Feel like giving up-Despair-Syphilinum aggravation-Any forum doctor!? Please help _{Page 2 of 2}

UPDATE: February 21, 2016

Per your instructions have not taken any remedies. Ordered Sulphur 1M to possible take for future.

Here is where I'm at after taking the Sulphur 200c one week ago. FYI the symptoms with asterisks (***) are those that I had before and had cleared up or softened, but are now back or worse. Kinda like "return of old symptoms" but not sure if these fall in that category because they are so recent. They are the symptoms that the Luesinium and later the Arsenicum healed/softened before. Not sure if this matters.

MIND
*** oscillates from complete despair to hope and trust. It's a Roller coaster
*** depression. A "whats the use?" type attitude
*** avoiding important responsibilities


BEHAVIOR
*** Aversion to clothing-desire to be naked heightened
*** Sexual defiant behavior back full force. Excessesive masturbation and watching porn. (I won't give details on a public forum, but just know "deviant" is a very accurate term to describe this behavior. I can email you in private if you'd like details.. it's really bad)
*** Drinking alcohol worse
*** Aversion to cleaning. Super clutter everywhere (did not used to be this way a year ago) Then I'll get in these intense obsessive bouts of over cleaning an area to an extreme


BODY
*** Right neck/trap area has that pain/kink thing I had before I took the Arsenicum 200
*** Carphologia (not as bad as before) But its that can't get comfortable feeling. Constantly adjusting and readjusting positions because I need to keep moving to find the "sweet spot". Yet I'm exhausted and don;t want to move.
-Upper beck neck area super sore
-Body kinda sore all over. Knees extra crackly upon squatting
-Right pinky finder losing circulation and when it does the the fingertip gets ice cold (weird)
-Feet have odor--- cheese like. Gross… I know

NOSE
*** Nose feels stuffy but it's not. I can breathe clear. But feel constant need to pick at it.
*** Dry scabs on inside of both nostrils… more in morning upon waking
*** Inside of nose gets crazy itchy
*** Feel need to blow my nose like there's something in there… but nothing substantial ever comes out.

EYES
*Right eye started twitching

DIGESTION
- Severe constipation. Sometimes a couple days before I can go. Then have days where I go but it is scanty.. sometimes a decent amount and consistency, sometimes diarrhea… sometimes hard. The odor is not pleasant but in a weird way. Like somethings stale. Weird… I know. Often when I begin drinking (beer only) it will stimulate movement a little.

TEETH
*Grinding my teeth a bit
*Aversion to brushing teeth.
*Teeth "hurt"… like I have a cavity (let me clarify I know I haven't been brushing them like I used to but I have perfect teeth. Never had a cavity… and I'm 40.
***Wisdom tooth on lower right seems irritated. Gum broken/sore around the tooth (its impacted… never needed to remove) Last time it bothered me was over a year or so a go… right when I began relationship with now ex-boyfriend. Approx mid-February 2015… yep… that's almost exactly year. Interesting

SKIN
* Skin eruptions
* Can't get comfortable

ORGANS
* Bouts of breathlessness… catch myself holding my breathe


SLEEP
-osicillates between getting to sleep early (11pm) and waking at 3 or 4am for few hours until I can get back to sleep--- and not sleeping at all. Maybe going to bed at 5 or 6am and waking up at 10am exhausted

APPETITE
*** Ravenous or nothing. Shaky and hungry in the morning. Then drink beer rest of day and this takes away my appetite. Rarely eat dinner now. So eating on average once a day. And not super healthy food. Up all night and tend to get suddenly hungry at 5am or so and I will eat something quick and go back to bed. (keep in mind… I'm a night person so going to bed around 12am or 1am is normal for me. Waking up at 9am or 10am. My body clock is just on a different time zone)


SYMPTOMS THAT SEEM BETTER
-The pustule things on my eyes are less. Mostly on the outer corners only. Not on lids anymore. But there are fewer of the "pimple" type bumps now.
- Flatulence late night. Way less.
- Procrastinating less

OK that's it for now. Again if you need further details on some of the more, "private" symptoms I'm happy to email you direct. Thank you!!!! xoxo-C

Well... just realized this now in creating this post that I never got a reply from my last post on February 21st... almost a month. So if there is another homeopathic doctor who would like to take a look at my thread and offer any guidance I would be much obliged.

