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Depression,larger subserous fibroid

I am 40 year old female,

current physical problems: subserous fibroid-11x10x6 cm and 2-3 miniscule fibrods , chronic candidiasis
mental: recurrent anxiety attacks and depression from past 5 years.

History:
childhood: Constant arguments,conflict at home between parents,
Mother - very low self image- histrionic type,very critical and sarcastic to family members and relatives, submissive and nice to friends(higher self image people)

Father: cold ,insensitive to mother, good material support to family but never truly opens up nor sensitive to emotional needs of wife.

elder brother: diagnosed schizophrenic at age 13- extreme anger , social phobia,restricts people coming to house as he feels threatened by others; and also restricts our movement at home and our talk.

Myself: Sweaty palms/feet as a child, constipation

From age 13- unconscious guilt,fickle mind, craved for acceptance, love,affection and open acceptance at home,

,overwhelmed by big gatherings, apprehension,fear of failure,indecisiveness;hypochondriac , Insomnia- trouble falling asleep.

menstural cycle: periods every 4-5 months-clotted flow,lower back pain , 1st day of or just before periods feel very small 1-2 clots from anus,
estrogen dominance- fibreadenoma of breast at age 18- got operated on left breat with local anaesthisia.

Constantly got addicted to dwelling in fantasies of being taken care by some romantic person (some times whom I have come across in real life or from what I see or imagine)
Sluggishness, clumsiness,laziness
Phobias: of surgery , snakes , speed- driving a vehicle , being responsible in any situation- family/job , overwhelemed by thought of having and taking care of kids

Married at age 29: arranged marriage-
constant stress due to difference in personalities-he had poor logical,reading comphrehension skills, he could not work for 4 years after marriage.(
could not understand him and was closed to him though materially supported him Showed all my negative emotions on him directly without censoring them- I am not used to do this anywhere .(thogh to a little

extent I used to show it on my mother to an etent before marriage.)
Various digestive complaints-food allergies to wheat,milk ; joint pains,severe hormonal imbalance, candidiasis, mild depression- no enthusiasm in life
Lived outside India 10 years after marriage.
As I developed various health problems after marriage- quit ithe job after 2 years of getting married, was depressed , confined to home only , used to come to India by myself every year for 5-6 months-

while in India -never used to miss him that much...not sure why
all my romantic fantasies became zero or negative after marriage-

Husband diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic few years back.

We both were unable to bear our individual mental/emotional state so had been living separately for past 2 years(after 10 years of staying together in the relation).

.Past 1.5 year has been very helpful as I was introspecting myself on a deeper level.- Jornalling my thoughts , feelings , any painful emotions in a book almost every day.

As long as I was in the relation I thought he was the cause of all my problems-
Then after that was too guilty of my behaviour and rejected myself.
Now able to understand that we both behaved the way we knew best at that moment based on our genetic patterns,environment...

Inspite of some of the steps taken towards inner healing I still have problems specially with major depression

Physical: estrogen dominance, Large subserous fibroid : 11x10x6 cm , , anaemia , chronic candidiasis , food allergies to wheat and milk products
Hunger : extreme - blood sugar normal but have hypoglycemic sysmptoms
Foods I like: slightly sour ,spicy , slightly bitter foods like karela
Foods I can't tolerate: too sweet foods
Weather preference: moderate - can't tolerate any extrmes of heat or cold ;
Spaces: prefer open spaces ...feel overwhelmed by closed environments and people with narrow minds/closed hearts where I cannot be myself.
Psychological: DEpression - heaviness-denseness at back opf head and spine , don't feel like doing any thing , onlt dream of doing but no action -contradiction and unable to tolerate people living in close

physical proximity- whether it's a perent,sibling etc.
extreme mood swings - extereme resistance to change of any sort , only dream of doing things but lack action ; anger,depression ; extreme intolerance to noise ,

Menstrual cycle: From past 4-5 years - Cycle every 30-35 days. Spotting 4-5 days before periods , flow is very mucosy and clotted , extreme hunger few days before periods, do not like anyone to be

around me during periods.

Environment: current environment with my parents and my elder brother where we are not allowed to talk freely and openly; restriction of neighbors,friends,relatives inside the house.) I still have extreme

mood swings- anger/sadness , extreme intolerance to contradiction and intimacy which is beyond logic .But I got addicted to the pain or comfort zone and am unable to take action in moving out of my

parent's house and living by myself. I don't even express I'm depressed as they might not let me stay in their hosue as my parents have gone trhrough a lot with my elder brother and can't tolerate one more

with problems.

