Sexual Desire/Erections _{Page 2 of 2}

Hi Parachute,

Thanks for the update. Just out of curiosity (trying to learn), it seems Aconite has more of the fear of death than Arsenicum or is it because Aconite is an acute versus chronic remedy?

Arsenicum does definitely have some of the indications:

Anxiety, exhuastion and restlessness, fear, fright, worry. Low vitality. Better from company. Oversensitive. Lacks courage. Melancholy. Suspicious. Extremely nervous. Despair of recovery. Fear of death and disease.

Albuminuria - lots of protein in the urine.

Hayfever. Used to get that all the time as a kid, up until about age 13/14 it was very serious and was putting vaseline type stuff in my eyes cause they were so badly swollen.

Also used to get Strep throat a lot as a kid up until age 12. Sometimes 2x a year. Of course didn't know any better and took lots of antibiotics.

Then started getting horrible acne as got older and of course was on antibiotics for that as well. Doing the Retin-A creams. Finally after high school, took Accutane and extremely high dose Vitamin A treatments and it cured my acne, well, we know it SUPPRESSED it. And that's when I started getting really dry, dry joints, skin, never sweat anymore, severe kidney pains, nausea/vomitting. That stuff really messed me up badly. Have never been the same since that. Then started getting chronic pain where the tendon in my groin are started tensing up (contracting/relaxing) over a period of days kept switching back and fourth between, tense, relaxed, tense relaxed, then it tensed up and stayed that way. And then over a period of months, slowly spread down my right leg, tensing the muscle up beyond my conscious control. Then again over months started in my left groin and spread down my left leg, then again over months went up to my left arm from the wrist up, could literally feel it traveling through my nerves, and then when done with that arm, went over to the right arm, same pattern over a period of months. Muscles would fatigue very easily, tense, contracted, wasn't able to tense them up (like if you were making a muscle to show off), and just remained constantly tensed, contracted all the time. Any stress, emotions definitely made my pain 10 times worse.

Back to Arsenicum - Tongue Coated white, mostly in the back and on the sides in the back.

Had lots of trouble sleeping again last night. Couldn't get to sleep till after 4:30 and maybe got 5 hours. Symptoms are definitely worse when I can't sleep like that. Around 4:20 or so I was going crazy and thought for sure I was going to die, ate something to help ground me, but felt for sure I was going to come out of my body. Laying on my back makes it worse, feel more afraid, feel better when I'm on my stomach. Still continuing to have moments in the evening where I'll just be sweating like mad from my hands, mostly my right hand. Always had clammy hands as a kid - nervousness, fear.

Symptoms are also worse when I have to go to the bathroom. Usually feel bad starting around 3:00. Today really had to urinate around that time badly, was driving and felt so bad, like I was going to come out of my body, going to the bathroom helped it a lot. Usually for me it will just come on suddenly where I get this GREAT URGE to go and I just have to go, usually can't hold it for long. Have always been that way though.

Last night also again got worse from 10:00 to 12:00, then was better until 4:00 when my body was exhuasted but couldn't sleep it's like my body is so physically tired, but my brain/mind doesn't get tired. Not even like thoughts are racing or anything, just that my brain doesn't seem to shut off. And I know that Phosphorus has a lot to do with the Brain, so I'm sure it aggravated/brought out this sleeping condition (which had been going on for months before all this began).

Still a kind of blocked sensation in the right ear. Had some in the left, but that went away pretty quickly. Used to get ear infections all the time as a kid, very painful, I believe more so in the right ear, but can't be 100% sure.

Being in water, showering, does seem to help me with the floaty, out of body or whatever it is type sensation.

Okay, I think that's all for now.

Hope you are doing well,

Steve

Also forgot to mention the phosphorus also seems to be helping constipation. Never had problems with that most of my life, was always pretty regular 2-3x a day, but had a month or so where I was only going once a day. Stools are still light colored as usual, but seems to be helping the frequency as well.