I haven't posted an update lately because honestly I feel it's possibly pointless or rather I am hopeless. Think about writing an update daily for weeks now… but I feel like all I have to say is the same.


Pretty much no new symptoms. All the usual suspects… some just come to the forefront more often than others. Truly feel like giving up. Here's what's fresh in my mind as far as symptoms today. There may be things below I have not mentioned prior… but they were always there and for whatever reason they're at the forefront now.

-Despair. Hopelessness. Anxiety
-Fatigue to the point of utter exhaustion
-Super sleepy midday… energy at night
-Constantly picking at nose to no avail… it feels like theres something there although breathing is clear, not stuffy. Oscillating with runny nose so bad I can't grab a Kleenex quick enough. Blow my nose often… not much really comes out though
-Pinky finger on right hand gets freezing cold randomly
-Drinking alcohol way way way worse… starting drinking earlier in day and consuming much more than before
- Sexual promiscuity, at times obsessive watching of porn and masturbation. Inappropriate sexual behaviors that I won't write in a public blog
-Using sex to get love. Back and forth with very toxic ex-boyfriend.
-Constipation… then diarrhea at times
-Can't wake up in morning… exhausted. Sleeping maybe 10 hours a night. Wake up later than I should
-Can't seem to finish a project. Nothing ever really gets done. Major procrastination
-My old Virgo ability to make a ToDo list and get things done meticulously and organized quickly and efficiently is gone
-Brain fog
-Obsessive Compulsive out of control… part of the reason I can't seem to finish a project as I check and re-check what I've done so far.
-Can't make up my mind. Go back and forth with decisions and when I do finally make one I question myself relentlessly
-Aversion to brushing teeth.
-Aversion to washing hair however showering daily now
-Obsessive cleaning of genitals and armpits when showering
-Desire to be naked… aversion to some tight clothing
-Can't get comfortable
-Always rushing… never enough time. Then I'll just give up and do nothing as it seems fruitless
-Financial despair…. it's bad
-Urine has funny smell… not bad… it's like popcorn (I know that sounds weird)
-When urinating I will sit for quite a while trying to get it all out… like theres a tiny bit more.. but if so it is miniscule. No pain at all…
-Feelings of unfairness, life's not fair, does't matter what I do… Impending Doom stuff.
-Jealousy towards ex-boyfriends career success.
-Not feeling appreciated by others… feeling taken for granted. Work my ass off… doesn't matter.
-Right sided neck ache/pain. Always there… dull than extreme. Can turn into a crick in the neck at one point in day
- Acne and dry skin patches that never heal on corners of mouth… it's been months.
-Appetite wonky. Sometimes wake up starving and each big breakfast… other times can't force food down. Def not eating enough in general. Maybe 1 or two meals a day. Go from not wanting to touch food to blood sugar drop and need to eat immediately in what feels like minutes.
-Beating myself up like crazy emotionally
-Eyes burn… gotta close them for a few seconds here and there to try and soothe them
-Aversion to noise… loud or repetitive. Sends me into anger. Like nails on a chalkboard. Often background noises no one else seems to notice will make me absolutely crazy. Can't focus when distracting noises occur.
-aversion to company. don't wanna leave the house. I hide as much as I can

BETTER:

-after some sleep
-after drinking alcohol
-after using restroom (usually stimulated by alcohol)
-after sexual stimulation
-after eating… however shortly thereafter super sleepy and lethargic
-after, "work"… as in when the stuff I absolutely have to do before day is thru is done and I can kinda relax
-during project that distracts me from thinking

WORSE:
-anytime anyone or thing interrupts me I'm livid. Because I run my business from home with very little privacy at times and it feels like I finally get in a groove and I have to tend to an issue. No time for me...
-late late at night after done drinking and the bad thoughts creep back in (alcohol quiets these)


The biggest positive change I noticed was the Arsenicum 200. I feel like the Sulphur 200 did nothing… good nor bad. Feeling like I need a dose of my constitutional remedy Anacardium right now because of these severe mind games going on in my head and all the back and forth and beating myself up.

