Procrastination and low self-confidence _{Page 8 of 8}

Hello Dr. Zady,

the quick arrival of Pulsatilla LM1 & LM2 got me already super excited this Tuesday. I also had made the order straight away last wednesday, practised yoga every evening last week for at least 30 minutes, and the entire week-end was migrane-free :) It was also helpful that we had a Bank Holiday this Monday, so I could rest & look after myself one extra day. I even worked on a birthday present for a friend of mine.

This week, I haven't practised any yoga but went to dance practise yesterday evening instead. I had to force myself a bit to go. After a weekend with rather mild temperatures, it had suddenly gotten very cold and I would have preferred to cuddle in a warm blanket. But it was good to be out for a while and socialise too. After all, I don't have to exaggerate being out until late, espcially on a 'school night' ;-)

A similar situation somewhat applied to the Halloween party tomorrow evening. A mate of mine had a spare ticket. When I didn't hear anything from her I was already thinking 'alright, I can stay at home.' I eventually dropped her an email asking what's going on. And she apologized for not replying. It's all sorted. I will have a good time and don't have to stay till dawn.

At my temporary job, another project will start probably next week. This gives me peace of mind that money is coming in.

It was also a week of decisions: I terminated the membership with the German Film Guild. I had kept it for the last years despite me living in Ireland, because this membership guaranteed a festival badge for the annual Berlin Film festival. This year, the festival's fee had increased once again and I considered not to attend. The costs add up with travelling and accomodation. Plus, every year badge holder queue for tickets earlier in the mornings. This year, they started queuing at 5:30AM. It's crazy. I figured 1. I don't want to participate in this nonsense anymore (every year, I told myself 'this is the last time I'm doing this') 2. the cinemas here have a good selection and screen most of these festival film throughout the year; I won't miss out on anything 3. it's better for me to focus on the Irish film market and attend film festivals here, especially since the atmosphere i.e. in Galway is much more welcoming. This decision was, I think, also leaving the past, not holding onto the old and moving forward to new venues and adventures.

Sleep is excellent. This last weekend I even went to bed so early that I had great early morning starts.

I also noticed that I'm water thirsty again. I don't know if it had to do with the drop of temperatures that I drank no more than a liter of water. Now the daily water intake is back up to at least 1.5 liters.

Thanks a mil for the link with the book tip :) This should be a good read with excellent suggestions to crack procrastination. It looks like the bookstore here has it in stock as well, so I will get it tomorrow after work. If not, I order it online.

Overall, I'm in good spirits thanks to Pulsatilla and you.

So, shall I take Puls LM1 or LM2 this time? ;-) The person who processed the order and I had a good laugh. She mentioned that I had also Puls M and 200 and I said 'yeah, I am a Pulsatilla person. At some point I'll have all of them in all dosages.' ;-)

With the warmest regards, Tara

Dear Dr. Zady,

just a quick note, letting you know that I ordered the book.

Please let me know if I shall take one of the lovely LM dosages or if we wait just for a few days.

I did practise 30 minutes of yoga this morning & feel very much like a jumping bean. The mild temperatures are back as well ;-)

Talk soon and with warmest regards, Tara

Dear Dr. Zady,

the week overall went well, especially since I practised yoga most evenings after work. I also picked up the book 'Eat that Frog' Thursday evening without delay.

Unfortunately, the migrane was back yesterday. It was located at its usual place: Left hand side on the forefront. From late noon on, I had to vomit. Since I hadn't eaten anything during the day, just drunken hot water, I vomitted water, saliva and toward the evening gall. Even this morning, I still could feel a slight pressure on the left side on the forehead. I am only now, in the early evening, feeling ok.

I had gotten my period on Friday - maybe it had to do with that? But I definitely feel a bit frustrated now that the weekend is almost over and the things I wanted to do still sit here undone.

