The ABC Homeopathy Forum
lachesis vs phosphorus
how do you differentiate between this 2 remedies? Does phosphorus really have always many many friends?Thanks
Silicea on 2011-07-24
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I read lachesis people look ugly while phosphorus look rather attractive with long eyelashes, well based on that I must be rather phosphorus than lol.
Silicea last decade
That is not how remedies are chosen.
No remedy makes anyone look attractive - a remedy is a disease, diseases do not make you look attractive.
You take a remedy to cure disease. Do you really think we give remedies to cure beauty?
Remedies cannot cause beauty, therefore than cannot cure it, even if such a thing were possible. This is not part of analyzing or understanding cases from the homoeopathic perspective.
What a remdy can cause it can cure - the rest of that stuff is irrelevent to choosing remedies.
No remedy makes anyone look attractive - a remedy is a disease, diseases do not make you look attractive.
You take a remedy to cure disease. Do you really think we give remedies to cure beauty?
Remedies cannot cause beauty, therefore than cannot cure it, even if such a thing were possible. This is not part of analyzing or understanding cases from the homoeopathic perspective.
What a remdy can cause it can cure - the rest of that stuff is irrelevent to choosing remedies.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Oh wow I got a reply from you. thanks!
No sorry, misunderstanding.
I meant one of the many differences between lachesis and phosphorus apparently is that lachesis looks rather pysichaly unattractive while phosphorus looks attractive. Dont know if that authour who stated such thing is correct with this or not, but if that is the case than I meant I cannot be lachesis I am not ugly I would say.
Did not mean to say I need phosphorus to become attractive lol. I know this is not possible.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 02:13:26 BST]
No sorry, misunderstanding.
I meant one of the many differences between lachesis and phosphorus apparently is that lachesis looks rather pysichaly unattractive while phosphorus looks attractive. Dont know if that authour who stated such thing is correct with this or not, but if that is the case than I meant I cannot be lachesis I am not ugly I would say.
Did not mean to say I need phosphorus to become attractive lol. I know this is not possible.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 02:13:26 BST]
Silicea last decade
Yeah phosphorus people are beautiful not just attractive.
Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
The great openness of Phos and the easy communication are well known
The character of phosphorus is the sympathetic disposition
They have a strong desire for company. They want to talk and exchange ideas. They usually talk a lot and very openly, they communicate freely about the thoughts that live inside them. But they don't hold monologues, like lachesis, they are not loquacious as such. At a later stage the company might also become too much for them. That is when they develop an aversion to company and conversation. They might become completely indifferent, even to their family. Because of the open communication, Phos is very sympathetic. They quickly take on other people's thoughts and feelings. It is as if they resonate with other people, who appreciate this acknowledgement of their own feelings. The sympathy of Phos. does not necessarily last very long. As soon as they meet someone else their sympathy will turn to that person.
We see the same phenomenon with their fears. They are easily frightened of any disease they happen to hear about. It is as if they take over the complaints as soon as they read or hear about them. They get afraid that they might have the same disease. But they are just as easily reassured again. If the doctor sets their mind at ease that these complaints are not serious they accept his reassurance and their complaints disappear. But as soon as they hear about another disease, this reassurance can disappear again as quickly as it came.
Phos. is also listed in the repertory as sympathetic.
The classic picture of Phos, for instance, is the patient whom you feel you know so well after the first consultation that you would like him to be your friend. Brothers and sisters are in the same category. It is easy to feel relaxed in their company, communication flows naturally with them. Phos has homesickness as a typical symptom.
The main feeling of Phosphorus is of being unloved and uncared for, to which the patient reacts by being affectionate, friendly and sympathetic in the hope that this love and care will be reciprocated ('Affectionate, returns affection'). He must be sensitive to the feelings of others to win their affection. The effort of Phosphorus therefore is in the direction of caring for others, being sympathetic to them.
There is however one side of Phos which is the complete opposite of this openness. We see this in the delusion that he is alone and isolated on a little island. There is a total absence of contact. He is as isolated as Robinson Crusoe.
