Effexor withdrawl and symptoms, please help _{Page 63 of 140}

Trixie,

I forgot to mention COQ10 for migraines. Usually come in 60 mg so take 5 over the course of a day. This is also an amazing immune support and good for any kind of inflammation. And make sure you are getting a really good B vitamin and magnesium....this sometimes is considered a deficiency with migraines.

Okay I think thats it.

Finallygetit

I was on 75mg for one week then went to 37.5 for one week. Then none and BAM!!! I am week 2 or 2 1/2 and the dizzy spells are far a few between that was the worst. Now I am stuck with the migrains and no sleep. baby steps right. I have come a long ways. My husband has been very supportive and that has been a big help. I have never laughed so much this week. I am in Kansas City, MO and we have a GNC here I will go there today and stock up!!!

I'm new here and on day 4 of my effexor withdrawal. Started weaning in January and went from 300mg to now, three months later, at 37.5mg. Presently, day 4 on zero. My symptoms are minimal EXCEPT the dizziness or zappiness. My mood is great though so my determination is all good. I take Omega-3, B-6, B-Complex, and B-12, Magnesium with Calcium / Vitamin D. I would really welcome some relief from these zaps though. I have to be in a computer programming class all week next week and wondering if I'll be able to concentrate. Any advice, PLEASE . . .

Sunnyseas

Hi and thank you for sharing your experience. Wow it sounds like you are doing very well, congratulations!
I am no expert but I always think of my brain zaps as part of my inner electrical system because it feels like little shocks or big shocks to me. Check with a knowledgeable health food store person or a GNC person (I have heard they are well trained) and ask which supplements are recommended for our 'electrical' system which I think in there words would be our 'nervous system'. I am not 100% sure so I hesitate to say but I believe the mineral supplements are the ones you want....so the Calcium/Magnesium is a start but you may need some of the other biggies that you can find in a multi-mineral supplement.

Good luck.
Finally Get It

Hello everybody,
I am Effexor XR (150 mg for almost 2 years). I took this drug for anxiety and panic attacks.
I feel better now and since I am in good spirits I wanted to get off from Venlafaxine (Effexor)

I have been reading a lot of messages from various people suffering from withdrawal symptoms. some people are suggesting to take Benadryl or some Diphenhydramine compositions.

No one - no one explained to me why Brain zaps or shivers etc. are happening.

A possible reason/hypothesis:
1. Brain zaps are resulting from raid firing of Norepinephrine receptors in brain. When you are on constant dose of venlafaxine, your norepenephrine receptors are suppressed and when the dose decreses the receptors in the presence of their ligands get activated. due to this the rapid firing of nerve impulses in hippocampal region (where significant reactions are taking place in our brain) are fired. This results in brain zaps. To me this effects our motor skills than anything else. Several research reports suggests that because the motor skills are judgement is imparied in this scenario, it is highly advised not to drive a car or work near heavy machinery.

Unfortunately, I do not know when these electrical shocks in brain are going to subside. I believe that with slow tapering and in the absence of significant amount of venlafaxine (less than 30 mg/day; based on studies conducted on rat hippocampus), when norepenephrine and adrenaline receptors gets primed to thier ligands in natural conditions, there will be a great relief.

Why I will not take benadryl or any Diphenhydramine derivatives.

CYP2D6 is a Cytochrome P450 enzyme and is responsible for catabolism (or disposal or breaking of drugs) of 20% of drugs that we take. This enzyme is also responsible for breaking MAOI and SSRI & SSNRIs.

Since Diphenhydramine blocks the activity of CYP2D6 that effecitvely breaks venlafaxine in our blood, the catabolosmm of Effexor in our system is suppressed. This might help you in actually making you feel better. However, after 10 hrs you will have the same withdrawal effects.

Bottomline:
I believe that withdrawal symptoms are worse and more than any thing the brain zaps or associated crap feelings are hell.

Simply, if we are determined to get rid of effexor, do not try alternatives without proper knowledege of pharmacological interactions in our body. Consult your MD or pschiatrist.
However, unfortunately many MDs do not read enough research litterature on Venlafaxine. In fact I read 20 research articles for last 3 days to understand the above said points. For example, my GP (MD) has over 100 patients (avg) and of these only 3 persons are prescirbed for Effexor by him. Obviously I would not have more time to do research for the sake of my 3 pateients. Based on this equation, MDs ignore to do more homework. Ultimately, we are kept in dark.
I am going to post these research articles I read to my MD. At least she will read abstracts and understand.