So that's it for now. I know my update is not as thorough and/or detailed as my norm but I just have zero energy right now but felt it necessary to post in the hopes that you will see something in my writing to guide me onto a better path of healing.

Appreciate any guidance. xoxoxo Thank you-C

Thank you. No worries. I'll take a dose tonight and check back in with an update of symptoms soon.

Xoxo-C

UPDATE: 3-26-16

Took Arsenicum 200 six days ago on the 20th which was the last time we corresponded.

That night slept hard and woke up famished. Appetite in day mild and drank way way way too much alcohol. Seems to be getting worse the more I try and heal the root. Pattern of waking up in the middle of the night between 2am-4am so hungry I have to eat something to fall back asleep. Then hungry again in morning. Then not hungry all day or night until blood sugar finally drops so low late at night I feel sick and force myself to eat. When I finally do eat it tastes amazing and I can't stop.

Second day was awoken by terrible migraine at maybe 2am that kept me up all night. Tried several low potency homeo remedies and got minor relief but nothing concrete. Finally gave in next day after 12 hours or so of pain and took 3 Advil and had a coca cola in can (my Dads old school remedy)... hate soda but it totally worked. Rarely take meds or drink soda... I was so desperate.

Maybe 3-4 days ago started to feel sick.. flu symptoms. Body aches, fatigue, fever off and on. Skin broke out bad. Two huge fever blisters/cold sores on my lips (herpes) Took "Oscillococcinum" homeopathic for flus. I have had Chronic Bronchitis since I was about 6 years old from a bout of Scarlet Fever (yes... actual Scarlet Fever) which was then followed by Pleurisy later that year... it weakened my lungs terribly. So now a simple cold or flu can turn into full blown bronchitis if my immune system is down. Have taken 5 doses of the Oscilloccinum... one more to go. Still sick and so exhausted but my cough is mild compared to times before when it had gotten triggered. Feels like it is on its way out. But still dealing with waves of fevers.

Other symptoms:

Eyes burning.. need to close often to moisten a bit to soothe
Coughing, yellow mucus/phlem, scratchy sore throat (bronchitis)
Diarrhea mixed with constipation
Hands are shaky
Loss of circulation feet/hands if sitting in same position too long
Limbs are cold and can get blue and blotchy at times
Ears seem to have excess wax.. itchy
Nose always itchy and feel the need to pick
Right trap/shoulder/neck area still has tightness and at time cramps
Noticed cellulite I never had before
Aversion to brushing teeth.. washing hair.
Aversion to company... "leave me alone"
Overwhelmed with responsibilities.. procrastinating
Feel the need to, "hide"... can't deal with life
Blaming others for where I'm at
Feeling stuck/hopeless
General malaise and feelings of indifference.. more so than normal
Falling asleep earlier, then tossing and turning all night
Vivid dreams
Craving juice.. grapefruit especially

I'm sure there's more but that's whats up now. Really want to take something to soften alcohol craving like Quercus or something but need advice. Consumption has never reached this level. It gets worse every week.

Appreciate your guidance. Please advise. Thank you. xoxo-C

Hi telescope :)

Update 4-9-16

Took sulphur 1M over a week ago just day or so after your last reply...

Didn't get an emotional aggravation. But did have rough few days after physically. Below are symptoms from first few days after taking sulphur 1m

-Daily watery diarrhea
-Nauseous
-Tummy ache
-Sick & hungover feeling after drinking (FYI I never get hungover nor drink enough to vomit etc so this is a first)
-Baby migraine that lasted about 3 days. Could function but could not find relief. Pain behind eyes

Current symptoms (some recurring)

-Impacted wisdom tooth (right, lower) flared up. Jaw pain. Head and neck hurt.

No appetite mostly...
Hungry in morning. Then don't eat again till super late. Won't have food for maybe 10 hours but will force myself to eat snack just so I don't get sick. Then I wake between 2am and 4am so hungry I can't get back to sleep unless I eat something. This has happened every night.

Craving fruit juice. Grapefruits especially. Only crave in middle of the night between 2-4am when I wake up to potty and then can't sleep

Nightmares. Scary stuff like bad spirits attacking me. Wake up in panic praying.. Then can't fall back asleep for hours

Aversion to brushing teeth (not to bathing though)

Canker sores under tongue

Need to constantly clear throat

Inside nose itchy. Feels like something in there but not much. Pick at it a lot. Passage clear not stuffed. Occasionally runny. Dry mucous/scabs inner wall in morning

Ear feels plugged sorta. Right side mostly. Almost moist inside. Like the very beginning of an ear infection... But it's been all week and never got worse.

