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Depression, anger, apathy issues

I've read through the forums as well as attempted to use the software to try and puzzle out some possible remedies, but think it perhaps a good idea to see if someone has some better or more clarifying remedies.

For some time, I have struggled with bouts of severe, almost debilitating depression. Significant aspects include periods of weeping, a deep desire to disconnect and be alone, a strong sense of hopelessness and apathy towards anything that was enjoyable. Looking back at my own personal history, it seems that the feelings and issues are at their worst in the fall - this most recent attack came on very strong in October.

I also have issues with irritability and anger. The only way I can really describe it is situationally - an example is when I'm driving, I often curse or berate other drivers that I perceive as annoying, thoughtless or stupid and will sometimes swear or yell in my car. It impacts my work at times, as I work in a call center and sometimes have outbursts when dealing with difficult customers as well.

I have a family history of cancer, having lost both my parents in my early 20's (I'm now 38). I also lost a significant relationship at that age that I often look back at as my biggest regret.

I am otherwise in good health aside from occasional bouts of cluster headaches that tend to occur most often in April-May and again in September-October.

When I went through the Remedy Finder and included all the symptoms of the depression, irritability as well as the headaches, and the result was Belladonna.

My most pressing concern is with the depression, as I am not currently experiencing a bout of the headaches. The depression has been overwhelming as of late, to the point where there have been thoughts of self-harm - I am not at the point that I would act on any of them and would seek emergency help if I did get to that point.

I have taken anti-depressants in the past with some success, but would like alternative options. Any suggestions are more than welcome and I will happily reply to any requests for clarification needed to find a solution.

Thank you in advance!
  IsIttheGenes on 2010-11-20
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Please describe more about this debilitating depression - what is it like, when does it happen, what are the feelings, what are the thoughts, what makes you feel better, what makes you feel worse, when did it start?

It is very important to describe it in your own words, being as descriptive as possible.

Also, please give a detailed description of the headaches including:-

The type or quality of pain?
The intensity of the pain?
The location of the pain?
The triggers for the headache?
What makes it worse when you have them?
What makes it better when you have them?
When did the headaches start?
What treatments have you? tried for the headaches and What were the results?
What symptoms occur just before, during and after the headaches?
How would you describe your mood or mental state during the headache?

Please describe more about the state you get into when the thoughts of self-harm happen as well.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
To add on to the questions asked by brisbanehomeopath, please also answer the following:

1) What are the diseases you have suffered since childhood ?

2) What was happening in your life when this started ?

3) Have there been any events in your life that have left a profound impact on you ?

4) What are your fears and anxieties if any ?

5) So you feel worse both in spring and fall or just fall ?

6) What are your temperature preferences if any ?

7) Any food cravings or aversions ? Any particular foods that your body doesn't take well ?
sameervermani last decade
Thank you both for offering your assistance. I will attempt to answer your questions with as much detail as possible.

With the depression, it is a sense of complete hopelessness, loneliness, as if nothing at all matters any longer. I can distract myself from the thoughts and feelings in brief spurts, playing video games, reading or watching news. There are also somewhat obsessive thinking about mistakes I've made at work, in life and in relationships. The most recent bout was partly triggered when I saw a photo of a former partner that I strongly regret letting go of approximately 15 years ago. The loss of this relationship occurred shortly after the death of my father and 3 years after the death of my mother.

The overall feeling of depression is that of great loss, regret and severe hopelessness - as if no matter what I do in life, I will never be happy or satisfied. When the thoughts of self-harm occur, I want to end the sadness, the pain, the hopelessness, but want to do so as painlessly as possible, which is part of what's prevented it previously.

In retrospect, there has been some level of disconnectedness and depression I've experienced all my life. A number of events have had an impact on my life - my parents divorced when I was a very small child, I moved in with my father at 13 and suffered some physical abuse until I was 16 when I went to a private school. My mother passed when I was 20, my father when I was 22.

That is perhaps the best description of the depression I can describe for the moment. Again, I will gladly clarify if I missed any points that would be helpful.

As for the headaches, I would describe the pain as if an ice pick has been thrust into my head, with the pain localized around the left eye orbitally - the primary pain point is usually along my left eyebrow or in the space between the bridge of my nose and left cheekbone. It is as if I have been stabbed and it is boring and twisting around my eye. The pain does sometimes radiate across my cheek, behind my left ear and down the neck on the left side.

I have been experiencing the headaches intermittently for approximately 10 years. When I first experienced them, I was in what became a very stressful and unhealthy relationship. The first headache I remember experiencing came after drinking some beer at a social event.

Since then, alcohol has been the only specific trigger I've been able to determine. Otherwise, I haven't figured out what triggers an outbreak of the headaches. It does seem that they occur more frequently around the change of seasons, April or May, then again in September-October. They also occur almost entirely in the overnight hours, often at the same time each night and will sometimes wake me from a sound sleep. The headaches come on very quickly, reaching peak pain levels within a few minutes.

The headaches are made worse by lying down, so I will always get up and tend to either pace or sit and rock when they are bad. I'm very irritable, do not want to be touched at all and feeling anguished when they occur.

