Serious Psychological IssuesI am suffering a lot due to those issues and now a days it's even getting worse because I lost my dad 3 months ago.
I want to talk a doctor in personal.
Please help me
rockerhell on 2016-07-08
I am masturbating since I was 11 years old, now I am 29.
18 years I masturbate continuously, my family know about this since 16 years especially my elder brother but he did nothing to stop it because he got married in his early age of 21, he was satisfied from his life and he don't want to have me the same because I was sharper, better, faster and way confident since my childhood.
I have 39 winning sports competition prices certificates of my achievements from the school, I was known to whole my school and some other schools who I got competition with, telling you that because I wasn't too stupid after all and I had so many leadership abilities, people gladly followed me.
I don't know how it happened but I fall for the porno, in my family no one cared about me so I am alone since my childhood, that was the most major reason I got more involved into these Pornographic movies.
My mother and father usually had the clashes all the time, by nature my father was a weak person so he don't had the confidence to talk to me and my mom never cared.
I had a good circle of friends and life wasn't to bad for me after all until my brother married against the will of some family members and some relations got broke I was 15 at that time, my father took 4 of us Me, mother, brother and his newly married wife brought us abroad.
I was so much disturbed as I were so little, I lost all my friends my school and the country we were in doesn't understand my native language or English, at that age I couldn't speak English as well so I didn't much communicate in my new school which I joined after 3 months.
I was unable to adjust to a new country, school, environment and my family, I got too much depress so I got angry, my mother and father had too many problems and my father became a heart patient and died alone after 14 years of severe suffering and pain, he called everyone he love but no one cared, my father and I were alone for several years and I was too much attached to him.
My mother and father were already in the problem I wasn't able to talk to them, my brother and my sister in law talked to each other that I am malapert and mannerless and they are sophisticated, they started isolating me, they don't talk to me while I want to talk to them, they ignored me purposely, in front of my they laugh and talk but I can't join, specially my brother he ignored me completely forever.
I use oil for masturbation and used 2/3 of the oil bottle in the week, my sister in law were holding that bottle and talking to my brother in a way she was making fun of me. I heard what they said and how they make a joke of my self, I am not going to forgive them.
3 months summer holidays from school, I was felt alone in my lonely room, each moment were live suffocating but no one cared.
1 and half year passed, I was in the same situation and My father got more sick, for medication Doctors suggested him go back to the home country, my father asked me to stay due to my schooling and he asked my brother to take care of me. Things started to get little better but not for long, they did the same once again and I never fit in, I caught up in the high level of depression. I called my mom that I can't live like that anymore I am going to kill my self, she arranged a ticket and I came back to her, when I came back to my home country, the thing got better in few months, I used some medicine and I start living a normal life.
Continued my study revive some friends and made some new ones along the way.
Had so many friends so the girlfriend, we decided to marry, life were better than ever.
Completed my study and became an extremely positive man and read human psychology in free time for 2 years and started implementing in daily life to make thing better and it very well happened.
After completing study the same brother offered me a job from some company, I right away accepted, as I were positive and had know how of human physiology I went there and started the given job. I started a talk session regularly to my brother and his family without reminding them what they did, it was painful to accept them after what they did, I started a new life which was very good in the beginning.
One thing I noticed when I bought the sexual recovery medicine after several weeks of reading the uses and side effects, my brother got jealous and worried at sudden, he asked me to give him the medicine and I did, several days later I got another parcel of medicine he did the same and asked I am worried that you are going to become better than me.
I didn't noticed but he was jealous of my relationship and girlfriend, he started reading my every chat and start taking too much interest, after everyday reading my chat he pinpoint my girlfriend's small little joke to convict that she is against the family and she is no good.
I trust my brother so blindly, me and my girlfriend started fights over small things and after few weeks the relation got broke. Me and my girlfriend never ever fought before, if one of us had problem the other will understand automatically.
I caught up in depression, and started feeling bad again. I contacted my GF back she was angry and she didn't listen. Unfortunately that relation never recovered.
When I started to Irritated again he used the same approach of destruction for me. He didn't paid attention to me and he wanted to see me suffer.
I was disturb, I said I wanted to go back, he suddenly replied go go. After sometime we united when my father was sick we spent 1 year together, I was too busy in the care of my father I forgot everything, he died, I spent all my money and I am living him which I don't want anymore.
He have family that supports him, a wife, a Son 11 year old and a Daughter 6 year old.
I have nothing remain after my father, no family no life. I am feeling so much alone like I have lost the world.
I am suffering with so many things,
I am Heart Patient, in summer I feel cold up to that level that I have to take a quilt or wear jacket for several hours (that condition stays forever), I am always scared a lot that I can't go outside for months, I can't concentrate on work, I haven't earn even a single $ in years, I feel that my success is being taken away, I want to suicide most of the time When I see myself in suffering, actually I have to stop thinking that somebody cares while no one did or does. They have tortured me a lot mentally that they can feel the fun of life and I can't which pushes me into the deep depression that I start massive body tortures while watch PORN 6-10 hours in home.
You and I can judge the level of dishonesty that they both know I spend hours watching it and they haven't even once asked me to get out of this.
I watch PORN for 6-10 hours almost daily, when I watch it I spent whole day of thinking how I am ganna continue tonight.
My brother promised me, he will work with me so I get successful but he is doing today tomorrow since 3 years.
I have no self respect because of that addiction so every body treat me and use me the way they want.
This is the time I want to step up, earn some money for my self and go far away from them as possible, I never want to see their faces again after what they have done to me (especially my so called brother), when needed he was always there to destroy me. After all those years they have excuses for everything.
Please suggest me any medicine that recover and do not give me sexual intentions.
I never had intercourse in my life, I brutally wants it, due to my situation I can't talk to anyone, so nothing is possible, that also causes depression and gives me mind burst all the time.
God make them suffer if I am right!
rockerhell 3 years ago
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