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Psychotic Depression For 6 years - Desperate Please help

I am married 33 years old with fair complextion. I have one daughter 4 years old. I have light, black
hair with grey hair mixed, hair in front of forehead. I weigh around 156 lbs. I have height of 5' 7".
I have soft hands.


I have been suffering from depression for the last 6 years. It started 6 years back
during my study in homeopahtic college, where I met a girl (abc) which I enjoyed the relationship
for 3-4 years (no sex). Then suddenly she refused to marry me (without any reason - or she never
disclosed it).

I was very possesive about her - I used to get angry - even if she talks happily with some
other boy. I used to kept waiting for her phone, if she did not phone me - I used to get

I even went to a temple and bring religious things (sindur for marriage), but she refused
to take it.

I was very stressed when she refused to marry me. She stopped talking to me, I was very
tensed. She used to smile with others, and I get very angry. I tried to convince her to start
the love again, but she did not.

She went to a trip after 2 days of refusing. I came to know of her having someone else in
her life.

I threatned her to kill her or get her killed. I phoned her mohter to make it difficult for
her marriage. I will disclose of my affair with her and put obstructions for her marriage,
which I did not do it and kept everything in my mind. I was very tense in those days.

Those days were my final exam days. Suddenly one night, I started having thoughts of bad
words about hindu goddess(mata) and bad sexual words about goddess. I got afraid of having
these thoughts - why I am thinking bad about goddess. Goddess will punish me.

I used to have sexual thoughts about her, which I used to forcefully suppress by thinking
about the hindu goddess (mata). I should not have thoughts of sex with her, becuase she has refused
me anyway, so I should not think about her, becuase I cannot get her.

I did not have any sex with this girl.

I used to have no sleep in those days - which increased my anxiety more.

I started converting those thoughts forcefully - i.e I replaced goddess with my mother so
that goddess does not punish me - my mom will not punish me anyway.

I replaced mom with bad words - mummy (i.e dead body) and I started using bad sexual words with
dead body. Then I started having thoughts of any im-imaterial things assuming it being a
dead body.

dead body just kept circling in my mind and I got very afraid.

Then I tried converting this dead body (any im-imaterial thing) to a live thing forcefully - in order
to try to deal with this fear.

Then in mean time, I got married and was happy after that for 2-3 years. I disclosed everything
about my affair to my wife. I did not have thoughts about goddess, bad sexual words for 2-3 years.

I studied further about computers and started the job in a technical college.
There also I met a married lady with 2 child - with which I used to have same feelings - as I used
to have with the girl in the college. I was used to be happy in those days.

I disclosed this affair to my wife. I promised to keep both of her. She got angry and I was stressed.
Again after 6 months these thoughts of thing alive - which I force fully converted from dead body -
coming back again. and I got afraid.

Now a days for the last 2 years these thought have been hurting me and my mind is not clear.

I am very sensitive, even a slight hurting feelings disturb me, gives me anxiety, palipitation,
pain the chest muscle pain, which leads to fear that I have some problem with my heart. I have
even got my heart checked couple of times but found no problem with the heart.

Relation ship with my wife is ok, but we are having less sex. I think of having sexual relations
with other girls more.

I have these thoughts of

very bad sexual words about goddess (mata - hindu goddess), But I feel very bad (guily) about
these thouhts and get afraid that goddess will punish me, which leads to fear and anxiety.

I am very afraid to go alone, now a days. If I go alone, then it leads to anxiety and I am
constantly looking for a doctor neary by, becuase I am afraid of having heart attack.

Now a days I have these feeling of being controlled by someone. Someone could be anyone which
I have thought about - it could be anything like remote control, chair, my mom, my brother,
my daughter, sunlight - anything.

If a thought comes to my mind - it is very difficult to get rid of it. It always keeps in my
mind. I always keep thinking about it.

I have thoughts of killing someone or being killed by someone.

thoughts of sexual words with my child - which I feel very bad and guilty.

thoughst of that someone - someone could any anything, my mom, brother, god, immaterial things like
voices from tv - is saying to kill the daughter.

if I am standing on a height, I have thoughts of jumping.

I have tried/taking these Allopathic medicines

I have been taking anti-depressant medicines.

Paroxitene (parotene)
Fluvoxamine (100 mg 2 tablets a day)
Oleanzapine (2.5 mg 1 tablet a day)
Asprito (10mg I have to start it yet)

Alprex for sleep (for few days)
Zapiz for panic attacks of fear. (4-5 days one table a day)

I am able to sleep normal but not a refresing sleep. I don't wake up with a fresh mind. Sometimes
(but rare) that I am not feeling well about my mind.

Herbs tried

I have tried classical homeopathy medicines

Thuja 1M (single dose) - I was perfectly ok for next day - I thougt that I am ok now. But it did not
last its effect any more.

I did not have any effect the following medicines.

Pulsatila 10M (signle - double dose)
Lachesis 1M (single - double dose)
Alumina 10M (signle - double dose)
Phosphorus 10M (signle - double does)
Kali Phos 30 ( 2 doses 3 days back)
Bryonia 30 ( 2 doses 3 days back)

Diseases in child hood

mumps in the age of 6-7 years, that was operated with a cut.

jaundice - at the age of 18-19 years. I used to stay in hostel those days.

itching on skin - in the same college - may be becuase of dirty environement, I took allopathic
medicines and ointments to treat it.

