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I cannot live like this- depression


Please give any advice you can on the right remedy for me. I’ve tried everything imaginable to get over this state of isolation from life (also some homeopathic remedies) and don’t know what else to do. I’ll try to be as concise and clear as possible to be helpful to you.

I’m a pretty single 34 yr old with fair complexion. I don’t wish to live (I attempted suicide once and think about doing it often), enjoy myself or go out with friends but at the same time I hate my life. I’ve been depressed for 5 years but have had melancholy and anxiety for almost ever. I’m reserved, quiet, non-assertive, polite, serious, meek, tidy, pretty perfectionist, I have difficulty expressing myself and my feelings (which I don’t show), I lack of coordination, will power, self-confidence and self-esteem (I believe I’m a failure, boring, insecure, inadequate, worthless, inferior, envy other women because I want to be some-body else and I change my mind constantly. I can’t laugh or feel joy anymore. I am afraid of getting hurt by other people and always lose interest when I’m in a relationship or from a job after a while. I used to be very patient but now I get irritable easily and take it out on my parents unfortunately. I’ve tried almost every antidepressant and felt very little relief (anxiety was ameliorated sometimes). They only intoxicated my body. I get stressed easily; in fact my depression and subsequent withdrawal from everything and everyone started after I had left a job that stressed me out. I haven’t had major traumas in my life but I take it very seriously and reproach myself for every mistake I make or person I hurt. I don’t like to be criticized because I already do it to myself.

My symptoms are the following: little energy, IBS, PMS (depression, weakness and tearfulness aggravated, back pain, stomach camps, head-aches, swollen and painful breasts; light and irregular periods last 4 days with absence interval on 3rd day), urinary infections, I urinate frequently but sometimes it’s scarce and get an upset stomach if I don’t urinate during early morning or when I feel anxious, have constipation, a sweet-tooth, no food allergies or dislikes (like cold foods and drinks in Summer and the opposite in Winter), not much thirst (except summer) my gums bleed frequently after brushing, I’m very short-sighted and have dark circles under eyes (sometimes I have a twitch which lasts a min. under right eye), I perspire easily and odour is unpleasant, I dislike saunas because of the hot air, get tired from lying under sun and dislike extreme cold which causes head-ache, I sneeze easily from a cold draught, have mixed combination skin and pimples (on face, chest, back and upper arms), sometimes I have a pin needle pain where my heart is, I have freckles and moles on face, white marks on my nails which I tend to bite, my inner ears itch and tend to get infected from touch, I have restless sleep ( I sleep on my right side with hands close to face) and wake up at 4 am, (my dreams aren’t of recurrent things) I tend to be over my ideal weight, have some white hairs on my head, my colds are short but intense (watering eyes, sneezing, running and blocked nose, watery discharge then thick yellow discharge at ending), cough if I talk loudly with emotion, my veins are very visible all over and my hand veins surface during summer. Also I feel anxious (perspiration, palpitations and constricted tension in my chest) being around people, having the attention of people on what I’m doing, I refuse to go into a low and narrow tunnel or to drive in a lot of traffic.

I hope I have given you a clear picture of my personality and symptoms.
Please reply and thank you in advance.
Yours sincerely,Gina
  Gina71 on 2005-06-30
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Dear Gina,

I am so sorry to hear of all the pain that you are experiencing.But suicide is not a solution.It is certainly better to stay and fight with whatever the odds.Homeopathy can certainly help.

You can start with Aurum Met. 1M one dose and then wait for a week to see the results.One dose is two drops or two globules.

All the best.

rajivprasad last decade
Please don't consider such a drastic act. Life is often difficult and challenging at times but circumstances can and will change. You have a purpose to your life and you are loved. Don't lose faith!

Try the Aurum Met. as advised.... it is very powerful and will help.

Best regards,

jentoun last decade
Absolutely on the Aurum Met. Great remedy and powerful.

