy leftover for future use.

I just noticed you referred to the 200c version of Lachesis. I will order this and have it on hand and ready. I also wanted to add that my acne is responding extremely well. The inflammation and redness I was experiencing has diminished and the cysts I did have also flattened out. I was also able to add peanuts and garlic, which I have become allergic to, back in at one meal each without a bad response! My tongue also stopped burning and feeling swollen.