So :
1. Dont take any drugs without your knoweldge that might interact with Venlafaxine.
2. Dont go cold turkey. These are psych.drugs dealing with your brain and central nervous system. If you want to take risks with your brain go ahead and be cold turkey..
3. Slow tappering of this drug might be the only solution. Possible 2-3 months.
4. Some people posted that there is beautiful day and lights from heaven at the otherside of the tunnel. Unfortunately those posts gone unacknowledged.

I am also suffering from what you are suffering. I hold a Ph.D. in Molecular Biology from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. In fact if you think I am unqualified to make the above comments.

One more point:
CYP2D6 is highly polymorphic in nature. That means this enzyme is in various forms in people. Some people effectively catabolize this drug and some are not. This is the reason why we are not equal in presenting withdrawal symptoms.


Thank you for reading my email.

Best of luck to you all and I wish you all a speedy recovery form this drug.

Hi all,
Well I am on day 6 of 18.75 mg and doing wonderful. I really really think it is because I started taking the st. Johns Wort and Inositol right away. No brain zaps, very little dizziness and just a tad bit nervousness. I am actually looking forward to friday, day 1 Effexor free. Hey guess what, My one and only asked me to marry him on Saturday right on the exact spot that we met for the first time, he called and told me the car broke down and he needed my help to get it started, boy was I surprised when nothing was wrong with the car, lol... He took me to a beautiful dinner at a really nice hotel and we stayed the night in a beautiful room. I have never been so happy. Anyhow I hope all of you are doing well!!!!
Kim

Congratulations Kim! I am so glad to hear that you are so happy! You sound just wonderful! You are on your way to recovery! I'm beginging to think I should start taking some of this st.johns wort and insositol! Congratulations again and keep on smiling!
I hope everyone else is doing okay, haven't read many posts from you guys.
Hugs and Prayers,
Elena

Hi all!
Well I am going on week three today has been a good day!! No headache no zaps. Im a little tired didnt sleep well. If that is all I have to deal with I will be glad. I am hoping the end is near. I was actually able to clean house today and get it done in record time. I hope everyone is doing well, and keep up the good work!

trixie

Hi guys,
I hope everyone is doing really well! Trixie its good to hear that you are feeling better! You have a very positive attitude and that is so great. I am so happy that spring is finally here! The air is so fresh and now I am hoping I will be able to jog outside instead of indoors!
I found some naturopaths that are really recomended and I am going to set up an appointment to go see one. I am taking the natural route! Lot's of vitamins exercise and good rest!
Sunnyseas, congratulations to you for taking this big step to get off effexor. This forum is filled with the testimonies of those who are and have gotten off of Effexor and how they did it and are doing it. Take a minute to go through some of the posts and see what remedies might help you! I found the saunas and episom salt baths to be helpful to detox! And drinking lots of water!
Take care all, and wishing you good mental and physical health!
Elena

Hi all! Just got back from my intense technical course and reading the posts here. I'm on day 8 of detox and feeling GREAT! No symptoms any more. This Effexoris out of my system and I'm so proud of myself for taking it slow, keeping in touch with my docs, and taking the vitamins my body needs. Rest and plenty of water, and a positive attitude are so important. But now is the beginning of my new life and I feel like I'm doing really well emotionally. My emotions surface like they're supposed to, and I'm getting reacquainted with them, and it feels wonderful to experience them again. I am artistic and the best part of all of this, is my ability to "feel" color has returned. I missed my family to much while I was gone, and when I returned home, I cried from happiness. I am aware my emotions will go through a balancing act on their own and I'm just going to let it be what it is for now and acknowledge the feelings and just submerge myself in them for awhile knowing I'll, once again, become conditioned to these experiences that trigger my emotions. Thanks for your posts, your experiences, and your knowledge. It has really helped me.

hello everybody,

i have been wanting to post for a while, but my life has been so busy. i'm slammed at work; i've been working about 11 hours a day; 6 days a week. my personal life has been hectic but fun; last week i went to a concert with my daughter, and this past weekend, i took an extra day off from work & went down to the (florida) keys with my husband, my 2 teens, & some friends. i never have a bad time in the keys(!), but i am still getting used to being active, getting out in public & doing things again. i still feel a little weird, but trying to get back into the swing of things.

kim, congratulations on your happy news! i'm glad you are doing better; and a surprise proposal from the man of your dreams is going to have you on cloud 9 for quite some time! (goodbye antidepressants!!) a word of warning, though. if you are "triggered" by stress, you might think about hiring a wedding planner if you can afford it; if not, get as much help as possible from friends & family. i speak from past experience; i've always been pretty laid back, but i when i planned my own wedding & tried to handle too many details, i got very stressed out, & turned into "bride-zilla"! i'm not telling you this to rain on your parade; quite the opposite; i just don't want to see you have a "relapse" if you get overwhelmed with the planning.

