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obsessed by adandonment fears

Hello,

I am posting here to ask some help for a feeling which is literraly taking my breath away. I am afraid I will be abandoned (in particular by my partner) and this comes up every night during my dreams. the situations are quite similar: he does something I don't approve (kisses other girls in front of me, behaves in humiliating ways towards me) so i tell him it is over, and i will not accept this kind of behaviour from him. what he does then is going away, not caring about the fact that I am telling him that this situation is making me suffer. another time he replied 'i like you, but since you are so emotionally instable I went with somebody else'.

I have a lack of self esteem and i react badly when he shuts off from me when he is in a bad mood: as soon as he comes back to a normal mood i feel better, and nothing is a problem anymore. I fear that when he is angry, or silent, or sad, he might not care about the relationship, about us, and leave me alone.

I hope i described the situation clearly.

could you please help?

thanks,

eclipse
 
  eclipsina on 2013-10-21
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I would like to add that I live this situation with high anxiety more than sadness,etc.
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
Hi,

Usually this state is there due to birth trauma,
separation/not bonding with the mother, early
abuse, no adequate support and normal parenting
behavior. Behaviors by others now that are similar to the
past, trigger you into thinking of yourself at an
earlier age where you were not capable of taking
care of yourself as you are capable of taking care
of yourself at your present age. What you are doing
is called 'hypervigilance' constantly screening for
any signs that this will go on again.

Have you had any counseling on this? What have
you tried to do about it so far? Any homeopathy or
other medication?

Please fill out the answers to this form, http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/188925
and give some detail about what went on earlier in
your life.
[message edited by simone717 on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 21:31:43 BST]
 
simone717 6 years ago
hi,

thanks for the answer.

I have done counselling for a few years, but didn't really change things. It is not something I ever managed to rationalize: I see clearly what is happening, i can list a number of events, situations, etc in my life, I tried in many ways to get over it but it comes up stronger lately. Like every night in my dreams.

As far as homeopathy is concerned I tried Ignatia (since aggravation from critics, frequent crying, etc), Lac Maternum, Carcinosinum.

I think my self esteem improved, in the sense that I can do my own things with more self assurance. The emotional dependency part has not been touched yet though.

I can become really anxious and have all kind of ideas (illusions) of what is happening when my partner doesnt call me for some time.

My chest is totally blocked by this anxiety and sometimes i wake up feeling that I am suffocating.

thanks.
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
I think that you need to see another homeopath again on this,
to release this layer and one who understands the counseling
aspect or need of it, as things unfold. Regular cognitive
therapy does not work that well in cases where the
cause happened before around 8 years old, this is because
the cognitive brain is not fully ' online till around that
age and all the problems are stored as emotional energy
and it won't ever make sense mentally, it has to be
released emotionally.

I would suggest two people for you-
One, Mary Aspinwall in Santa Barbara, who can work with
you by phone and is very good at Traumatic stress issues and
has over 20 years experience.
Two, Dr. Judyth Ullman, Seattle, who will also work with you
on the phone, has over 20 years experience, was a pyschiatric
counselor before becoming a Doctor, etc.

Both of these people have the expertise you need in this
area and also have a particular focus on severe anxiety.

We only have a few real homeopaths on this forum and my
opinion is that you need a homeopath who is expert
in this area.

Regards,

Simone717
[message edited by simone717 on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 21:10:57 BST]
 
simone717 6 years ago
thank you for the advise. I am looking at homeopathy and was considering Argentum Nitricum. it seems to be fitting the anxiety,the mental overexertion, etc.

is anybody familiary with this personality?

thanks again,
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
i clicked on the form link you sent by the way, but it opens a wrong page...
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
I can assure you, if I give you the name of 5 remedies, after reading them over & over again you will think all of them FIT your personality!

You have two options, either follow the advise given by simone or list down the symptoms here and we maybe able to help out.

Please answer the below questions giving as much details as possible. Example clues are given in front of the questions. Please take guidance from these examples and reply in detail accordingly. Remember, we don’t know and will never know your identity so be fully truthful when answering these question so that we can help you towards regaining health.

