Went for ADHD diagnosis - Psychatrist gave me Depression medicine - please help!

I am 35, female, single.

So, after consulting with the psychiatrist, I started taking the medicine and it cleared my mind a bit. I was very scared for my cognition and mental health that I had to take the medicine. But, after a week I stopped it again. Deep inside I know I am not depressed. The only thing from my past that still disturbs me or makes me cry if I think about it was the fact that I went through sexual abuse as a child from the age of 7 till 12. But, through different techniques like inner child healing, meditation, etc. I am trying to overcome or heal the wounds. I know its going to take a long time and thats why I dont think about it.

Other than that, I am doing fine.

Currently, the problem that I have is that I am not able to focus on my work. I am a freelancer and I have a lot of responsibilities. I have a lot of abilities as well, but I can not use my full potential.

If I do mental work, I feel sleepy after a little while. Or my head feels heavy and I start watching youtube shorts or tiktok. I hate wasting my time on these and I dont enjoy watching these things. But, I keep on scrolling and feeling guilty.

I have tinnitus ( a sharp sound in my ears - like a long beep that goes on and on)
I previously thought that its normal, but now I realise that its not and its too prominent.

I tend to sleep a lot. I want to seek refuge from my work in sleeping. One of my client is very lenient and is not very strict so my finances are being taken care of. But, this thing is not going to last long as I am not performing well and I know that.

I know that I can do a lot. I have ideas, a very good mind, and ability to perform exceptionally well. But, I cant.

I came across tiktok videos where people mentioned facts about adhd and I was quite sure that thats what I am going through.

Besides that, I have anxiety and I cant take on multiple responsibilities or jobs. If I do, Ill get anxious and leave everything and sleep.

I learned driving but when it comes to taking my car out and drive on my own, I cant drive. I get anxious and the simple thing of switching between clutch and brake seems very difficult. I visualize myself stuck in a situation where Ill have to reverse my car, and there will be cars coming from behind and theyll beep and Ill be there stuck forever.

I feel like stuck despite having a lot of potential.

Also, I am not against the doctors or their conclusion that I have depression. May be they are right. The only problem is that I dont want to take the allopathic medicines for depression and become an addict.

Case taking form for Constitutional remedy:

Gender: Female
Age: 35
Height: 54
Weight: 54kg

Physical Characteristics:
How would you describe your build and physique (e.g., thin, average, stocky, fatty, stout)?
Average, muscular, fit.

Do you tend to be warm or chilly in terms of body temperature?
Warm and I feel cold even when temperature is not very low.

Are there any physical peculiarities or characteristics that youve noticed about yourself?
I find it hard to take bath. Sometimes its been days or even week that i dont take bath.

Emotional and Mental Traits:
Describe your general mood and temperament (e.g., calm, anxious, irritable, cheerful).
Calm but easily irritable.
Anxious

How do you typically react to stress or difficult situations?
I try to stay calm, think about solutions, then I sleep.

Are there any fears or phobias that you have?
I cant stay or sleep in dark, i have fear of ghosts, fear of losing loved ones, fear of doing something wrong, fear of accidants when driving.

Do you have any specific emotional patterns or triggers that youve observed in yourself?
I shout when angry or react very loudly.. then I regret but I cant go back in time to fix it.

Sleep Patterns:
How is the quality of your sleep? Do you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?
No, I can fall asleep easily and can sleep for 8 to 10 hours.

Are there any recurring dreams or themes in your dreams that you remember?
I feel like trapped somewhere. Or, sitting in exams and want to run away because I dont know the answers or give the exams.

Do you feel refreshed after sleep, or do you wake up tired?
sometimes i feel refreshed but mostly tired.

Appetite and Cravings:
Describe your appetite. Are you typically hungry or not very hungry?
Hungry.

Do you have any specific food cravings or aversions?
I want to eat spicy food. and sometimes I have craving for something sweet like chocolate cake.

Energy Levels:
How would you describe your overall energy levels (e.g., high energy, easily fatigued)?
Easily fatigued.

Do you have specific times of the day when your energy is better or worse?
I feel better when I wake up from sleep and start work. but soon after i start working it becomes worse.

Weather Preferences:
Are there any weather conditions or changes in weather that you are particularly sensitive to?
I dont like cold weather. I like foggy or rainy weather but I dont like the wettness of rainy weather.

Do you feel better or worse in certain weather conditions?
I feel better in rainy or cloudy weather. and when the temperature is less cold like 20 degree.

Ailments or Health Issues:
Are there any chronic health issues or ailments youve experienced over the years?
Ive had depression in the past. I was suicidal too. But, I dont have it now.

Have you noticed any recurring patterns in your health issues or symptoms?
I only have this tendency to fall asleep.. its more like fight of flight kind of response.. when i dont want to engage in mental activity, I fall asleep.

Behavior and Habits:
Describe any specific habits or behaviors that you feel define you.
I want to read books, learn new skills, and improve my self as a person. But, I am not able to achieve it.

Do you have any preferences or aversions related to activities or hobbies?
I love reading, paiting, and doing physical exercises but I am not consistent in any of these.

What is the effect of consolation on you?
I dont understand the question

What, in your opinion, is the most apparent cause of the symptoms?
I dont know. I am not able to understand.

Do your symptoms get better or worse under certain conditions?
Yes, when I think about all the things that I have to do. And, when I feel that I am not able to do anything.

What is your temperature/weather preference?
warm, cloudy, and foggy.

Date of Last Menstrual Period?
I dont remember the date but its been nearly 2 weeks.

Duration of cycle?
3 days flow, then just spots on the 4th day, then stop.

Nature of flow? (Thin/Clotted/ Dark/ Bright Red/ Black)
bright red and clotted

Do you have any complaints associated with, before, or after menses?
I think I get a bit sensitive, but thats not a major change.

I think Ive mentioned everything.

The pattern is like -
I have to earn money.
I get good jobs.
I start working and then panicking - imposter syndrome hits.
I wish to quit the jobs.
I eventually quit because I cant handle the anxiety.
It continues.

My problem is that I want to be financially stable. But, when I get that stability, I think about growth, then I start to worry.

Besides the jobs, I have to start working on my blog/website. I have all the ideas in my mind and a small team of girls that can help me with writing and research. All I have to do is to put everything in place. But, I simply avoid.

I start scrolling on my phone or open youtube on my laptop.
If I dont watch anything, I stare at screen.

Thats all..

You can ask me specific questions if you have any.

And, I love the smell of petrol and shoe polish. I want to inhale it like seriously but I know its bad for the brain.

For how many days do I need to take this and after how many days should I report?
[Edited by Shammss on 2024-02-05 14:36:27]