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Help with depression - Jim/Erika/Keypass - anyone Page 4 of 4

This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
It really helps me to hear stories of how other people have climbed up from rock bottom. It does give me hope that I can do the same.

My problem is that I have no energy or will to do anything. I force myself to come to work because I know I will be much worse at home by myself with all that time to brood. But I dont even feel like getting out of bed these days.

I just cant get past how 2 people can love each other so deeply and then after breaking up he can move on so quickly. And the love is still there because I feel it when I see him and he says he feels it too.

I know I need to stop seeing him and contacting him. It just feels like he is the only one who can make my hurt go away. Because he caused it, he can cure it - isnt that the law of similars?
 
waterfall last decade
Hi Waterfall,

That's not quite the law of similars, no. - it has to be diluted and succused (shaken up) before it cures.

It's devastating, I know. It's like someone has died. I think in Western culture, somebody who doesn't know the pain of unrequited love is normally someone who has never loved anyway, so you're luckier than some...

He may have been great in many ways - maybe he made you laugh a lot, maybe he inspired you, maybe he looked like Brad Pitt (maybe he was Brad Pitt?) - but that doesn't mean you are compatible. Your relationship ended because it wasn't perfect.

Why did it end though?

I went out with a girl (that first love), who in many ways was great. Things seemed fine. We were planning our holiday one day. And I've no idea what happened the next day, but the next evening, I was history. I got a letter from her a couple of weeeks later saying she was engaged! I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was so confused, and so upset.

Anyways, enough of me.

It sounds like you're making yourself very available to him.

If you want him back, this is what you've got to do:

Don't see him. Don't return his calls. Don't call him. Avoid him.

It will be incredibly hard, because you need your 'fix', you'll feel like you'll die if you don't call him, but really you mustn't.

After a while (we're talking months), he'll be missing you so badly, that he'll want you too. This turns the game around so eventualy it's you in control, not him.

In the mean time, what will really help is if any mutual friends you have tell him how well you're doing, and how you seem to be over him ("What over me? How can she have got over me? I'll show her...")

So as much as anything, if you want to win him back, you really have got to focus on something else.
 
monza last decade
In a way, a death is easier to cope with because it is final.

He ended it with me because he has pretty much always been in a relationship and he felt he needed time to experience the freedom he has missed out on by not being single. He said he was torn - partly he wanted to be with me but partly he wanted to be free - pretty selfish I know. He knew that too.

The thing is - I totally understand where he is coming from. I was engaged at 18 and I felt that I was missing out on dating other people and experiencing what it would be like with someone else. How could I be sure this guy was right for me when I didnt have experience of any other guys? But I went through this phase at the age of 18/19 whereas he is in his early forties!

We dont have mutual friends, he never actually met any of mine and I only met a couple of his so the only way he will find out what I am up to is if I tell him. And I am trying to stay away from him although I just ache for a single text message or phone call from him, just so I know he is thinking of me.

He says the woman he is involved with now is not serious. Its not going anywhere and both of them know it, he said. That doesnt make is any easier to accept that he is sharing the special moments we used to share together with someone else. I feel betrayed.

I know our relationship wasnt perfect. But it was damn near. I have never trusted like that or felt so comfortable with a man.

If I could wave a magic wand and have him back I would do so in a heartbeat.
 
waterfall last decade
Torturing yourself is an option too...
 
monza last decade
What do you mean?
 
waterfall last decade
You can either distract yourself and take your mind off the situation, or you can continue torturing yourself.

There is not a third way where you don't take your mind off the situation, and don't torture yourself.

The choice is yours.
 
monza last decade
Anyone coping with trying to withdraw from anti-depressants should check out the Pain and Stress center in San Antonio Texas. They have great books about using amino acids to completely withdraw from these drugs and get your life back. Just go to google and type ' pain and stress center ' and it will find their website. It will change your life. Good luck to all.
 
barry3000 last decade

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