1. Your age & sex

2. Describe your appearance i.e. weight, height, body type (male, 5’ 7”, 110 lbs, always struggle to control weight……)

3. What are the symptoms of your health problem (Constipation, dry, hard, balls like stool, no urge for many days………)

4. How & when did this problem begin (it began 3 years back when ….)

5. What makes the problem better or worse (It gets worse when ……., it gets better when ………..)

6. How do you feel emotionally (I feel sad & depressed, thinking about suicide…..)

7. Describe your personality (Very sensitive, headstrong, suspicious, jealous….)

8. How do you relax (Walking outdoors relaxes me….)

9. Do you fight or flight (I never pick any fights…..)

10. What are your fears (I am terrified of spiders, dogs, cats, closed spaces, heights……)

11. What occupies your mind mostly (I can’t sit idle and keep thinking about……….)

12. How do you respond to consolation (I hate consolation…)

13. Do you want to stay alone or with people (I want to be alone….)

14. How is your sleep (I have poor sleep, always wake up tired…..)

15. Do you have any recurring dreams (I dream of snakes regularly….)

16. What type of weather do you like and how it affects your complaints (My complaints are better in winter…..)

17. Do you normally feel hot or cold (I am usually hot and like winter more. I keep wearing light clothes in winter even……..)

18. What types of clothes you wear (I like loose clothes especially around the neck.…)

19. What foods & taste you love & hate (I like fried foods and hate slimy foods. I like sweets more than anything else. I hate meat, love chicken……..)

20. Do you want to eat indigestible foods (Yes, I want to eat chalk…..)

21. How is your thirst (I am thirsty all the time……)

22. Any coating on tongue (some white coating on edges only…)

23. Any skin problems (I have eczema on right elbow….)

24. Any problems with respiration (nose, chest, throat) ( I snore a lot when sleeping and grind teeth….)

25. Any problems with stool/urine (I have severe constipation and the stool is always like balls…)

26. Any sexual problems (I have no interest in sex ….)

27. Males genitals (Any pain or other problem…..)

28. Females menses details for regularity & flow (I have late periods, with clots, bright red blood, very heavy…..)

29. What illnesses are running in your family, mother’s side & father’s side & brothers/sisters
 
fitness 6 years ago
thanks for posting the questions

1. Your age & sex: female, 35

2. Describe your appearance short (1,60 metres) & skynny (50 kilos), small face features with bit hooked nose, dry skin


3. What are the symptoms of your health problem tightness in chest, problems to breathe, extreme anxiety, worry about health. problems with sexual intercourse, painful sexual intercourse due to 1. dryeness of vagina 2. even when there is not dryness, after a certain point there is a painful point which always hurts

4. How & when did this problem begin some years ago, probably when my father died. after having had an abortion at the age of 24, some years of high emotional instability and depression started.

5. What makes the problem better or worse it gets worse when i am alone, when i dont get attention, when somebody is not behaving nicely with me, ignoring me. when i am tired.


6. How do you feel emotionally I feel often instable, anxious, full of fear. i imagine people dying, leaving, etc.


7. Describe your personality definetely very sensitive, extroverted, friendly, loving, wanting to make peace, but discussing a lot and feeling angry for rejection or fearful for abandonement

8. How do you relax sauna, thermal baths, nature.

9. Do you fight or flight i always answer to people, not openly fighting but pointing out their lack of logic or their mistakes

10. What are your fears I fear losing my dear ones, i feel suffocated being in a car, i don0t like elevators either, i fear waking up in the morning and discovering people left me

11. What occupies your mind mostly fears. when i sit i think the whole time. I also fear of finding myself in humiliting situations. I have fantasies about that, and sometimes that gets me sexually aroused - then I feel really guilty about thoese feelings.

12. How do you respond to consolation i like it

13. Do you want to stay alone or with people (I want both...but mostly being on my own while people are around and coming to reassure me helps. I am quite independent and i don't mind doing things alone. i have friends but i also have moments in which i just don't want to meet anybody, i can get very impatient when somebody talks to me if the talking is too slow, because i would like conversation to happen quicker.