I have always this sore throat - irritation with expulsion of small phlegum - from the child hood till

Knowledge and education

I was good at studies though out the college. I did different things

Diploma in Computer engineering
Worked at some company in India (LIC) for 6-7 months (which I did not like and left it)
Continued my studies in computer engineering and finished the diploma.

started my own business. did not like it much and then I did my Diploma in homeopathic medicines.


I have desire for tea (not too much but 1-2 cups a day, but I take strong tea).

I have taste for fried and spicy foods. I like sweet too.

I have taste for cold drinks, oranges, fruits, salads, eggs.

I have taste for meat (but I don't eat because of religious point of view).

I like to take bear, alcohal (but I am not habitual). I don't take it anymore becuase of doctor's

I like going out to hilly area.

I like music, I even used to participate in events in my school time, but not anymore.

I drink water just because of habit.


I am very sensitive, even a slight hurting feelings disturb me, gives me anxiety, palipitation,
pain the chest muscle pain, which leads to fear that I have some problem with my heart. I have
even got my heart checked couple of times but found no problem with the heart.

I had 170 cholestrol level about 6 months back.

I want to get better and love family but becuase of my these thoughts I am more concerned and focused on myself.

I used to cry with slightest emotions, before depression started, but do not cry any more.

I’m non-assertive, polite, serious.

I am religious person and don't want hurt anybody physically or emotionally.

I express myself and my feelings, I cannot hide the feelings.

I can’t laugh or feel joy anymore

I lack of coordination, will power, self-confidence and self-esteem now a days for the last 3-4 years.
I used to be happy, out-going person before the depression started.

I used to be very patient but now I get irritable easily but I don't take it out which leads
to anxiety and fear.


I was happy, jolly, out-going, fond of music, fond of sports.

I was very attractive to girls, even though I did not do anything.

I used to go after girls with friends.

I wanted to propose to girls but never did anything and kept it inside me.

I had sexual feelings with the girls when I was around 12-13 years old but never had the sex.
  dkmonga on 2005-12-10
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Please try Ignatia Amara in 6c potency thrice in a day for a month and reports me .
dr.deoshlok sharma
deoshlok last decade
Dear Mr.Monga,

It was heart rending to read your case.I can really feel your plight as i have already treated and cured a case with the same exact symptoms (including saying bad words about Mata mentally and the resultant fear).It was a long treatment over one year period.

I suggest you to take Argentum Nitricum 10M one dose and then report after 15 days.

My best wishes are with you and i promise to support you all the way if you keep in touch with me on this forum or otherwise.

rajivprasad last decade
Dr Rajiv,

I really would like to say thanks and appreciate you helping me out. I promise to be in touch and follow the treatment you would like me to follow.

Do you have any contact phone number / e-mail address I can reach?

I will take Argentum Nitricum 10M and report to you the progress.

What should I do with the allopathic medicines I am about to take

Oleanzapine (2.5 mg 1 tablet a day)
Fluvoxamine (100 mg 2 tablets a day)

What other specific things like diet, I should be taking care of while taking the homeopathic medicine(s)?

Deepak Monga
dkmonga last decade
Please do not take any allopathic medicines.They can never cure you.They will only disturb the action of homeopathic medicines.It is better to keep the treatment on the forum itself as other people suffering from different supposedly incurable diseases get hope from such cases and we, the homeopaths on the forum learn from each other's cases.

Please take Argentum Nitricum as suggested and then report.

All the best.

rajivprasad last decade
I took argentium dose on 12/15 and its almost 15 days. no change. tell me what to do next.

dkmonga last decade
Dr Rajiv,
Waiting for your reply. Please reply back.
dkmonga last decade
Hi, I was in a health food store and someone had told me that flaxseed oil, cod liver oil and wheat germ oil really helped someone that was manic depressive. Maybe this could help for you!

pixie_stix last decade
Dr Rajiv,

I have not heard from you, what should I do next.

Please reply back. Waiting for your reply.

dkmonga last decade
I think IGNATIA AMARA is best matching to your symptoms, but i think you should take it in 1M potency, only 1 dose and then wait for the progress, also report about the improvment.
drsajid last decade
if you are cured by the above problems please inform me...please...i am suffering from the same problems....please help...please give your contact details or email me at karankurkure gmail com....please...i am really in need of your help...i cant tolerate the problem..
karankurkure last decade
Such things do happen when a worthless person tries to dominate his internal world by imagining things contrary to what good people do to live a decent life.

A single dose of Hyoscyamus 1M should help.

One dose means
If the medicine is in pills form 4 pills. Don't touch pills with hand. Use cap of bottle to take pills.
If the medicine is in liquid dilution form, 3-4 drops in some 20 ml water. Sip up slowly.

Please follow homeo restrictions like no coffee, no raw onion/garlic, no strong perfumes, don't eat or drink anything within 30 minutes before or after taking medicine.
kadwa last decade

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Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.