I have treated them with doses of over-the-counter naproxen sodium combined with caffeine (usually black coffee at room temperature) and symptoms are gone within 30-45 minutes with that treatment. A hot compact sometimes helps relieve the symptoms, but ice packs sometimes work as well. I have been prescribed sumitriptan for when a headache occurs, and it is equally effective as the naproxen-caffeine treatment. I've also been prescribed depakote to reduce the intensity and shorten the time of a cycle of headaches.

There are no noticable symptoms before a headache, as I am often asleep when they start. The pain starts at a 2-3 and will reach a 6-9 on a ten point scale within 5 minutes. In addition to the pain, the mental anguish and irritability, the left side of my nose becomes completely congested. After the pain has subsided, I'm exhausted and return to sleep.

As for temperature preference, my comfort level is slightly warmer temperatures. Food-wise, I hate broccoli and cauliflour, both the taste and smell, don't like mushrooms, but am otherwise not very finicky.

I think I've covered most of the questions asked by you both and most definitely appreciate your taking time to review my situation.

Thank you again in advance.
IsIttheGenes last decade
I just realized there are two more pieces of information that I neglected to include:

1. I smoke approximately 8-12 cigarettes daily.

2. I have a physical habit of shaking my foot/leg as if nervous or anxious nearly all the time and it is more intense/frequent during the bouts of depression.

Thanks again.
IsIttheGenes last decade
Okay, I have analyzed this, and have 2 remedies in mind, with a slight preference towards one.

MIND - SUICIDAL disposition - pains, from
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - discords between - parents; one's
MIND - TOUCHED - aversion to be etc...
MIND - COMPANY - aversion to
GENERALS - SEASONS - autumn, in - agg.
GENERALS - SEASONS - spring, in - agg.
HEAD - PAIN - cutting
HEAD - PAIN - boring
HEAD - PAIN - increasing - suddenly
HEAD - PAIN - lying agg

The above has to be combined with the general syphilitic taint at play here going by the suicidal depression, apathy, anguish from the pains, and the nightly aggravation of the cutting, boring pains.

The remedies which come to the front are Lachesis and Aurum. My preference is Lachesis due to the causation of the case being discords between parents, the strong left-sided prominence, and the strong aversion to being touched in the headaches.

However, Aurum is also running very strongly in parallel, and covers the general anguish and despair from the headache more strongly than Lachesis. Although, Lach does cover the rubric of suicidal from the pains.

I would be interested in hearing what brisbanehomeopath has to say.

David, any thoughts ?
sameervermani last decade
I didn't read your last post, but this restlessness in legs is also pointing more to Lachesis.

Let's wait for David to comment.
sameervermani last decade
I can see your reasoning Sameer - Aurum occurred to me as well. I have noticed that you get some good results with Lachesis, so I have to keep that in mind too.

I totally agree with the Syphilitic idea too.

Can I ask something though - Isitthegenes what is the feeling you get when you think of suicide?
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I just had a look at suicidal from pain in reference works. It brings up

brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thanks David.

You can add Carc, Thuj and Hep to that symptom of suicidal from pains. (Synthesis)

Lachesis is a remedy which is so commonly indicated, that it is very useful to build a very deep understanding of all it's facets.

I will definitely recommend going with Lachesis here.
sameervermani last decade
Thank you both so much for all the research and assistance.

To answer Brisbane's (David's) last question:
When the thoughts of suicide occur, it is motivated by a deep sense of hopelessness - like there is not a point to going on anymore, as I have nothing to look forward to, nothing will improve or is worth trying to make better.

In going forward with a remedy, one question I have is if I should taper off my pharaceutical medications (currently citalopram) before attempting the remedy. I'll have to order it so would have time to taper before attempting the suggested remedy.

Thank you again - I am indebted to your kindness.
IsIttheGenes last decade
No it is important that you do NOT reduce or stop your medication. Until you are sure that a remedy is creating stable improvement such a step could be disasterous. This should never be done unless a patient is suffering severe side effects.

IsIttheGenes you didn't answer my question fully - I wasn't asking what lead you to think of suicide, I was asking how you feel when you think of it. Once you get to that point, and you start thinking of it, what feeling then comes up in you? Is it different, does it make you feel anything specific?
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Hi IsittheGenes,

If you are in the US, this remedy can be procured at health food stores like whole foods.

The remedy is named Lachesis Mutus and it is to be procured in 30c potency.

Then the dosing procedure is as follows:

Please take 3 doses of Lachesis 30c, equally spaced by 30 minutes for 1 single day ONLY. I.e. 3 doses on one day and from next day no more doses.

Dissolve 2 pellets of Lachesis 30c in a 250 ml spring water bottle. If you leave the pellets for 30 mins in water, they will melt. You can turn the bottle upside down a few times for the pellets to spread after melting to dissolve.

1 teaspoon from here using a disposable spoon is 1 dose.

Let us know in 7 days after the doses.