The book is a fast read. I had read already half of it by Friday. Only problem is - and by all means, I don't want to sound negative: So far I haven't read any new tips to break that circle. That's a bit disappointing.
I do indeed the things he suggests :-( For example, I take workshops whenever I can afford them, have created a good working environment with a clear desk and have always a to-do list. I think my problem of procrastinating is more the lack of courage to i.e. email a CV off, that I find a good reason not to do it after all. And if I manage to 'eat that frog' first thing in the morning, I rest on my laurels for the rest of the day.

I'm most certainly open for your tips. Maybe I don't see the wood for the trees here ... ;-)

I just remember a similar situation: When I was overweight, I used to go for a run or a swim. And afterwards I 'rewarded' myself with food. Somewhere he mentioned the feeling of reward. I suppose we have to move me from the state of 'resting on laurels' to feeling good and moving on with the next task on the to-do list.

So what do you say? Is it time now for Pulsatilla LM 1 or LM 2?

Talk soon and with warmest regards, Tara

And that's done ;-)

Have a good week and until in 10 days, Tara

Hello Dr. Zady,

I had taken Sepia 200C as prescribed on 11 November and the following days went very well. I even went for a stroll along the seaside on Friday late afternoon after work. I felt such an urge to be outdoors in the fresh air. And I felt very energetic on Saturday.

Sunday (16 Nov.), I had a migrane/headache again :-( I also had to vomit, just fluids including bile. Migrane was again located on the left hand side on the forehead and gone in the evening hours. However, I would say that the migrane was less strong than it used to be. It was there but less forceful. Last Thursday (20 Nov.), I woke up feeling very drained and feared that I will eventually have a migrane again. I slept the entire day in 2-3 hour intervals (I was luckily off) and got through the day without migrane. In the early evening, the tiredness was also gone. I then went to bed at a regular time at around 11pm. The last 3 days were ok.

The migrane on Sunday might have been caused through my temporary job being on the phone all day. Thursday - I can't pinpoint a reason (yet). The campaign was finished on Tuesday, so I was off since Wednesday. Although this means less money, I try to see this positive: I have time for my project. God and the universe have given me this 'extra' time to focus on my writing.

Mood-wise: I do not feel much for socialising or being among people. During the day I intend to go i.e. to dance training but toward the evening, I reconsider and stay at home. So at the moment, the only excercise I am doing is yoga. An exception was last Wednesday when I went spontanously to a discussion with the Directors' Guild. That went well but after 2 hours, I just wanted to withdraw and go home.

As I'm not in the office at the moment, I am eating way less chocolate. That's good ;-)

I noticed an increase of white spots on the cheeks and chin.

Project-wise: I have decided to only focus on my film projects instead of sending out CVs or dropping them off in person to work on other film or TV sets - at least for now. I won't say no if I get called to work on set, but I'm not wasting my energy to get into other people's projects. One of my writing mates got his first feature produced now. This got me into thinking 'for some of us this is the path to go, including me.' So, I have eaten that bit of frog ;-)

For now, I cannot think of anything else. What do you think? Wait for another week or take one of the Puls dosages? Or Sepia again?

With warmest regards & talk soon,
Tara

Hello Dr. Zady,

I have taken Nat. Mur 200C as prescribed on December 5th in the morning. And the very same evening, life got stressful. To make a long story short: The company I was temping for, closed down from one day to another. Although I disliked the job, this is bad timing. I eventually went for a job interview four days ago. I did my best in the interview and, as it's in customer service, I would only do it to save some money again.

I had a headache on Saturday, the day after the interview. I suppose the thought of working on the phone all day again has given me that headache. The headache was accompanied by heavy burping as if this job is sitting like a stone in my stomach - although I'm still waiting for the interview outcome.

The good news is: I didn't vomit. At noontime, I also managed to go to the annual Christmas Singing and Dancing which some of us dancers organize to collect money for young homeless people. I thought it will do me good to be among others, get into the Christmas spirit, do something good for others and have fun, and be outdoors for a few hours. Actually I was talking to one friend of mine about the job, and he said "you can always leave" and "you don't have to take the first job in line. Things pick up in January." That all was uplifting.