14. How is your sleep good, but with a lot of nightmares

15. Do you have any recurring dreams (I dream of being abandoned, of being humiliated

16. What type of weather do you like and how it affects your complaints (My complaints are better in the summer, and worse when there is cold wind or covered rainy sky. i feel better when the weather is good

17. Do you normally feel hot or cold (i mostly feel cold in the winter and good in the summer, but i feel hot in bed and suffocating when the room is heated. i feel really bad in the winter to be in heated places

18. What types of clothes you wear (clothes which are confy and not tight to the neck

19. What foods & taste you love & hate (I like sour food, salty, i feel sick when eating sweets, i like lemons, indian spicy food

20. Do you want to eat indigestible foods not really. I have difficulties digesting fried food

21. How is your thirst (I am rarely thirsty

22. Any coating on tongue used to be quite white,with signs of teeth. just chekced it this morning, at the moment of waking it is still white

23. Any skin problems dry skin, little skin bump on the leg coming from i dont know where the last two months, painful on touch

24. Any problems with respiration respiration difficult, pression in chest, worse when i am stressed. pain in the middle f the chest

25. Any problems with stool/urine passing from constipation to loose. emorrhoids (detailed provided further in another post)

26. Any sexual problems painful intercourse, with some bleeding. very sore (details provided further)


28. Females menses details for regularity & flow nothing special (detailed provided further)

29. What illnesses are running in your family, mother’s side & father’s side & brothers/sisters
blood circulation from my father side. my sister has one of the eustachius tube taken away as it had twisted over itself
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 08:11:08 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
Hi Fitness is correct, ( he has his own form) I fixed the link
but use his form. Remedies are prescribed on much more
than personality. Curious if you have actually seen a
homeopath or if you are following something in a book,
like a protocol, sounds a lot like Tinus Smits. Anyway,
follow Fitness and good luck to you.
 
simone717 6 years ago
First of all, we can't rush in reaching your remedy, so take your time to answer the questions in detail.

Please go over them again and provide detailed answers e.g.

For stools you wrote constipation to loose hemorrhoids, where are the details

For periods you wrote 'nothing special'

Similarly for intercourse

No details provided at all.

I need details.
 
fitness 6 years ago
Please read this as an example for the details needed:

http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/402668/
 
fitness 6 years ago
good to know about the details and to see examples :)


Please go over them again and provide detailed answers e.g.

For stools you wrote constipation to loose hemorrhoids, where are the details

So here are the details: I sometimes have difficulties passing stools, in the sense that I need to strain. I have had hemorroids since I was 17, after some bumps falling with the snowboead and not after long that I had my first sexual intercourse( i am connecting the two things now, but i was never told the bumps caused that). I have loose stools when I feel nervous about doing something, when i am in a rush, etc.

For periods you wrote 'nothing special'

periods: definetely regularly,i am very irritable the day before (really sensitive over sensitive to antying, crying and all emotions can cause big crisis). the blood is on the adundant side, but not hemorragic. bit on the darker side.

Similarly for intercourse
intercourse have been really peinful the last months: i feel really pain on the moment of contact, even if very slowly and gently there is always some blood afterwards, and it is still painful. very much tight muscles and painful especially on the cervix.


please let me know if there is any other details or parts you need to know more, and i agree with the no need to rush...i acutally feel like trying something immeditatly out of anxiety and that i guess wouldnt help.

a couple of things to add: i have add a lot of head injuries while growing up: at 7 i had a serious head trauma after falling, was 2 months in hospital. then at 11 an accident with the sky my head was injured (cut). also I feel two other times on my head, once the back part and once the upper front part were injured. i had an abortion (volutnarly) when I was 24 and after that I was depressed for many years. for 2 years I have taken prozac but stopped because i felt it wasnt the right thing for me. since then, the mood was up and down, but stabilized when I started to practice mindfulness in 2008. big improvments in my mental and emotional stability. didnt take off the feeling of abandonement and the anxiety though, when i practice i do feel much better in this, too.