One could imagine the original situation of Phosphorus to be one in which a person is suddenly transferred to a society and a culture that is completely unknown to him. For example, a person who is shipwrecked and lands on a strange island. He ultimately has two choices: either he withdraws and hides, or he tries to get adopted into the new society. In that case he has to try and make contact with these new people as soon as possible. In order to become one of them, he has to learn to think, feel and act like they do. So he has to learn many new things, like using new tools or a new language. He has to be very curious and be open to everything. He also has to be open to these people, to adopt their way of thinking, their way of feeling, their norms and values. He has to learn to feel exactly the way they feel. He also has to make many friends, in order to feel secure in that society.
There is lot lot more to describe about phosphorus but in the end,
The slogan of Phosphorus could be described as i stated above 'any communication is better than no communication'.
Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
The great openness of Phos and the easy communication are well known
The character of phosphorus is the sympathetic disposition
They have a strong desire for company. They want to talk and exchange ideas. They usually talk a lot and very openly, they communicate freely about the thoughts that live inside them. But they don't hold monologues, like lachesis, they are not loquacious as such. At a later stage the company might also become too much for them. That is when they develop an aversion to company and conversation. They might become completely indifferent, even to their family. Because of the open communication, Phos is very sympathetic. They quickly take on other people's thoughts and feelings. It is as if they resonate with other people, who appreciate this acknowledgement of their own feelings. The sympathy of Phos. does not necessarily last very long. As soon as they meet someone else their sympathy will turn to that person.
We see the same phenomenon with their fears. They are easily frightened of any disease they happen to hear about. It is as if they take over the complaints as soon as they read or hear about them. They get afraid that they might have the same disease. But they are just as easily reassured again. If the doctor sets their mind at ease that these complaints are not serious they accept his reassurance and their complaints disappear. But as soon as they hear about another disease, this reassurance can disappear again as quickly as it came.
Phos. is also listed in the repertory as sympathetic.
The classic picture of Phos, for instance, is the patient whom you feel you know so well after the first consultation that you would like him to be your friend. Brothers and sisters are in the same category. It is easy to feel relaxed in their company, communication flows naturally with them. Phos has homesickness as a typical symptom.
The main feeling of Phosphorus is of being unloved and uncared for, to which the patient reacts by being affectionate, friendly and sympathetic in the hope that this love and care will be reciprocated ('Affectionate, returns affection'). He must be sensitive to the feelings of others to win their affection. The effort of Phosphorus therefore is in the direction of caring for others, being sympathetic to them.
There is however one side of Phos which is the complete opposite of this openness. We see this in the delusion that he is alone and isolated on a little island. There is a total absence of contact. He is as isolated as Robinson Crusoe.
One could imagine the original situation of Phosphorus to be one in which a person is suddenly transferred to a society and a culture that is completely unknown to him. For example, a person who is shipwrecked and lands on a strange island. He ultimately has two choices: either he withdraws and hides, or he tries to get adopted into the new society. In that case he has to try and make contact with these new people as soon as possible. In order to become one of them, he has to learn to think, feel and act like they do. So he has to learn many new things, like using new tools or a new language. He has to be very curious and be open to everything. He also has to be open to these people, to adopt their way of thinking, their way of feeling, their norms and values. He has to learn to feel exactly the way they feel. He also has to make many friends, in order to feel secure in that society.
There is lot lot more to describe about phosphorus but in the end,
The slogan of Phosphorus could be described as i stated above 'any communication is better than no communication'.
Paki1 last decade
I have to disagree. I have seen many Phosphorous people over the years, there were no more beautiful people amongst them than other remedies. I have seen attractive Lac-caniums, Thujas, Graphites, Sulphurs, Lycopodiums, etc and just as many unattractive people amongst them. It is not part of their disease state.
Besides which, attractiveness or beauty is subjective - it could not be used to choose remedies, because different practitioners will perceive beauty differently.
