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Feel like giving up-Despair-Syphilinum aggravation-Any forum doctor!? Please help

In desperate need of guidance. Having debilitating symptoms. Please please help. Thank you in advance for any advice. :)

About Me:

Age: 40
Height: 5'8
Weight: 150 (recent 25 pound gain within approx 9 month span)
Occupation: Self-employed- run event business-performer and coordinator
Country: California, USA
Foods: love spicy anything. love meat. prefer salt or savory to sweet. however at times I love chocolate. always thirsty. drink tons of water. had an electrolyte defiency growing up and take supplements daily now. Excessive water intake may simply be habit since I did it whole life. Not sure. Love beer. Have drank off and on throughout life but mostly socially/moderately. Currently abusing alcohol.

Mind/behaviors: I'm a people pleaser. Want to be liked. Love to make people laugh. Career actress and love attention. Often use self-deprecating humor. Over giver. Very kind. Everyone trusts me immediately. Very charming and I know I can use my wit and appearance to get my way (sorry.. being honest) Usually brutally honest with myself. Honest with other but will sugar coat to spare their feelings. Tend to over share but I know the boundaries with those whom that would not be appropriate. Wear my heart on my sleeve. Very sensitive and cannot hide my emotions if I try. But I am not a push over and do not hesitate to speak up for myself. Extremely hard worker. Very obsessive. Care too much about all. LOVE animals. Prefer them to people sometimes. Don't have kids and I don't want them. Nothing wrong with my "parts". When life gets wonky I can dip into depression and worry easily. Super positive and uplifting towards others.. but my own default can be very negative. Have too much, "woe as me" stuff at times. When I get down it's really bad. I go into much more detail below.

Okay! Will do my best to streamline yet give as much detail as I can. But there is a lot to preface and I do feel the more info the better.

First a little history: The past year beginning in January 2015 I have had one bad thing after another occur. Every major area of my life is enduring tremendous amounts of struggle. Some areas are on the verge of ruin, namely my business. It began after firing a manager I hired whom I had instilled a great amount of trust in. Despite my best efforts things ended badly and she was quite hateful towards me at the end. This situation felt like a divorce and exhausted me to my core. I started to have strange physical symptoms after she had been working for me a few months. Almost immediately after letting her go I got very very sick. Literally could not get out of bed some days from the intense fatigue and ran my business on my iPhone in my bed. This part may fall into the "Never Well Since" category.

This illness was totally mysterious... In other words no one could really find anything wrong with me. The closest thing if I could put a label on it would be Fibromyalgia in Western terms (which I don't agree with)... and "Soul Loss" in Shamanic terms (which resonates more with me). At the time many symptoms matched a clogged Lymphatic system so I did all I knew to detox that and get it moving. Nothing shifted. The worst of it lasted 2-3 months although it took me about 6 months for the severest symptoms to soften. I LOVE homeopathy and I started searching for any remedy to help feverishly and tried a lot but none really worked. May have tried too many.

Same year in late February, I started dating a man whom I still love to this day but whom I also knew from the get go would be a challenging relationship. He was a big drinker, and I started drinking with him and then went overboard as I used it to soothe my increasing despair. Every week I got physically weaker, business slowed, I worked harder, couldn't make ends meet. Cycle dominoed. Became physically, emotionally and the worst part spiritually exhausted.

My homeopathic doctor at the time gave me Bryonia 9c last July 2015 starting at one dose a week, slowly increasing the doses to two a week, then three etc…. for two months. I'm still not 100%, but that remedy did help mainly with the physical symptoms which were at times debilitating. Currently I cannot afford a follow up visit. Slowly each of these areas of my life have imploded. I'm now 25 pounds heavier. Drinking daily because my emotions take over. My ex boyfriend who is still around has become this drain on my confidence where I do whatever I can to keep his attention and love. My little business I worked so so so hard to get up and running is close to bankruptcy. I'm not exaggerating.


Took the nosode Luesinum/Syphilinum about a month or so ago because it would appear that I fall into that category where the usual suspect remedies that have previously worked or should work considering my symptoms but don't. That and there is not one remedy that points to most of my symptoms. In other words… there are several remedies that all seem to fit, and yet some of them differ from one another, and none have worked thus far. I basically fit most of the key points as to why one should take a nosode...

Initially I was unable to find Syphylinum - Leusinum in the 200c potency so I settled for 30c initially and took it in the liquid dose (dropped 2 pellets in water bottle and maybe took two big swigs throughout the day) Realized after the fact that this type of nosode should only be taken in higher doses but it was too late. Cannot recall all symptoms in reaction to the 30c… but they subsided quickly and I saw no other progress.

This week (guessing 7 days ago?) I took Syphylinum/Leusinum 200c in the liquid dose. (2 pellets in water bottle and successed approx 6 times before each sip) Took me about a day and a half to sip through the bottle and did not finish it. Had an aggravation that was mild at first, then got so intense I antidoted it. But I did Dr Elaine Lewis antidote (The Aggravation Zapper) which is not supposed to negate the remedy like other ways of anti doting. This helped immensely. I've had to do a baby antidote dose daily as the aggravation symptoms have creeped back in a touch though. But I have seen positive progress. However tonight the symptoms are very bad and it reminds me of the "lymphatic" symptoms that started back in January 2015. Had to use the antidote twice today which I don't think is normal.

