Please help find consittutional remedy for chronic symptoms _{Page 6 of 7}

It's an important cause of at least many of the mental symptoms and at least aggravates the physical symptoms, I can't be sure whether it's the chief cause of the physical symptoms or not, but it could be as the mental state was there first, I have had too many theories than you want to know about the causes. I guess I've always had some version of this mental state, when I was a young child I was prone to angry outbursts (I remember being in the time out chair a lot in early years of school, from what I remember it was mostly I think for acts of retaliation from something someone else did to me) but then as I grew older and learned it was not okay to express them I guess I actively suppressed it thinking about it now, of course the thoughts I had then were if I ignored it it would go away, and I thought I was being successful at that for a while but then it comes back at you later in a different form. It's still very difficult for me to forgive, I can forgive accidents and even sudden outbursts but if I think it was any more sinister I can't keep it out of my mind. But I don't know if it's the root cause of everything or just another symptom, just was thinking about this recently and thought I should bring it up. I guess especially as I was thinking of the fact the remedy that did make the most difference was natrum mur which has emotional suppression, so maybe it is important, it's just for me I think it's a bit more suppression of anger than the natrum mur suppression of sadness. Although it's much harder for me to describe emotional symptoms than physical ones, especially ones that have been going on for a long time as I don't really know what it's like to not have some of these issues. I know I've heard from family that I was a very anxious child too, just of course like kids do expressed it much more.

bump up

It's been two weeks since the dose, my update now is different in many ways from the last one, I have been feeling like I am now pretty consistently for about five days. Some of the things I updated about previously such as significantly worse digestion have gotten better, that I guess was just an aggravation, now with digestion as well as many other physical symptoms the difference is less 'sharp' pains and symptoms, more just weakness and pains that come with that. The exception is my head, I've had some degree of headache for the last five or six days, only one day did it get real bad, in the evening, but the rest of the days it's been there at least a little, coming on at late morning or early afternoon and getting worse in the evening. The throat sensations are the same way, less sharp but still there. I'm not having heart palpitations that come on abruptly anymore, but still fell weakness and a bit of pain in the chest from exertion. I have been tending much more toward the chilly side, which doesn't really bother me now because it's summer, and I'm not aggravated as much by heat. I've also been having itching on my scrotum and a little on adjacent areas on my thigh. I still feel sensations in my liver and kidneys, along with my heart they're more of a dull congestion sensation.

As far as the mental symptoms, I'm in a very different state than before the dose. The increase in anxiety I reported before must have been an aggravation as it's not remained, actually I've had a bit of a decrease in anxiety. The thing is I've been feeling pretty down and depressed, as well as the anger feelings I reported before. I've just had little desire to do much (except eat, my appetite never goes away, even if it is a bit less than before the dose) I still make myself do things, I know it's hard to explain but on one hand I have very lofty and ambitious goals and on the other hand get overly disappointed and angry, sometimes with others but mostly with myself when things don't work out. During times I have felt well physically and mentally I can actually get a lot acomplished, in fact I'm too serious and focused in those situations probably for my own good and that's part of the problem. The mental state is somewhat ameliorated in the evening. Anyway, that's my most prominent symptom right now, although I have tried to be objective and note many positive changes from the remedy, I can't be excited about it when I'm in this depressive state. I can organize it into a list if you think another remedy is needed.

I have felt pretty similar for the last 5 days or so, so I'm thinking the response has likely halted. I haven't felt better overall at any point during this time although I definitely feel different than before the dose.

Brisbanehomeopath, I have described my response in detail on my previous posts, this last one was just an answer to Sameer's latest question.

Thanks by the way for the post on how to tell if your remedy is working, according to those criteria that you posted, my response has fit several of what you listed as negative changes including, to paraphrase you, 'Anxiety is better but loss of joy in life' and 'some symptoms abate but general level of suffering does not improve' I had read similar things before about 'direction of cure' and such but never so succinct and easy to understand as your post.

I did read something recently that made me think of something I should mention to you, Sameer, it was about 'fascination with morbid subjects' it was from the remedy Syphilinum, I'm not saying I fit that remedy, other aspects of it I don't, but I do admit to having that weird fascination at certain times, it's not the type of thing I talk about to other people at all, and I'm kind of ashamed of it sometimes too. I did just think I'd mention it, is that typical of the Syphilitic miasm in general, not just the nosode, I know you said befor my main miasm is tubercular but do you think I may have some aspect of the syphilitic miasm based on this and other things I have mentioned recently such as the depressive state I've been in.

Another mental trait I've always had but never mentioned that I wanted to mention while I was thinking about it, I think what has kept me from being in total despair at many points is I do have feelings of purpose, like I'm here for a reason, I'm not in any religion or follow any dogma but have always had this sense to a greater or lesser degree, on one hand it keeps me going and affects a lot of what I do and in the other it's a source of problems too, in that I get so frustrated about how I am, feel like my life will be absolutely worthless if I don't succeed in making an impact, which I'm not that capable of doing in the state I am now. Sometimes I'll even literally do things like go for a walk to the point of exhaustion before I go back and then scold myself for being exhausted, I'm way harder on myself than on anyone else.