Phosphorous however will feel the need to attract others - this is definitely true about them, since being alone it so terrible for them. Their survival depends on having large numbers of friends and contacts, to talk to, touch, get affection from etc. They will act in an attractive manner, but this does not mean they will be physically attractive.
There are other misleading indications for remedies that are present in our literature - like red hair for lachesis, or the aristocratic nose of arsenicum. These things will distract you from the correct remedy if given too much importance.
Besides which, attractiveness or beauty is subjective - it could not be used to choose remedies, because different practitioners will perceive beauty differently.
Phosphorous however will feel the need to attract others - this is definitely true about them, since being alone it so terrible for them. Their survival depends on having large numbers of friends and contacts, to talk to, touch, get affection from etc. They will act in an attractive manner, but this does not mean they will be physically attractive.
There are other misleading indications for remedies that are present in our literature - like red hair for lachesis, or the aristocratic nose of arsenicum. These things will distract you from the correct remedy if given too much importance.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Yeah agree, it was your experience with phos. but what i stated was
'Yeah phosphorus people are beautiful not just attractive.
Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
The great openness of Phos and the easy communication are well known'
The concept of beauty was based on mine experience may be i didn't got much patients to get more experience but you must also note that my real believing on phos. starts after my statement i.e; Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
I mean the more important thing is communication that's why i ended my statement with
'The slogan of Phosphorus could be described as i stated above 'any communication is better than no communication'.'
Also 100% agree with you
'Besides which, attractiveness or beauty is subjective - it could not be used to choose remedies, because different practitioners will perceive beauty differently.'
In the last i also don't believe in
'here are other misleading indications for remedies that are present in our literature - like red hair for lachesis, or the aristocratic nose of arsenicum. These things will distract you from the correct remedy if given too much importance.'
Rather i strictly avoid that kinda literature
'Yeah phosphorus people are beautiful not just attractive.
Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
The great openness of Phos and the easy communication are well known'
The concept of beauty was based on mine experience may be i didn't got much patients to get more experience but you must also note that my real believing on phos. starts after my statement i.e; Phosphorus --->
'Any communication is better than no communication'.
I mean the more important thing is communication that's why i ended my statement with
'The slogan of Phosphorus could be described as i stated above 'any communication is better than no communication'.'
Also 100% agree with you
'Besides which, attractiveness or beauty is subjective - it could not be used to choose remedies, because different practitioners will perceive beauty differently.'
In the last i also don't believe in
'here are other misleading indications for remedies that are present in our literature - like red hair for lachesis, or the aristocratic nose of arsenicum. These things will distract you from the correct remedy if given too much importance.'
Rather i strictly avoid that kinda literature
Paki1 last decade
Silicea last decade
Thanks Paki1
Ok so you cannot differentiate by how a person looks on what remedy he might need.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 02:58:33 BST]
Ok so you cannot differentiate by how a person looks on what remedy he might need.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 02:58:33 BST]
Silicea last decade
To silicea,
Let me clear you one thing that is mostly whichever remedy(the polychrests may be) you read you may think it match you but in reality it most certainly not, that's why we need a homeopath to dealt with it. During student life most students usually thinks this remedy might be for them but believe me usually after taking remedy they usually suffer awful symptoms/conditions.
So my faithful advice to you is don't try anything in future by just reading literature.
Let me clear you one thing that is mostly whichever remedy(the polychrests may be) you read you may think it match you but in reality it most certainly not, that's why we need a homeopath to dealt with it. During student life most students usually thinks this remedy might be for them but believe me usually after taking remedy they usually suffer awful symptoms/conditions.
So my faithful advice to you is don't try anything in future by just reading literature.
Paki1 last decade
I know, I learned that this is true. SO I am not so excited anymore and dont take remedies unless someone tells me it could fit me.
I made some beginner mistakes when starting treatment, thinking I just need to find this 'One' remedy and I am cured.
Now I am just mostly reading because I cannot rest, I need to do something, so I read.
I gave the above phosphorus symptoms I have in common with it only because they might be unknown of me to you all. I did not intend to get told based on that if phosphorus fits me or not, but based on the other things David knows about me + the ones I just mentioned if it would make phosphorus a possibility for me or not.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 04:50:51 BST]
I made some beginner mistakes when starting treatment, thinking I just need to find this 'One' remedy and I am cured.
