Analysis of a profile - phosphorus?

I am learning. Its just that I noticed words like emptiness,shallow, connect... and maybe I wanted approval, I dont know?

Why I wanted to know what profile she is? Good question since I usually would not admit to this. But I guess it would give me a sense of knowledge or power that I know all that is going on inside her. But that is not why I asked, probably trying to gain approval for seeing phosphorus traits? No, it wasnt that approval about being right or wrong. Since I do not care that I was wrong and still feel good. It was about something else. Maybe I just asked this to get a reply and gained approval from that. No I gained approval from asking my good questions, it is more about being fun or entertaining if those were the right words, that is what makes me feel like someone would want me and not leave me. Yea that is what it is.

- dating sites are a bit of a pain in the ass at times.

I am hunting for messages, replies. When I send a message I just hope to get a reply. It is not because the girl is extraordinary pretty, it doesnt matter, I just hope to get a reply to whoever I send a message. If I do not get it I will so HORRIBLE. Because I do not know why I did not get it. I start thinking if I said something wrong, if there is something wrong about me and I am not SEEING it. I would always hope to get an explanation what the reason is why someone did not reply.

- when I message with someone I feel uncomfortable often, the problem of getting hurt. I fear I will get hurt or rejected or something. So I dont want to message anymore but I feel like I need to push myself and I dont want to be alone either. So I try to keep on but it feels so uncomfortable and I start thinking how my conversation doesnt flow naturally, how the girl must be thinking that. Rejection iminent. And than if it happens that she stops replying to me for some reason. I feel like self destructing. I am uncertain as hell, I dont know why she did not reply to me anymore. Were my thoughts right that the conversation is unnatural, not flowing naturally etc and is that why she stopped replying to me or am I torturing myself for nothing. I JUST WANT TO KNOW. Is it something unknown that I did not see again as to why she stopped replying to me.

I feel good as long as I get replies, but when I do not get them I can get so unstable and feel horrible. With many girls I do not know what to talk about. I am unable, I feel empty

I would assume yes if you say so. And I really do not seem like a platina type I think, more like lycopodium or something along those lines, but I must say when I think of lycopodium I think it is to little, to small. And platina did at least go deeper than other remedies. A bit of a change, some emotional hurt always coming up, or desire to be good etc. And when I took the 1M I could wait on it for the longest before getting restless and needing to turn to some other remedy. And on the 10M for now I still dont feel the need to take something, despite in the past I might have reacted to the current family situation as an emergency and pressure to do something quick. But I dont think that way. I actually feel like a desire for a new experience and seeing a homeopath seems 50% more possible. In the end it all comes down to confidence and how I feel about myself. Whether I feel good in my sking or not. I think confidence is the most important think I need. If I had it, I would not need the support, other people agreeing with me and that stuff

I am just wondering whether I am the other polarity of platina... The great fearful coward. But this doesnt ring true. I am coward with emotional things, emotional pain.

The emotional problem is like this. I desire contact on dating sites to a great degree. But than when I am initiating the contact, this uncomfortablness comes and I wish to avoid it.

I send you an email about the family situation in great hope to get a reply. But than once the message is sent, comes the fear of the reply. I do not want the reply. I hope I wont get it. But the moment I notice I will not get the reply. It turns around again and I really want the reply again.

*Since the platina I feel more comfortable admiting to such things. And I noticed how it is easier to talk to my mother about my issues. No bad feelings. It actually feels good to share
[message edited by starface on Fri, 02 Dec 2011 23:52:01 GMT]
[message edited by starface on Fri, 02 Dec 2011 23:55:12 GMT]

To continue from previous message... but yesterday the threat of my father approaching me about school was to much. Things came up, I felt like I will cry, I wont be able to hold back, blushing, anxiety... And I just had to dissapear out of the house once. But outside than I felt the need to get back and not run. It was not a problem getting back in shortly. I looked forward to it. But agai inside I felt the things coming up again and that I wont be able to hold back so go in the shower or something.


I swear to god I am natrum muriaticum or a natrum remedy. But why did this only remedy not create absolute no reaction from all the remedies I took. Ridicoulous. I cannot understand it.

But maybe I am wrong and not it than. Since I have an ego beside the emotional hurt.

