complex problem of mind

Hi,

Can anyone please have a look at my symptoms and suggest a remedy?


Profile:
Female 28, no kids., single
Main complaints:
-acne – skin looks like a sand paper from it

-extreme sensitivity – absorb everything very quickly, therefore moody, irritable if disturbed, frustrated. Problems to name, express and formulate my negative feelings. /my mum is the same/I just feel something is wrong with me, but I have no idea what, than I am very angry and frustrated and I wanna get away from it all./ my escapes repeat themselves regularly – lots of travelling, changing life completely 4 times in my life…, often as a result that frustration I am not able to cope with.

-Negativism, passive nature. I feel I have no power over my life as I am very indecisive, I always think that it is a wrong decision I make and I will regret it later on, so I don’t do anything and just wait and suffer. Eventually that frustration surfaces and it literally make me decide. / mostly escape again/
I don’t trust myself, I think I cant make a competent decision, because I don’t know if I am right or wrong. My life is full of doubts, doubts, doubts….
I also feel very guilty for many things that happened in my life and other peoples life as well. I have very vivid imagination, almost paranoia that there is something going on I know nothing about – like people secretly backstab me, hate me, laugh at me, humiliate me… My worst fear is being rejected, turned down… even little thinks hurt me.

-I have always been a perfectionist, with sense of duty, always one of the best in class… I suffer a lot when I cant perform at my best, my self confidence is very up and down / mostly down/ depending how I do on every day tasks and as well how much praise and affection I get for it. When under pressure I seem very panicky, hasty movements, forget things…Every criticism is killing me inside, it turns me into a nerve wreck. I dread new things, new people – for this fear of not measuring up and not succeeding and being critised. Insecurity is also a big issue for me. I am always worried, that I cant deal with situations and people emotionally.I am scared of embarrassing myself, looking like a fool.
I need to be in control of situation, otherwise i am lost.

- Communication problems – I have had this inferiority problem since I was a kid, when communicating with other people, even friends I always analyse what say, mostly afterwards. Feeling uneasy when talking to other people, being scared of being laughed at, humiliated, questioned, watched….But mostly laughed at, I get aggressive afterwards. Always when I have no self confidence and feel insecure I behave sort of childishly. I always think, why would people want to talk to me? Every chat for me is like little emotional storm inside. I hate conflicts as well.

-Depression /very low self confidence, self esteem – I look at the world through some dark window. I could never imagine my future, and if I could it looked always black, scared of future. Nothing has a meaning, I don’t matter. My self-esteem is very low. In love I always go for guys who are very emotional, very warm-hearted, but somehow inferior to me / status, age…/ Then, I of course get more confident through them and consequently they dont measure up and i end up feeling frustrated. Scared of equal relationship.
My boyfriend also says I don’t allow myself to experience joy, have no hobbies, always worries. Friends say that I have always something to complain about. I cant really relax with people, e.g, if everyone sings at a party, I would, I cant. I feel stiff, disconnected with world, with feelings….
- I am dissatisfied with everything, always see the bad things. Life is meaningless, boring, I feel I cant be bothered to do things to improve it…I can be quite lethargic, sentimental…

-I can also get completely wrapped up in one subject and spend hours doing it or thinking about it, going into great details…

-Diminished sexual desire – last few years. I could get out of my last relationship; it took me a year to make a decision to break up with my then boyfriend, so I had sexual relationship, even though I didn’t want it. Then I developed this disgust towards sex.


Childhood
-childhood – /I was brought up in the central Europe, currently living in Australia/ as a kid, I was always timid, playing on my own, creative kid, no need of other kids company. Mum had to force me go out, but once I made some friends, I was ok, than I didn’t want to go home. Two extremes. I felt very insecure. Teased by other kids.I always wanted to prove that I am worth loving, I am clever and I can do it. Because my father always criticized me and laughed at me / very sensitive when being laughed at/, never appreciated what I did. He wanted me to be a strong girl. My mother, even though she never neglected me, she loved me, she was and still is quite cold, aloof person. She successfully ignored all my and other members of my familys emotions and spiritual needs. As if it doesn’t existed, it bothered us and made our lives more difficult. So it was overlooked.

-We are quite different, while I am emotional, complicated and abstractly thinking person, she is very practical and simple person. She never understood me. This was a great source of disappointment in my life./lots of depression and crying in my teenage years/ Therefore I had to become very emotionally independent from family. This makes you feel independent and proud, but also very lonely. But still she is the only person I rely on.

-As a teenager I had a kind of a nervous breakdown / break up with my first love/, then one year psychotherapy / mostly revolving around the lack of love and encouragement I got from my parents, my dependency on anyone who provides me with this…/
-I desperately wanted to stand out, be different just to be accepted /paradoxically/



Hates: I hate being consoled and comforted, I hate cold, sensitive to loud speaking, hate being at home all day, then very moody, depressed, hate being bored, violent behaviour, conflicts, shouting…
Loves: I love music, dance, dogs, animals, sympathy with old people, people who suffer. i like being on my own, but i love a good company, when i am on my good level of selfconfidence.
Physical complaints: red maps on chest and face when emotional and after alcohol /almost always when talking to people/, short-sightness,
Apetite: average, in the past I suffered excessive compulsive eating, but fortunately it somehow went away during my homeopathic treatment.
Aversions: fatty meats, milk, I hardly ever feel thirsty, If, then I drink cold drinks, very little sips
Sleep: no problems
Menses: first day painful, big mood swings 2-3 days before-very irritable, depressed
Not often sick, if, mainly after mental/physical exhaustion
10 years ago treated for Seasonal Effective Disorder /sensitivity to weather changes/– very sucessful

I have always been perceived as lovely, bright but cold, aloof, not personal with no need for company, very capable and successful.
Sometimes I think there are kind of two people inside of me. One – that timid, sad, no self - confidence, fearful, moody and irritable person. And the other one, when my self confidence is on the right level and I am fine. hen everything is so easy…
It just depends on my self confidence and self esteem. When low I suffer all above. If high, mostly no problems. Everything seems to come down to my oversensitive nature.
I seem to be a person of extremes.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give in to these problems, I fight them every day, with some success, but it’s a challenge for me.
People don’t know me like this because in years you develop some cover up system.

I have been through several homeopathic remedies, but unfortunately, none of them helped in the long run.
I was advised to take Sepia 30C, then Pulsatilla 30C / improvement , but only for a few days, but it was a great relief…/, 200C and Lycopodium 30C , Argentum Nitricum 30C /no reaction/.
I hope I didn’t put you off by such a long mail.
Any response apprecciated
Thanks

Silvia