Now I am just mostly reading because I cannot rest, I need to do something, so I read.
I gave the above phosphorus symptoms I have in common with it only because they might be unknown of me to you all. I did not intend to get told based on that if phosphorus fits me or not, but based on the other things David knows about me + the ones I just mentioned if it would make phosphorus a possibility for me or not.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 04:50:51 BST]
Silicea last decade
Person's physical looks i.e beauty,ugly etc don't tell us much unless its a symptom.
But personal meeting with patient is essential if leave patient beautiness ugliness aside then whole patient looks and even his walking lead us to a certain remedy but along with totality of other mental and physical state.
But personal meeting with patient is essential if leave patient beautiness ugliness aside then whole patient looks and even his walking lead us to a certain remedy but along with totality of other mental and physical state.
Paki1 last decade
The funny thing is that I once wanted to be lachesis and even self prescribed it in 200c potency after a homeopath left me. And now it turns out that it is helping me. So I dont know what to think. But I understand that with me the reason why I want to be a certain remedy is slightly different.... First I wish to be a specific remedy, then after a few days passed since taking remedy I dont want to be it anymore and so than I desire, get all excited about a different remedy. Its not like I insist I am the specific remedy I desired to be and keep taking it even if it doesnt help me... Its just the desire for something new or for change that makes me want to be a specific remedy. But the remedy has to sound exciting, not boring lol. And hopefully cure me - have a bit of relevance to my symptoms.
Well that is how it used to be before taking lachesis & nat mur. Since than the desire for change/something new has gone down. I havent ordered a new remedy for about a month now. lol. that must be indication of improvement.
My feeling is I am not phosphorus. The idea just came over me when I was going for a walk and felt happy, open, I saw joy everywhere. I thought its a bit strange that I can switch from such a low state to a happy one in a matter of days.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 04:53:17 BST]
Well that is how it used to be before taking lachesis & nat mur. Since than the desire for change/something new has gone down. I havent ordered a new remedy for about a month now. lol. that must be indication of improvement.
My feeling is I am not phosphorus. The idea just came over me when I was going for a walk and felt happy, open, I saw joy everywhere. I thought its a bit strange that I can switch from such a low state to a happy one in a matter of days.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 04:53:17 BST]
Silicea last decade
Haha Paki we agree of course. I am sorry I made it sound like we didn't. My apologies. I can be way too abrupt at times.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
To David,
No need for apologies i did understand what you meant. Its our experience that might be different.
Yeah we agree :).
To Silicea,
As i mentioned before its best for you to wait as lachesis 1m was taken less than 10days ago, give it some time i would rather say give it 2 more weeks and then think for another remedy or homeopath.
No need for apologies i did understand what you meant. Its our experience that might be different.
Yeah we agree :).
To Silicea,
As i mentioned before its best for you to wait as lachesis 1m was taken less than 10days ago, give it some time i would rather say give it 2 more weeks and then think for another remedy or homeopath.
Paki1 last decade
hmm no I will not switch remedy as long as it has effects and hope someone will guide me with dosing.
This is how I used to look like 3 years ago, back when I just had social anxiety. Back when I wasnt afraid of the sun and did not think I am really ugly which made me do strange alterations to my face.
[message edited by Silicea on Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:54:22 BST]
This is how I used to look like 3 years ago, back when I just had social anxiety. Back when I wasnt afraid of the sun and did not think I am really ugly which made me do strange alterations to my face.
[message edited by Silicea on Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:54:22 BST]
Silicea last decade
I am actually somewhat impressed with how well you have stuck to this remedy - perhaps there is hope for you as a homoeopathic patient yet :)
What does your face look like now?
What does your face look like now?