Chest broke out (may have been reaction to an herb saltwater bath FYI)

Find myself clenching and grinding teeth. Even in sleep

Obsessive, over cleaning/wiping of genitals and rectum. It just never feels clean. Will sit on toilet long after I'm done and continue to wipe. Like there's always a tiny bit more I gotta get

Hemorrhoid is back... This time it's bleeding off and on. And has very bad odor

Urine has strange odor but not every time.

Alcohol craving at its worst. Generally peaks at 3-4pm in afternoon. That's usually the latest I can hold out before drinking anything. Then drink but don't eat. Beer only. Never anything hard. And if it's not the kind I like I won't drink it.

Right sided neck/shoulder tightness and pain. Comes and goes. No rhyme or reason.

Feet cold and clammy (this has been life long)

Get hot and little sweaty back of my neck and chest while sleeping. Will kick off covers minus my feet that are cold.. But shortly thereafter get chilly and need covers back on. Things goes back and forth all night. Can never find right temperature to appease. I do the same temperature seeking in daytime.. Removing and putting back on a sweatshirt or socks or leggings. It's like I just can't get comfortable.. Temperature wise and within my body.

Have had thoughts of wishing it was all just over. Feel powerless. Like where I'm at is never gonna change.

Avoiding responsibilities. Not so much procrastinating... Literally avoiding.

Feel unappreciated by others and angry about it. Never any time for me. All I do is work and scrape by.

Not enough time ever. I rarely finish what I start because everything takes me forever. So OCD it has to be perfect... Which is a lost cause yet I continue to try.

Talking to myself a lot. Or rather replaying conversations I had with others or projecting future conversations is like to have. Will speak out loud as if the conversation happening that moment. Then I'll oscillate between what really happened and what I really said... And what I wish or should have said. These replaying convos are sometimes big issues that have occurred.. And other times totally insignificant interactions I've had.

Aversion to company. Just wanna be left alone. Then I get lonely and want someone around... Then if they'd in my space too long I get so anxious and need to be alone.

Hate to leave house. Hiding

Even while working I lay down as much as I can. Like on computer I'll bring my laptop onto my bed (I work from home) It's just exhausting to sit upright any period of time. Standing is easier... But sitting I get super anxious

Inappropriate sexual behavior. This one ebbs and flows. Making some very poor choices

Fatigued. Wake up exhausted. Have most energy in evening. Sleepy all day. Drag myself through my day. I think my adrenals are just done with me.

Feel better: resting and lying down. After eating. After alcohol. After using restroom (stimulated by beer) After finishing the bare minimum of what I have to do for work daily. Alcohol helps because it quiets my mind and gives me energy. Seriously

Things that have shifted/healed that I've noticed:

Acne, dry skin patches and skin not healing at corners of mouth have cleared a lot

The bumps/pustules at outer corner of both eyes is gone. Yay!

Been slightly less obsessive in some areas. Not needing certain things to be perfect. Spending less time making things "just so".

Been working successfully on finishing projects I start. Not procrastinating as much and will return to a longer project later to finish. Before I would set up unrealistic expectations on how quickly I could finish a task (like updating a webpage for example) and then after hours of solid work I'd get anxious that it wasn't done and then angry at myself and then give up... Project would sit unfinished forever. This week have forced myself not to start new project and made myself go to an older one to finish. May not sound like a big thing but it's huge... If you knew how much I have todo for my business you'd be shocked anything gets done.

Using restroom now daily but it is different than before. No diareah currently. Lighter colored than normally and soft. Thinner in width if that makes sense. Will go once it twice but amount is small.

Other meds/remedies:
I have had Advil a few times this week because the headache/migraine was too much to bear. Also took "moon drops" nightly which are a 6x and 30x potency homeopathic lozenge with a mixture of remedies to help you sleep. Low potency and mixture so not sure if that's ok. Took several low dose homeos to try and soothe migraine but nothing worked. After realizing my migraine was related to nerve pain in my impacted wisdom tooth I took hypericum 30 and had instant relief. Probably have had a few doses of that last few days as pain came back.