My homeopath prescrived me aconite for the head injuries and the hospitalization, together with arnica (this is how i started with homeopathy, two years ago). about the tilo smith, yes i was reading about his inspiring hompeathy and used lac maternum for the loneliness feelings and the abandonement, and the carcinosinum for the lack of self esteem. especially for the fact that caricnsinum types seemed to come from higly demanding families, where things have to be perfect and good all the times, this is how i greew uo

and this is also why i was directed towards arg nit, i think i need to prove myself all the time for a basic lack of self steem but coupled with pride and wanting to be good.

but before just trying the remedy, i decided to post here and exchange ideas.
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
The questions I had pasted were examples of incomplete information.

Please go through ALL of the questions again and using the EDIT function of posting, update your answers providing as much detail as you can including the head injuries details above.

We can get to the right remedy quickly if you provide all the detailed relevant info the first time otherwise it will be to & fro.
 
fitness 6 years ago
I can't make out what you are trying to say here 'after some bumps falling with the snowboead and not after long that I had my first sexual intercourse.....'

Intercourse pain is due to dryness of vagina? or what?

How tall are you

Are you married, if yes, how is your marriage
 
fitness 6 years ago
You should also tell fitness how long you took the
carcinosin for, what potency and how many doses..

Tinus Smits, came up with Cease therapy which a lot of people still use and
other than that he was doing a very unorthodox
experimental method with homeopathic medicines, as in
go thru certain remedies and reach some sort of higher
level of awareness. Unfortunately, he died a few years
ago from sudden cncr and no one talks about this, but
he was using that remedy over and over as one of the
'stages' of going to higher levels of being and I am
sure you can connect the dots here.
 
simone717 6 years ago
dear simone and fitness,

i am going over what you aske to provide, editing, answering, etc.

if there is something missing i am filling it, what i put down in a very simple way is how things come natural for me to describe.


i will answer to some other details now.
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 15:40:20 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
more details about the head injuries:

at 7 i had a serious head trauma after falling, was 2 months in hospital. the right side of my skull was heavily hit, i had an inner hemmorage and was hospitalixed. they didnt have to operate me since I started to vomit the blood. then at 11 an accident with the sky my head was injured (a person fell against me and his sky cut my head on the back, I had 4 stitches. i remember a really unfriendly experience at the hospital, i was feeling scared but the chirurgian wh stitched my head was telling me that i should be quiet to let the work be done since it was not that painful after all. i was not making any scene, i was just a bit anxious about the needle). also I feel two other times on my head, once the back part and once the upper front part were injured.

about needles: when i was hospitalized when I was 7, every night they would come with an injection on my buttocks, which I remember as the most painful thing i ever had. i don't know what they were injecting me, but i was teorrorized by that. since then, i am really scared of needles. I almost faint when blood has to be taken out of my arm.

some memories of my childhood: father abusive, he was hitting me and my older brother frequently, also with his belt. if we were not respectful of him, as he put it, for anything which defied his value in any way.
mother was working a lot, quite cold but materially caring for us, shy personality, tendency to be critical about everything. still now she criticizes me any time she can, i used to be really hurt about it and i am trying to get over it, putting it more on her character trait than on something that i do wrong. father died 6 years ago of heart attack, he was 72. much older than my mother (14 years older). I used to hate him a lot for his violence, insults, etc. I don't know if i was ever abused sexually. no memories at all of that. i was definetely abused pshychologically and physically for many years.i was not allowed to cry when this happened, or else i was threatened by him that he would have beaten me up more.
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 09:08:08 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
I can't make out what you are trying to say here 'after some bumps falling with the snowboead and not after long that I had my first sexual intercourse.....' == what i mean here is that i remember what happened before the hemooroids started. i was 17, didnt have them before, they appeared after the first sexual intercourses and after the period istarted to snowboard, where i heavily hit my bum over and over while practicing. i was trying to connect the memories.