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Argh, what does my face look like now? this caused me tears, its ruined
The part above, just at the top of my nose looks sunken in, because I picked on it so many times with my fingers.
the area just above the eyebrows is sunken in too because I picked on it so many times. I have deeper wrinkles from all the strange things I did in order to fix what I messed up. And my hair is falling out.
my nose doesnt look straight anymore because of this sunken in area at the top of my nose.
I am still trying every evening to somehow fix my face.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 06:25:52 BST]
The part above, just at the top of my nose looks sunken in, because I picked on it so many times with my fingers.
the area just above the eyebrows is sunken in too because I picked on it so many times. I have deeper wrinkles from all the strange things I did in order to fix what I messed up. And my hair is falling out.
my nose doesnt look straight anymore because of this sunken in area at the top of my nose.
I am still trying every evening to somehow fix my face.
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 06:25:52 BST]
Silicea last decade
Thanks for the nice comments. I know what I worry about is irrational probably, but I feel people only come to me or are interested in me by the way I look. If I loose that I am as good as dead. So my BDD is my biggest problem at the moment. And if I could fix my face to get it back to the way it was. I would be the happiest person alive and feel so hopefull. Nothing else would matter, because all other problems can be dealt with are small compared to this one. But with my face ruined I am not hopeful.
And I dont know what happened to me, I was happy, liked and then I got all those problems. And my BDD which appeared when I isolated myself in my room for a year to fix my social anxiety with EFT.
This one year alone in my room was so bad for me and my health. I feel everything changed from than on. Deep depression, apathy, hypochondria, BDD etc
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 06:50:49 BST]
And I dont know what happened to me, I was happy, liked and then I got all those problems. And my BDD which appeared when I isolated myself in my room for a year to fix my social anxiety with EFT.
This one year alone in my room was so bad for me and my health. I feel everything changed from than on. Deep depression, apathy, hypochondria, BDD etc
[message edited by Silicea on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 06:50:49 BST]
Silicea last decade
I admit I have gotten compliments for this picture on dating sites. But when I look at this picture. I see myself looking strange, bad. I think I look pale, I have a fearful, tense expression that is just off and therefore feel great anxiety for posting it.
although since taking the lachesis, I am at times seeing something else, which is that my expression isnt bad. But if I look at this picture for a while I get uncertain again and see the bad tense, fearful expression.
although since taking the lachesis, I am at times seeing something else, which is that my expression isnt bad. But if I look at this picture for a while I get uncertain again and see the bad tense, fearful expression.
Silicea last decade
This was me februray this year.
Here everything was still ok and had things somewhat under control
[message edited by Silicea on Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:55:07 BST]
Here everything was still ok and had things somewhat under control
[message edited by Silicea on Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:55:07 BST]
Silicea last decade
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
It has done many great things I would say
1. BDD (my most difficult to cope with problem)
I worry less about my appearance. If I see some imperfection, something that is not perfect I dont get the usual stress response anymore that would usually glue me to the mirror without letting me go away until I fixed the imperfection.
I actually fixed many things since the lachesis, because I am in a different mind set. A more hopeful one where I believe I can get it all back to the way it was, so that must probably be the reason why I dont get the stress response anymore. I am more hopeful and in the right mindset. Its suprising how I am making good decisions now and actually fixing things and not causing more imperfections.
I spend less time in front of the mirror,
On evenings I spend time watching TV or doing other things instead of stressing in front of the mirror which feels good.
I can see at times that I am good looking (in my opinion) and can accept the nose I have. Not wish I had a smaller one.
And also at times I can see past the imperfections and think the beauty is in my eyes, its indestructible. I can have bumps, wrinkles etc it does not take anything away from me or my beauty... if that makes sense... I am a guy and a bit to attached to the way I look, which I dont like. But I value myself by the way I look and think other people do to. Its what makes people be interested in me or get love or whatever, the way I look! without it I got nothing that would make people want to be with me is my view or delusion.
What it has not done:
I still wish to get back to the way I used to look like, (fix the imperfections I created),
and it is still important to me as to how I look. Sometimes after I fixed an imperfection I self created in the past I had images in my mind of fireworks, of love etc and felt like I have the 'old' me back and can let go a sigh of relief again.
