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I'm 45 y.o. Male. Indian national, living in the US.

I'm writing today to request help with my own anger.

I'm generally in good health. I'm not taking any ongoing medication. In fact I was raised 99% on homeopathy. By my doctor in India is old and not practicing any more. Hence I'm turning to this forum for help.

If ok, I'd like to present my case here.

I've been a bit short-tempered from a young age. But nothing out of the ordinary, no raging fits or anything. A lot of my temper was targeted at my older brother who, I believe, was not a good brother. But in general, my temper rarely expressed anywhere else. And as an adult, my temper rarely expressed even with my brother. I've always been a people pleaser, a "giver" personality, and except for my rare temper, generally a happy although serious person. Also, I am very disciplined. Pleasant speech, polite manners, truthfulness are my most important values. I'm not quiet, but also do not speak where unwarranted, or to argue for argument's sake.
Now, I married a few years ago. My wife, turns out, is an extremely rude and aggressive person. Speaks out of turn, always knocks my self-worth down (very like Donald Trump), says crude and hurtful things, again and again. If not for our 3 yr old son, I'd have left long ago.
Because I'm disciplined, I also expect it from her (have never gotten it from her). And sometimes I'm angry and annoyed that she's lazy and never "present" in this marriage - taking care of the son's needs etc, basically contributing her piece. I do plenty around the house.
But what gets me is that I can't say a word in an annoyed way and she retorts with a scowl and with harsh words and tone that hit me below the belt. Example: if I were to say "that's nonsense", she's retort right back with "YOU ARE Nonsense", she gets personal immediately.
That kind of thing gets me immediately riled up, blood boiling, heart pumping and wanting to strike her. No, I haven't ever struck her, have always controlled myself, but things always escalate with horrible things said to one another. And we are both prideful, so no apologies. I tolerated her behavior for two years with my response being silence before I started retorting. So there you have it, my whole story.
So my anger is a reaction to hurtful words from my wife who is relentless.
My anger has affected my internally. My cholesterol is up a marginally due to the stress of controlling and subduing my anger. (I'm vegetarian, so no reason for cholesterol, I'm 5'8" and 170lbs not overweight by any stretch of imagination. I drink one beer in a month, if at all. I have taken to sweets which I can consciously see is a reaction to the stress I feel inside me.)
My anger consumes me and I'm unable to let it go hours after the hurtful, offensive words which are always shouted at me by her. And there are several such incidents in a day. (I've been unemployed for a while).
I would be obliged for any help re appropriate homeopathic medicines that I could try to help me cope.
Many thanks in advance.
  kk135824 on 2016-10-20
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I hope someone can help you with a remedy.

My background is in counseling.
We have anger for a reason, it is a red flag that something is wrong.
Your anger is a healthy response to abuse and you have done a great job by being so aware and not getting into a victim mentality.

However, it is kind of like saying my boss curses me for no reason every day. You are paying a price as you know.

What about you both going to counseling? This will affect your child,
Even if you stay. children can feel the tension.
simone717 3 years ago
Thank you for your kind words. My son already feels the tension, I can see it.
Abuse is the right word. I wanted to avoid using it, but now that the cat is out of the bag...
Verbal, emotional abuse (she uses insult and non-cooperation again and again to manipulate me).
Tried to talk her into counseling. Several times. She won't budge. She's clever and intelligent, but misdirected. She doesn't want to expose herself, her inner self by going to counseling...
She grew up being physically abused by her father..beatings specifically. She, and her male and female siblings and mother. All this would come out in counseling, and she doesn't want that. She's insecure. And her abusive behavior is an overreaction to her inner low self esteem. But she won't admit it. She has problems. Several layers of them. In spite of all that I have taken, I'm still willing to help, but she'll have none of it. She refuses to admit she has problems.
In the meanwhile, my anger is hurting me. I let go a lot, but I cannot forgive her some very very hurtful things, curses and abuse she has heaped on me.
Maybe a homeopathic medicine can help me overcome it. Just maybe.
kk135824 3 years ago
Dear Kk

I can understand your agony. Your anger is in reaction to a stimuli. We can prescribe for making you calmer, but that won't last long, as long as you are exposed constantly to your wife's unreasonable behaviour. ( stimuli.)