Here are most recent symptoms that are new or either "return of old symptoms" that are now intensified since taking the Syph/Leusinum 200:


* Feeling as if I'm gagging. Actually gagged out of blue couple of times yesterday. Throat feels raw and at one point felt like it was closing up. Right side feels like my tonsil is swollen but it looks fine. Today just slightly sore mostly on the right.
* Alcohol cravings so bad I started drinking during the day. Alcohol gives me energy mind you. Calms my thoughts and focuses me and I get so so so much done.
* Neck pain. Soreness and like a knot (mostly on the right) Neck pain can get so severe that I can't turn my head completely to right at times. Body soreness and low back ache. It's really bad today. This was one of the main symptoms the Bryonia seemed to clear up, however it never subsided completely. Would come and go like all other symptoms. Now it is back.
* Body pain/aches. Today they are really bad. Had to drag myself through my day
* Wanting/needing to masturbate. Can't sleep at night although I am exhausted. Will masturbate for 4-5 hours easy. Sexual deviant behavior. This I took Hyoscyamus for before first in 30c and later the 200c. Would help for a day or so… then come back. The need/sensation is uncontrollable when it comes on and I then will chuck all responsibilities to watch porn.
*Digestion is wonky. using restroom in small spurts. constipated and bouts of diarrhea. however my diet is very poor right now.
* Find myself holding my breathe… then catch myself. Alternating with times of feeling almost out of breathe like I can't catch my breathe. This comes and goes.
* Very little appetite. After antidoting the Syph appetite did return… briefly though.
* Carphologia (I explain more below)

I have had to antidote the Syph approx 5-6 times in last two days. Each time I dump the water and refill 6 times. Last 3 times instead of taking a sip I have poured a touch on a Q-tip and put it up my nose. Generally within an hours time the symptoms, "soften". I did NOT want to antidote it with Nux etc as I know that will negate any progress my Vital Force may have made. Tonight it took about 3 hours for the antidote to work. More details:

General Symptoms:

*Depression bordering on despair.. mixed with moments of trust and knowing all will be ok. Moments of wanting to give up. Hopeless.
*Anxiety, worry, nervousness
*Feelings of being forsaken, abandoned by God/Universe… whoever's up there. Feeling of unjust and unfairness. This all stemming from trying and working so so hard and never getting ahead, and usually barely making it period. No one who works as many hours as I do should not be able to pay her rent.
* Always feel rushed.. like there is never enough time. If I can get in the moment, I freak out later once I realize how much still needs to be done
* Have feelings of indifference now… "what's the use?".
* Can be a bit OCD but it usually manifests in a positive way. i.e. making sure things are perfect for biz project etc.
* Have felt severe jealousy towards ex-boyfriend. May simply be because we run the same types of business and he is thriving and I am not. But I do not normal feel jealous towards others when they have success. Not competitive in that way. Love to be surrounded by successful people. Issue with him is different.

* Neck: pain-mainly right sided (was only on right for almost 6 months… now on left too sometimes and can feel it up into the top of my head/skull)
* Toe: Broke my toe couple months ago. The left foot, fourth toe (next to pinky)… kinda obvious… "I need a break!" … ugh.
* Energy: Exhausted. Very low energy/lethargic
* Nose: dry and sometimes gets scabs that won't heal inside. Yet I'll get sniffly and need to blow my nose often. It always feels stuffy, yet it is clear and I can breath fine. I tend to pick at it a lot almost digging sometimes because it's just uncomfortable inside. It is itchy sometimes and other time will run a tiny bit. I feel I'm constantly messing with it for some reason. When it is a bit runny mucous is perfectly clear
* Respiratory: Find myself holding my breathe at times… then breathing heavily like I'm out of breathe
* Urine: has a funny smell sometimes mostly in the morning. Only way I can describe it is kinda like popcorn. I know… weird. And again, only sometimes. Urine is a bit yellow first thing in a.m. but throughout rest of day once I've hydrated a bit it's mostly clear.
* Skin: Super dry. Always had a little acne and will get a few more lately. Have those little pimple like things (think they're called postules??) at the outer corner of both eyes which looks more rash like than pimple like. If memory serves this began after the Syph 30c dose and has not cleared up. I have not attempted to heal it as I saw it as a sign of my body getting rid of something. But it's been a couple months now. Have also had cracks in crevice of my mouth on both sides where pimples also crop up next too often. This symptom comes and goes and I may have helped it by upping my B vitamins specifically Riboflavin.
* Sleep: Never been a morning person so keep that in mind but so hard to get out of bed in the morning. Can't sleep at night lately even though I'm so so tired. Will fall asleep initially around 12am but usually wake up by 2 or 4 am and can't fall back asleep again till 6am or so.
*Abusing alcohol right now (need to preface this with I am not a alcoholic… I have had huge periods of consuming zero alcohol throughout my life with zero effort when I chose to stop. Could easily have one drink and stop before… this feels, "triggered".

* Run a little biz I created from scratch and was doing amazing last year. Went from zero to 60 in a matter of months. May go under, in severe debt now and barely making it. Not exaggerating
* Easily work 12-15 hours a day. Exhausted.
* Feel like a failure. Worried I'm not gonna make it. Scared for my future.

Modalities and Unusual or Rare Symptoms:

The challenge is they can change… but majority are worse after 4-5pm.

* Ears felt hot tonight… weird sensation
* Not really into food lately. But when I do eat it tastes awesome
*Aversion to company- worse at night or after I've spent time alone a bit. I avoid people as much as possible. I hide in my house since I work from home
*Don't want to leave my house. If I have errands I have to run.. I rush to get back home as quick as I can.
*Aversion to tight/restrictive clothing. May be partly because I gained some weight and clothing does not fit as well… but it's more than that.
*Cannot tolerate being interrupted. (may simply be my lifestyle at this point as I run my business from home and have people in and out at times and it's maddening because most projects are half done because of this issue)
*Bouts of needing to constantly clear throat.. however this comes in waves too. Seems worse at night. Tonight it was BAD until the antidote kicked in
*Aversion to showering. Always feel better after I do. But it just seems like so much effort. Keep in mind, I obsessively wash my hands still.
*Aversion to noise… sometimes. Kids next door drive me crazy. Any repetitive sound is like Chinese water torture. I am clairaudient and always pick up that tiny sound in the background that no one else notices. I CANNOT hold a conversation with someone if there is too much background noise or music. Unless I'm drinking… which quiets my mind.
*Used to be super tidy… home is constantly a mess now.
*Carphologia (may be the wrong term) but the feeling is like I cannot get comfortable. My body hurts to move it, but after being in any position for a few minutes I have to move. Had times where I was pacing this week, but then I'm so tired I'd have to sit. Worst of it happened after Syph 200c and after I antidoted it was much better but not gone. This comes and goes and is worse at night. Moving is a bit painful, but after I get settled not long before I'm squirming around to reposition. Example: I'm constantly putting my hair up into a ponytail.. which ends up hurting my scalp a bit.. so I let it down, but having it down gets annoying quick somehow.. This symptom has happened to some degree nightly this week
* Sexual Symptoms: Pretty much the Hyoscyamus Niger remedy hits the nail on the head, minus the icky feces stuff. The other caveat is that all of the sexually defiant behaviors occur behind closed doors. And I am not promiscuous. Have only one partner who is my ex but still. Crazy desire to be naked. On the surface I am the girl next door and no one would ever think anything. Hyoscyamus helped a little before.
* Daily drinking alcohol. Only beer though. Once I do start it helps me use the restroom.