To address your heart chakra imbalance (lack of self-love, self-critical) get a strand of rose quartz beads about 24 inches long and wear them constantly (except when bathing.) At night, place them by your bedside. Every day or two, set them in the sunshine and recharge them. I have found this gemstone to be one of the best heart healers when it comes to the situation you are in. It also works beautifully in tandem with Aurum Met.

The fact that you came to this Forum and wrote so extensively on your problems shows me that you want to live more than die. Let us know your progress.

Jim Sheldon ND last decade
Dear Rajiv, Jann and Jim,

I didn’t expect to receive a reply so rapidly and as I read them tears came to my eyes. I am truly moved and I really appreciate your interest.
Unfortunately I have already tried Aurum Met. My homeopath prescribed 1 MK monodose taken half at a time (2 wks) and 10MK monodose for another 2 weeks but nothing changed.
2) Acidum Phosphoricum 30 CH, which gave me some energy.
3) Silicea 1MK monodose
4) Arsenicum A. 200CH and then 6LM
5) Baryta Carbonica 3CH
6) Acidum Phos. 30 CH again but didn’t help this time
7) Ignatia A. 1MK monodose
8) Sulphur 1MK monodose (felt some libido)
9) Natrum Mur. 1MK (helped my constipation)
Almost all of them made me feel worse and sleepy, but there wasn’t any mental improvement.
Looking through my physical symptoms, Lycopodium and Pulsatilla seem to cover quite a few of them. Could they be worth trying?

Thanks again for your advice,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

Don't worry.Homeopathy is a vast ocean and there are many pearls left that can still come to your rescue.If one has a positive approach towards life, even miracles are possible.The important thing is trying.We shall try and by God's grace you shall be restored to health.

You answer the following questions:

Do you feel disturbed when you see injustice being done and feel like supporting for the person who is being victimized? Strong values about what is right and wrong?Feelings of guilt if you are unable to measure up to the high ethical standards that you have set for yourself?Do you hate spicy food? Specifically do you have an aversion to or digestive problems from consuming chillies, pepper etc.? Do you feel homesick if you have ever been away from home?Any history of perennial coughs and colds?If there are three happy moments from your life which you fondly remember, can you describe them for us?Similarly three most unhappy moments and what caused those happy or unhappy moments?What are the three things that you would like to change about your life?Do you feel worse in summer,winter,rainy season etc.?Your hobbies?Fears, desires, any peculiar habbits, thoughts or dreams that keep repeating?

This questions are to help identify a suitable remedy.Meanwhile don't lose hope and cheer up.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

I was very relieved when I read your e-mail; it gave me hope. Thank you very much. I’ll answer your questions the best I can.

Do you feel disturbed when you see injustice being done and feel like supporting for the person who is being victimized?
Yes, I do. I am strongly against war, corruption, any kind of abuse and exploitation of mankind and nature. In fact sometimes I wish I had the power to do something constructive to change this world but then I think to myself that it’s impossible; money and power generate greed for more money and power. That is where the weakness of human beings lies. It’s sad but it’s true. On the other hand I don’t do anything to change what I can.

Strong values about what is right and wrong?
It’s not always easy to tell right from wrong because it depends on the situation. There’s also grey and not only black or white.

Feelings of guilt if you are unable to measure up to the high ethical standards that you have set for yourself?
Yes, I do feel guilty when what I do is just adequate enough; I’d love to have a natural talent when it comes to an occupation I’m interested in. At school I had to struggle just to make it to the next level. I hated those days!

As for food, I like everything, especially hot and spicy cuisines and I love trying out all the ones I can. And no, I don’t have digestive problems (perhaps a few from eating beans but nothing bothersome).

No, I don’t tend to be homesick when I’m away: I’ve lived and worked abroad for quite a few years. I do, only when I’m not satisfied with the situation I’m in or I feel stressed out.

As for coughs and colds, I tend to catch them from others. I think my vulnerability depends on my stress levels though.

Happy moments
1) One was from my childhood when I was about 6. It was Easter and my Mum used to hide all the Easter eggs around the apartment we lived in. To my great surprise I found a big teddy bear as tall as I was embracing an Easter egg. I became really fond of that bear! I believe it was a happy moment because I love surprises.