Feeling pretty impatient at this point understandably. Have had minor shifts throughout our journey together but nothing sticks.

Still feel drawn to take a high dose of Anacardium because of all the back and forth inner dialogue I battle with daily. This was one of my constitutional remedies that made a dramatic shift in me years back.

Also want to take daily low dose Quercus 6x to try and soothe the alcohol consumption. Or Angelica or something. I didn't drink for years... Or rather would partake socially and responsibly. Last time I got out of balance it was the Anacardium that shifted me in correct direction and then took several alcohol remedies and I don't remember how long it took but it wasn't long. I just plain stopped drinking. For years. Like a switch went off.

My attempt with this earlier this year I believe was squelched because I took so many different remedies looking for relief from my original illness I confused my system. At least that's my hit. The Luesinium I think got me back to ground zero.

Note on alcohol: I'm part American Indian and am allergic to most alcohol. Literally get immediate headache if I drink a sip of hard alcohol. Can only drink beer. Period. What's strange is how beer does affect me. I feel the need to explain more as I know sometimes certain symptoms or reactions can guide homeopathy.

Alcohol soothes my anxiety. Calms me down immediately. Quiets the noise in my head. Quiets my anarcardium inner critic. I get super positive and optimistic. Very grateful and giving towards others. I'm able to address and confront certain problems and deal with things I've been avoiding to an extent. I freak out less. Feel like I can handle it. I suddenly get sh*t done. I'm like a whirlwind.


I get happy. Super Childlike and fun. It gives me energy. I'm able to get up from my laptop and physically move about. Most people slow down or get depressive... It's the opposite for me. Like a jolt of caffeine or I imagine cocaine might feel. This lasts for hours. I'll eventually take a physical and emotional dive late at night because I need food. That's when I start to feel bad again and beat myself up dipping back into hopelessness. Feel bit better after I actually eat. But the high is over and now I'm back to focusing on the problems in my life.

Not sure if that info is helpful but it needs to be noted as I feel my reaction to alcohol is very different than other people's. In a weird way I'm grateful I have it because without it I would crumble.

So... I don't want confuse my system again by taking too many remedies too soon so just asking what you think. Done my best to follow your instructions and trusting in your expertise.

Please advise :) Thank you again- C

Hi telescope

Posting again because I haven't heard back and I know you said you're not getting notifications anymore so thought I'd bump my post up to the top again.

Please read my last post I sent this weekend. Thank you -C

No worries. :)

I took Calc Carb last year and had a terrible aggravation so a little scared to take a 1m. So to be safe I took a Calc Carb in 30c last night to see how bad the aggravation would be in smaller potency. It wasn't too bad...

I had weird scary lucid dreams though and woke up in a panic a couple times. Tossed and turned a lot... Hot then cold then sweaty than cold then hot.. Etc etc

Then woke up earlier than normal and felt pretty good. Kinda motivated. Short lived though as now I'm exhausted after being up only a few hours.

Right sided neck pain worse. Grinding my teeth.
Can't stop clearing my throat
Super sleepy
Beautiful day out and I'm hiding in my house blinds closed

Going to order Calc Carb now. Is it ok if I try the 200c first? Or is the 1M better. I read somewhere even though 1M is higher it is actually gentler because of the way it's made. Not sure... Just apprehensive because I'm so so tired of feeling bad.

Also, is it best to take the higher potency Calc Carb in the water dose? Or just pop the pills? I know I messed up before taking the Sulphur in a water dose. So much conflicting information on all the homeopathy websites that I'm not always clear the best choice.

Let me know your thoughts. If I don't hear from you I'll decide on my own. Thank you again and good luck with elections!

Xoxo-C

Oh! And FYI... Read up on Calc Carb and definitely currently have many symptoms... But like the Arsenicum being just like my Dad, I realized more I read it the Calc Carb described my mother to a T for a huge portion of her life. Kinda creepy.

Anyways see previous reply before this one. Appreciate your guidance. Touch base soon. :)

Hi telescope,

Thank you for your message. I read up on Merc Sol and it didn't resonate with me at all. Not constitutionally or just current symptoms.