-after/during drinking alcohol
-during/after eating
-after a good nights sleep
-after using restroom
-after "closing time" even though I may be doing something for work-no one can bother me because we're closed
-when I'm alone
-during/after any sexual stimulation
-during any creative, meticulous project. work or personal. takes my mind off problems
-after the Carphologia thing subsides for the night, better lying down

Symptoms that may help diagnosis but they are things I have done my whole life to some extent:

*Always concerned how others feel and if they are upset or mad at me.
*Often apologize to those around me if I'm in a funk. I worry it's affecting them and always think it's my fault and can't stay focused. It's like I know I can feel others emotions so I'm extra worried they can feel mine.
*Poor circulation.
*Hate getting cold
*Very sensitive and can get my feelings hurt easily
*Over giver… I will wait on someone hand and foot and go so far out of my way to take care of others
*Use sex to get love
*Struggle with feelings of victimhood
*Often feel like I've done something wrong. Like I'm in trouble. I go out of my way to be super honest so people won;t think bad of me
*Often feel taken for granted. Like some others don't appreciate all I do for them
*Thoughts can spin. Mind can get cluttered with thoughts. Classical music helps. Thoughts oscillate between super positive and then extremely negative.

Previous Remedies:

From a Homeopath:
*Anacardium (one of my Constitutional remedies. However mine is what you would call the "Double Will" and I NEVER directed it outwards. In other words, Anacardiums can be cruel to others/animals etc. I was only cruel to myself. The, "devil" and the "angel" as they call it in the Materia Medica went solely on in my own thoughts… and the devil part beat the crap out of the angel part with negative self talk and doubts etc. )Initially prescribed 30c about 2 years ago and took one a week for a couple months if memory serves. It made a HUGE difference in my confidence level. The devil voice in my head quieted quite a bit.

*Bryonia was precsribed in 9c in July 2015 at one dose a week and each week slightly increased for about a two month period. This remedy helped immensely with the "strange illness" symptoms I had that began that year. However when reading the Materia Medica I DID NOT fit most symptoms which was weird for me.

Remedies I tried on my own this past year (2015):
I became a bit obsessed at trying to find a remedy that would help so I tried dozens… only listing the ones that initially made a little difference:

Anacardium 200c
Hyosyamus 30c
Hyosyamus 200c
Syphilinum 200c

Medications currently taking:

Amphetamine Salts (generic Adderall) Need to preface that since my mid twenties I worked on healing myself through natural avenues. Finally gave in and took a med. Made the world of difference in the beginning. True God send. Now I'm experiencing many side effects and want to ween myself off but I can't right now as this is probably the only thing that gets me outta bed in the morning.

Okay… I think that's it. This has been a solid year of looking for a remedy/solution. I do feel the Syphilinum was a good choice since it seems to have brought some symptoms to the surface and the aggravation meant to me it was the right remedy… just a bit too strong for me. Maybe I'm wrong? Pretty sure I should take a follow up remedy but I don't know if I should wait since I took the Syph about 7 days ago. With nosodes do they need some time before adding another remedy into the system? Not sure if my old remedies will work now, or if I need something completely different that I'm not seeing. Really not sure as there are so many symptoms and many of them seem to fit the profiles of many remedies. Any help or guidance would be so so appreciated. Please let me know if there is any additional info needed.

With Gratitude and Blessings-C
[message edited by Ejere on Sun, 20 Mar 2016 00:58:03 UTC]
  Ejere on 2016-01-23
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
have you tried any antidepressants ??
0antivirus0 4 years ago
take NATRUM MUR 200c liquid, 2 drops in a tablespoon water, only 2 dose not more than that, not daily, 1st dose before sleep and next dose next morning after wakeup,

{if buying pills then 3 pills as one dose, 2 times, 1st at night and 2nd after wakeup, chew it, do not swallow with water}

do not eat or drink anything 30 minutes before and after medicine,


feeling calm=
good sleep=
proper energy level=
self control=
confidence level=
freshness on waking up=
love and affection with others=
mental freedom or freshness=
depression improvement=
anxiety improvement=
any other change you felt=

0antivirus0 4 years ago
Differentiating remedies is very difficult. You had chosen Syphillinum from a few key notes and did not care to see if it covers the essential nature of the case.
Your symptoms seem to be covered by Arsenicum album. Please look it up and see if it fits you.
telescope 4 years ago
Thank you Telescope! You're good… :)

Okay…first off, here is the complete list of reasons why I chose the nosode Syph after a year of trying to find a remedy. Definitely was not done without care nor intense research on my part (to the best of my abilities.) Keeping in mind my current symptoms are now magnified and some previous symptoms have now changed a bit… and new ones have cropped up which I indicated in first post:

* "After a careful constitutional prescription, a nosode may be given if necessary when symptoms are in a stand-still state."- it's been a year… I'm over it
* "When well-chosen remedies do not act or hold or when symptoms continually change"-tried a dozen or more throughout the year
* "When progress under the constitutional layer remedy ceases due to miasmatic block"-thought perhaps that might be why nothing was working
* "Remedy stops working and picture remains the same. ---" if all that has been tried, and you move on to another remedy, and that works, and then stops working like the first one, and this pattern goes on and on, it’s a sign you need a nosode."
* "You have a severe acute and remedies are poorly indicated, you can’t find a remedy that matches the whole case.  It looks a little like Gelsemium, but also a little like Mercury, and also a little like Phosphorus and a few more things, and in the final analysis, it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before.- I match a bunch of them
* "The “Never well since” condition."-got sick after issue with business and worse after issue with boyfriend
* "When pictures of several constitutional remedies are seen, but no one remedy completely fits the picture.
* "Pathological indications."
* Finally, when the nosode is the indicated remedy- it is the constitutional remedy."