What made the next moments special was the fact that I was abroad and I love travelling.
2) I was in Canada for 5 mths and I went to the concert of Sting in Toronto. The location was enchanting: the stadium overlooked Lake Ontario and then there was sunset. I felt euphoric clapping my hands until they hurt. I had never felt such a high in my life.
3) I was in Rio during the period in which I worked on the cruise ships and I was seeing a guy. The ship stayed at anchor for the night, we went out for dinner and then went for a walk along the Ipanema beach. We ended up staying there all night and we watched the most spectacular dawn.

Unhappy moments (excluding these last years) or regrets. They have to do with me feeling hurt or me hurting someone else.
For almost all my life I have had a part-time Father; he used to work on the ships as a captain. I was very possessive of him but I never told him or showed it openly.
1) There was this one time that he came back home after 3 or 4 mths and I was really excited to see him again but that day my Mum invited my cousins to our house so I got upset and walked to the beach where I sulked and cried. I stayed there several hours but no-one came looking for me so eventually I went back home because it was getting dark. I don’t remember my Mum or Dad being upset due to my absence.

2) I worked in the UK for a while and shared an apartment with some friends, which I cared for a lot. I fell out with one of them for something I did wrong (I don’t remember exactly what) so we weren’t speaking to each other. One day she screamed and I didn’t go up stairs because I thought the sight of me would upset her even more and I knew there was someone in the house who could go to see what was wrong. Anyway the next day a mutual friend of ours came to see us and she started telling her what had happened and then she pushed the door with her foot in front of me. I didn’t say anything and just went to my bedroom. I feel so guilty about the whole thing and I wish I had gone to see what was wrong with her.
3) When I was working on one of the cruise ships as a casino dealer I got a warning because my working procedures weren’t according to the norm. I was already depressed then and I was fairly distracted. Anyway I didn’t get along with the couple I worked with.

What I would change in my life: I would have to change my outlook on life and the way I react to the various events.
1) Firstly I would like to have a job that I enjoy without losing interest in it and where I get along with my co-workers.
2) I would like to have a companion and accept him the way he is, without wanting to change him.
3) I would like to have a circle of friends with whom I feel comfortable.

I don’t like extreme temperatures: I can’t stand hot and dry heat or very cold with wind. My ideal temperature is 25°c. I love the beach but I get tired if I stay under the sun too long. Sometimes I get a rash that itches on my chest and upper arms.

My hobbies are reading, travelling, tennis and cinema.

1) recovering from this depression
2) living the life I wish to have
3) knowing what I want to do with my life
4) learning to accept and love myself so I can do the same to others
5) getting over my insecurity and need of approval so I could stop avoiding confrontations
6) being able to get married
7) finding internal peace
8) having a job where I can be of real help and not feeling overwhelmed by it
9) to live somewhere else, certainly not with my parents and not in Italy
10) to feel like going out and enjoying myself
11) stop avoiding people and friends too because I don’t want them to see how apathic and gloomy I am and being afraid of what their opinion of me. I don’t even feel like talking and can’t laugh anymore.
12) turn back time and do certain things differently.

1) low and narrow tunnels
2) driving when there’s a lot of traffic in busy cities
3) extreme heights

Repeating thoughts:
1) How am I going to get out of this situation? It’s gone on for too long
2) I can’t stand this life anymore
3) How I can end my sorry life and find the courage to pull it through. I have already lost so many years.
4) I’m so bored, I don’t know what to do
5) Why is everything so difficult?
6) Life’s not fair

Sometimes I dream of being in a group of people and being ignored; when this happens I feel very low when I wake up. Other times I dream that I’ve just missed my school bus and it upsets me. Last year I dreamt of walking on a street but I could hardly move because my legs were as heavy as if made of lead. Lately I haven’t dreamt anything that stuck in my mind.

That’s really nice of you to take the time to help me out. Not many people would do that.

Take care,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

Don't worry.Everything will be all right.I have identified your remedy.You can take this and see the wonderful results.I am sure you will come out of your depression in a month or two.