What this could mean is like back when I looked the way I used to look like people liked me, gave me compliments, were interested in me... so if I am back to the way I used to look like I know I will get all those compliments, interest etc again. You know I dont have to worry anymore.
At the moment I am still unsure at times whether something is wrong with the way I look or not probably because I am alone and have no friends. Maybe my mind tries to make me think that there must be something wrong with the way I look because of that? I dont know.
2. Social anxiety
Overall a noticable improvement. I feel more open. Can have longer conversations with my father and be in the moment at times when talking with him.
My voice sounds better, not weak.
I feel my back again, less tensions there
I sometimes feel good by presenting myself in front of the house like when I have to mawn the lawn or something, not the usual fear and need to hide. Although if a neighbour would come out, I would probably be fearful again and wish to hide, avoid
I am a bit more assertive but at times also agressive
What it has not done:
I still cannot tell my father something I am displeased about with him, cannot critizise him or say no to him.
anxiety at times gets in the way when I want to say something, I cannot say it because of the strong anxiety I feel in my chest and around my face, so I keep quiet and I hate myself when I am like that, unable to speak my mind, let myself be limited by my anxiety
When my brother has his friends over I still cannot talk with them and feel anxiety
outside I still avoid people. Dont feel good enough about myself yet. Still as if I am wrong, worthless and dont think I am capable of speaking/socializing with people.
I noticed when I have to go to a shopping mall I feel my fear in my stomach, and in my throat I feel something too as if I want to throw up, vomit. Just the feeling is there, I dont vomit and once I get inside the shopping mall I feel anxiety around my face. A vulnerability. I want to cover it up, not show people the fearful mental state I am in. But there is an improvement noticable I must say. I dont feel like its the end of the world if they see it.
I still fear when posting that I will get a reply that will be hurtful or when posting my picture that I will get to hear something hurtful about it. And when posting something generally I still stress and try to be perfect. I feel like if I do or say something wrong people might leave me.
Thank you for being interested again.I had to write this quickly, hope I didnt make many mistakes
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 07:21:24 BST]
1. BDD (my most difficult to cope with problem)
I worry less about my appearance. If I see some imperfection, something that is not perfect I dont get the usual stress response anymore that would usually glue me to the mirror without letting me go away until I fixed the imperfection.
I actually fixed many things since the lachesis, because I am in a different mind set. A more hopeful one where I believe I can get it all back to the way it was, so that must probably be the reason why I dont get the stress response anymore. I am more hopeful and in the right mindset. Its suprising how I am making good decisions now and actually fixing things and not causing more imperfections.
I spend less time in front of the mirror,
On evenings I spend time watching TV or doing other things instead of stressing in front of the mirror which feels good.
I can see at times that I am good looking (in my opinion) and can accept the nose I have. Not wish I had a smaller one.
And also at times I can see past the imperfections and think the beauty is in my eyes, its indestructible. I can have bumps, wrinkles etc it does not take anything away from me or my beauty... if that makes sense... I am a guy and a bit to attached to the way I look, which I dont like. But I value myself by the way I look and think other people do to. Its what makes people be interested in me or get love or whatever, the way I look! without it I got nothing that would make people want to be with me is my view or delusion.
What it has not done:
I still wish to get back to the way I used to look like, (fix the imperfections I created),
and it is still important to me as to how I look. Sometimes after I fixed an imperfection I self created in the past I had images in my mind of fireworks, of love etc and felt like I have the 'old' me back and can let go a sigh of relief again.
What this could mean is like back when I looked the way I used to look like people liked me, gave me compliments, were interested in me... so if I am back to the way I used to look like I know I will get all those compliments, interest etc again. You know I dont have to worry anymore.
At the moment I am still unsure at times whether something is wrong with the way I look or not probably because I am alone and have no friends. Maybe my mind tries to make me think that there must be something wrong with the way I look because of that? I dont know.
2. Social anxiety
Overall a noticable improvement. I feel more open. Can have longer conversations with my father and be in the moment at times when talking with him.
My voice sounds better, not weak.