*Oh and I feel empty or neglected. My parents never show interest in me past the do this and do that and buying things I need. So now that I got a phone again and I get messages from my mother asking me what I am doing etc? It feels uncomfortable and brings up stuff so I want to avoid it and wished she would not message me on my phone anymore. I dont want to bond, or get close to my mother. It feels so bad, humiliating or vulnerable. I dont know
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:09:02 GMT]

I just got my worst fears happen... A girl called me confusing because I didnt see something. I was covering her reply with my hand as always, slowly uncovered it and saw the rejection and at the end the comment that I sound confusing. It leaves me so out of control, how could this happen? And I feel horrible about myself.



To answer your question... If I drop the pretense and act of wanting to be wrong and you right since I am this 'kiss-ass' and think it will make people want me... I would say because I didnt give it enough time or I should have redosed again? What do you think? Because it isnt my remedy?

the remedy platina isnt working because it didnt address my issues. But It ameliorated some issues, that I do not feel that bad about myself. Am I correct?

I often act and pretend because it would hurt to much if I got wronged when I am genuine, myself I think and because I like to be this kissass. A horrible quality.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:06:32 GMT]

I assume I was wrong that I did not get a reply? Or that is what I think of anyway very quick always when I seem to be left on my own.

.. I heard my father will leave me alone after he talked with my younger brother. I dont like this. Because apparently he is right and I often feel I am right too about things but that people, everyone goes against me and than I have no other option than to give in. Which my father seemed to have done. It isnt right and I hate it when it happens to me. So I feel bad for him.

But he told my mother to move out. Which means I will move out with her than. Which is depressing. I dont want my family to fall apart.

==

I often know lots of things but I pretend and act stupid rather because that is what I think people want. That they like to correct me and show their superior knowledge to me. I feel like in that way they will want me to have around them. Ah that is just so depressing. How can I live with myself knowing I am like that. Such a sellout.

I can be hurt so easily or mistreated, abused I assume by people therefore. Because I am so vulnerable, needy, dependent. Nothing on my own.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:52:42 GMT]

I feel like I am singing like sinatra since taking the platina. Revealing more the real issues... I like the mentioning of sinatra because I like to be something great. It makes me unstable when I think of me being something great or big (lol). It puts me out of depression and in a weird state believing that I am somehow something good. That I have worth and good qualities
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 02:02:18 GMT]

I like to be presented in a good light always. So knowing that I am responsible for something bad doesnt make me feel good at all. I also like to be the first or most liked patient. If I get the sens I am not. WHich only tahbi somehow made me feel that way I feel offended greatly and cannot deal with it anymore. Or on the other hand I try to do the right thing and accept it. Gain approval by people seeing my good reasonable response to it and than hopefully be the most cared for patient again

About the the reply I got from a girl that I was confused about something... I cannot deal with this. I am used to being liked, cared for, understood, just told good things. My old reality is that. But in this new world I am getting responses and things are happening that I cannot understand. How people react to me, what they think of me. It is un understandable that the girl called me confusing and rejected me (I havent heard from her again). Where is the life where everyone treated me good when I got in contact with them and did not make me feel like I am air or nothing. Or make me feel as if I lost it and am nothing anymore

In the real world I still feel that way when people look at me, but dating sites are just horrible. As if people dont know who I am from this one picture they see. There is something in person about me that people seem to see and like. But in a picture on a dating site it isnt present because I get treated so badly. No replies, no messages. I have to initiate contact which in the real world I dont need to do. I HATE THIS ALL. I cannot deal with this. ANd I have enough. TIme for people to start treating me right. I feel offended. I am never going on this stupid dating site again, which just makes me be hurt and burned. But on the other hand. I need to expose myself and chat with people to get my confidence up again and be good at making contact and socializing, because that is safety for me, that is all I want, it makes me feel the best.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 02:20:11 GMT]

ANd if I have ugly animal traits, please prescribe remedy so I can get this away from me and I can feel like a mineral and classy and good... if that is possible haha probably not. But I wished I were born something else than, not horrible animal who is despised and looked down upon. Argh lac caninum. I sleep in position like - lac caninum often and have fear of fainting - lac caninum. And on palladium I was this ferocious monster - lac caninum

So lac caninum 1m? lol is it that simple or not?
Have I found my remedy?
No but seriously I would be really depressed if true but I can see it fitting. Hope I am wrong but I dont want to run away from the truth and face it. It also covers my loyality aspect which I think I am or at least try to be if I am not. Although fear came in for the past few years that loyalty is low and not a good thing. But despite that I still feel the need to help, be loyal
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 02:42:01 GMT]

I think I am awaiting now to hear your approval of having done a good job and not been in denial? Just like a dog trying to please his owner I am assuming? lol how depressing.