Take Causticum 10M one dose and then wait for three weeks to see its impact upon yourself. One dose is either two drops if you get the remedy in liquid form or two globules if you get it in solid form.I prefer liquid medicine because two drops are two drops all over the world. In case of globules or pellets the sizes may differ and hence it is difficult to control the dosage.

Take the medicine and take care.May God bless you.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

Oh thank you. You don't know how much your help has meant to me. You're a great guy. I'll keep you posted.

Take care,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

Thanks for the kind words.Please take the medicine at the earliest and let me know the results.

With regards.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

I took Causticum 10 MK in liquid form as you told me a week ago. I’ve been having the same reactions I had to Natrum Mur. and to Aurum Met. but they are more intense. After the first dose I had to take a nap, which is a positive sign, right? I’ve been very tired, anxious and I had the most terrible cold. Will it be possible for me to feel some relief during this week or will I have to wait for another 2 weeks?
I really appreciate your advice but I hope you are 100% sure that this remedy is my ‘similum’ because I’d hate to have to go through all this again. Does homeopathy cure everyone from depression? All my doctors lost their faith in my recovery like myself. Furthermore my immune system has been weakened by the antidepressant therapy I did.

Thanks again for your help and support. It means a lot to me!

Kind regards,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

I am so happy that you took the medicine and have had some reactions from it.The nap,cold etc. are all positive signs and mean that the remedy has started a healing response.Homeopathy can help with all cases of depression where the doctor is able to find the correct remedy and the patient cooperates. Do not take any medicine allopathic or even homeopathic and report at the end of three weeks after takin the remedy.

You will be all right in a few months to an year.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

Thank you for your reply.I'll let you know.

Kind regards,
Gina71 last decade
Hi Gina. Just stick with it - take heart from what Rajiv has said. It may be difficult sometimes, but you can always come to the forum and find help - even if its just to articulate how you're feeling.
We wish you well.
Minsa last decade
Dear Minsa,

Thankyou for your interest in my case. Luckily i have started to feel a little better. I hope the healing will continue because I need a bit of sunshine.

Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina

Your description of your illness is very well communicated - and I can sympathise with your situation as I share many of the same symptoms. Your description of your depression was like reading my own thoughts! I have tried many remedies, but have found little relief - though as I'm sure you know - it comes in waves sometimes - and there are times where it is unbearable - and times when it is manageable!
I have found often the best way to cope is to talk about the way you are feeling - and share your experiences.
It seems like you have an interesting life - although I'm sure you don't feel that way.
If you would like to share some of your experiences of depression - please feel free to reply.

Keep hope
Justin (34)
justing last decade
Dear Gina,
There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, people around you affect you badly, i would advice you to take holiday, complete rest and not may people around you, complete relaxation. Sometimes, to be too intelligent is also a problem, slow down a bit. od will definitly bless you with eternal happiness.
Neeru Thakur last decade
Dear Rajiv,

It’s been 3 long weeks since I started taking Causticum. After 10 days I felt psychologically better for the following 5 days and then I started feeling the desperation creeping back on me again. Do you know if it’s normal to have this kind of experience?
At least I’ve had a slight improvement in my physical symptoms.

Please let me know what you think about this and again, thanks so much for your cooperation.

Kind regards,
Gina71 last decade
Dera Neeru,

Thankyou for your concern but i don't believe that a holiday and relaxation is the right thing for me. Actually i did try doing something like that last year but it didn't help. I just couldn't appreciate anything and i felt miserable (all i wanted to do was sleep). If you've never suffered from depression or had direct experience with someone who has, you cannot understand what it feels like no matter how much you try.

Kind regards,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

I am so happy to know that the first dose of Causticum has helped you a little bit.All the indications till now are encouraging.The fact that your improvement psychologically stopped after 15 days indicates that we now have to repeat the medicine.Physical symptoms better again confirm the remedy choice.We have certainly found the right remedy and so cheer up.

Do i see you smiling now?!!If no, please do.One way of coming out of depression apart from medical treatment is starting to appreciate the god things that are there in the world like this forum.