And, the keynotes as to why I thought the Syph may have fallen into category of constitutional remedy when I decided to take it last week. Keeping in mind copied and pasted each line of text that applied and some notes within that line I did not/do not have and others were at varying degrees. And side note, my mother was an alcoholic and there is a history of that on her side:

Characteristics (Syphilinum)
Mind (Syphilinum)
-Acute ophthalmia neonatorum ; lids swollen, adhere during sleep ; pain intense at night < from 2 to 5 A. M. ;
-All symptoms are worse at night (Merc.) ; from sundown to sunrise.
-Craving alcohol, in any form.
-Eruptions : dull, red, copper-colored spots, becoming blue when getting cold.
-Fears the terrible suffering from exhaustion on awakening (Lach.).
-Hereditary tendency to alcoholism (Sar., Psor., Tuber., Sulph., Sulph. ac.).
-Loss of memory : cannot remember names of books, persons or places ; arithmetical calculations difficult.
-Obstinate constipation for years ; rectum seems tied up with strictures ;(Lac d., Tub.).
-Pains from darkness to daylight ; begins with twilight and ends with daylight (Merc., Phyt.)
-Pains increase and decrease gradually (Stan.) ; shifting and require frequent change of position.
-Rheumatism of the shoulder joint, or at insertion of deltoid, < from raising arm laterally (Rhus-r. shoulder, Sang. ; left, Fer.).
-Sensations : as if going insane ; of apathy and indifference.
-When the best selected remedy fails to relieve or permanently improve in syphilitic affections.
-II Very despondent, does not think he will ever get better.
-A far-away feeling, with apathy and indifference to future.
-Great difficulty, and sometimes impossibility, of concentrating the thoughts on particular subjects ; yet at the same time can recollect consecutive events and details which occurred 25 or 30 years previously in the order of occurrence, almost without effort.Irritable, excited, walking much of the time, does not want to be soothed, violent on being opposed, has tremors, seems on the verge of convulsions, dazed, absent-minded, always washing her hands.
-Very nervous, weeping without cause.

Eyes (Syphilinum)
-II Lancinating pain in occiput, < invariably at night, and causing sleeplessness, but always ceasing with the coming light of morning.
-II Syphilitic cephalalgia in occiput, intolerable, extending to nervous ganglia of neck, causing hardening of cords ; attacks at irregular intervals, especially after excitement.
-II Eyes very red and inflamed.
-II Neuralgia every night, beginning about 8 or 9 P. M., gradually increasing in severity until it reached its height about 3 or 4 A. .d., and after continuing thus for two or three hours, gradually decreased and finally ceased about 10 A. M. ; attacks gradually get more severe and last longer
-II Red papulous eruption round left inner canthus, with isolated pimples on side of nose, cheek and eyebrow ; these pimples were red, with depressed centre, circumscribed areola, became confluent where they were most dense ; pimples bleed when scabs come off ; agglutination of lids.

Nose (Syphilinum)
-L. side of nose inside and out very sore, likewise lips and chin ; sores itching and scabbing over
II during sleep dry scabs form in both nostrils
I Itching in nostrils.
Nose stuffed up and burning.

Face (Syphilinum)
-II Spasmodic twitching of many muscles, esp. in faces (paralysis agitans), with great melancholy and depression of spirits.
-I Dark purple lines between ala : nasi and cheeks.
I Itching, scabby, eczematous eruptions singly or in clusters, looking like herpes.

Mouth (Syphilinum)
II Aphasia, difficulty of finding words ; debility.

Throat (Syphilinum)
Sore throat with granulations.
Sore throat.

Appetite (Syphilinum)
II Appetite indifferent and capricious.
II Total loss of appetite for months, little or nothing satisfies him ; formerly was generally ravenous.
I Dyspepsia ; flatulence, belching of wind ; nervous dyspepsia.
I Loss of appetite.
I Tendency to heavy drinking ; alcoholism.
Appetite good again ; ravenous desire for food even after a meal.

Stomach (Syphilinum)
I Heartburn with pain and rawness from stomach to throat pit, often with cough.

Stool and Anus (Syphilinum)
II Bilious diarrhea at seashore, painless, driving her out of bed about 5 A. M. ; stools during day ; later causing excoriation ; face red, suffers from heat ; occasional painless, whitish diarrhea when at home, > always by going to mountains.
II Bowels torpid for five weeks.
II Lower portion of rectum hanging out like a ruffle, looking like a full-blown rose fully three inches in diameter, and sensitive ; constant weak dragging sensation in rectum, extending as far as sacrum.
II Obstinate constipation for many years ; rectum seemed tied up with strictures, when injections were given agony of passage was like child-bearing.
II Stools very dark and offensive.
II Two indurated ulcers at mouth of anus somewhat sore ; slight itching of anus.
I Chronic constipation, with fetid breath, earthy complexion, gaunt appearance.

Urinary Organs (Syphilinum)
II Frequent urging to urinate all night, at least from 7 P. M. until 5 A. M., or sunset to sunrise.
II Profuse urination after chill ; passed during night nearly a chamberful.
II Rich lemon-yellow scanty urine.
II Urination difficult and very slow ; no pain, but a want of power, so that he has to strain.

Neck And Back (Syphilinum)
II Enlargement of glands in different parts of the body, particularly abundant about the neck ; indurated and slightly painful causing a sensation of uncomfortable fullness and suffusion in face, throat and head.
II Enormous swelling of glands in head and neck ; no relief from any remedy. Cured with Buboin syphilitica cm.
II Great pain in back in region of kidneys, < after urinating.
II Nocturnal aggravation of pains in back, hips and thighs.
I Heavy aching and stiffness from base of neck up through muscles and cords into brain.
A heavy, dragging, dull feeling in lumbar region, with stiffness and want of elasticity.
Aching pains in limbs like growing pains.
Indurated lumps between muscles of the neck.
Pain in coccyx at its junction with sacrum, sometimes in lower sacral vertebrae ; < on sitting, with a sensation as if swollen, though it is not.
Pains commencing in sacral region internally, and apparently coming around to uterus.
Rigidity off muscles.

Upper Limbs (Syphilinum)
I Rheumatism of shoulder-joint or at insertion of deltoid, < from raising arm laterally.
Always washing the hands.

Skin (Syphilinum)
II Biting sensation in different parts of body, as if bitten by bugs, at night only.
Skin bluish.