today is the first day of the 4th week of my "med intake modification program"; my first post was my first day, march 3. i have been tapering off slowly, & trying to alleviate any negative withdrawl symptoms with vitamins & exercise. i'm doing ok so far; i'm down to 18.75mg every 5th day. i haven't had any epiosodes with depression, but i have a REALLY bad problem with anger management!! and like i was just saying before, i've always been a mellow, laid-back kind of person my whole life. i cannot deal with being so angry all the time over everything. EVERYthing just aggravates me to no end; the slightest bit of stress sends me into an uncontrolable rage. i just can't seem to mellow out, and it does seem to get progressively worse as more time passes between my weaned-down dosage. i think it was jami who mentioned the anger problem; she said the people in anger management had nothing on her!! i haven't seen anyone else discuss this issue very much. does anyone else out there suffer from being REALLy short-tempered? (to put it mildly!) does anyone have any ideas on what to do before i go totally postal? this is one area that i have been unable to help myself with. please help!

i hope everyone is doing as well as possible, and i'm glad to hear some of you are doing great!

Ruthie

My advise, for what it's worth -- give yourself a break and don't expect to be sunny when you feel like crap. Here is something I posted elsewhere.

I'm back from my business trip. This was the toughest week I ever had in my life, but the good news is that I'm doing really well. My dizziness is gone. The click-click is gone. Slight diarrhea, but lots of water seems to be helping that. A little weepy, but that will balance itself out. Not sad. Not depressed. My attitude is positive and my husband and sons are supportive and proud of my progress. My doctors are just a phone call away and also proud that I have stayed strong through the detox, and their supportive calls have kept the doubts and anxiety from surfacing. All is good. I see my therapist tonight to get the support I need to continue this progress. This board has been not only helpful but informative as well. There is a lot of excellent information on the board, and some not-so-accurate information as well. My advice -- for whatever it's worth is:



-- Do this slow!



-- Prepare yourself emotionally so the symptoms don't surprise you.



-- If possible, plan to stay home for a week (maybe two). Not the best way to use vacation/sick time, but we never got to choose whether we wanted depression either.



-- Get plenty of rest, water, quiet. Journaling was helpful to me. You're sick and you're going to feel sick. Be prepared and treat accordingly.





-- Communicate with your doctors. This is key.



-- Don't mix herbals unless you've already been on them. Just because they're natural, doesn't mean they're harmless and won't interract with the drug. Avoid over-the-counter drugs unless your doctor tells you otherwise.



-- Avoid alchohol (duh!).



-- Create a support network of friends and family and use it. Prepare your children if you have them.



-- Work on staying positive; exercise even if it's just a long walk. If feeling really dizzy, don't walk. Try some breathing exercises like yoga instead.



-- Pamper yourself and be compassionate to yourself. This will not be an easy process. Try and remember the meds were only a tool twoard remission. It isn't a cure. It's not meant to be.



-- Be prepared to acknowledge failure. You may still be in need of the meds. Communicate with your doctors! If you can't afford medical help, find groups or institutions that work on sliding scales (meaning you pay what you can afford, or it's free). They are around! Local doctors and hospitals have this information and it's FREE. The services are FREE. Don't attempt to do this alone. If you live in the Philadelphia area, there is an institution called The Starting Point in Westmont, NJ. They are online too. Excellent source of information for everyone. They offer FREE support groups and therapists and doctors are available to everyone.



-- The symptoms will go away. Everyone is different, so the time is going to be different for everyone.



-- This advice from my psychiatrist/neurologist was extremely beneficial to keeping my mood in check. You are not hurting your brain. The zap-zap is NOT damaging your brain.



Hope this helps someone.



"Nothing is worth more than this day."

sunnyseas,
i can't believe after 8 days of being effexor-free, you feel so good. every time i have tried to quit in the past, it was after a week or so that i would have a total psychotic meltdown. i kept going back on the effexor thinking there was something wrong with me. thank god i found this forum; i think that about 90% of my improvement has come from the realization that it's NOT me; it's the withdrawl from the meds.

you are right about taking it slow, & being good to yourself. and knowing what to expect from reading other peoples posts has been a big help. i also try to avoid potentially volatile situations. but avoiding alcohol i can't do! it's about the only thing that calms me down & keeps me somewhat sane. i'm not a liquor drinker or a mean drunk; i'm typically a happy, silly drunk, so i'm not concerned that drinking will make me angrier than i already am. usually a few beers will make me chill out a little, but i can't stay drunk 24-7!!! also, sometimes i'll take a valium if i really start to work myself into a frenzy. so i guess i just need to ride the storm out, so-to-speak, and hope that this too shall pass.

i am still open to more suggestions, however. bring 'em on, everybody!

i wish you continued success with your freedom from dependency on effexor, sunnyseas. i'll be there soon enough, i guess. (i can't wait!)

