Grief, terror, anger, anxiety, isolation _{Page 2 of 2}

Thank you!

I remembered and realized something that seems important. So when O was telling you about my childhood I started to hear this voice that I have in the past referred to as my grandmother who's passed away. She comes in to help me through hard rime or difficult situations. I started talking to her when I started to snap and I was told she was my guide. But that doesn't seem real to me now. But I remembered having her as a child. I had created her inside my head. She was like my imaginary friend that would explain thins to me, thats what i gathered from my moms stories. I don't remember much about it. Other than waking up in the night and seeing a women standing at the foot of my bed looking at me and I was scared because I thought I was seeing a ghost. I was about 7 and I remember having hard emotional times during this period. So I told my mom and she told me it sounded like her mom and then I stuck with it apparently?. But yeah, I snap off an hear her inside my head. She is my voice of comfort and reason. Hope that helps. Thanks for helping me.

Ehen i breath into my belly I start to feel and ground and I have been atarting to do it and its helping me feel more and be more present. A lot of grief is coming up and anger. I am realizing that my husband has nit picked me, my likes, people I love and anything he doesn't agree with to the point its caused me to shut down and close myself off. My self esteem is shot. My mother is another huge siurce for my self esteem and feeling unstable inaide myself. There is somthing about when I am thinking about her or maybe its my childhood? But it makes me snap into la la land. Thats when I go crazy. I know its not real now but I cant seem to put my finger on it. I feel better when I am alone and dont feel judge or rejected. I am asking my husband to move out for a while, which I don't know if its best or not, I just dont feel like I can process through the communication barriers. Even with the help of a marriage counselor. We will see though with time. So today i am more grounded and I havent had any setious triggers. My skin feels like its burning thiugh as well as my stomach and I am trying hard to be strong and not crumble. I havent been taking the lycopodium 200ck and I seem to be okay. Just before that one I was taking Kali phos and that was when I had seere panic attacks that seemed to be toed to being beaten with a belt when I was young and I thought I was going to die. I am still having a really hard time believing it. I feel like there is a lot of grief and anger and emotions tied to what has surfaced since I have began homeopathy a few years back. I thought I should tell you all of this. Oh yeah and the burn sensation inside rises from my stomach up to my face. My skin feels like its burning too an the middle of my back is tense and hot. Lots of heat! I am sick of being stuffed down and now I am ready to emerge. I just need to learn how since I have been beaten down or have beaten myself down most of my life. And that makes me angry and makes my back hurt because I feel helpless like nobody cares. My body is still to this day being violated and nobody truly shows me an ounce of respect other than a few friends. But I am sick of it and I know its partially my fault because of my own communication errors. I just cant seem to get better in the same old atmosphere and I need strength to change my life. I keep getting headaches and tense around my husband. I really don't want him near me. I don't feel safe and then the next minute apart of me does. Im like a roller coaster.