I feel my back again, less tensions there
I sometimes feel good by presenting myself in front of the house like when I have to mawn the lawn or something, not the usual fear and need to hide. Although if a neighbour would come out, I would probably be fearful again and wish to hide, avoid
I am a bit more assertive but at times also agressive
What it has not done:
I still cannot tell my father something I am displeased about with him, cannot critizise him or say no to him.
anxiety at times gets in the way when I want to say something, I cannot say it because of the strong anxiety I feel in my chest and around my face, so I keep quiet and I hate myself when I am like that, unable to speak my mind, let myself be limited by my anxiety
When my brother has his friends over I still cannot talk with them and feel anxiety
outside I still avoid people. Dont feel good enough about myself yet. Still as if I am wrong, worthless and dont think I am capable of speaking/socializing with people.
I noticed when I have to go to a shopping mall I feel my fear in my stomach, and in my throat I feel something too as if I want to throw up, vomit. Just the feeling is there, I dont vomit and once I get inside the shopping mall I feel anxiety around my face. A vulnerability. I want to cover it up, not show people the fearful mental state I am in. But there is an improvement noticable I must say. I dont feel like its the end of the world if they see it.
I still fear when posting that I will get a reply that will be hurtful or when posting my picture that I will get to hear something hurtful about it. And when posting something generally I still stress and try to be perfect. I feel like if I do or say something wrong people might leave me.
Thank you for being interested again.I had to write this quickly, hope I didnt make many mistakes
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 07:21:24 BST]
Silicea last decade
Here is a dream I had tonight.
_____________________
I had a strange dream tonight. Well I slept until 2pm and dreamed a lot, but I can only remember the last dream which might be helpful in the future.
THe short version of it is: I was gardening with a man and a woman who were of old age close to my home, on the opposite side of the street. I had a task to do which was to make blocks of soil. And the woman had something negative to comment when she saw the blocks I made. Which felt like she belittled me a bit, I felt anxiety of not being able to do the job. Than I started again from scratch with a different technique. With making very small blocks of soil and she had something negative to say again. And than even her husband came and had a look and it felt like I got belittled again a bit at my bad technique. I felt horrible, unsure and had no confidence. Than they called my bigger brother and he had to finish the job.
Than my father just drove by and I felt even worse that I will now get also critizised by him maybe, as I might get by my brother and already got by the woman and her husband. I felt alone, everyone against me. But than my mother came and said whats wrong to me and I could not hold back anymore, started crying and walking away from her into a house walking up some stairs while crying and than I slowly woke up from the dream and noticed I had the expression as if I am crying and had watery eyes.
Well the dream reminds me of past situations when I was alone at home with my brother and father and got critizised by them, they kind of ganged up on me often and accused me of doing things the wrong way or of making mistakes which was completely unjustified. I did not make mistakes, they just thought I did so I had to explain and show to them that I did not make them while feeling great anxiety and unjust is being done to me. And once cleared up I felt great anger at them for putting me in such unecessary distressing situations by accusing me blindly. As if they enjoyed doing this to me, because I was the youngest and alone. They two were together against me who was alone.
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 07:29:08 BST]
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I had a strange dream tonight. Well I slept until 2pm and dreamed a lot, but I can only remember the last dream which might be helpful in the future.
THe short version of it is: I was gardening with a man and a woman who were of old age close to my home, on the opposite side of the street. I had a task to do which was to make blocks of soil. And the woman had something negative to comment when she saw the blocks I made. Which felt like she belittled me a bit, I felt anxiety of not being able to do the job. Than I started again from scratch with a different technique. With making very small blocks of soil and she had something negative to say again. And than even her husband came and had a look and it felt like I got belittled again a bit at my bad technique. I felt horrible, unsure and had no confidence. Than they called my bigger brother and he had to finish the job.
Than my father just drove by and I felt even worse that I will now get also critizised by him maybe, as I might get by my brother and already got by the woman and her husband. I felt alone, everyone against me. But than my mother came and said whats wrong to me and I could not hold back anymore, started crying and walking away from her into a house walking up some stairs while crying and than I slowly woke up from the dream and noticed I had the expression as if I am crying and had watery eyes.