Ruthie

Hey ruthie,
I am happy to hear from you!You are doing really really well! I personally found it very difficult when I was having those "moods" and I had to take a step back and remind myself, it's okay that I feel this way, and I will be okay. I am just irratible. I would take some deep breaths, and try my best. Letting people know that you are a little irratible is good too. So that they dont think something is seriously wrong if you get up and leave the room!!
My baths and yoga helped ALOT with that too. It would put me in a peaceful state of mind.
Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend!
This too shall pass
I love that quote.
Elena

Hi Ruthie and Elena, thanks for your words of support. I offer it to you as well. I was also wondering if these symptoms are possibly complicated by peri-menopause as I am a 48 year old female. Even though my symptoms are almost non-existent being in the peri phase of the cycle, I'm wondering if my changing hormones could complicate the detox.

I experience the chills often now, opposed to hot flashes only two weeks ago. My mood is positive and that's most important. Yoga helps big time. Baths and remembering to breathe. Water, good diet, and exercise all seem to be contributing to my success. And, remembering that my symptoms of detox are unrelated to my depression. I own how I choose to react to my feelings. If I feel sick, I must remember that I am sick and not try to fight it or blame it on the depression or the behavior or actions of another person. One thing has nothing to do with the other technically. Although, that'a a very difficult point to stay focused on when I feel emotional. I get weepy at all kinds of things lately but that's because I'm experiencing the world WITH feelings for the first time in a long time. (FYI, I have apparently been depressed all my life and never knew until I suffered a post traumatic stress episode and was diagnosed. I just went through life thinking the past was the past and no one ever knew about what I went through. I was sexually, physically, emotionally and verbally abused as a child until I ran away at 17, then victimized in an abusive marriage for 12 years after. I am happily married now for 14 years with two healthy, emotionally and physically, sons, and a husband that should win some kind of prize.)

I'm weepy lately. I'm not self-conscious about who sees me cry or weeping. I usually respond to concerned onlookers with, "I'm just having a sunshower" and smile at them. They giggle or smile and show kindness. The response changes from "what's wrong with her" to "that's cool" and that really makes me feel self-confident. I'm becoming less afraid to face others and be who I am. I'm a sensitive, deep thinker, with creative and artistic abilities, and intellectually challenging (that part is what my husband and therapist tell me). I'm learning to live with myself, and I'm learning how I present myself to others. It's all good. The detox was just another step toward a healthy recovery of 30+ years of abuse. I'm 48 now and it's about time I start enjoying this world I'm in instead of focusing on making it more enjoyable for others. The statistics for me are quite staggering. According to the numbers, I'm on borrowed time. I love beating the odds. Getting off this Effexor is just another big milestone for me.

I want to help more people going through this process. These forums are great and I think having a real live support group in local areas would be another way to contribute to successful steps off anti-depressants. Effexor has it's place in getting the depression into remission, but it's not a cure. Never was meant to be. How I deal with what happens in my day is up to me now and hopefully the tools I've learned while on Effexor will be remembered and helpful, and my support group stays loyal. So far, so good.

I'm working on projects that will raise awareness of the effects of child abuse and the scars that adults live with that no one else sees. I believe my work has just begun, and this will also help me heal and keep my depression in remission.

"There is nothing more important than this day."

I wear a bracelet with that quote engraved because it reminds me that I'm real and that I need to stay present.

