panic anxiety depression fears out of controlHello. I don't know if issues such as these can easily be fixed....
1. Age - 39
2. Sex - Female
3. Country - Canada
4. climate - just moved to the ocean- damp, snow, rain
5. current complain - anxiety & depression - racing heart, left heart/lung pain- intense, alternates burning, menthol type feeling, sharp, aching, feels like weight on chest, sometimes like it is in a vice, can't breath as deep. Left back shoulder/lung area aches. Right lung hurts a few times. No cold or sickness in 4-5 months. Breasts sore and aching- left one mostly. Dizziness -intermittently throughout the day. Out of control fears, that I keep hidden. Fear of my children and husband dying or getting hurt, sick. Fear that I have lung cancer or something. Fear of being trapped, fear of going on the ice, fear of the dark, fear of bears etc. I am ok with bugs, snakes and people, stores etc.
6. current medicine you are taking - herbal stress tea, strauss herbal heart drops, herbal tinctures scullcap-lemon balm-parsite tinctures
7. sign & Symptom of disease
-when anxiety happened, started 10pm racing heart, lung/heart pain-excruciating like in a vice and someone standing on my chest. Would come on, they quiet down, come on again, quiet down.
-I was terrifed- tried gelsinium 30c, aconite 30c , arsenicum 30c- still went to emerg. Doctor says all is fine if pain changes come back otherwise gave me a sedative I wouldn't take.
- weeks later I still have 'ache', wandering pains in heart/lung region. Sometimes stabbing, other times flutter, or hot, menthol feeling. Once in awhile it goes away.
- arm pain at left elbow join and above - aches most of the time this last week.
- food allergy? In the past I have on occasion eaten a pastry or tea at a coffee shop and been WIDE AWAKE until 6 am in the morning with my heart beating quickly- but different then this.
- i currently despise exercise or going for walks with my kids. They are little and what is the point. In the fall I was going to the gym and LOVING it, then my dog got sick and we moved. I am 115 lbs, 5'3' but my weight can fluctuate up 8lbs in a week to 10 days just by what I eat!!
wendypape on 2008-02-27
-I try to live a really healthy lifestyle the last 10 years. We sprout, juice, eat mostly organic, make almost everything from scratch, food combine, ozone therapy,herbs etc.
- I have food issues (as do my kids)- I get violent headaches when I eat popcorn, bread, from a restaurant etc. I also don't drink milk.
- after 7 yrs I took up drinking tea again with cream and milk for 4 months, it 'revs' me up but makes my heart 'ache'. I stopped it a month ago.
- periodically (and just before this started) I was craving chocolate really badly and was sneaking maybe 4-8 chocolate bars. If it's in the house I have no willpower-otherwise I won't buy it with my kids around. We keep no junk in the house.
- I don't take any Tylenol or anything like this. Around 19/20 yrs of age I also remember taking drugs to hold down 3 jobs. In my 20's I took A LOT of 222's- sometimes 8 a day, every day- except the codeine didn't make me sleepy-it make me more awake and I could think crystal clear. I smoked a pack a day of cigarettes and I worked 65 hrs a week and drank a great deal of alcohol and drank pepsi for breakfast. I gave IT ALL up when I was about 29 cold turkey.
wendypape last decade
- I have been told in the past by an naturopath that I have a weak lung.
8. Slight back history - I come from a family of worriers. My dad is really bad as was his mom and his sister has a whole life of anxiety attacks and pills. I have a hard time believing this is all emotional because for me I am always looking for the 'physical' answer. Mineral or vitamin deficiency, food allergy etc. it must be 'something', not just my 'nerves'.
I've had a lot of stress in my life- but certainly not more then I thought I could handle.
wendypape last decade
- my 6.5 yr old dog suddenly got sick in the fall. I thought I could heal him. No one had answers. We had to have him euthenized 6 weeks ago. I am devastated. now I feel I might have made him worse. I cannot believe how much I miss him - my heart 'aches'.
- we left our family and friends and followed my husband to a new temporary job 1/2 way across the country to a little cabin in the woods. It is too remote and I hate it.From the first night we got here I laid awake all night and thought WHAT THE HECK DID I DO??? We can't stay here!!! We are in the middle of nowhere!!! Last week we couldn't get out of here to the main road- the feeling of being TRAPPED IS UNBELIEVABLE.
-When we arrived I spent every spare moment with the sick dog until he died. In the meantime my 3 yr old fell into the new woodstove and burned her arm badly. I healed it myself but didn't trust myself and after 8 days took her to the hospital to have someone check it. My husband was not happy about that. He's wondering why I need to keep checking with someone about stuff . My 3 yr old also had hives before we left our other home and they were really bad. I gave her apis 200c going out the door to hospital and it did work, but I had tried a few others without success and was super worried about her. both kids managed to get croup from the hospital! sigh.
- Then the transmission went in my car after the dog died and we were trapped backhere for over a week.