Well I guess it's many things, I don't want this forum to become political so I've avoided mentioning it, but environmental causes are important to me, I want to help the world as a whole. But it doesn't end there, I often feel responsible for things that happen to other people that I like, even if the reasonable part of me realizes it has nothing to do with me, I just keep thinking there should be some way I could have prevented it. It's weird because I feel an alienation or isolation from people and at the same time this strange over-responsibility for certain things that happen. My eventual goal to run an organic or possibly biodynamic farm, of course my health would need to be in better shape before I could start to realize that.

Going along with that, although I can't stand the culture of the rich, I do sometimes have daydreams of suddenly stumbled across a large sum of money, and what i would do, I would try to use it in a good way, but I guess just having those daydreams signals that I have those desires too even if my reasons are different than most.

I guess I will organize my current symptoms into a list now, I've written most of them in the last few posts but I'll just summarize and put them together now

Mentality

-Feeling depressed, things I think I like to do not making me happy, a few exceptions such as eating, I have a desire to eat even when stomach is full.
-Despite this, still have the feelings of purpose I recorded in the last post.
-Very hard on myself about things that I have a goal about even if it's vague, I'm not a perfectionist about everything, things that I'm not driven about are different, such as not being tidy, I really don't care much if my personal spaces are tidy as long as I can still find things, I'm just perfectionistic about the things I really care about
-Serious, can't lighten up, even things for fun I take seriously and am irritated by those who don't, such as I've always loved board games and card games and such, and when I was feeling better I liked sports, I just hate playing with people who are easily distracted and don't give it their fullest whatever that may be.
-Anger, usually don't express it
-Fear about the future, feel like time is running out
-Desire to help people and the planet, idealistic in one sense but also easily discouraged and depressed about such things

Physical symptoms
-Weakness in muscles and joints, knees in particular
-Coldness in 'bony' parts of body, knees, feet, elbown, etc.
-Chillier than before, chilly easily if idle, still sweating and heat with any exertion particularly in the morning
-Headaches, deep inside the head, feels like in the brain, more on the left side but also sometimes the right, and also in the forehead, coming on late morning or early afternoon and sometimes worsening until sleep
-Pain in the cheekbones and jawbone, recurring sometimes along with the headache.
-Fatigue during the daytime, lessening when the sun starts to go down.
-Ears still partially clogged, although a lot better than a month or so ago.
-Ringing in ears
-Congestive sensations in liver, kidneys, heart
-Occasional sensations as if the heart has skipped a beat, usually when standing up suddenly, also sometimes faint feeling at that time. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I do have a history of low blood pressure, although I haven't had it taken in quite a while and in general it's been higher than before the last few years, that's why I don't think of it much.
-Digestive troubles and tiredness particularly after daytime meals (breakfast and especially lunch), dinner tolerated better
-Craving for fruit, bread, pasta ant to a lesser extent other starches (except potatoes), sweets (although I still avoid sweets mostly because they aggravate, but actullay not nearly as much aggravation form sweets as before the lachesis dose)
-Aversion to meat (this is different than before, I still like the taste but my stomach doesn't want any significant amounts, or really any high protein food for that matter)

Aggravation
-From mid-morning through afternoon, especially worse around noon
-From the sun

Amelioration
-In the evening (except for the headaches)
-On cloudy days
-Mental symptoms while eating

It's been two weeks since I took the remedy. Unfortunately I've had many of the same negative effects as with Arsenicum Album, mostly on the mental level. I didn't get som of the physical aggravations such as being hot all the time and my appetite's not so revenous, but I've gotten the not being able to relax mentally at all, it's taking me several hours to go to sleep no matter when I go to bed, and I can't focus my attention on much for very long. Just like the first dose of arsenicum album, these negatives didn't come on too much until about four or five days after taking the remedy, so I was feeling better at first except for tired, but since then I have been feeling worse overall, mostly because of the mentals, despite certain symptoms being better.

I did get a cold about a week after the dose, mostly just a very runny nose, cough and a bit of headache, along with an aggravation of throat symptoms, watery eyes and certain other symptoms. Since as I've mentioned before I don;t get colds often I was hopeful this was a healing reaction but after it was over I wasn't feeling any better overall.

The heart symptoms (and the mentals) are particularly nagatively affected, I feel an oppressed feeling in the chest and heat in the chest a lot. A new thing is I've been getting chills in late evening even when I'm not cold.

I wonder, have you considered Carcinosin for me at all? I do have many of it's features, I believe the mental state fits me, I have many moles and several (small) cafe-au-lait tupe birthmarks, music ameliorates considerably (assuming it's music I like), very self-critical with low self-confidence, suppressed emotions, haven't gotten a fever in years (but got them in childhood), the alternation of cravings/aversions at different times in my like of eggs, milk, fat, salt. And I've also had a fear of cancer, not to any extreme degree but still worthy of mention.