Good luck and namaste.

hi elena,
thanks for your words of encouragement. i have been warning most of the people closest to me; my family, friends, & co-workers; about what i'm going though. i've asked everyone to try to "shelter" me from as many stressfull situations as possible, and when i "lose it", to not take it personally. my husband & daughter are the best at putting me into check by telling me i really need to "CHILL THE F*** OUT!!!". they're pretty good at the "wake up call" thing...i'll be like; "oops, sorry..."; at that point i'll be more aware of what i'm doing, & try to make a more concentrated effort to relax, & stop with my carrying on like a madwoman.

but how are YOU, elena?? i think i worry about you more than anyone else on this forum. even though you've kicked the effexor addiction, it seems to me that you have alot of other issues & problems to deal with & resolve. sometimes when people offer suggestions about how to possibly help with your situation, you say that you might try this or that... but are you procrastinating, or are you really giving the different ideas a try?

it's good that you do yoga; it's very relaxing; i love it. and exercise gives an awesome natural high. but i think you need to find some other tools to help you with your anxiety. as i read through the archive posts, & read the ongoing posts daily, your residual problems worry me. i hope you can find a way to just relax & enjoy your life without worrying & obsessing about things to where it is emotionally crippling you. you say you have a wonderful man in your life. i guess he must be supportive; (alot of men will run away screaming when they encounter a woman with "issues"!) but you should let go & allow yourself to be happy, especially if you have a good guy to be there for you & share life with. don't hide away from the world; go out & experience it!! you only get one life; enjoy it!

me, i'm lucky because i got a second chance at life. but even before i got cancer, i still lived my life to the fullest every single day, because you never know when it will be your last day above ground...! i remember sometimes when i was very sick, as i lay in bed thinking i was going to die, i would think about all the fun stuff i've done in my life, & all the good times i've had; playing it all back like a video in my mind; i really didn't feel i had any regrets; i always did what made me happy, & surrounded myself with positive, happy people. y'know, they say that people end up regretting more the things they DIDN'T ever do in their lives than the things that they did! keep that in mind, elena, & try to go out & experience life before it's too late! some day you'll be laying on your "death bed", playing back that "video in your mind" of all the fun things you did in life, like i did... but there won't be anything on your "video"...it will be blank...

go make some happy memories so you have something exciting to watch someday as your life flashes before your eyes! the longer the video is, the better!!

good luck elena; i'll pray for your strength!

love,
Ruthie

Hello Ruthie,
You know, this past week has really been an eye opener for me. And after reading your post it just finalized what i was feeling. I looked back on some of the posts that I had written in my "dark" hours. I dont want to live a life filled with those emotions and fears and negitivity. I have been through a low, but I am going to get out of it.And I am already on my way towards that goal. I have started taking action on the things that i think will help me. Because you are right, I just didnt have the motivation to get going on it. Even though I knew it would help me, I believe I did procrastinate. Silly isnt it? So I gave myself a mental push and got back into these things. If I can get off Effexor, I can do what it takes to heal myself!! I have started meditation and yoga again, because when I was into it 4 months ago I felt wonderful. The exercize thing I have found little ways to get that hour in 3-4 times a week. And I have also begun taking a course on Anxiety that gives a break down of all the aspects of Anxiety from how to deal and why it's there. I am taking steps to bring myself back again. And to heal myself. I am having better days and the bad days are getting fewer and fewer. Although I have had some difficulty I feel that this time has given me the opportunity to observe and accept the things about myseld that I need to work on and what i need to let go.
Thank you for your care and concern and as I said before you have inspired me with your success story. I am grateful to have met you here. I am grateful to have met all of you. I plan on having a very long vivid colourful and beautiful video playing when my day comes to leave this world!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Elenaxo

Ruthie,
Your advice is excellent. I too want to fill my video with something that puts a smile on my face. I'm on my way. I've got a good camera now. Thanks.

elena & sunnyseas;
reading both your posts has brought a big smile to my face & tears to my eyes. i'm so happy to have said something to inspire you.

in one of my previous posts i wrote that about some of the things i have discovered after being given a second chance. one thing i've learned is that the only thing in this life that brings true satisfaction to one's soul, is to give a part of yourself to help your fellow human beings. thank you both for bringing me a tremendous amount of satisfaction & joy that i am experiencing to the deepest depths of my soul right at this very moment!

i really hope it does continue to inspire you as you go through the rest of your lives; even years down the road after you've long forgotten about this forum; that living out this mindset will stay with you forever!

and it's funny that your posts moved me to tears. i haven't shed a tear since my last "meltdown" about a month & a half ago, before i started slowly weaning myself off this emotionally debilitating drug. i must be on my way back!!