No no no. It was more approval seeking. I have no desire to take one yet at all.

And I have been thinking over the lac caninum. Sure I can identify with this feeling of being worthless but on the other hand I can look in the mirror, see that I got it and feel really good and special.

So I am not sure what I am in fact. I like the platina. I can see today how I feel like I am good looking no matter of the size of the nose. That it actually makes me more unique and with the ordinary nose I would be lost in the masses.

I like taking low remedies. To find out the truth that is all. I take the challenge on and am not afraid of lac caninum, lycopodium, staphysgaria...

I would not take a remedy on my own now again. Fact is I dont feel like taking one because the platina did something. Like I thought over about the fact that I self prescribed platina for myself and now it might turn out I am lac caninum in fact and this would be highly humiliating but I dont feel that way anymore. I dont care.

Since it came to my understanding that my remedy taking on my own might be an addiction or cowardness it aint going to happen anymore. I never saw it in that way before. I would not do it again just for that reason. People who are in addictions = unattractive, off putting. Needines, animals, dont like it

Right now it would take A LOT for me to switch to another remedy. Like lots of pointers pointing to that remedy and even if it meant I would get help and not be on my own if I took a suggested remedy by a homeopath I still dont know if I would take the remedy. Because I really dont feel like taking one, but if a homeopath said I am on the wrong remedy I would believe it.

I find it strange that my social anxiety isnt really gigantically better. I just feel better about myself, not the usual bad feelings... SO despite my social anxiety, and the issue I had yesterday at home I still dont feel the need to take a remedy. I dont want to. If I had the need I would mention it and be a lot more demanding on here anyway and begging to be taken back, to be helped etc.

Right now my head feels kind of as if it is getting supressed. It feels full and unmovable though.

===

There is something I am confused about and that is this... What is someone who has an aversion to low/small remedies. Responds to them with depression and bad feelings but lightens up, gets out of depression and desires big/high remedies?

Would that indicate he is the low/small remedy or the high/big ones. The ones he sees that way at least. TO me the fact that I am lac caninum or any of those low ones seems like it cannot be possible even though I might feel at times like their descriptions say... Once I accept it might be true I am the low lac caninum, there is my ego and I feel the certainty that I am not it. There is no need to fight it anymore. I just know it. I would not object to taking the remedy, just feel like getting it behind me

I am sorry. You probably dont like me talking about this high/low stuff and I will try not to anymore.

===

There is an interesting issue coming up. Since you had some bad things to say when I talk about high/low always, that it doesnt matter etc my mind is wanting to understand this and I FEAR I might not be seeing something. And I theorize and start thinking whether my idea of high/low just seems that way to me and to noone else? That this is what you mean? So I feel the need to always understand things. SEE what other people see. Know what they know. If I would not see it and be in the dark about something, that would of be terrible. That is why I am so open to the truth since that is the only way how I can be RIGHT in the end or knowledgable. It is a danger to me if you and 'allicando' talk about something I dont 'get'. I have to get it, I have to see it otherwise I feel in danger
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 05:40:12 GMT]

First of all what I said above is 100% correct. THe need to see things I would of not thing sounds like sulphur, but how I described it in the last post I couldnt help but think of sulphur...

Has sulphur issues with identity since row 3 and ego???? If so that could very likely be me. I like to throw out my ideas always and theorize. I also like to bolster my ego but in a fun way, not seriously.

I hope this does not annoy you. I cannot help but keep mentioning remedies and giving my ideas.

Are sulphur, platina close? But you said partial similimums arent taken as a stepping stone if I remember correctly

This is my second idea of remedy. I hope I am right now and am awaiting your reply with excitment.