Sleep (Syphilinum)
I Absolute sleeplessness (vies with Sul. in producing quiet, refreshing sleep).
During the whole 24 hours can only rest from 8 to 10 A. M.
Great restlessness at night, impossible to keep long in one position.
Wakes soon after midnight and cannot sleep again till 6 A. M.

Generalities (Syphilinum)
Utter prostration and debility in morning.
Shifting pains of a rheumatic character obliging a repeated change of position and posture.
Lancinating rheumatic pains, slightly relieved by a change of position at times, and sometimes relieved by motion.
Pains commence at 2 P. M., gradually increasing till they reach their acme at 9 P. M., continuing exceedingly acute till 3 or 4 A. M., subsiding with daybreak.
The pains produce two sensations, an external one which seems to lie in muscles and joints, and an internal one which is deeper and much more unbearable, so much so that it seems by its profound nature to control the external ones and to cause those pains to disappear, afterward reappearing intensified in the external sensation.
Pains in all the limbs every night after midnight, weary, tired pains, making rest impossible, as he could lie nowhere without suffering in the part on which he rested. Pains worse in lower limbs, much perspiration which partly >.
The pains gradually increase and decrease ; they are worse in damp and especially in frosty weather ; they get worse at 4 or 5 P. M., attain their height at 2 or 3 A. M., ceasing about 8 A. M. Never contracted syphilis -very much improved by din.
Feels < mornings : utter prostration and debility in morning.
Weak, emaciated.
Slight rigidity of joints.

So, not sure if that is helpful to know and/or may change your initial guidance.

To address the Arsenicum I read all morning about the symptoms and personality profile etc. and it absolutely fits many many keynotes and symptoms I am currently experiencing. All I can say is wow. I have spent months reading for hours and hours on a nightly basis (because I can't sleep) and I was never drawn to learn more about Ars… what a dummy. :(

Some keynotes fit like a glove. :) I reviewed several Materia Medicas from the greats but the most conclusive was from one of Kents lectures which was 9 pages long. The majority of symptoms I have to varying degrees.. with a few exceptions. Some of the descriptions and case study examples made my mouth drop open because it was so so accurate. Greatly, greatly appreciate your advice.

The only things that are current prominent symptoms that I have that were not addressed (some of which have been debilitating) in the Arsenicum profile are:
-The right sided neck pains
-The gagging sensations
-The masturbating and sexual deviant behaviors (this ones kinda taking over right now.. not exactly behaving the way may spirit knows is best for me)

This may be another layer underneath that will have to be addressed later. I don't know. If I knew… I'd be better already. Regardless, I am in your hands dearest Telescope… Feeling hopeful now. Happy to provide any additionally information you need. Please advise when you have a moment.

With Gratitude, C
Ejere 4 years ago
re: 0antivirus0
Just realized I missed your reply in thread above. I will investigate the Nat Mur too. I've got two different remedy recommendations and not sure which one to go with. Thank you for your reply. -C
Ejere 4 years ago
UPDATE: 1-24-16

Telescope please see my last reply from yesterday. Things got way worse after my post. Could not get out of bed. Intense fatigue. It was so so bad that I went ahead and took Arsencium 30c (that's all I had on hand.) I was finally able to fall asleep after that.. but it was not restful by any means.

So today I have some "return of old symptoms" that intensified from the original "strange illness" that started this hunt for a remedy last January 2015. Some were mentioned above as I have experienced them at varying degrees this week. But those ones are worse now.

Here are the old symptoms (from January 2015) that have come back with a force:

* gagging feeling. like something stuck in my throat. or like something is choking me. similar to throat closing up
* breathlessness. can't catch my breath. like someone is sitting on my chest and I'm gasping for air. taking many deep breathes… then I'll catch myself holding my breathe.
* carphololgia.. it's like I'm writhing in pain. but it's more extreme discomfort than pain. it's like the feeling of, "nails on a chalk board".. except in my bodies cells… if that makes sense. I'm, "twitchy"… can't stop moving in tiny spurts
* the knot on my neck area is worse than ever. no amount of stretching or repositioning gives any relief. normally it is a bit better upon awaking… not this time. feels like my head is way too heavy for the neck muscles and it's gonna fall off.
* food is not digesting… feels like it's all stuck in my esophagus.
*constipation. when I do go it is more diarrhea and very little
* dry patches/acne combo near corners of my mouth are back. worse on left side. it scabs and dries up eventually so skin can be removed. but never quite heals.
* low back pain
* sleep jerks

Previously, the Bryonia 9c was what finally softened the physical stuff I had been going through.

* feel like a yeast infection coming on. a bit itchy/irratated down there
* skin is very itchy in general. all over. scalp was extremely itchy in bed last night
* nightmares and lucid dreams… don't remember them though
* sneezed quite a few times last night and nose was runny but muscous clear. now feels stuffed up but can breathe normally
* my sweat smells different

Still excessive preoccupation with sex/masturbating. If I'm in my house I have to get undressed as quick as I can. Masturbation and alcohol was the only thing that ameliorated symptoms last night. However the dose of Arsenicum did get me to sleep

Other interesting things to note:

I read more in the Materia Medica from other doctors (Vithoulkas specifically). Previously focused on Kents description which was very accurate. Other Materias not so much. What was very interesting…. more I read I realized the Arsenicum was describing my Dad to a T! Here are the keynotes of Arsenicum that DO NOT match me… but match my Dad:

* selfishness
* lack of empathy/compassion for others
* miserly
* hoarding
* maliscious
* fear of robbers
* fear of dirt
* impeccable clothing
* fear of dying
* asthma

Other note:

The worst of all of the original illness began in January 2015. It is now one year later exactly and it's all come back with a force. Although never completely healed… each month I made a little progress somewhat. By September 2015 the physical symptoms were about 80% better.

The sensation when symptoms are at there worse... is desperation for relief. Like you're being suffocating and gasping for air and clawing about. Or your hand is on a fire and react, you cannot control pulling it away. Even when your sick with a flu or fever, there's always some thing you can do or not do or take or a position you can move to that will give if anything the slightest relief. Not with this. You just gotta wait it out. Which apparently I'm not doing so good at.