Well the dream reminds me of past situations when I was alone at home with my brother and father and got critizised by them, they kind of ganged up on me often and accused me of doing things the wrong way or of making mistakes which was completely unjustified. I did not make mistakes, they just thought I did so I had to explain and show to them that I did not make them while feeling great anxiety and unjust is being done to me. And once cleared up I felt great anger at them for putting me in such unecessary distressing situations by accusing me blindly. As if they enjoyed doing this to me, because I was the youngest and alone. They two were together against me who was alone.
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 07:29:08 BST]
Silicea last decade
I need daily reassurance... One time a few months ago while I had a BDD attack (staring in the mirror) my mother came into my room to talk about something with me and said something nice about my appearance which left me confused after she left my room. Here I was staring in the mirror for a few hours worrying that I am ugly and than I got told the opposites, so it did the trick and I got out of the BDD attack for that day and didn't worry about how I look. Because I knew for the day that I must look ok.
When I go outside for a walk on a day I feel good. I feel kind of 'special' as if everyone is looking at me etc. But than if someone talks to me I feel like I cannot live up to this 'special' image. So feel anxiety! And later wished I would have not had to open my mouth and talk, to reveal my 'low' self.
And also something else which happened yesterday..., Ah this is going to sound bad from me... A guy who looked kind of bad in appearance approached me, which made me feel bad so I had to distance myself from him quickly..
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:52:08 BST]
When I go outside for a walk on a day I feel good. I feel kind of 'special' as if everyone is looking at me etc. But than if someone talks to me I feel like I cannot live up to this 'special' image. So feel anxiety! And later wished I would have not had to open my mouth and talk, to reveal my 'low' self.
And also something else which happened yesterday..., Ah this is going to sound bad from me... A guy who looked kind of bad in appearance approached me, which made me feel bad so I had to distance myself from him quickly..
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:52:08 BST]
Silicea last decade
Another thing...
When there is conflict at home between family members I feel great sympathy. But if for example I have a disagreement with my mother and she later starts crieing and feeling self pity I cannot stand it. I feel destructive anger and feel like wanting to run down and hit her a few times or something. I cannot tolerate it. It irritates me so much her weak behaviour, self pity... But of course this is just a thought, nothing more.
And about my attention seeking behaviour that happens from time to time on a forum, like that problem I had on the socialphobiaworld.com forum. I was nice and good at first. Than I played a 'rejection game' with a few members. I Got critizised/rejected as was expected in that game but despite it just being a game this turned me into a maniac or something from than on... Attention seeking, ego inflatation to the extreme. I was abusing everyone. Creating 200 user accounts with names like great.great.me; alpha.male (lol) etc etc, and picking fights just with about everyone
Dont know why this happens to me. Have no explanation for it. I feel like I have so many different sides to me.
I want to be good.
(I am unsure whether I should keep this or delete it)
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 11:08:11 BST]
When there is conflict at home between family members I feel great sympathy. But if for example I have a disagreement with my mother and she later starts crieing and feeling self pity I cannot stand it. I feel destructive anger and feel like wanting to run down and hit her a few times or something. I cannot tolerate it. It irritates me so much her weak behaviour, self pity... But of course this is just a thought, nothing more.
And about my attention seeking behaviour that happens from time to time on a forum, like that problem I had on the socialphobiaworld.com forum. I was nice and good at first. Than I played a 'rejection game' with a few members. I Got critizised/rejected as was expected in that game but despite it just being a game this turned me into a maniac or something from than on... Attention seeking, ego inflatation to the extreme. I was abusing everyone. Creating 200 user accounts with names like great.great.me; alpha.male (lol) etc etc, and picking fights just with about everyone
Dont know why this happens to me. Have no explanation for it. I feel like I have so many different sides to me.
I want to be good.
(I am unsure whether I should keep this or delete it)
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 11:08:11 BST]
Silicea last decade
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