I have an update, the night after my last update I felt pretty bad pain in my throat and all my facial bones and jaw for about an hour, about two days later many of the negative effects I described before went away. I'm now feeling a little better in a number of physical and mental symptoms than before the remedy instead of worse. It's not incredibly different than before the remedy was taken (in the time between when I last listed symptoms and I took the remedy I actually had improvement simply because the depressing effects of the lachesis wore off), but significantly better than the aggravated state I was in at the last update.

Well it hasn't been a week but I have a reason for writing now, it's that the improvement I reported before I know was not to do with the remedy. A few days before that update I was looking around at some old stuff of mine and I happened to come across some vitamin B12 pills I had from back then, and took one, I'm sorry I don't know why I did, I had taken them a few years ago and never noticed that much effect, so I forgot about it. The improvement lasted a few days then I started going back to where I was before, so it hadn't antidoted the remedy just caused a different temporary effect, then suddenly yesterday I remembered taking the B12, but didn't know whether it was what had caused the effects, so I took another one to make sure and sure enough it did the same thing though less strongly.

Thus said, I will not do something like that again, I never had much luck with vitamin supplements and haven't taken them in several years other than this time, and I should be getting enough B12 in my diet anyway.

Anyway, the effects of the remedy are still pretty clear if I ignore that period of a few days, and although a few improvements did occur in certain physical symptoms it still did not make me feel any better overall and in fact worse mentally and certain physical symptoms. I'm pretty sure no more major changes from this remedy will occur because it's been three weeks and I've never had any major changes with any remedy in any potency occur after that long a period. Environmental sensitivities and anxiety have also been worse.

My current mental symptoms bothering me the most are
-Insomnia, especially upon trying to fall asleep.
-Inability to calm down, and also very difficult to concentrate on much.
-Social anxieties, as I've described before.
-Overwhelmed feelings
-Forgetful sometimes even when I remember other things well.

Mostly it's the continuous thoughts and inability to calm down or focus that's beenthe worst.

Physical symptoms are another story. This as well as the arsenicum album did help some of the physical symptoms that were bugging me the most a few months ago, namely heaviness in extemities and digestive issues. However there's a certain symptom that both of those arsenicum remedies made worse that I think is important and blurs the physical/mental line, it's a sensation in the kidney area, it's not new I've had sensations there for a while, but now it's aggravated greatly by any strong emotions, whether negative or even some positive ones such as excitement. Music however ameliorates it. I'm thinking it might have to do with my adrenals rather than actually the kidneys as they're right in the same spot. It spreads from there through my nervous system and seems to be what often makes it feel 'off', and also hot sometimes and chilly other times, if I feel chilly it often is a chill starting from that spot.

Do you think carcinosin could be my remedy from the reasons mentioned above, as well as the mental aspects, I'll give some examples, suppresed emotions and difficulty standing up for myself, even if I try to express myself I often fail because it feels forced and not genuine. I read it described as 'pathologically nice' and I am like that to many people even if as soon as I get away from them I'm upset at myself and like 'why didn't I tell them no' I also saw a description that says many carcinosins respond partially to natrum-mur and/or the effect of natrum-mur doesn't last long, and that's what happened to me.

I should also mention my heart symptoms, I'm still having issues with oppression in the chest and heart beats rapidly with exertion.

Another strange symptom I should mention, I know I've mentioned occasional itchiness between scrotum and thigh, I think I might know why, that part of my thigh right adjacent to my scrotum is usually hot to the touch. I don't know how long this has been going on because I hadn't noticed it until recently.

Yes I do have the LM2 still, it is a 30ml bottle. I do hawever, want to mention that I'm not having certain indicating symptoms at this point such as not really craving salt very much and not aggravated that much by the sun, the second one has changed a lot since the Arsenicum Iodatum dose but also the weather's been a lot cooler and the sun just less intense since it's fall so it might be just that, recently I've seemed to be feeling good in the sun, but that might just be because it's been cool.

I also noticed sulphur on the list, I think I said this before but I'll mention it now, I've taken sulphur once before, several years ago on someone's recommendation, I forget what potency but it was less than 30c, it made certain symptoms better but aggravated the liver sensation and certain other symptoms like heat sensitivity greatly, and didn't make any general improvement in the long run.

I should explain more about the sun reactions, I have had periods in my life where I loved the sun and other periods where it aggravated, although this past summer was the time it aggravated most I could ever remember, which started with the causticum dose in the spring, and the calcarea and especially the arsenicum album made it worse. It also matters where I am, I have a weird sensitivity to places, I have lived where I do now for a few years and have tended to be more warm-blooded and have more of a sun aggravation, but that goes away if I go anywhere else, for instance I visited family for a few days las month, before I took the Arsenicum Iodatum, after the update from my Lachesis dose which I reported significant aggravation from the sun. While I was visiting family it was sunny and I had no aggravation from it whatsoever. Other symptoms change in different locations too but I thought I'd mention that one because I brought it up in my last post.