1/. Nothing should enter the mouth for 40 minutes prior to, or after taking the remedy.
2/. Do not touch the tablets (in your case the liquid) with your hands, tip them into the cap of the container they came in and then into the water .
3/. Avoid coffee, tea (including green), and other sources of caffeine such as some fizzy drinks and large amounts of chocolate, except where this would cause a drastic change in consumption
4/. Avoid wearing perfume/aftershave, or exposure to anything with a strong smell while under treatment. This includes any and all essential oils, and incense.
5/. Avoid the consumption of excessively spicey foods
6/. The use of medicinal herbs, either as 'teas' or supplements should be AVOIDED during Homoeopathic treatment, as should the use of over the counter medication, unless this has been recommended by an MD.
7/. Nothing of a medicinal nature should be applied to the skin

sameervermani last decade
Sorry, David, I didn't see your post before I wrote my last post.
sameervermani last decade
It's ok, if you are confident go ahead. I am still considering a few things, that one question might hold a clue or it might hold nothing lol.

brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ah, I understand the question - Once I get to that point and I'm thinking of it, I feel resigned, almost relieved at the thought that I wouldn't need to worry, be sad, disappoint people or be a burden to anyone.

I believe I have found a local store to get the Lachesis. If this is the recommended course, I will post again when I've taken the doses and I will remain on the prescribed medication as well.
IsIttheGenes last decade
Ah there we go. Relief when thinking of suicide usually leans me towards Aurum.

I still feel if Sameer is very confident with his suggestion you should go with him. We can always consider Aurum later on.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
That is called real homoeopathy. Reasoning and attitude of Semeer Vermani and Brisbane Homoeopath must be appreciated.
maraheem last decade
I am fine with either David, it has to be one of the 2, the word relief is even making me lean towards Aurum.

IsittheGenes, two questions:

1) Does tight clothing impact you in any way ?

2) Do you use your tongue in a very refined but cynical and critical way ? As if you have an intuition about the weakness of others and hence an ability to hurt them with precise sarcastic words ?
sameervermani last decade
I wouldn't say that tight clothing impacts me, but I will say that I'm more comfortable in looser fitting clothing.

In answer to the second question, I will say this: I am very capable of using my tongue and intuition in the manner you describe, but rarely, if ever, actually DO so. Does it make a difference that I can, but choose not to use my words and intuition in that way?

Perhaps the short answer to your question, Sameer, is Yes, I have the intuition and ability, but no, I do not use it to hurt.
IsIttheGenes last decade
I think you can go ahead with Lachesis doses as described above.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
sameervermani last decade
I will certainly report back, it would be the least I can do.

One quick question - I am a regular coffee drinker, so for clarification - do I need to avoid caffeine/coffee the whole period around taking the remedy or just the day of the remedy?

I just noticed it also says 'except where this would cause a drastic change in consumption'. This leads me to think it means avoid more than what the usual consumption would be - I drink approx. 4 cups of coffee when I rise.
IsIttheGenes last decade
4 cups of coffee , hmm.. that is way too much. If you can reduce it slowly, that will be great.

This might mean that we might need to work with LM potencies with you.

However, go ahead with the 30c Lachesis dose with coffee reduced to minimum for the week.
sameervermani last decade
Hello Sameer and Brisbane -

I just wanted to report that I have taken the remedy today. I realized, though, after I had created and taken the solution that I dissolved 3 pellets instead of 2 in the water. I have reduced coffee today and will continue keeping it to a minimum this week.

Thank you again,
IsIttheGenes last decade
That sounds good.
sameervermani last decade
Hello Sameer and Brisbane,

I wanted to follow-up and report on the how I've felt since taking the remedy.

Prior to taking the lachesis, I had begun to feel better with no thoughts of suicide and significantly reduced symptoms of depression. Through some changes in my life, I also saw far less hopelessness and apathy.

Since the remedy during this week, those symptoms continued to abate and are, for the most part, a memory - in a sense, I can hardly recollect how badly I felt, what brought it on, how I had fallen so far.

However, this week I felt a significant increase in my impatience and frustration - part of which I think could be attributed to a change in schedule at work. As a part of the schedule change, my sleep's been disrupted and I've gotten much less than I am had previously. However, I think this only part of it.

Sameer, remember when you asked if I used my tongue in a refined way but cynical and critical? I have felt it more difficult during this week to refrain from doing so regularly, including a regrettable incident when I was more harsh with a customer than was called for at work.

In essence, I've been very very critical of others that I feel are being ignorant, slow, annoying to a much higher degree. It even occurred with my partner towards the end of the week.

As far as the headaches, I've had only one significant incident of the boring pain, which I would rate a 5 on a 10 point scale of pain. It did awaken me and I used an imitrex tablet to eliminate the headache.

I am feeling much more positive and hopeful, but the anger is lingering and, in some ways, increasing as the week has gone on. Thus, I'm wondering if there is a next step to look into going forward.

Also, I have kept the lachesis solution and wanted to ask if it is reasonable down the line to utilize it again in the event the original battery of symptoms begin to return in the future?

I am once again so thankful for your help and hope that in some way that I am able to do the same for others around me.
IsIttheGenes last decade

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