Okay. Felt necessary to add that before I get more replies as that may change things. Hope I didn't mess things up further with the ARS dose last night. Please advise. Thank you and with gratitude- C

And to antivirus- if this changes your original take please let me know. :)
Ejere 4 years ago
Let me give you a hint. Many times father and the children require the same remedy or one very similar. If Arsenic fits your father you may need arsenic or one of its close analogue like Sulphur. Thuja or phosphorous. Of course you may need something else but these three should be considered first.
telescope 4 years ago
Understood. And agree.

So considering all the info and details I have indicated this far, do you have a recommendation. Feeling a bit overwhelmed obviously.

Since I took the ARS 30 last night and it seemed to bring back old symptoms intensified... Would that be a good place to start? And if so dosage and for how long? If not what then?

Thank you-C
Ejere 4 years ago
Still awaiting guidance. Can anyone guide me?

Thank you -C
Ejere 4 years ago
Take one dose arsenicum album 200 one dose.
Avoid all sour food and drinks as that may antidote medicine.
Do not repeat medicine.
telescope 3 years ago
Hi telescope,

Just an update... I hurt my back last week shortly after your last reply and ended up taking Arnica 200 (two doses in 12 hour span) then following day took Ruta 30c in liquid dose and sipped throughout day.

Hoping I didn't mess up how the Nosode is working thus far.. But was in so much pain I couldn't help it.

My aggravation calmed down a bit each day since last post. It was not fun to go through.

Had to order the Arsenicum 200 as local stores were out. So I just took the dose late last night (February 1st)... 3 pellets under tongue.

Next day slept thru my alarm but once up had surprisingly a very productive day. Probably best day I've had in a month.

Will wait couple weeks or so and report back in with results of the arnicum dose. Thank you! Touch base soon xoxo
Ejere 3 years ago
Things will improve for next 3 weeks.
No medicine till then.
Update if any change occurs.
telescope 3 years ago
Hi telescope!

February 2nd update (posted day later)

Couldn't sleep night before. Maybe 5 hours total. Woke up early tired but in ok mood and worked throughout day.

Hurt back is 80% better. Showered and washed hair for the first time in like 4 days. My sweat still smells very different to me. Urine smell lighter/ less potent

Skin issues heightened. Little rash like postules at outside corner of each eye bit more red and raw. Can be bit itchy at times. In morning kinda crusty at edges. Not enough to call it pink eye... But enough to notice somethings off

Severe dry skin at corners of side of mouth. Few tiny pimples at corners too beneath/next to dry patches. These are recurring symptoms that have previously come and gone. Last week they were barely there.

Very constipated. Have not had healthy movement in several days. Doubling up on fiber supplement. Tummy ache. Hemorrhoid flare up that has come and gone last couple months. It's back. Has a very unpleasant smell to it.

Tried to nap midday but mind was too loud. Had major work drama but remained mostly calm. Drank 6 beers. (Desire tends to surface around 4 or 5 pm daily) and stimulated desire for restroom but mostly diarrhea. Pretty productive after/during drinking (this is normal... Somehow gives me energy)

Had little emotional freak out but was able to talk myself out of it. Obsessive/needy sexual deviant behavior softened a touch. Was calmer yesterday too. Did not masturbate. Desire to be naked softened. Made some better choices today. Still pining for ex though

Had sex with ex last Wednesday or Thursday I'm guessing. Noticed last couple months when we have intercourse my insides smell "off". After week or so it dissipates. Soon as we have sex again same weird smell. FYI I've never had odor issues down there whole life

Suddenly tired at 10pm which is NOT normal for me. Always been night person and usually get sleepy well after 12-1 am. I think I fell asleep at 11-11:30pm.

Been cold all day. I'm usually cold but today was more so. Hands and feet were freezing. And feet super sweaty. Cold and sweaty same moment

Took healthy vitamin supplements and ate good dinner. Very small appetite though. However appetite better from last week.

Overall feel less in freak out mode. Seems some physical symptoms heightened more so. Emotions a bit calmer. Woke up at 4am and couldn't sleep. Tummy ache and mind still spinning.

Will post again soon. May have posted update too soon but felt inclined to do so.

For now I will NOT take any homeopathic remedies unless you specify otherwise.

Thank you! - C
Ejere 3 years ago
Ok. We observe for a few days.
telescope 3 years ago
Update: February 7, 2016

Had physical energy yesterday and tidied up home for first time in a while.

Drinking alcohol way worse last few days. Drinking more than usual and also beginning during daytime sometime as early as 2pm. Once drinking begins very productive as it calms and focuses me.

Very little appetite. Eating once maybe twice a day and not a lot. Get tired and sleepy after food. Prefer salt to sweet. And want warm, comfort food.

Aversion to brushing teeth. Even after finally brushing teeth have like a gritty coat type feeling on them. But bathed daily since last post.

On period and was bit heavier than norm. Zero period symptoms regardless (normal for me to have easy period) but noticed blood seemed brighter in color.

Sexual behaviors still softer. No masturbation. Still spending way too much time trying to get love/attention from men in general though. No intense desire to be naked.

Skin eruptions and breakouts heightened. Skin on face super dry and flaky. Cracks at corner of mouth mostly on left side. Little bumps/postules on eyes and corners of eyes same. Crusty stuff in morning worse.

Had two panic attacks two nights in a row. Second night couldn't tolerate and took Aconite 30c which helped a lot. Afraid I've messed up taking other Nosode and arsenicum remedy albeit this was acute.

Still constipated. Mixed with diarrhea. Movements scanty and few. Hemorrhoid issue heightened and has unpleasant smell. PH off in vagina still and bad smell even through period blood.

Feet cold, clammy yet sweaty. Body seems less achey. Stronger maybe.

Sweat a bit during sleep. Waking up around 3-4am nightly. But gotten back to sleep quicker than usual. Sleep slightly disturbed. Had crazy lucid sex dream that turned into weird nightmare. Woke up praying and felt scared.

Even if I'm cold always desire fresh cool outdoor air. Better with window open and fan on.

Procrastinating on important projects. Can't seem to get organized. Start project with tons of energy but rarely finish before I start another project that seems just as important. Nothing gets finished .

