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Depression/Anxiety- Please help

Hello there. I would greatly appreciate some help in choosing a remedy. I have tried some but they don't work fully, so I know they are not the right remedy.

This is a really really long post and I appreciate your taking the time:)

Gender: Female
Age: 30
Body Type: Average, stoop shouldered
Height: 5'9' or 175 cm
Weight: 155lbs or 70kg
General appearance: brown hair and eyes, fine thinning hair, freckles and brown sots on face make it look dirty, blue rings around eyes, sometimes puffy on waking, I tend to stare intensely at people

Have you used homeopathic medicines before? If so what, and what homeopathic potencies did you use?

I tried using homeopathy some years ago, here are the remedies I tried:

ars album 30c- mentally better for the few days that I had diarrhea and flu

ars album 200c- mental aggravation

veratrum album 30c- mental aggravation

thuja 12c- felt wonderful taking this daily for a few weeks

thuja30c- cannot remember if I felt nothing or if there was an aggravation

silicea30c-aggravation

lachesis 30c- aggravation

sepia 30c- helped for a few hours.. but wasn't very clear

sepia 200c- aggravation

+

Please answer the following questions in a descriptive manner after careful analysis and recollection of previous experiences and happenings.

1. Describe your main suffering?

I am depressed and anxious. I worry constantly and have intrusive thoughts of bad outcomes- 'I am never going to find a job and won't be able to keep it , my boyfriend will leave me, I will never find any direction in my life, I am ugly, I am old, I had the potential to be someone truly great in life but I have not worked toward it and have failed, I won't be able to stick with anything long enough to make it work, I have nothing to say or contribute'. Lately I have also become jealous. I compare myself to everyone. I have no sense of self-worth/confidence and everyone I meet I am jealous of them. I am kind of nosy and will inquire what they do for a job and then compare myself to how great they are which makes me feel even worse. I think how pretty they are, or how happy, etc.

I have no sense of what I am good at in life, what brings me joy. I know that one must have a craft/hobby/job in order to stay occupied and I do not have something that brings me joy. If something is difficult I cannot undertake it because I am afraid I will fail and if something is easy I get bored. Creative projects I find overwhelming because I put too much pressure on myself to perform well and I cannot actually take the time to focus/dedicate to it.

I am afraid of talking to people, I get very shy and have nothing to say. I get fearful that they will see how fearful I am and I feel like I have to hide things. I feel like if people really knew me they would reject me so I stay away/don't open up even if I am around people. I hate going to parties/social events, it makes me really anxious. I am uninteresting and don't have anything to add to society.

I wish I could read books and stay focused and interested and travel and go to new places and meet people. But I don't know what to say about myself. All that I think is negative.

2. What other physical sufferings do you have in your body?

Right shoulder hurts especially when I sleep on it..but it is not too severe an the pain comes and goes.

I have subclinical low thyroid and thyroid feels a little swollen and uncomfortable.

Hands and feet will go numb sometimes.


3. What mental sufferings / feelings do you have associated with your physical sufferings?

See #1.. though generally I can be hypochondriacal, so I'll pay greater attention to physical stuff. Low energy and tired.

4. What exactly do you feel when you are at your worst? Describe the sensation in your own words.


I feel worried, only bad thoughts enter my mind, really self deprecating thoughts..thoughts of wanting to die, that I have failed.. yet I am too scared to actually do anything about it and I do not see the point(maybe death is just a continuation of life without a body and the same thoughts/feelings would continue.. who knows).

Physically my arms feel shaky. They do not actually shake but I feel the anxiety in my body and in my arms the most. I'll also feel pain/weight in my heart chakra or throat sometimes.

I sit and just think these thoughts, I distract myself by looking on the internet. I cannot force myself to do anything productive. I am pretty still and unable to actually do anything to make myself distracted. If i am doing something physical like exercising it does not stop the thoughts.. so the torment is constant.

5. When did it all start? Can you connect it to any past event or disease?

I have had a history of going up and down in moods. This most recent episode began about 2 months ago when I was overworking-- working 2 jobs. I also began learning to teach a class and this really scared me because I had to communicate about myself and tell stories about myself and this is terrifying because I do not have any good stories about myself and I was afraid that people would see how scared, nervous and pathetic I was. I became anxious and depressed all the time and I began to not be able to sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes I would have dreamlike disturbing visions and it would make me really anxious. The dreams/visions were intrusive thoughts about other people.