love,
Ruthie

Hi all,
Thank you for all your Congrates on my up comming marriage !! Today is day 4 being completely off the effexor. I was feeling so great last week and so looking forward to this, Now I just can't wait to get through it. I am dizzy OR have vertigo all the time!! It is awful. Today isn't as awful as the past 3 have been although still really bothering me. It is like my brain is moving slower than my eyes, if that makes sense. I am at work today but can not wait to go home and just lay down. I seem to be getting weepy all the time as well. as I am trying to plan a wedding and I read through some sample invitations and it sends me into a crying spell, More I think just from an extreame burst of emotion. I understand what you are trying to say Ruthie and fortunately I do have a lot of family that want to help with the wedding plans not to mention my fiance and our 6 children (yes I said 6. We keep calling ourselves the Brady Bunch, lol..) My fiance is very very supportive of me and tells me daily how proud he is of me for the way I have been handling the detox process (He gives me alot more credit than I give myself) I find myself appologizing to him and the kids contantly!! We have set the date for August 12th so I have alot to do by then and really hope this passes soon as I am having a really hard time concentrating on anything. I just feel miserable, but I know I will be so happy when the withrawl if over and I can hopefully feel normal again. Right now I just want to go home, climb into bed, close my eyes to stop the vertigo and cry!!! It is definatley a big help to be able to whine like this to all of you, knowing you all know what I am talking about as having either been through it or going through it yourselves. Just reading through your posts reassures me that what I am feeling is normal and the effects of the detox and I am not going crazy. My fiance is an incredible support to me and I don't think I could get through this without him. He is my rock !!!! He is a nurse and knows about the detox process so that helps too. Oh also, Yes Ruthie I get very aggrivated very easily right now as well. I think I realize though when I am getting that way and try to just walk away and be by myself and have a good cry. It is hard though when you have no idea or reason as to why you are crying, but when it passes I am able to some what deal again. I am so glad to see everyone posting again, we all went through a few days that we haven't. I Thank all of you soooo much for being here and wish you all the best!!!
Kim

Ruthie, you seem like a really compassionate and enlightened person. I feel your energy and passion for raising the awareness of living the moment we have. Part of my scar from my abuse is the ability to feel the pain and suffering of others all too well. It's why I have a problem expressing anger. I never see myself able to feel my own pain first, so I always reach out to the angry. Not beneficial, and I'm working on it. And then I have moments like these. I read your words, and feel blessed instead of cursed that I have a sensitivity to the emotions of others. Ruthie, you have been shown what's important, and it seems like when you got better, you never forgot. That's what makes you special. Keep spreading the passion for living. You are a light for many who are still searching.

sunnyseas,
thank you once again for the tears of joy you have brought me with the words of your post.

i wonder sometimes why i was put through such a life & death ordeal, then allowed to live, when so many others die. i just figured my purpose here is not finished, but it has not yet been revealed to me what that purpose is. maybe it IS to keep spreading the passion for living, treating each day as a gift, because (at the risk of sounding cliche), "life IS a journey, not a destination". alot of people lose sight of that concept, & focus on some great event that will occur SOMEday; ignoring the present, wasting precious days & years. we are only here for a finite length of time, & no one knows exactly how long that is.

y'know, sunnyseas, my life has been very parallel to yours, believe it or not. i grew up very unhappy; i was also emotionally, physically, & verbally abused, until i had a revelation; i figured out at 15 years old that i must have been put on this earth for something other that serving as my mother's "whipping boy". so i left home to find out what that was.

my mother always used to tell me that my attitude toward life,(going for the gusto & living each day as if it were my last), was total b.s.!! just an excuse to party, & not grow up...
when i revealed to her a year & a half ago that i had cancer, i asked her what she though of me now...!

after leaving home, my life was hard, being on my own at such a young age, but it was still better than the alternative, because at least i was in control of my own destiny. at 21, i ended up marrying a man exactly like my mother. i started to get very depressed, but i "cured" my depression 13 years ago with a natural remedy that i've posted on page 60, if you're interested in trying it yourself. (i'm on it again right now to help with my withdrawl) after 15 years of putting up with my ex's crap (15 years seems to be a breaking point for me?), i dumped him for my current husband, who i've been with for 12 years. i used to think i was cinderella, & i had found my prince charming! well, reality did set in eventually; life happens...! but i do treasure every day since i met that man; we've been through alot together; we are each other's best friend, & we're still madly in love!

the same time i was diagnosed with cancer, my husband got laid off, & was debating starting his own business, or just going to work for someone else again. even with my future very uncertain, i encouraged him to JUST GO FOR IT!! i had confidence in what he wanted to try to do; i knew he would succeed! now i gotta tell ya, this past year & a half, between my illness, & my husband trying to get the business off the ground, was probably the hardest test of our lives to date. but we made it!!!
i am going to live, & my husband's business is booming!

sunnyseas, i am 45 years old, but i'm in full-blown menepause, because of the chemotherapy i received. finallygetit also says that people have tried to tag her "emotional problems" with menepause, but i'm not buying into all that crap! to a point, maybe, but i'm sure there are ways of dealing with the "inconveniences" of menepause, just like any other ailment.