I am contemplating surgery
( phobia of surgery- I am not sure if it's rigid clinging to the body or current depression or extreme fear of losing control over my body or extreme resistance to change).

But I feel very guilty of being needy and asking for help. (5-6 years back I would tell to everyone I know about my pain but now feel very guilty of having problems)
Have these symtoms since childhood:
Dread of people, and desire to be alone, because they feel people will pick up on their mental distress. Ambra patients do not want to be 'exposed'
Cannot do anything cooly in presence of others.- feel very anxious
unconscious addiction to painful things
Intense fear of touching any animal.- cat/dog..

.I was reading online and get confused as I feel my symptoms match with
Lycopodium 200, (trouble in intimate relation , low self image but cover it up)
natrum mur 200 (discontentment with family , guilt of appearing needy , comfortable in 1-1 conversation as opposed to large groups)
, Calcarea Carb 200.

I also have a major problem of trusting any healer/doctor/medecine and surrendering to the treatment plan.

Can you guide me if I can be treated by- phone/email and if I can postpone surgery or should use homeopathy after surgery.

Other than depression/panic attacks occasionaly I move about well (ofcourse ther's anaemia and lot of pressure on abdominal area and lower back pain because of fibroid)


Thanks

Parla
 
  parl524 on 2011-11-26
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
U sounds like Graphites.
We have to see what other doctors said.
by
cvvek
 
cvvek last decade
I can have a look at this if you like.

It is very important that you do NOT quote remedies, and do not try to talk to us in those terms. Your expressions must be uncorrupted by the essays that are written on those remedies in order to help choose a medicine for you.

What do you mean you have problems trusting and surrenduring to the treatment plan? That needs to be cleared up right away if I am going to spend time analyzing the case.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I will be very thankful if you look into my case -BrisbaneHomeopath.
As the depression sometimes is too unbearable-heaviness in head and rigid dense energy engulfing me-I am not able to move out and take any action- I am desperate for help.
I have problems sticking to any treatment plan if I do not feel any change in the symptoms in 3-6 months time.
The constant questioning keeps happening in my mind- did the doctor analyze my case right - Was I given the right medicine.
I have severe side effects to Western medicine with my sensitive digestion so mostly avoid it.
Coming to Homeopathy I had tried it 5-6 years back for 6 months (The homeopath was out of state in India - I met only once in person and was given a prescription for 6 months telling that should work )but didn't see any change in symptoms so stopped it.
But if I have the option to openly communicate my symptoms during the time I use the remedy I am pretty open and very comfortable.

I am more open and receiving for healing NOW as I trust life consciously and able to openly convey/admit the wounded/negative aspects in me to doctors/close friends (before I used to hide the bad in me because of guilt).

I am sorry for guessing the remedy names in my first mail-I will leave that responsibility to you and relax my mind.

[message edited by parl524 on Sun, 27 Nov 2011 11:49:25 GMT]
[message edited by parl524 on Sun, 27 Nov 2011 11:59:58 GMT]
[message edited by parl524 on Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:03:58 GMT]
 
parl524 last decade
Please describe in detail the following:

Rigid and dense energy engulfing me

Give me images, different words, sensations, descriptions - I want to really imagine what it is like for you.

If you were to describe something that was engulfed by rigid and dense energy, how would you describe that to me (not using yourself as the example).

Also expand more on the following:

Fantasies of being taken care of by some romantic person

Phobia of surgery

Phobia of snakes

Phobia of speed

Phobia of being responsible

All my romantic fantasies became zero

Extreme resistance to change

Extreme intolerance of noise

Extreme intolerance of contradiction

Extreme intolerance of intimacy
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Sorry for the delay in reply:
I had laproscopic surgery
on Dec 9 -2011-for the larger fibroid and later had problems after that- severe neck pain/sciatica pain/lower back pain
and I couldn't even sit for 10 mts normally.
Now I feel better- pain is still there but bearable.


Coming back to the symptom description:

1.???Rigid and dense energy engulfing me-

As if the energy inside the body is soldified and suddenly feel gloomy and depressed.Even normal sounds/talk
make me very irritated and angry. I feel as if some entity with dense energy is residing in me and I feel very
uncomfortable until this phase disappears.
.Can't even enage in simple talk with family members or close friends .

From when I got operated in DEcember I was not experiencing it that much ,so waited until I could explain it more specifically.
in last week of january.

