Problem-Low self confidence,obsessive traits,Anxiety since childhood that has been intensified, Loneliness,No pleasure in life,Lost all hope,colourless life,Insomnia,Tiredness,Exhausted want to suicide,Social Anxiety
I would like to start from beginning because I myself don't know what problem I have
I have been to 3 doctors.2 of them told me i have depression and 1 told me I had schizophrenia or ocd
I tried antidepressants but stopped them because I don't want to be cured by artificially made chemicals
So let's begin-
Childhood problems(age maybe from 7 to13)
I was a very shy boy but not depressed just a bit anxious in school and rest fine.I suffered some kind of dumbness in school I don't know why it was my 3rd class
After that my 4th class started I felt some better that year maybe because my teacher was better. I noted my dumbness and tried to overcome it and acted pretty well that year
After that my 5th class- I was feeling better that year although I was anxious and had only 1 friend as far as I remember but I did my studies nicely
After that 6th- it was my best year I ever had in my school I had 3 great friends my anxiety was there but I just used to sometime stay quit and rest fine.
7th-Here my problem started worsening maybe because in this class I did not had my old friends or don't know why.I started being a little more isolated and others often neglected me whenever I tried to talk to somebody in my bad mood but I faced only 2 problems that year- Insomnia and anxiety
8th class-i was under great stress that year maybe for exams but I had few nice friends and I got 1st position in class just felt some anxious,bad mood and Insomnia.
9th class-i here my problem started worsening significantly maybe because of stress of studies My isolation increased a lot I used to cry in my room for my hard life,things were very difficult for me unlike other children who just used to have fun in class,I found myself difficult to concentrate and really in bad mood,my nervousness was much increased.
10th(ongoing)-I saw 3 doctors,this is my worst year,I often cry,fight with parents,shout for small things,absent once in a week in school because of my bad mood,anxiety and awkward behaviour.
So I told all that I knew about myself and 4 more things are- 1)I was a nervous boy from beginning but happy at home and at relative's home(only anxious in school)
2)by the time I reached class 7 all my happiness went away and I was getting anxious at relative's houses and often bad tempered at home
3)I never went out to play with other children I don't know why I am telling this but it is the most different thing in me I used to play only in school by class 6 and after that no where
4) I have obsessive thoughts when I was kid my parents said I was suffering from an illness because I used to wash my hand too much and often the plates , now I don't wash my hands too much but worry too much about other things like ( I am not sure) if I had done a task properly or not
I sometime try to change myself by changing my thoughts and achieve that good state of mind also but that lasts maximum for 2 hrs and after that I come down to normal bad mood maybe even bad than daily bad.
I have tried ignatia all it did was that I got relief from Insomnia.
I want a medicine that helps me to reduce anxiety,feel confident,socialize with others and feel normal for my entire life.
Please help me I find life unbearable and want to end all this as soon as possible either by curing it or anything else
Yash3 on 2017-08-31
♡ akshaymohl 3 years ago
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