when i first got on this forum, i was confident that after beating cancer, i could beat the effexor addiction. and i'm SURE that after conquering both of those, menepause should be a walk in the park!

the moral of my (very long) story is: keep putting the negative behind you; don't let it continue to scar you anymore, sunnyseas; become stronger in SPITE of it! if some memories are still too painful, hide them away in a dark corner of your memory until you're ready to deal with them; until talking about it is just a bunch of empty words that don't hurt anymore.

you've got a great man to share your life with, great kids who love you; you are truly rich in LIFE, sunnyseas, because you are surrounded with positive, happy people who love you & care about you! all the money in the world can't buy that.

it was you who told me to pamper myself through this difficult time of my withdrawl. you are so right! but do take your own advise, & do what makes you happy! become stronger as a result of the battles you've won, & learn to recognize & appreciate the smallest gifts that are given to you every day. it may sound easier said than done, but i feel this attitude will either make or break "quality of life"!

so you are day 13 effexor-free, sunnyseas? how are you feeling now? i'm still weaning but doing ok; even the anger is tapering a little. yesterday at work, they asked me if i was on drugs because i was acting kind of goofy. i said: "nope! just the opposite! i'm getting OFF of drugs; i'm not a zombie anymore!!"

i think it was a wise woman on the road to recovery who said: "there is nothing more important than this day"!! :-)

love,
Ruthie

Hi Ruthie, wow, we have lived parallel lives. Like you, I was married to a man for 12 years who was like my mother. Weird what you learn in therapy eh? It wasn't until I met my present husband (married 15 years now) that I was born. He gave me the opportunity to look at my life square in the eyes and go for the golden ring. I finally felt safe enough, four years ago, on my mother's birthday, that I suffered a severe and life threatening post traumatic stress episode. I was happy that morning, just celebrated Mardi Gras with my son's elementary class. It hit like nothing I have ever conciously experienced before. The flood gates opened and the pain was too much for me. I was parked in my car in my garage and I become confused and crying. I thought at first I was having a panic attack. I remember hitting my head on the steering wheel to feel something, anything, but that only knocked me out and left a huge bruise on my head. I don't remember much during the next couple of days except that I had taken a xanax to treat what I thought was a severe attack of some kind. Again, I never had any depressive episodes or clues this was possible before this day. The only thing previous to this was that I experienced very short (hiccup-like) seizures that the neurologist said was most likely caused from the scarring in my temperal lobe from "shaken baby syndrome." This was before he even knew I was abused. It was the first of many scars to be uncovered. Anyway, apparently I lost track of how many pills I had taken. When my husband came home, I handed him the bottle and said I didn't know where I was and why I was in such emotional pain. I eventually became conscious in the hospital a few days later.

While in the hospital, psychiatrist and therapists ruled out any major mental illness and convinced me that I was healthy. I was sent home after only three days because I was, according to them, too articulate and that staying in this hospital would only confuse me more.

My road to recovery began after this experience. I learned that what I experienced meant my body was healthy and working excactly the way it is supposed to. But now my past has caught up with me and I needed to start talking about it and facing the demons that kept me in fear all my life. I'm 48 yrs young and am now just beginning to live. Being off off Effexor is a big step for me because it is the first time in my life that I am facing the world not depressed and not on drugs. Fully conscious. Not dissociating from pain. Feeling. I never knew I was depressed, but apparently I was depressed all my life. Too afraid to come out and claim my own life. I love smelling the air, I love making the beds in my house, I love everything about where I am now. I am safe. I am strong. I am worthy to be here. There are no promises for me that I will never have another attack but if there is a next time, I will be able to recognize it and I know who to call. I won't be terrified.

I am not suffering any more detox symptoms as of today. I am dealing with a kidney infection which just complicates it all. I go for an ultrasound tomorrow. Because I have a high pain tolerance due to my dissociation from pain, my doctor wants to rule out anything like kidney stones or whatever. This is probably a good idea. My mood is very positive. I am reading and journaling and looking with love at everything. I am pampering myself and keeping my bounderies in place. I still don't feel anger, but I am able to intellectualize the feelings so that's a positive step in the right direction, and I'm not feeling responsible for everyone else's anger. This is key for me.

My friends are very supportive, as is my family. My husband and I have couples therapy once each week to stay on track. It's a lot for any man to learn and he still at my side. My doctors are extremely supportive and are constantly telling me I am their hardest working patient. It's not easy growing up alone and unwanted, but I'm not going to let it dictate who I am. My children know I love them and we are loving and close, and we talk to each other. It doesn't get any better than that.