Steve

Okay, had another overreaction yesterday. Very low-self-esteem, can't be happy without the approval of others or reassurance of others. Has always been an issue for me. Very unhappy, very unhappy even as a child. Totally lacking self-confidence, look to reactions for my own happiness. Try to please others constantly, because I want others to like me and also to keep peace, don't like any conflict, the least conflict causes me lots of emotional pain. As my friend said, Steve, you have to remember the worst thing that happens, when you think of something as begin 15 out of 16 bad, try to remember it's only a 1 out of 16 to me. Then I end up crying, frustrated, feeling bad like I'm causing problems, and that all I do is make people's lives miserable. Start thinking of all the things that make me a bad person. Even someone pointing out some small fault ruins my whole life, my whole existence.

Slept better last night though.

Steve

Okay, sounds good, will do! Will post back.

Thanks,

Steve

Hi Parachute,

Took two doses of the phosophorus 30c, can't say I noticed much. Still having lots of problems sleeping until after 4 in the morning. Have been blowing up and reacting to almost everything. At the same time, feeling as if I don't care. Like there is just emptiness in me, no desire or will to live or do anything. Resignation. Relationships are falling apart, not happy, serious depression. My mom thinks I should try medication for depression, that "sometimes it's the only way to fix the problem until you can cope." Still feel really light, floaty, out of body, like I'm going to totally come out. As if I was made of air. People have told me that the vibrations of the earth are changing and this is part of it, I don't know. Sadness, no joy in life. People feel like they can't say anything to me without hurting my feelings. Leaning against the wall or anything, feels like it's moving, like it doesn't stand still. Feel like I'm acting totally from the mind, as if I can't feel my feelings, even when I do get upset, not like it was before, like part of me is missing, gone. Like I'm not all here. Try hard to make the people in my life feel like I love them and care, but I always end up ruining everything. They feel they can't say anything to me without upsetting me and I feel that I can't say anything without upsetting them. Nobody understands me or what I'm going through. Just feel as if I'm energy, not physical.

Hope you had a good holiday,

Steve

Thanks Parachute,

I was just getting ready to post a little bit more when I got your response:

Just feel like my consciousness has been altered. Not fully in my body. I have always tended toward overreactions, but never like this. I am hurting people I love in the heat of the moment and then later I'm sorry and apologizing, it's as if I'm two different people. Mood swings, changeable, one minute to the next. Completely mentally unstable :( The more out of body I feel like I am, the worse it gets. The smallest noises, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my body. Also the smallest vibrations, somebody banging the wall downstairs, the vibrations from the heat running, makes me feel more floaty or at least worsens it.

Will get the Arsenicum Album 30c and let you know what happens, thanks :)

Steve

Hi Parachute,

Took one dose of the Arsenicum (3 drops) night of the 27th.

Yesterday evening around 6:00 or 6:30 I had been reading something, and there was mention of death in the article and I got really scared thinking about it and even though I didn't think it bothered me that much, my heart started beating a mile a minute, thought my heart was going to come out of my chest, it was just pounding like mad. And of course pulse was so fast you almost couldn't tell there was a space in between. Only for a few minutes, then went away, of course during that moment thought I was going to die. Felt really light the rest of the evening. I also notice that whenever I feel worse there is a strange or unusual clicking or cracking sound or something in my nasal cavity, sinus. As if there is something in there moving around. Sometimes it seems like it restores my heaviness (when there is the sensation that part of me is being added back into me in that area and it's transfering to the other parts of my body or something. This sounds really really strange I know), other times I feel worse when it happens. And sometimes the event happens first, like the rapid heart beat and then I hear the noise in my nose/sinus. Have noticed that off and on (can't place it to a particular cause, event or time or anything)there are times I feel heavier and grounded and then other times I feel like I get lighter again, usually though I'm more light than heavy and when I am heavy it doesn't last long. I was really upset the one day about my relationship and I was letting myself get so down emotionally and making it my whole existence (being depressed, self-pitty, sadness, grief etc) and interestingly enough, when I had all those intense negative emotions I felt more heavy and grounded than when I'm feeling happier. Noticed some twitching of the muscles mostly the back of the legs. Also noticed like a quick pitter pattering from the neck up to the head, almost like something scurrying quickly up the neck to the head, similar to a twitching of muscles, only traveled up starting at the bottom of the neck to the head. Before I got your message post and decided to take the Agnus Castus that was recommended to me I noticed a fluttering sensation that was similar, very fast, moved up the spine up to the head. And felt like I felt lighter after that happened too.