**But there is objection to sulphur. It doesnt feel good. I see it below me, to ordinary, to many people take it
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 05:56:38 GMT]

***

There is something suspicious going on with Platina... I went into a big shop with my mother, despite not wanting to first but I felt much better than usual in there. I could make some eye contact with some people. I could look at myself in the mirrors and I looked NORMAL not like a crazy tense guy. I generally felt better in there.

Are we sure I am not platina? I am respectful of people. I give them their space and everything but I looked kind of down about most people I saw. I would not be wanting to socialize with them.

I am slightly confused... I can see myself mentally being maybe sulphur. But pysichally I felt the opression on my chest and my head as always and weight on my shoulders. But at the vertex I havent really felt it and I believe this is what made me feel better and what makes me feel lighter in general. I dont know sulphurs modalities. And I havent read homeopathic profiles for many months except today I put in, in the abc's website lac caninum to read whether I am it or not. After I was certain I might be it.

I am not going to dismiss platina that quickly. I dont fit it on paper maybe, but something is better about it. I am aware platina would not approval seek etc so I am open to be wrong. I just dont want to go in a circle if platina is maybe really right for me.

I got a constricting headache all day, it feels unmovable. I called it being supressive feeling earlier today but it is not, just constricting, unmovable headache.

It is the type of headache I usually get when we travel somewhere. Like to a beach half an hour away and spend the day there before coming back home
[message edited by starface on Sat, 03 Dec 2011 09:25:28 GMT]

The constricting headache is better today and I feel better for it generally but it still present somewhat but much better.



DREAMS:

I dreamed again of being in my old school with old school friends... This time about a girl. The only girl I ever kissed with. I came to school she complimented me on my haircut. After school I asked her if she wants to meet again and make out but she said no and I could not understand it. What was her purpose than to compliment me on my haircut which must mean she had interest in me and wanted something from me.


2. I was somewhere really up high in a chopper, higher than skycrapers and it was so uncomfortable seeing down from this small chopper. I was having to jump down in the end with someone and didnt like it. REally afraid of the height but I jumped. There was more to this dream but I cannot remember it all.

There is something embarrassing I have to describe, but since the platina it is easier and not a problem.


... I left in Paki1's thread a comment about simillimumNZ. And my first reaction was that I did something wrong because I didnt hear from anyone, there were no replies, and I expected to get a nice comment. So I was uncertain and afraid. Then today I see a new post in that thread and I see I have been ignored... now my reaction is anger somewhat, feeling offended. Anger at the person but I could forgive quick if I heard something nice again in the future about me... Now I hope noone will read this except you David and last thing I would want is someone to apologize or something like that as that would feel emotionally very uncomfortable.

Can you see I am really dependent on other people, other peoples opinion and I could easily get abused.

On dating sites my confidence, good feelings depend on whether I am getting replies, shown interest or not. I feel totally uncertain and wonder what I did wrong when I did not get a reply and feel so horrible.

This is so difficult to live with when other people are so important. How they treat me, how much interest they show in me, when they ignore me. I am dependent on all this for my good feelings.

I can either try to interact over the dating websites and get hurt and burned or live on my own, distance myself and think high of myself
[message edited by starface on Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:36:51 GMT]

To add to above... I remember when I got to highschool here in this new country to do the last year which was really difficult... I made a friend because he approached me and than we hanged out between classes and brakes for about 2 months before he made another friend who started to be with us 2 together in brakes and I could not deal with this. Instant depression, that I am left out. I could not get involved in conversations again. It was so hard to deal with this. Fear I will be abused again and told I am to quiet in conversations. I just had SO MUCH TROUBLE in HIGHSCHOOL. But I really liked how girls often came up to me and wanted to talk to me, or they would say to my friends how they find me good looking which all made me feel very good and of course special in my mind. In my mind I thought I am the only one who gets girls showing interest like that. But I could be wrong although I dont think so


In above thing I described about the 3rd guy coming, I said I had difficulty getting involved in conversations because the guy who came was from sout africa so he could speak english with ease but I had difficulty and I would have to think for a while before I can say something. So it was impossible to get involved really in the conversation. I made some more and different friends later and there I did not feel left out in the group but quite good and had some good times with them. There was a friend in the group who I just instantly clicked with and made the connection, He was like the most popular guy in school I think and I could tell that I was one of his best friends. I felt really good around him. But once he left school, he was an international student, I had problems again.
[message edited by starface on Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:51:12 GMT]