Help, Sepia questions.I have been taking Sepia 1M 2 pellets three times a day for 2-3 weeks. I presented to my doctor with indifference towards my husband, thoughts to kill him/divorce him, feeling overwhelmed, angry, depressed. I feel better in the fresh air and exercise usually helps unless I feel bone tired and cannot move. I am cold a lot and feel better when warm. Sometimes I must have a foot free from the covers or a finger out the car window. Some part must be free and able to "breath". I have struggled with ill health, thyroid, depression and fertility issues. There is a background of abuse, both from others and from self. A pyschiatrist dx'd me with PTSD a few years ago. I currently take thyroid med and B vitamin supplement. I occaisonally take Prilosec for GERD. I try to avoid taking it because I think that is what caused the B-12 deficiency. I do not take anti anxiety meds or anti depressants. Last B-12 and thyroid test were normal range. I suffer from fear and anxiety. I feel worse in general when I can't breath easily because of chest tightness, illness, too warm rooms or cars, stuffy rooms. I am afraid of snakes, car crashes, fires, disasters, long car trips when I am not driving, speaking, and being looked at. When I give a speech I feel naked or like my head might explode. I say the wrong words sometimes, or misprounouce easy words. Tonight I read aloud "face" instead of "faith" twice in a row. I am afraid of going to the dentist. Going to the dentist feels like rape to me...except I must pay a lot of money.I work full time and hate it. I resent it. It is also in a basement and the lack of sunshine affects me badly. I feel trapped there. I sleep generally badly. I wake in early morning and feel anxious or angry. I worry. I resent husband for snoring, for sleeping when I cannot. I am a private person and sometimes suspicious. I worry when husband is gone that he may not come back or that he will be hurt or leave me. I dream bad dreams. Sometimes I remember them and sometimes not. They have themes sometimes, running/being chased, snakes in my house, of death or destruction. I fancy sometimes I see things out of the corner of my eyes. I know nothing is there but I have the impression of animals such as cats. Sometimes I think I hear someone say my name over my left shoulder. I was worried a few years ago I might be truly crazy and delusional but my pychiatrist said it is not uncommon for ppl with ptsd to have minor auditory or visual problems. I love to make lists and I like things to be orderly. Unfortunately I am lazy so mostly my home is chaotic. Actually I am not certain it is laziness so much as I feel every last drop of life is sucked from me at work and I have nothing left inside when I come home. I crave salt and chocolate especially before menstruation. My husband asks me what I search for in the kitchen and I say "chocolate covered salt". I love to laugh and feel joy. I was attracted to my husband in the beginning because he made me laugh. My marriage to him has been the happiest time in my life. It is the first time I feel really loved. This is why I was so alarmed a few weeks ago to suddenly consider divorce/homicide/running away. I felt far apart from him. I also had urges for suicide and self injury. These are old "friends" to me and I think of them when I can't think of any other solution. I feel in no danger of indulging in them but the memories and temptations themselves bother me and feel traumatic. I am intelligent and somewhat intellectual. I can be silly sometimes and I love to be funny. Sometimes though I am too clever with words and sarcastic. I generally write well (do not take this as a sample). I have an active imagination and am sensitive to oversensitive. I am strong willed about some things and wishy washy about others. I have dark hair, dark eyes with a tendancy for yellow whites. My skin is pale with a yellow cast. It used to more pink when I was younger. I have heavy eyelids and puffy eyes. I have many moles over my body, oily face and bad acne across my face and back especially between ovulation and menstruation. I have been overweight most my life. I have what my friend calls "the itty bitty shi^^y committee". This constant running commentary in my head (sounds remarkably like my step mother) pointing out all my mistakes, faults, etc. Please do not mistake that I hear voices or think these are real people.
Quick family history: depression, anorexia, heart disease, diabetes, panic attacks, circulation problems, high blood pressure. Virtually no cancer except my father who smoked for most his life and died of lung cancer.
I am also taking for 1 week Staphysagria 1M two pellets three times a day. The doctor expected much improvement from Staph but it has been mild. I think he chose due to abuse issues. He asked me, out of the blue about abuse. He also does for me acupuncture and could tell from my reaction. I would not have probably told him otherwise. I am not sure what happened. I don't remember so I don't speak of it. I return to see him at the end of this week for follow up on Staph. He said I may have to take Sepia a long time though with lowered dose.
Sorry for the long history but I wanted to cover bases and I don't know which things are most important to tell you. My "real" question is this: Yesterday I felt a gential herpes lesion begin. I was dx'd with herpes 7 years ago and have periodic recurrence. Whenever I get recurrence I obsess over how I have caused this outbreak. Too much stress? Too much chocolate? Then I move onto blaming myself for having herpes in the first place and worry over infecting my husband. I am much more worried about it than he has ever been. Now I wonder if the Sepia is too much. I've read you can get too much of a remedy and begin to prove it. My hair seems to be falling out more than before but this is not strange either. My thyroid may just need fine tuning again. Truthfully I am ashamed of having herpes, of how I got it, and every time I get a lesion I have to face it all over again. As soon as I felt the lesion I started Lysine to combat. I am divided over whether to continue the meds or not until my appt. I don't think I can say to my doctor about the herpes. I could write him a note maybe. Since he seems to want me to take Sepia a long time I am worried it may cause more outbreaks. Any thoughts or opinions on the dosage of Sepia or Staph even and whether I should worry this lesion is a side effect? Would another remedy be more helpful?
The Sepia has helped much by the way. I am much more easy and kindly in general. I don't think I feel "normal" but having never felt that way I can't be sure.
rainjane on 2005-11-08
Dr Kumar last decade
rainjane last decade
Dr Kumar last decade
rainjane last decade
Dr Kumar last decade
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