My world has come a long way from hiding in my closet to avoid my father and mother. It has come a long way from witnessing my brother be abused which hurt more than being abused myself. I've come a long way from being the exploited child porn victim. I've come a long way from being the victim of sick people, and I'm overcoming this terrible past.

Like you, I know in my heart I have a purpose yet to discover. I'm working on a couple of projects and I'm passionate about saving the lives of children as well as the inner children that are living amongst us in adult bodies. I see pain and I feel pain of others, and that means I can't pretend I don't feel it. I am responsible for raising this awareness to abusers and victims who are both equally in pain. I like who I am. I beat the odds big time and I'll keep beating them.

Thank you for your special words on this board. I am a deep thinker and I suspect you are as well. When one has faced death and survived, the world looks completely different. My eyes are open and that's where they're staying.

As I look at my bracelet which reads, "There is nothing more important than this day." There truly is nothing more.

With love to you, peace and good health wishes -- I am planting some flowers this afternoon in my garden, and will think of you. The sun is out and spring is here. You are a loving spirit Rutie. Thank you for sharing it with me. ~SunnySeas

Hi guys :)
Just a quick post today as I am using the computer at work!
I am so happy to see all the positivity brewing in this forum. I love it. Thank you Sunnyseas and Ruthie for some inspiring and beautiful posts.I wish you both so much love and good health and happiness.I feel blessed just to have met you here. Things have been going well here with me. I have gotten into my class pretty well. Its emotional but it will only get better from here. And I know it. I walked for about 20 minutes 2 times this week and will be playing a game of competitive volleyball this weekend! I am happy about that, it'll get my body moving! And that seritonin pumping!
I splurged and bought a pair of shoes today too....ooops! But I love them!
Anyway have a great day everyone! Thinking of you all!
Hugs
Elena

hi everybody,
it is nice to see some positive posts, isn't it? i guess some of us are finally on the mend.

i'm doing better all the time; today is the end of 4 weeks of "med intake modification". i took 18.75mg on sun. morning. tomorrow i am due for another dose after a 4-day hiatus. i think i'm actually starting to feel worse when i do take my weaned-down dose. on sunday, my husband said 3 people asked him if i was ok, because i kept repeating myself, & i had no recollection of it. it seems like i have "intermittent memory operation". i'm awake & conscious, but things happen right in front of me, & it doesn't "register"; like i wasn't even there. that's really scary; and it seems more prevalent after i take my med, on that day. does this happen to anyone else?? it seems i haven't had a problem since sunday (that i know of!), so i'm a little apprehensive about what tomorrow holds after i take my med.

elena, i'm glad to see that you're getting busy & doing something about all your little "residual problems". you sound much happier already! keep focused & keep up the good work!

kim, we haven't heard from you in a few days; i hope you're hanging in there; it seemed like you were struggling a little, once you stopped your med completely. and i know what you mean about getting a little weepy while reading the invitation samples; i get like that sometimes when i read mushy greeting cards in the store. just pick the one that makes you the most emotional; it should have a similar effect on everyone else!! (haha)

sunnyseas, it sounds like you are really getting your life together now that you are effexor-free. i hope you are still feeling great. (and we still probably have at least 100 other parallels in our lives; we can chat about that more later if you like)

i hope everyone else out there is doing great as well!

Ruthie

Hi all,
Well today is day 8 with no effexor and I am doing better. Day 5 seemed to have been the worst. I still have the head spins a little but nothing like the first 5 days. The crying has also subsided a quite a bit. I still get the emotional welling up inside but not to the point of crying as easily. I saw my doctor yesterday (has been 1 month since last appt) and he was very pleased with my progress. I lost 3 pounds and my blood pressure has even come down. The only thing is he said to be careful of the St. Johns Wort because it acts like Zoloft and wonders if it can effect my need for weight loss. He says I need to loose 40 pounds. YIKES !! Thanks alot zoloft and effexor !!! Has anyone heard or experienced any weight issues with St. John's? Mabey I should just stop taking it, only been on it for a couple of weeks so not sure if it is helping or not. My libido though, thankfully, seems to be returning and that is wonderful. My fiance is very happy with that result as well, lol... I am really worried about getting this weight off before my wedding and now he has worried me about the SJW, another thing to obsess about.... Anyhow, glad to hear everyone is doing so well!! Oh one more thing, The last thing my doctor said to me was congratulation and keep going to get this poison out of your system and I thought to myself "Hello !!! You are the one that put me on it!!!"
Kim