Another episode I had was after college ended.. I did not know what to do with my life and I fell into depression, was unable to keep a job( if i am feeling really anxious or depressed I will call in sick and miss work a lot.. to the point where any normal person would probably know I was lying), i slept as much as possible to be unconscious, even taking nyquil to be asleep.

I have always had a sense of something being wrong with me/feeling unsafe. My mother was pretty emotionally unavailable and detached and my father was super critical and basically consumed my life until the age of 12. I always felt like i was walking on eggshells and the negative so much outweighed any positive responses that this is probably what patterned my thought process. When my father moved away when I was 12 I finally felt like I could breathe.. yet this feeling of doom still stays with me.

I have also felt really good at times, not manic fully, but maybe slightly. These times were very very few compared to the depression. When I have fallen in love before it felt wonderful.

6. Which time of the day you are worst?

Waking in morning. I will lay there in bed unable to fall back asleep but not wanting to get up and do anything I will lay there and be tortured by thoughts. Sometimes I will be really angry at myself and want to break something or punch things but this is very rare. I am mostly anxious and sad. It lasts all day though also.

My favorite thing is to be asleep and unconscious.. dead to the world, though with bad dreams this sometimes is also impossible.

7. What are the things which aggravate your suffering and which are those which ameliorate the same? Example- time, temperature, pressure, rubbing, washing, eating, tight clothing etc.

aggravate: waking in morning usually around 6:30 or 7 am, tight clothing around stomach, eating makes me feel better/distracts me because it is good but afterward I feel gross and worse because I overdo it, don't like cold

ameliorate: warmth, being in shower/water, being with close person.. though I feel clingy and like they think I am pathetic and I have nothing to add.

8. Do your think your sufferings have relation to any external stimuli (like, change of place) or any internal biological changes in the body, like, menses (in females)?

I do worse in winter it seems.

Too much stress makes it worse.

Being around people that I do not know.

Having to make a speech.

9. When do you feel better, during hot weather or cold weather, humid or dry weather?

better- warmth

worse- cold, dry weather makes my skin even more dry

10. Describe your general mental set up? Are you Moody, Arrogant, Mild, Agreeable Changeable, Nervous, Suspicious, Easily offended, Quiet, Arguing, Irritating, Lazy etc.

I can be moody. I am needy when I am feeling bad, want for my boyfriend to be with me, if I feel good I can be arrogant and do not need to be with him all the time. For the past few months I have wanted to be clingy because I am feeling sad and nervous.

I am agreeable but mainly to stay safe and also because when I am this depressed I do not have a sense of self and so don't know what my opinions even are or have any ideas, so I will just agree.. sometimes I will make comments that are defensive. I am very self-conscious and this causes a lot of stress as I feel I have to keep tabs on what I say.

I am lazy-- but more that I am overwhelmed and tormented by thoughts so if I do something it is incredibly difficult and slow and I do not see the point in it. But yes, I am lazy and I give up too easily. I am not able to put my emotions away and do the tast at hand, i get stuck in the emotions.

I am oversensitive and quiet.

I am suspicious in that I think my boyfriend is going to leave me. I look in the book he writes in on his desk to see if he wrote anything bad about me. I feel incredibly bad doing this, guilty.

11. How do you feel before or during a thunderstorm?

I feel excited and happy during. Not sure about after.. haven't had one in a while.

- Do you like being consoled during your tough times?

I do. I want for others like my boyfriend to understand how I feel.. that I cannot just snap out of it. I want commiseration. But it is depressing because I feel cut off from everyone and myself and no joy, and so it just feels like a farce.


- Are you sensitive to external stimuli like smell, noise, light etc?

Yes. Very sensitive to smell and noise especially.

- Do you have any typical habit or gesture like nail biting, causeless
Weeping, talking to one self etc?

Nail biting, nosepicking, picking face(my skin wouldn't look so bad if i didn't constantly mess with it)

- How do you feel about your friends, family, your children and especially your husband / wife?

I don't feel love for myself so I can't say that I feel love for anyone else. I have in the past. In theory I love my boyfriend and I feel that I want to be with him for as long as possible but I feel cut off from genuine love.

11. What are your fears and do you dream of any situation repeatedly?

Fear of talking to people- those I do and do not know, worse for strangers. Fear of speaking in public, though I have done it on occasion. Fear of going crazy. Of not being able to support myself, of being left by my boyfriend.