Mind seems tiny bit calmer. Had some drama occur that I did better than normal not to feed into. Had initial bad reaction/ freak out, but normal pattern would be to talk endlessly with friend or to myself about what happened and what to do and why and etc etc. Kinda beating the issue to death. Did that a little but stopped myself. On several occasions this week. Took aconite to calm during one panic attack which normally I would choose to just keep bitching.

That's update for now. Two questions: can I take acute remedies as need arises (like aconite if panic attack arises) or will that interfere with the action of the arsenicum?

If other remedies in low potency ok, can I start a regimen to soften the drinking habit? Have all the usual suspects on hand: quercus , Angelica, sterculia, avena, sulphuricum acid, saccharum off.. In varying potencies

Bottom line... Doing better on MANY fronts! Thank you so very much

But now drinking/alcohol consumption reached what feels like tipping point. Have always been able to accomplish or do more while drinking and past week it's actually gotten in the way this week. It seems to have come to the forefront now.

Not sure if I need to wait longer for arsenicum to settle in first. Please advise

Thank you!!!!!
Ejere 3 years ago
Take one dose Sulphur 1m.
You can take acute medicine if there is need. Do not take anything to take care of drinking.
telescope 3 years ago
Thank you!

To be clear.. Sulphur.

NOT sulphuricum correct?

And if I'm unable to find 1M... Will 200 suffice? Going to order ASAP. Please advise. :)
Ejere 3 years ago
It is sulphur not sulfuric acid.
If you cannot find 1m take 200.
telescope 3 years ago
Update Sunday February 14th 2016

Hi telescope☺ï¸Â
Happy Valentine's Day ðŸ™ÂðŸÂ¼

Just checking in. May be premature but felt the need.

So planned to take the Sulphur 200 yesterday Saturday the 13th (had to order remedy and also waited wanting to take on weekend in case I had an aggravation because I tend to be very sensitive to remedies)

From my last check in... Symptoms remained pretty much the same ... Some tiny bit worse... Some better. Nothing I felt you should know

HOWEVER.. Realized after the fact that yesterday specifically some previous symptoms that had been soothed by the arsenicum 200 creeped back in Saturday ... Before I took my first dose of sulphur 200 late that evening that I feel the need to report

Again this is the day before I took the new Sulphur 200

So the whole masturbating, sexual deviant, using sex to get love thing really softened since my last post. Haven't done those behaviors in what feels like weeks (to clarify... I am not saying sex or masturbating is bad in any way... It's the level and the hours I have spent on it and the ignoring of very important responsibilities in my life as well as the imbalanced needy intentions behind why I'm doing it that is so so extreme. As well as the downright unsafe things I do on the Internet when this energy takes over)

That energy came back Saturday and that night the whole "desire to be naked" thing kicked back in. Granted.... It was not as extreme as before... But it did come back and because it had disappeared for a bit was why I noticed it.

The drinking behavior is totally out of hand. Although I was drinking nightly before and to excess... It was rarely doing the day... This past week I wake up and get breakfast and take care of needs.... Often forcing myself to eat breakfast. Then within a couple hours (maybe by 12noon) I'm drinking beer for lunch

I then keep drinking all day... I don't eat. Until finally my body is so angry with me I have to eat at maybe 10pm. When I do finally eat dinner I'm ravenous. Unlike earlier meals where I force myself to eat because I know I need to

Haven't brushed my teeth in 3 days (yes... I'm aware it's gross. And I'm so uber clean with other areas almost to level of OCD ... But I just can't do it)

Last time I did brush them was Thursday I think.. And afterward they didn't feel clean at all. Like there's a weird gritty film on them.

Totally new symptom:
My Right eye starting twitching Saturday pretty bad. It's on the bottom corner. No idea of this is related. Thought you should know. And the little bumps or pustules on the corner of each eyelid that began when I initially took the Nosode Luesinium in 30c are inflamed now. I took a photo for reference.

They were worse before as far as quantity... And covered the eyelid as well. But the edges seem worse now and my skin is so dry and flaky that eyes are itchy. In the morning there is a white crusty stuff (kinda like sleepers but tons) on eyes but not like pink eye...

Digestion and using restroom is terrible. Worse than before. Have zero desire to go until I have a beer... Then a little will come out. Not diarrhea like before though. When I go potty it always feels like there's just a tiny bit more needing to come out. That symptom has been there for awhile but don't think I ever mentioned. No pain. Not like a bladder infection. Just find myself sitting to potty way too long pushing to get a tiny more out but it never feels complete

Ok... That was BEFORE I took the Sulphur 200. Saturday I put 2 pills of sulphur in new water bottle and took maybe 3 or 4 sips starting at 10pm and I'm still nursing it today (Sunday February 14). Small bottle (16oz) and got about 1/4 left. Did not necessarily think I had to finish bottle... But felt the need

Saturday night after Sulphur had terrible nights sleep. Tossed and turned. Woke up several times and had some intense anxiety.

Woke up Sunday (today) the 14th and felt ok. Same symptoms as usual. And the sexual stuff stayed too.

Alright. I think that's it. Will finish a couple more baby sips of the sulphur 200 tonight and report back in in about a week or so. If you see some other red flag from what I described the last 48 hours let me know.

Thank you again. Hope you had a nice weekend ☺ï¸Ââ˜ºï¸Ââ˜ºï¸Â
Ejere 3 years ago
Sulphur must not be taken at night. It causes sleep disturbance. Also you must not take medicine like that.
Do not take Sulphur 200 any more. Buy Sulphur 1M.
Put 2 or 3 drops of medicine in a little water and drink the entire amount. Do not sip.
telescope 3 years ago
Ok. Can get sulphur 1M

I'm a little confused though... You had said sulphur 200 was ok before... Is it the fact that I took it in a liquid dose that is bad specific to sulphur?

Thought putting in liquid was the gentlest way you could take homeopathics? Especially because I'm so sensitive to energy. I was a little afraid to order the 1M after the severe aggravation I had from the previous meds because I know the 1M is stronger. But I also know very little about the 1M potencies so that may be a misperception on my part.