Please take the second dose of the medicine and report the response after a few days and keep me updated.

Bye and take care.May God bless you.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

Thanks so much for answering. You’re a very nice guy!
I hope you haven’t been affected in any way by the flooding you had a few days ago.
I’m very glad to hear you say that Causticum is the right remedy for me; I’m looking forward to finding that relief again. I’ll let you know when it happens. I do appreciate that you were the one to answer to my request of help.
I hope you have a good Summer holiday!

Ciao and take care,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Rajiv,

Sorry to bother you again but it’s 4 days since I took the 2nd dose of Causticum. After the first dose a problem (constipation) I had, disappeared and stayed that way until after the 2nd dose when it reappeared. Why do you think that happened? I am also finding it necessary to sleep a couple of hours after lunch even if I have an 8hour sleep at night like the first time I took the remedy. But more important, I don’t feel better psychologically. Please tell me what must I do at this point?

Thank you for your precious help!
Take care,
Gina71 last decade
Just a very good idea i came across today....

GET BUSY !!! i dont know what kind of job you r in but if you are in a profession where you can help others (like nursing or a doctor) its a BIG relief)...when you r helping others , you forget your own problems......

if you are unsatisfied with youir current job, try to learn a new skill like social service, nursing , counselling...etc and very soon you will be out of your depression...i was also like you ...tried many allopathic and homeopathic meds but the best thing that helped me was a job involving caring for the sick.
Alfalfa Q last decade
Dear Gina,

Appologies for late reply.I have been away for the last two weeks on a work related tour and hence not able to access the net frequently.Thanks for your personal concern towards me and your kind words.It is my privilege to be of help to you or anyone else in this world.One of the secrets of happiness is to look at the problems of those who are more unfortunate than us and if possible help them.Love when shared with the universe around can be the greatest remedy yet discovered.

Coming back to Causticum, i think all the indications are perfect.You are responding beautifully to it.The need for afternoon sleep is an excellent sign as the vital force is trying to calm down your psyche.There is nothing more calming to the mind than a good refreshing sleep especially if you feel refreshed after it.Are you seeing some dreams in your sleep after taking the medicine.If yes, please share them with me if you can.They would help me further in interpreting the response that is being generated by the remedy.Don't worry if you do not feel better psychologically immediately.It will happen slowly but steadily as the remedy is the right one.Return of constipation only indicates that it is a deep rooted ailment but as long as its intensity is lesser than earlier it is fine.After a few doses it will be removed completely and then symptoms which were present before constipation would come only to go away after a while.

Don't worry.Everything will be fine.Keep smiling.

rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv,

You don’t have to apologize; I am grateful just to hear from you. I am sure you will be a great Doctor and Homeopath one day.
As for my dreams,(they haven't changed) I forgot to mention that water is often present either in form of rain, puddles, lake or sea. Does that mean anything? Well, I know that I love the sea and like lakes. I won’t tell you all the details of a particular dream (it could be boring!) but just the unusual ones. In it I was watching some people sit in a car that was in repair; it had no roof and the front hood where the engine is, was missing and later I saw 3 people sitting on the steps outside a bar or restaurant under the pouring rain getting soaked but not reacting at all.
Do you reckon that the next time I will feel better, that sensation will last? Have you helped some people with depression?
Well, I hope your studies are going well and that you are enjoying the Summer season!

Take care,
Gina71 last decade
Dear Gina,

Thanks for your kind words.

Yes i have helped many patients of severe depression of many years standing recover from their ailment.I am in fact more interested in such cases as i am a student of Organization Behavior, especially the part pertaining to individual behavior.My interest in Psychology was one of the reasons which attracted me towards Homeopathy as it is perhaps the only system of therapy which gives so much importance to a person's emotional life and psychological profile.Your dreams are interesting and have already given me a clue with regard to the future course of treatment.Were these dreams seen by you after taking Causticum or before? Any unusual dream that you have seen after taking Causticum.Please share if possible.

How are you feeling now as compared to a month back bot physically and emotionally?

rajivprasad last decade

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Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.