Dreams of other people. Negative dreams where other people are doing things and I am just watching. I don't DO anything. Everyone else does and I am just there, disliking myself. They are not nice dreams. They remind me of the envious emotion of when I compare myself to others.


12. What do you crave for in food items and what are your aversions?

Since I have been this low I crave bread and carbohydrate snacks and sweets and chocolate. These things distract me and I overeat them. I have stopped eating healthfully, it's like I have given up and don't care but I know it is hurting my body to eat this crap.

13. How is your thirst: Less, Normal or Excessive?

No thirst at all, even though I am not drinking enough

14. How is your hunger: Less, Normal or Excessive?

More. Not technically hungry but wanting to eat all the time.

15. Is there any kind of food which your body can’t stand?

No, but digestion is slow.

16. Is your sweat normal or less or more? Where does it sweat more: Head, Trunk or Limbs?

Sweat is normal but usually more in the armpits(it is winter now.. so not as much). I have been having night sweats recently where I wake up soaking and the sheets are wet

17. How is your bowel movement and stool type?

Tend to constipation. If i go I will go once in the morning, if I give myself time at the same time each day and am not rushed and drink warm water. Usually I cannot get stool out all the way and sometimes have to help it... otherwise it just stays in with no urging.



18. How well do you sleep? Do you have a particular posture of sleeping?

I have been sleeping ok. Waking up a few times at night but going back to sleep.

19. Do you think you are able to satisfy your sexual desires in general?

I have had no sex drive since I have felt this bad, this is unusual for me.

I am able to satisfy myself only by masturbating while I have sex with my boyfriend.. he is unable to satisfy me otherwise(which I know from experience has to do with me needing to be in control, not because he is not skilled)

Since I have been feeling bad I still have sex with him because I want to feel connected(even though I don't feel connected really) and I don't want him to leave me. I have been basically forcing myself to orgasm which I am sure is a terrible thing to train my body to do.

20. Do you have any strange, peculiar or unusual symptom or feelings? How are you different from others?

Umm.. I don't know. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel cut of from love and others and myself. I feel like I am pretending. I hate myself for being unreliable, cowardly, scared, pathetic.

21. What medications have been taken earlier by you to treat the diseases and do you have any particular symptom surfacing after the medication?

I have been on antidepressants in the past. They help but I know they are just a band aid..

22. What major diseases are running in your family?

Father- lung can/cer that went to his brain

Father's side- Colon can/cer both grandparents and possibly an STD from grandpa

Mother- lupus nephritis(kidneys)

Mother's side- grandma Parkinson's and hypothyroid

23. Describe, how do you look like? Describe your overall appearance.

I am fairly tall and medium build. I have brown hair which has gotten thinner and is falling out. I have blue rings around eyes, brown eyes, full lips, kind of exotic/angular large features. Face has freckled and brown spots and little scars from picking at skin that make it look dirty. Stoop shouldered. Hair started graying at 23.. it is still mostly brown though.. Moles/freckles.

Light acne on back and chest and face, wouldn't be bad at all if I didn't mess with it.


(For Females)
24. If your menstrual cycles are not normal, please describe the irregularities, like pains, moods, flow type, clots etc.

Normal, 28 days

25. What major diseases have you had in your life and when. Please write them in a chronological manner.

Chlamidiya at 16, treated with antibiotics

Many sore throats which I have not had in years now.. strep throat once at age 20

Episodes of severe depression- roughly ages 18, 22, 25, 30
 
  myrna_s on 2014-01-20
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Have gone through your post. Give me some time to solve your case and I will come back to you.
 
rishimba last decade
You seem to be mentally in LACHESIS state.

Most of your mentals and generals are well covered by this remedy. You may try it.

Also, it seems you are sensitive to potencies. So, I reckon take first in 30C potency and if it doesn't create any response in you, go for 200C having waited for a week or so.

Take LACHESIS 30C two doses half an hour apart first thing in the morning on a weekend so that you can go back to bed for another 2 hours after the second dose.

One dose would be typically 3 drops of remedy in about 10 ml of water sipped up slowly in empty stomach.

Don't take any food or water for the next 2 hours of taking the doses. That's the reason sleeping again for 2 hours would help the remedy to get absorbed.

Come back here after 10 days of taking the remedy.

Cheers.
 
rishimba last decade

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