I already took the one dose of sulphur 200... But you're saying now to take another dose of the sulphur 1M? (I know that's what you said... Just wanting to understand why)

Isn't the sulphur 200 still in my system? Or did I somehow negate it by taking it in liquid dose? I successed it before each sip as well FYI

Not trying to be difficult! Only wanting to clarify what I took and understand why I should take more in a higher potency. I kinda learned my lesson last year by taking too many remedies too often (I think it was part of the reason I needed a Nosode as well... I confused my system)

Can you let me know your thoughts and help me understand? Will order the sulphur 1M now regardless. But gonna wait to take it till I hear back because I don't wanna mess up my system again.

Many of the intense symptoms I initially posted about are completely gone or minor compared to how the were. The arsenicum 200 totally shifted stuff in a good direction. Thank you :)

I will add the one thing that has shifted in the "wrong" direction... Is the drinking... And my financial situation has gotten worse. Mentioning this only because I read a case study about a guy who was given arsenicum after a root cause of feeling "betrayed in business" and ailments from business- incapacity for business- sudden manifestations etc

I went from thriving in my business and expanding. Easy money flow etc Etc... To at this point very close to financial ruin. This phrase is not an exaggeration. I now am facing bankruptcy, eviction, complete loss of my business, my perfect credit is now destroyed, I'm behind thousands on paying my staff... I could go on... But you get the gist. This all occurred in a years time.... The biggest downward spiral happening in just a matter of months

Not sure why I felt the need to share that as well. May not be the layer that's up for healing. But thus far I have shared little points with you that may have seemed not so important.. Then they seem to be key in what you guided me to do next.

Ok. That's it for now. Let me know your thoughts after reading and if anything needs to now be changed.

Thank you again :)

Ejere 3 years ago
If you take medicine in liquid form you should finish it in one go or at least within 1 hour in case of 200 potency. If you take sip beyond certain time it will amount to taking multiple doses and cause harm.
You have already taken more than what was needed. So stop for the present
Buy sulphur 1m and keep it ready.
telescope 3 years ago
I did not know that! Oh my goodness. But it makes sense. I'm guessing I took 4 good sips in a 24 hour period. Did not finish bottle. Just those sips.

Although that's like taking 4 "doses/sips" of sulphur... I don't think I'm having an aggravation to it surprisingly.

Ok, so to be clear. Stop all medicines for now. But buy the sulphur 1M and set aside for possible use later.

Double checking because last last post said to take 2-3 drops of sulphur 1M. Your most recent said don't take anything right now.

Am I understanding instructions correctly?
Ejere 3 years ago
Yes stop all medicines for the time being. Keep the 1m for future use.
telescope 3 years ago
UPDATE: February 21, 2016

Per your instructions have not taken any remedies. Ordered Sulphur 1M to possible take for future.

Here is where I'm at after taking the Sulphur 200c one week ago. FYI the symptoms with asterisks (***) are those that I had before and had cleared up or softened, but are now back or worse. Kinda like "return of old symptoms" but not sure if these fall in that category because they are so recent. They are the symptoms that the Luesinium and later the Arsenicum healed/softened before. Not sure if this matters.

*** oscillates from complete despair to hope and trust. It's a Roller coaster
*** depression. A "whats the use?" type attitude
*** avoiding important responsibilities

*** Aversion to clothing-desire to be naked heightened
*** Sexual defiant behavior back full force. Excessesive masturbation and watching porn. (I won't give details on a public forum, but just know "deviant" is a very accurate term to describe this behavior. I can email you in private if you'd like details.. it's really bad)
*** Drinking alcohol worse
*** Aversion to cleaning. Super clutter everywhere (did not used to be this way a year ago) Then I'll get in these intense obsessive bouts of over cleaning an area to an extreme

*** Right neck/trap area has that pain/kink thing I had before I took the Arsenicum 200
*** Carphologia (not as bad as before) But its that can't get comfortable feeling. Constantly adjusting and readjusting positions because I need to keep moving to find the "sweet spot". Yet I'm exhausted and don;t want to move.
-Upper beck neck area super sore
-Body kinda sore all over. Knees extra crackly upon squatting
-Right pinky finder losing circulation and when it does the the fingertip gets ice cold (weird)
-Feet have odor--- cheese like. Gross… I know

*** Nose feels stuffy but it's not. I can breathe clear. But feel constant need to pick at it.
*** Dry scabs on inside of both nostrils… more in morning upon waking
*** Inside of nose gets crazy itchy
*** Feel need to blow my nose like there's something in there… but nothing substantial ever comes out.

*Right eye started twitching

- Severe constipation. Sometimes a couple days before I can go. Then have days where I go but it is scanty.. sometimes a decent amount and consistency, sometimes diarrhea… sometimes hard. The odor is not pleasant but in a weird way. Like somethings stale. Weird… I know. Often when I begin drinking (beer only) it will stimulate movement a little.

*Grinding my teeth a bit
*Aversion to brushing teeth.
*Teeth "hurt"… like I have a cavity (let me clarify I know I haven't been brushing them like I used to but I have perfect teeth. Never had a cavity… and I'm 40.
***Wisdom tooth on lower right seems irritated. Gum broken/sore around the tooth (its impacted… never needed to remove) Last time it bothered me was over a year or so a go… right when I began relationship with now ex-boyfriend. Approx mid-February 2015… yep… that's almost exactly year. Interesting

* Skin eruptions
* Can't get comfortable

* Bouts of breathlessness… catch myself holding my breathe

-osicillates between getting to sleep early (11pm) and waking at 3 or 4am for few hours until I can get back to sleep--- and not sleeping at all. Maybe going to bed at 5 or 6am and waking up at 10am exhausted

*** Ravenous or nothing. Shaky and hungry in the morning. Then drink beer rest of day and this takes away my appetite. Rarely eat dinner now. So eating on average once a day. And not super healthy food. Up all night and tend to get suddenly hungry at 5am or so and I will eat something quick and go back to bed. (keep in mind… I'm a night person so going to bed around 12am or 1am is normal for me. Waking up at 9am or 10am. My body clock is just on a different time zone)

-The pustule things on my eyes are less. Mostly on the outer corners only. Not on lids anymore. But there are fewer of the "pimple" type bumps now.
- Flatulence late night. Way less.
- Procrastinating less

OK that's it for now. Again if you need further details on some of the more, "private" symptoms I'm happy to email you direct. Thank you!!!! xoxo-C
Ejere 3 years ago

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