I don't watch violent movies or anything, but even seeing someone point a gun at someone in a movie, scares me to death and makes me feel like I'm going to die. I never used to be that affected by stuff, but I can hardly tolerate it. It's really crazy.

Noticed some intense heat and energy going through my whole body last night. Feet were tingling like crazy, head was tingling like crazy or the feeling of energy coming into my head and sprinkling down over my whole face. Had some nausea last night too. Last night the intense energy that was going through my body, I felt like mush. Like didn't feel like my body was physical, like the physical was energy. Hard to explain. I also had some headaches last night and still do today, almost like the increased energy that was coming into my head was causing pressure or something.

Felt like I have a little more will to live (not that I don't want to live. Sometimes say I don't, or say that I want to die, but really don't, and would bee too afraid to take any action or do anything), but feeling a little more sure that there is a purpose for me here on earth, though I don't know what it is.

The feeling that I'm moving around even though I know my body is staying in one place, is definitely worse when I close my eyes, like when I close my eyes to go to sleep, feel as if my body or my energy or whatever is moving around, and as soon as I open my eyes and can see with my eyes that I'm in the same location it goes away almost 100%. Also I need to eat very frequently or it gets worse (feeling as if I'm separated from my body, or that I'm floating forward or that the floor is moving or something, again hard to describe).

Haven't been having dreams at all lately, but had one last night, don't remember much of it, just that I was at my grandma's house and she had put up a gate to keep people from coming into her driveway that she didn't want, and I was really excited about it, thought it was a good idea and thought it looked very nice too.

I think that's about all.

Thanks!

Steve

Forgot to mention, still getting the sweaty hands or wet hands, just look drenched with water at times. And the consciousness being altered, it just seems like things seem to move, like stuff swims or like my eyes aren't in focus or something. It's really odd/strange. Almost like everything is vibrating, like it's just energy moving around (which I guess everything is really energy), but you know. Also feet are soaked/wet too all the time. Maybe just releasing lots of anxiety, don't know.

Update: Same thing happened yesterday around 6:00/6:30 (this time there wasn't anything I can think of that would have triggered it, so I doubt last time it was what I was reading, just happened to be the time of day it was), started getting racing heart, pulse going really fast, got sweaty hands, got lighter, afraid. Nausea. Also the same thing with the nose or sinuses that cracking or crinkling sound or whatever it is. Sometimes I can feel my energy move up my body, as if it's leaving the lower part of my body and staying from the chest up. Do feel somewhat calmer. Get nauseous when eating sometimes.

Steve

Hi Parachute,

Update for you. Last night didn't get any sleep at all. Feeling SUPER SUPER light today or made of air. Had been getting to sleep usually around 5:00 or 6:00 the past couple nights, it's been getting later and later and last night I just couldn't get any. Feel almost as if I don't even have a physical body, like I'm one of those bobbers floating in water or something. The strange thing is that I don't feel that horribly tired yet for not getting any sleep. Still have plugged up (though I can hear fine, so I don't know if it's necessarily plugged up, but feels like there's something in there) sensation in my ears, usually it's more the right one, but today it seems to be both. Just feeling as if I could float away. Also have the heath flashes or intense energy going through my body, feet tingling like crazy. Nausea is still continuing, worse when eating anything. Also seem to get this musty smell in the lungs or something or the smell of being at a higher altitude or something. Really strange. Also have some jerkings. Like something going up my spine and I jerk up. Also had one in my face, like around the chin and just kinda moved my head real quick in one direction. I think it kind of affected my brain as well, or felt it then in my brain, not that I felt it go up to my brain, just like my brain felt different in some way after that, lighter, more airy. Sometimes drinking lots of water helps with the lightness, makes me feel heavier, more grounded sometimes it doesn't. Two days ago, I felt almost completely normal, grounded, heavier, in my body, felt like I had mass or substance to my body, though it didn't last long and I was right back to feeling like there is nothing in my body or it doesn't exist even, the light airy feeling. Though that isn't really new because that's been happening where I get that more grounded feeling and then goes right back to feeling light again.

Thanks,

Steve