Intercourse pain is due to dryness of vagina? or what?
i edited this part on the original question file, let me know if you need more details


How tall are you 1.60 metres

Are you married, if yes, how is your marriage

i am living with my partner. the relationship has ups and downs, we are very kind and loving to each other and the moments of upset come when he retreats in himself. he works a lot and is quite shy and introverted and has periods of light depression, in which he doesnt talk much, and doesnt open us. in those moments i am afraid that when we wiill have a family (children) he will not manage to be there for us because if these periods. i also dream at night that he flirts with other girls. he doesnt do that, but he sometimes makes jokes that i don't like at all with other girls, which i perceive as very humiliating. example, we are in this camp and he needs to present me, and he says something like 'hey this is my girlfriend, she is really good at cleaning and cooking..' or things like that. in those moments i feel so much anger and we start to fight, ending up with me telling him that he is a complete asshole. In those moments i feel humiliated. forgot to mention that for this reason i took staphisagria for about 6 months (200 ch for 4 months, then 1 M for 2 other months). effect i started speaking up for myself, and when i do he actually realizes that he goes over the border with these jokes. this is something that he would do let's say once every 2 weeks (a joke like this) but i can't stand it and i still feel a lot of anger rising up in me. When i am really angry I cry hysterically and i feel like crashing things.

he suffered for some months of desire problems, where he woulnt make love with me if I was the one starting it, and I felt very much rejected by that. lately at night i sometimes have also dreams where I am having sex with younger men and I am trying to hide it from him. Also, sometimes i dwell in hantasies which are somehow humitaling and for which i feel alot of guilt.
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 08:51:27 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
in my medical history there is something important i need to add:

when i was 4 years old i was hospitalized for a urinary tract infection. i had a very hig fever (41 degress) and was delirating. i was cured with antibiotics (bactrim) and i remember being at the hospital having a cathetre which was really really painful.

sometimes, when i really relxed, i feel an intense piercing pain in that area (external lips at the exit of the urinary tract) which is really strong and doesnt make me breathe for some minutes.i feel it only just before falling asleep or or waking, let's say 3 times a month,

also, during my pshicological cures, i was diagnosed with PTSD, treated with rapid eye movement theraphy, which didnt bring any result.
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 08:56:37 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
here i try to recollect all the homeopathic medicines taken (they normally didnt mix with each other but sometimes they overlapped after carconosinum)

1. aconite 200 ch: 1 time
2. arnica 200 cH: 1 time
3. staphysagria, 4 months 200 ch once a week, 2 months 1M once every two weeks.
4. carcinosinum 200 CH, for 3 months once a week
5. Lac maternum 1 M 3 or 4 times
5. calcarea carbonica 200 ch, for a month, once a week
6. aurum 1M, 2 or 3 times
7. lachesis mutus 1 M, for 3 - 4 times
8. ignatia amara, LM1, drops, for about two months.

now i have not been taking anything for the last months, expect two weeks ago when i was really upset i took some drops of ignatia LM1 again but on my own, for a week. it helped feeling calmer


i edited the original questionnaire, added clarifications on other posts, etc. added a lot of details. feel quite exhausted now. will check the forum later this afternoon.
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 09:09:20 BST]
[message edited by eclipsina on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 15:42:17 BST]
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
Please take a dose of Arsenicum Album 200c.

Just one dose, not daily.

One dose is one pill.

Stop all other remedies.

Report back with any changes observed.
 
fitness 6 years ago
thanks, i will order this and try it&then let you know what happens.
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
Thanks
 
fitness 6 years ago
Dear Fitness,

I took one dose as you suggested of Ars Alb 200CH, last week on Tuesday. On wednesday morning I had a moment of crisis after which I would normally get really down but I found the strenght to react. Also, in the same day and after I realized that I was holding back from 'complaining too much'. So even if something i didn't like happened, i was not so worked up about it. same happened for discussions with my partner -i could stop the criticism/complain definetely earlier than usual because i wasn't feeling so worked up. I still have the tightness in the chest, and the anxiety. I dreamt again of having relationships with much younger guys, of which I was feeling really guilty and confused.

I would like to take another dose.

let me know if you would like more details or observations. at the physical level, i still feel really tired easily, even if I could say that there is a slight improvement.

best regards,
 
eclipsina 6 years ago
Thanks for the update.

I'd want you to hold off taking another dose till there is a break of 15 days.

Please report back then and we can see if another dose is required.
 
fitness 6 years ago

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