- I then began allergy treatments with an doctor here- it is a holistic method of unblocking energy channels. For 99% of people they feel awesome after. I of course felt HORRIBLE the next day, my body ached badly, my kidnesy, chest, neck, everything. I figured it was the chiropractic adjustment that was bad. it went on all week. But the following week I passed on the chiropractic and I still hurt really really badly for days and the same panic attack stuff came on.
- prior to the anxiety attack, I also called home and my father who is watching our place couldn't remember who I was, where I was and why we were here. It was very frightening and I felt helpless to not be able to help him. After an hour he was fine- he seems to think he was sleeptalking to me. We shall see.
- My older sister misses me desperately and I her. Her husband of 24 yrs just asked her for a divorce. She is an absolute mess. I am not there to help her.
- I am homesick. There is no suitable alternative health care here. There isn't even a health food store. This is not turning out quite the way I thought.
- I am now in charge of all of our bills and i am horrified at how much we owe!
- I am so afraid an ambulance could not get to us back here if something happens to the kids or I. I am FREAKING out on my children as they are climbing all over the furniture here and I am so afraid they are going to get hurt and it will take an hour to get to the hospital!!!! My son smashed his head onto the hardwwood floor and i spent a week thinking he might have a concussion I worried so much., I have always avoided and despised hospitals- we try to treat at home but all my confidence in my abilities seems to be gone. I don't know what is wrong. I've dedicated the last 11 yrs of my life to studying as much about alternative health and healing diseases as I can - since my mom died, and yet I could not save my dog, how can I help my kids!!! I've made them paranoid in public bathrooms as I say DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! and I make them keep there gloves on if they come to the supermarket with me.
-I look at my kids and think they must be sick. If they cough I think they have a disease. When they are sick I'm like a mother hen. My son had a nosebleed again the other night- i know it's an allergy to limes but I keep thinking he must not be strong enough if he has all these sensitivites.l I was not like this before they got whooping cough. That was a horrible nightmarish experience for meand for some reason I went really kooky when that happened. I thought my 4 month old baby was going to stop breathing and die and she did turn blue several times. Our homeopath wouldn't see us and tried tohelp us over the phone with no less then a dozen remedies. I still check on the children at night to make sure they are breathing. We cosleep still but we are down to a queen bed here. We are waiting to purchase a new mattress as the spare one is musty. My 6.5 yr old rightfully so wants his own room. I notice he is so small for his age and he's lost at least a pound of weight lately-and has dark circles under his eyes- same as last year he had such a rough 3 months with colds and stuff! If I'm not with them I think my husband won't watch themclosely enough and something will happen to them. If he were to take them to town on his day off I worry that either they will get in a car accident and die without me or something will happen to me here by myself. Every day my husband leaves for work (he is working with dynamite) I wonder if today will be the day that he will get hurt?- 4.5 yrs ago he was buried alive in a ditch but his partner got to him in time to get his head unburied and a digger to dig him out, he spent a week in bed with crushed ribs and broken collar bone). I feel like I am sitting waiting for the phone to ring for someone to have died, for some tragedy to have happened.
- We homeschool and life used to be fun, but now its not and I am one big bundle of nerves. My husband does not need this added to his pile. It is hard enough on him to do what he does all week. I make sure there is a hot meal on the table when he comes thru the door and I try really hard to keep the house tidy but now I am screaming at the kids to pick their stuff up etc. because i can't keep up. He is an amazing workshorse of a man, not real emotional but truly great kind human being.
There are said to be bears, moose and coyotes here at the new house- I do come from 100 acres back home, but not THIS remote. I think I am afraid to go outside. I wonder what my excuse was back home??? I've always wanted to be the mom that goes outside and has fun with her kids. I am always freaking out because the dishes aren't done, or the laundry, or the meals, I can waste the whole day inside cooking everything from scratch and never get outside, longing to be out in the sunshine and yet day after day I am still inside. What the heck is wrong with me??? At home if I came up from the basement late at night in the dark I would have to run for fear something was going to grab me from behind. I don't like the dark outside. If I need something fromm the truck - I either try desperately to muster up the courage and take the dog with me OR I will wake my husband to go and get it for me. That's something too. The dog that died was an excellent watch dog. The one we still have I don't have a lot of faith in her as a protector.
- I had lots of excuses back home for not getting outside. Here I worry about the neighbours dogs. I am afraid to walk the long laneway without our dog but if I take our dog I am afraid the neighbours dogs will attack mine or what if they attack my children?. What if I run into a moose or a bear- how would I protect my children?
- These thoughts just keep looping around and around and around in my head. I stay up late with insomnia and I wake up exhausted. Eventually it catches up with me and I sleep 12 hrs straight.
- I avoid horror movies, I can't handle watching the news and I don't read the newspaper. My father does all of these things and dwells on it- I have to stop him from sharing things with me, especially late at night.