Most of the group went for tea afterwards - I didn't join as I need to watch my money and still could feel the headache. It hadn't gotten worse in the fresh air though, thank God.

Location of the headache: Left hand side on top of the head in the morning. It moved during the day to the back of the head. But it stayed on the left side. When I came home, I went to bed, sleeping in intervals. Whenever I woke up, I drank a few sips of still spring water, so that I kept hydrated but didn't upset the stomach.

The headache was gone when I woke up shortly before 4AM on Sunday morning.

My mood: Yesterday, I felt like I'm fighting tooth and nail against the world. I dwell on the things that are or at least appear to be outside my control. For instance:

- Instead of writing on my project, my focus is now on finding a job that pays the bills.
- One of the job agencies seems to offer me only jobs that require a native German speaker. When I ask for the better paid positions listed on their website, I'm told they're already taken. ("Really?") I always have the feeling they only call for low-paid customer service jobs because of the language, though I have told them several times that I rather do an English speaking Admin job.
- The maintenance guy was supposed to fix one of my windows. He first insists that it does close properly. After a ten minutes argument and me pointing out to the other window, he eventually admits I'm right. He says he will fix it in the afternoon, never returns and is now on holidays until mid January. And I'm sitting here in the draft. I would fix it myself if I could.

I feel very frustrated that nothing is going the right way at the moment. I feel like I'm rowing instead of swimming. When a friend of mine yesterday said that her boy-friend is also unhappy with his recruitment agency, I said "yes, but he doesn't entirely depend on the agency because your salary pays the rent, if worse come worse. I'm on my own. I'm 45 years old, and for the last six years, I climb from one customer service job to another. I didn't come here to be in that treadmill forever. I didn't study and extra training to be stuck."

I keep telling myself that this situation will pass. I know that God is at my side (and so are you) and I have asked Him to steer me to the best outcome in regards to the job situation, but Dr. Zady, I would like to threw some people into a deep hole for a long time-out, so that they do some thinking and start being considerate toward me. Like for instance the dance teacher. When I told him that I'm not joining for tea as money is currently a bit tight and hopefully I'll be able to afford to take classes again from January on, he said "you can always volunteer." (Voluneering means to be cashier for an hour and get in free of charge) I thought that was really nice and thoughtful of him to point out as an option and solution.

So, what do you think? Am I ready for another dose of Nat.Mur.?

Talk soon & with warm regards, Tara

I didn't mean to wail in my last post. Issues I have described are no world class problems, I am fully aware of that. Animals tested in labs do truly suffer. My problems can and will be resolved.

The recruiter called me in the afternoon. I actually had emailed her saying that if this company doesn't offer me a job, something suitable will come along in January. I prefer honest, upfront news. When she said they haven't gotten back to her, despite them saying they would, I said "then it's probably a no. They usually let every candidate they want to hire know." But we agreed I shouldn't sweat it, as new jobs come in in January. And to tell you the truth - I feel a bit relieved. Years ago, I have been with one of this company's other branches and the working situation went from mediocre to bad to worse. 1. I don't need to repeat the situation. 2. If one door closes, it gives room for another one to open.

Talk soon & with warm regards, Tara

Hello Dr. Zady,

Also I've noticed that I have trouble falling asleep again. Yesterday i.e. I felt tired at around 11pm but it took about 2 hours until I was "out". My energy level has dropped and the level of procrastination increased.

Once I had confirmation this morning that I didn't get the job, I looked and found a few other postings but didn't email one CV out. So far, I've scribbled a few doodles ... this year doesn't really end with a bang

Talk soon.

With kind regards, Tara
[message edited by Tara2013 on Tue, 23 Dec 2014 21:54:16 GMT]
[message edited by Tara2013 on Tue, 23 Dec 2014 21:54:56 GMT]