May I ask what it was about my symptoms that made you want to reconsider giving me the Calc Carb? I took the Calc carb 30c and ordered the 1m which still hasn't arrived. Have noticed a few effects of that dose that seemed promising...

My appetite increased. I've blown my nose and actual mucous and discharge is coming out. Along with a little blood and what seemed like an unusually large mucous thingy.

I'm going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. Sleeping a little bit better. Not waking up mid night as often

My lips are so chapped no amount of lip balm or cream makes a difference. Skin on face and around nostrils super chapped too

Have had hour long bouts of my eyes watering so badly that tears develop and stream. At same time nose will run so bad it drops before I can catch it. I'm guessing it is what people have who have allergies but I don't really have them normally. Then it stops and I go back to that stuffy feeling.

The most intense symptom is gagging/dry heaving. This comes outta nowhere. Not drinking or eating food. No nausea at the time. I just suddenly feel like someone is sticking a depressor down my throat and start to gag... Then dry heave once. Comes in waves.

I had this recently before but it was always prompted by something like EFT or speaking on something that was upsetting to me. This is different. Nothing triggers it and it's happening daily. Several times throughout day. It's really really weird.

Drinking got worse. Starting earlier, drinking faster and more. Right around 2-3pm is when I start to get super sleepy and low energy and very anxious. Which alcohol fixes immediately

It got so bad I messed up some work stuff (I never do that.. I'm too OCD) and I decided to take some of the old remedies I took years back that stopped me from craving alcohol. I know I'm not supposed to take other remedies for now but I couldn't help myself. Just had to try something.

So I made a tiny bottle of water with all 4x or 6x 30x remedies. Using only one pellet each. It had:

Quercus glandus spiritus 4x
Archangelica 6x
Avena sativa 6x
Chelidonium 30x
Sterculia 30x
Crotalus horrid 6ch

I took one baby sip and slept through night completely. Woke up hungry. Took maybe 2 more sips within the next 24 hours and woke up with the most enormous fever blister on my mouth that goes all the way down to my chin and even has a little bumps on other side of my lips. It's huge. Throbs and pulsates. I used to get huge ones like this when I was 5 years old almost weekly... Had them my whole childhood. Don't get many now and if I do they're barely noticeable. This one is like I got when I was little, only it's bigger

So that's where I'm at. Waiting on Calc carb 1m, taking a water dose of my anti alcohol mixture and hesitant to try the Merc sol.

Let me know your thoughts. Thank you again for your guidance :)

Xoxo-C

Hi again telescope-

Posting again in hopes you'll see my thread. Sent message other day. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

Xoxo-C

Hi telescope

Posting again to bump the thread. Hoping you're getting my messages. Please advice when you're able. Thank you!

-C

Telescope-Are you getting any of my posts? Still unsure as to next step. Please advise. Thank you-C

Hello- been working with Telescope these last few months but he seems to have disappeared. Not sure why and truly no hard feelings... But struggling severely currently and just need help.

If there is a forum Doctor (with all due respect just wanting replies from the doctors) that can take a look at my thread and communications thus far and advise me I would be so grateful.

Thank you kindly - C

Ok, thank you Telescope. I'll order it today on Amazon. Don't think I have the 200 yet. Is it ok I take Bioplasma too? There only 6x cell salts if you're not familiar. Let me know. Thanks! -C

Update 6-4-16

Took Nat Mur 200c on 5-25-16.

Noticed no significant changes... Good or bad. Previous issues (drinking and innaproriate sexual behavior) have gotten progressively worse throughout the months.. With some ebbs and flows. But all in all... Same or worse.

I have so many symptoms that seem to peak then subside then peak again. Not even sure what to write.

Bottom line... Going on 4 months with you here? Have had a few bouts of feeling like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. But they have been short lived thus far.

Apologies for my melancholy/woe is me bullsh*t.. Just in a space I guess. Feeling indifference now more so than despair which I do not believe is a good thing

I know you are very busy and don't get email notifications anymore so I imagine you may not respond as quickly and I do understand

With all due respect, I'm going to go ahead and repost a new thread for help in case there is a doctor that is a bit more available and/or has a different take on my issues

However if you happen to see this and are able to respond truly truly appreciate your guidance.

With gratitude- C