From 2 months it is mostly headaches at lower back of the head ,head very sensitive to touch also.Difficulty falling asleep.
Head ache is so severe/throbbing that I feel like banging the head to the wall .
Effects after surgery:Slight swelling/numbness of both legs below knees and below feet.
Dull/constant lower back pain, left sciatia- pain at left hip joint -
and feel radiating till top of head.

doctor's prognosis: might be due to B12 deficieny , malabsorption at ileum part and was advised B12 injections
and some probitics.Just started the B12 shots.Feel relieved with headaches to a larger extent.


2a.Fantasies of being taken care of by some romantic person
From adolescence obsessive thought patterns- Some good looking guy who is well educated/strong confidence levels
likes me-specially my looks and my constant thoughts were he looking at me , holding me.I would fantasize that -that
would boost my self image and I can be a strong,confident and happy woman.


2b.All my romantic fantasies became zero. 2c. Extreme intolerance of intimacy
After marriage I repelled his touch also- I was scared of physical intimacy..was frigid.
I repelled physical intimacy - repulsive to his private parts (seeing and being touched by them)..Would make me rigid
and frozen.
I also used to have constant fear of I met get pregnant and that it would worsen my health or I would give birth to
not so healthy kid/am not capable of taking care of kids-mentally/emotionally/physically.

I see that in everything- Excitement of any book/work is there before I start and once I start the work
I get bored and feel like leaving it undone.
Even answering to your queries I couldn't do in 1 session-
I felt too much for me to write in a single session- had to break into 3 sessions and see my mind is more calm/peaceful.

3.Phobia of surgery
Rigid clinging to body and enormous fear/sadness to surrender my body to someone-something worst might happen-
i might contract AIDS with blood transfusion during surgery-or some nerves may be cut by mistake and I might be
bedridden/be killed... or there's no one to take care during my recovery period.
Because of being aware of my thought patterns/emotions in the recent past and meeting a Gynecologist
who was very friendly/open/accepting-
I had undergone for surgery- I am not sure how far it helps me physically but it has helped me overcome fear of surgery to
an extent and realize the fact that how many ever precautions I might take what ever has to happen will happen and there's
no point worrying about it other than taking action when needed.


4.Phobia of snakes- Can't see them even on TV-close my eyes or look away...feel overwhelming fear which
reverberates in my body for a while-Then a thought comes that if a snake surrounds or crawls on my I might die of panic.
General repulsion to all reptiles- crawling creatures.

5.
Phobia of speed
IF I am to drive a vehicle extreme fear/nervousness appears (beyond logic) and I feel I might hit someone or get hit
and get hurt/die.
Nervousness/panic is beyong my understanding.
I can't sit on roller coasters ....it makes me extremely nervous.


6.Phobia of being responsible
:Some unknown fear of being responsible ...always had fear of having kids-fear that I can't take responsibility of
raising them and take care when they fall sick..the thoughts also make me scary.
Even in professions- I am scared of being in a responsible post- Feel embarrassed/guilty to
tell confidently/strongly what I want from others and fear of being blamed or held responsible for their failures.
Feel don't have the authority/confidence to express myself.

6. Extreme intolerance of noise
I see that in my father/brother and me..I get so irritated/angry when I hear loud voices/sounds.
When on the roads-vehicles -honking make me very nervous/angry -feel head more congested/dense.. can't function normally ..
feel I need to escape from that place immediately or else my head would burst.



7.Extreme resistance to change

Unknowingly cling to the past/present and do not have any enthusiasm to change-
Even when I don't like the job I am doing I don't take steps to find new job..
On the contrary I get easily boured on routine tasks - like cutting vegetables,drawing, or doing repetitive tasks
with 1hr. I had written some exam recently and noticed that I write the first half of the paper (3hrs paper) with lot
of interest and enthusiasm but as it crosses 1-2 hrs I just scribble fast- I lose patience physically/mentally.



8.Extreme intolerance of contradiction
If my ideas/beliefs-what I wear,What I eat ,what I do/don't do are criticized/not approved by close family/friends
I get so angry and can't bear the rejection at that time.If I feel close to that person I tell openly and with
lot of anger my idea is right and they are wrong otherwise I just feel like leaving the room.
Though I have consciously realized every one is free to have their own opinions/beliefs as per their understanding
I am unable to bear the rejection when people are around me and the time contradiction happenss .
Just people(more with known people) watching me makes me feel nervous (beyond logic) and the
obsessive thought patterns repeat where I feel I am being labelled,rejected .


This is all I could answer to my best of my knowledge at this time-.Hope this answers your queries.
 
parl524 last decade

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