Counselling can help you. You can go alone. Choose a good Counciller. They have seen many cases like yours, and can give practical solutions.

Meanwhile procure staphisagria 6c..pills..take a dose whenever you feel belittled. Not more than thrice a day.

But, as I told you, the relief will be temporary. Permanent solution can probably be given by your Counciller.

[message edited by gavinimurthy on Thu, 20 Oct 2016 20:59:05 UTC]
gavinimurthy 3 years ago
What comes to mind here for me,
Is the way children handle abuse.
Especially physical abuse. I have seen siblings in a family do the following:,become givers and hypervigilant, others self medicate with alcohol or pot and are just absent, and some become the abuser-as they feel they will then have control and there is no way anyone is going to mess with them.

As time goes on the abusive group gets lonely as no one wants to deal with them.

Your wife could really benefit from homeopathy. What happens when
Remedy is right is you just naturally do not feel like doing those behaviors. You get to be the real you.
She could cone on here, no one would know her identity. So you could
Over time say to her, look I know this is from childhood, you can try homeopathy and feel better. Call her out with compassion, it may work.
simone717 3 years ago
It's really unfortunate of you to be in this situation. I can perceive the distress as I have come across several such cases.

In fact, the priority of Homeopathic medical attention is for your wife than you. I don't think she is intelligent, as you say. True, that she might have gone through hardship in her childhood. But intellectuals can understand it's not 'tit for tat' on some vulnerable. She is just witty, if at all.

I feel your remedy lies in her being composed. Hence you can think of her being treated on priority.
DrKulkarni 3 years ago

Any experience with treating the patient without her knowledge?

Remedies should work even if given surreptitiously. It should be easy to slip a few globules in to her drink.
gavinimurthy 3 years ago
Dr.Kulkarni, Gavinimurthy and Simone717,
Thank you all for your thoughts. Indeed, I first thought of treating her, as DrK suggests. And the times that I was able to slip a dose of Hyos into a glass of milk, her quarrelsomeness improved dramatically for a few hours (it is impossible for me to go into detail on her personality; it is "poisoned", or perverted at many levels). But surreptitious treatment is dangerous and if she were to find out, she's the kind of person who'd tell the whole world that I'm out to drug and kill her.
A lot of my anger is due to the fact that there is not a single aspect about her which I can "catch hold of, like a thread" and use it as a path to helping her, and ultimately helping us. She takes my kindness as my weakness, and behaves in the most crass and hurtful ways in the knowledge that I won't leave her.
Hence, I first want to address my own health (anger eating me away inside), and then gird myself to make some changes in my life sooner than later.
Thank you for the suggestion of Staph 6c, gavinimurthy, will try it.
kk135824 3 years ago
I understand your predicament. You can take your pills, while she is observing. It is likely that, she may enquire.

Tell her," these are to calm myself and understand you better". Ask her, if she too is willing to try.

If she says yes, give a dose of staphysagria to her also.

In any case, let us know her reaction.
gavinimurthy 3 years ago
hello mr... its a family problem

you bach flower remedy yo your wife.. cherry plum,willow,vine,holly

you take rockwater and pine.

have a great life.


[message edited by nisha301 on Sat, 22 Oct 2016 12:45:23 UTC]
nisha301 3 years ago
Hi Nisha

Whenever you are intervening, at least add your name as signature.

gavinimurthy 3 years ago
"Any experience with treating the patient without her knowledge?"
Yes, I have done that few times for the betterment of the people and families. I actually wanted to suggest that to kk but I refrained.
As kk points out rightly, some hysterical patients like his wife if found out can can blow the roofs off. So, I was actually waiting to see what could be his reply.

It's up to him; if he is willing he can do that. At this juncture your suggestion of taking remedy in front of his wife is apt. But I am almost sure she doesn't believe in homeopathy and never care to seek help for herself willingly.
DrKulkarni 3 years ago

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