9. family back ground
father, his mother, his sister- history of anxiety, panic attacks, out of proportion worrying, obsessing etc. I have always prided myself in NOT being like this.
My mother diet at 52 of lung problems- she refused biopsy so they think fibristic lungs-like a dry sponge they said.
Grandmother died of a stroke.
10. qualification of patient
I don't know what this means.
11. Nature of working
I don't know what this means.
12. desire and aversion of food
crave sweets a lot lately, especially in evening after dinner but am afraid it is triggering these pains and feelings. Have been avoiding everything except a bit of syrup on porridge.
13. Mind-behavior, anger, irritability, hurry, impatient and so..
- all of these!!!. YELLING, berating at my kids for no reason- well actually because of fear for them. My poor children. They are not used to this. Very impatient with them. I feel like I just need a break, some time alone, they follow me to the bathroom, they follow me everywhere, so does the dog.
on and how you are peculiar from other person, public speaking or not ,
...... I do not enjoy public speaking. If I am at a function or meeting and I raise my hand to say something and everyone looks at me, I break out in a sweat -my face goes beet red and my thoughts go jumbled and I have trouble speaking.
you can describe all the detail about behaviour,love and affection.
....... I have had no sexual desire since my first child was born. I breastfed both my kdis for a couple of years, we attachment parent, had our babies at home, cloth diapered, co slept etc. My sex drive has come back a few times with a lot ofwork with adrenals etc. but it never lasts. It's not just my husband,I don't find anyone else attractive either. I don't even look in the mirror anymore- sometimes I go days without a shower because there never seems to be time. I hate my ugly clothes. At home, I had a shower EVERY morning. I don't shave my legs anymore because I get big red bumps when I shave and goosebumps in the winter make my legs horribly rough all the time. I don't wear makeup because I'm afraid it's toxic and it's bad for me. I don't bleach my heair anymore because of the chemicals. Before children, I used to have beautiful hair, nails and wear nice clothes,and had the confidence of '10 men' LOL now I look like I've aged 20 yrs and I can't find the time to 'do my hair' or look pretty and I feel like a train wreck. I feel like everything around me is toxic and will hurt me.
wendypape last decade
14. Aggravation & Ameliration - night time is worse for the heart and lung pain, but it is intermittent thru the day. I am lonely. Sunshine seems to make it not feel so bad. I am ok with going to town to do groceries and things like that or meeting neighbours etc. I am very friendly and outgoing. I don't care for really crowded stores and prefer quiet times but I go by myself after my husband is home and the kids are in bed and I enjoy the time alone.
I am very sensitive to perfume, bread, popcorn, gas smells, smoke, - I am either WAYYYYYY UP and feeling FANTASTIC! Or I feel awful and tired and exhausted. I seem to be looking for that which will make me feel good all the time. I am so tired of eating healthy!!- it seems like such a long road and the answers to feeling well again always seem so 'elusive' and just around the corner with some other remedy.
I don't cry. I cried when my dog just died for the first time in probably 5-7 yrs when I cried tears of joy when my children were born. Otherwise I don't cry , in fact I wish I could but it is all blocked. I feel like I have no emotions except anger and irritability. I wish I could laugh. Everything seems so serious. I haven't read a book for fun in 10 yrs- I read only healthy ones and always have 3-5 on the go. I rarely read them from start to finish but peck away. I have difficulty sticking with anything for more then a couple weeks. I am dehydrated. I have such a sky is falling type attitude to do with the whole state of the world . Arghhhhh.
I know this is long, but at this point I have no idea how to short form it. I left this too long and I am in desperate need for help.
I have tried coffea 200c,aconite 30c,arsenicum 30c all at the first happening when I went to emerg. Then cuprum 30c and arnica 200c within the following week or so-all were taken 1 time, last one was taken 13 days ago.
I have felt a bit like this in the past. A back home treated me last summer for similar stuff except I had no 'heart/lung' problems. I was just fearing everything for my children,husband etc. and it was way out of proportion. I cannot remember what she gave me but it worked instantly to the point I didn't give a care about ANYTHING, nothing bothered me- but I was in extreme physical pain for 5 days. She told me to ride it out. I can findout which remedy it was.
In the past I had fears when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I would lock the doors of the house, set the alarm, double check the doors, lay awake with a hammering heart (different then this), she treated mewith Med 1m many times after that. I have been told these remedies should not hurt me physically like this and that she is prescribing too high a dose so Ihaven't returned since the last experience. I told her I was more afraid of the remedy then I was of my fears. However, looking back, I guess they were kept in check for a few months anyhow.
I get cold easily, I always wear my shoes and I wear socks 24/7. I sleep in my clothes 'accidentally' on purpose but always feel that if there is an emergency with my children or the house is burning down I am better off to have clothes on.
Wow, you know after typing all this out, I'm pretty shocked at the reality of all this. My goodness, my husband would be shocked if he knew.
thanks so much for your input.
wendypape last decade
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