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emotional problems

dear sir,
am 32 years female,height 5.1inches,weight 41kgs.married for the last 5 years.have a long history and would like to thank you in advance for being so patient with my lengthy problem.i had a difficult childhood,since my parents used to fight a lot,father was very aggresive,dominating and mother very weak by nature and used to cry a lot.father used to abuse her verbally(in front of me and guests) and physically(not in front of me but in night)father even used to ogle at other women which i used to find very disgusting and shamefull.i turned out to be low on confidence with suppresed anger and emotions.i had my fist periods at the age of 13,normal regular cycle but yes painful on onset.later with age black clots have been noticed.close to 16 years started masturbating a lot and i used to masturbate excessively to soothe me and also to help myself sleep at night othrwise i was having problem sleeping at night.early morning my sleep normally used to get disturbed since my father woke up at 3.00am and used to shout a lot at mother.many a times i have run from home at 4.00am in the morning only to come back after 2-3hrs(used to drive in the city).to erase my body pains due to lack to sleep i have taken lots of nimuld medicine.at the age close to 16 problem of constipation started and even stiffness in shoulders and lower back so much that i had difficulty in turning sides at night.at the age of 27years i got married.my husband is a nice person.at the time of marrige he was having T.B.of muscle in forehead. he had an extreme addiction of watching t.v.he used to watch t.v whole night and sleep at 5.00am in the morning.so our physical relation was disturbed.he even used to foresake eating and even his business commitments due to television.my mother in law and sister in law abused me badly since my productivity was decreasing due to lack of sleep.for 4years i didnt sleep properly at night due to lights on and t.v. in good volume.during day i was not allowed to sleep.i had typhoid twice took lots of medicine.one doctor by mistake gave my medicine for joint pains and the after effect of that medicine was that my stomach became very sluggish and weak and had blood in stool twice.this is back in year 2007.then i went to a specialist and he told me that i should wait for next two years to conceive because another side effect of that medicine was that it has poisonous effect on the baby.now two years are over.but due to long existing stress and physical weakness i dont fell well from inside.since i am the single child of my parents(and also an adopted child which i came to know 2 years back) i have to take care of them.my father is on dialysis twice a week.i dont feel comfortable with him at all.dont feel like going to my parents place.mentally exhausted since at in laws place there is too much domination on my husband and me.my husband has started understanding me,but he is very fearful by nature.workload is excessive on me,have turned a servant for my inlaws.till 3 months back i used to masturbate to relieve myself but 3 months back something very stressful happened that my sexual desire has diminished almost.there is too much burning in urine passage.urine culture is normal.sometimes i pass urine 15-20 times in day with 2litres of water intake.many a times my urine has leaked also due to little delay.although holding urine has always required a extra care from the childhood,esp on extreme laughing.have often contracted UTI many a times.my scalp hairs are sparse,thin,extremely dry.have lost lots of weight.i look thin, pale,yellow,face looks full of sorrow.3 months back again started having blood in stool with mucous.took some homeopathic medicine from doctor and is little rectified.but still get sometimes.loose motion kind of feeling in the stomach.motion is not formed properly.thirst is little less than normal.drinking milk upsets the stomach a lot.also protein rich food upsets the stomach.there is excessive pressure on all teeth.teeth are sore with very mettallic to touch by tongue.tongue feels swollen.lips are very sore as if about to bleed.my body posture is very stiff with pain.there is pain in pubic region,even on walking,excessive weakness in calfs and knees.climbing stairs is difficult,feel shortness of breath.there is so much burning in urine passage and vagina that it troubles me a lot.rectum and vagina feel heavy and bearing down.periods are scanty with mucous.full of clots and last hardly 1.5 day.although cycle is normal.sometimes i feel that my entire body is bearing down.i am hollow from inside or very loose from inside.sitting tightly crossed legs relaxes me.intercourse with my husband is now very very difficult.on penetration my back,hips and entire legs go into extreme pain that the entire act is difficult to sustain.winters and cold air are extremely difficult for me.throat is generally sore.mental state is that there is excessive suppresed anger,with excessive fear of my in laws,mild headache is always there which gets worsened by repeated noises.feel exhausted mentally and physically with no place of peace.physically to shortlist:pain in pubic region,pain in bladder( all ultrasounds have been normal)swelling kind of feeling.disturbed stomach and stiffnes in entire back as if body is curving towards back.weakness in legs.nowadays am getting dreams of either of sexual desires or fearlful dreams.great temptation of sweets'
 
  radhikakalra on 2010-12-16
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