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OCD, Derealization, Panic, Existenial Crisis...please help!!

Hello, I have severe (at least I think it is severe) OCD accompanied with derealization and some paranoia (from what I can tell) it originally started when i was 15, the derealization and OCD took a 5 year hiatus, leaving just general anxiety (had a few minor ocd outbreaks in the 5 year, but nothing this bad) the horror started again about 6 months ago when i thought i was going to die from a rare disease. I have an immense fear of dying, and losing controlmyself) and now i have a whole lot of existential questions that are impossible to answer that worsen my state of mind.. i cant afford anymore therapy or a visit to a homeopath so i want to follow the advice on here, will i have any side effects to belladonna or any other of these remedies? Thank you.
 
  Aislynnmarie on 2016-09-12
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I can consider your case but
you need to give many
answers, copy the questions
list in notepad,
write answers in same way
with questions and then
paste in post reply, NO
SHORT answers explain
MAXIMUM you can.
1.
Age,sex,weight,country,occupation.
ANS.
2. Main complaints and other
associated troubles.
a)Where is the trouble; The
exact locality of the
complaint like hands,legs
etc; duration of trouble.
ANS.
b)What exactly do you feel,
Sensation as pain, how pain
feels or burn etc.
ANS.
c)What are the factors that
causes this trouble according
to you.
ANS.
d)Condition under which the
complaint is reduced or you
feel better like,cold or hot
application,cold or hot
weather,position as
standing,walking,rest etc.
ANS.
e)Condition under which the
complaint is increased
like,cold or hot
application,cold or hot
weather,position as
standing,walking,rest etc.
ANS.
f)Any other complaint any
where in the body.
ANS.
g)Onset time of troubles in
detail, i.e which came first,
after that what problem and
so on.
ANS.
h)Treatment method
adopted and its result.
ANS.
3. History of diseases in
family.
ANS.
4. Personal History.
a)About childhood.
ANS.
b)Academic performance.
ANS.
c)Any major incidents in life
and the effect of it on life.
ANS.
d)How you are satisfied with
your sex life, friends, family
members, company etc.
ANS.
5. Habits/Addiction.
a)Smoking, Alcohol,Sleeping
pills, Laxative etc.
ANS.
b)Masturbation and
frequency.
ANS.
6. How is your Appetite and
Thirst.
ANS.
7. Likes and Dislikes.
a)Alcohol Bread Butter Bitter
Salt Sweet Sour Fats Milk Mud
Chalk Egg Spicy food Meat
Fish Fruits Fried Food
Warm food-drink Cold food-
drink Ice Ice cream
Chocolates Tea Coffee.
ANS.
b)Anything else about like
and dislike of any activity
with you or surrounding.
ANS.
8. Bowel movements.
a)Nature of stool, frequency,
satisfactory or not.
ANS.
b)Any discomforts
associated with stool.
ANS.
9. Urine.
a)Frequency, nature,
volume.
ANS.
b)Any discomfort before,
during or after urination/
odour
ANS.
10. For men.
a)Any difference in
erection/want of erection/
weak erection/Ejaculation
early/late.
ANS.
b)Any other trouble in sex.
ANS.
11. For Females.
a)Menses, Regular,
Irregular,Early, Late.
ANS.
b)Duration of menses.
ANS.
c)Nature of flow, Scanty,
Blood colour, Consistency,
Odour, Staining, itching/
when and what makes it
worse/better.
ANS.
12. Sleep.
a)The quality of sleep, the
quietness or restlessness of
sleep,
position of sleep, times of
waking and reasons for
waking,
need for cover over various
parts of the body,
whether the window must
be open or closed etc.
common dreams, peculiar
sounds or gestures during
sleep, etc.
ANS.
13. Sweat
a)How much, what parts,
staining, Odour.
ANS.
14. Weather
a)Tolerance to heat and
cold, dryness, humidity,
weather changes, sun,
foggy weather, wind drafts,
closed rooms, etc.
ANS.
15. Mental Status
a)The quality of the patient's
life in relationship to loved
ones, family, friends and
colleagues. Overall quality
of energy available to
function in daily life, and
under various circumstances.
ANS.
b)Any mental/emotional
shocks occurring in the
patient's life-grief, major
financial losses separation
from loved ones, death,
identity crisis and other
stress in life.
ANS.
c)Memory,ability to
concentrate/comprehend.
ANS.
d)Are you fearful of
anything eg: Animals,
people, being alone,
darkness, death, disease,
robbers, thunder, storm, high
places.
ANS.
e)Are you anxious about
anything: if yes, give details.
ANS.
f)Are you impatient.
ANS.
g)Are you doubtful or
suspicious.
ANS.
h)Are you hurt easily
(emotionally)how do you
react. Does it cause hatred/
revenge.
ANS.
i)Does your pride get hurt
easily.
ANS.
j)Are you depressed, if so,
reason/circumstances.
ANS.
k)Do you like to share your
problems.
ANS.
l)Effect of consolation.
ANS.
m)Do you ever become
suicidal when? How.
ANS.
n)Memory- quality if poor,
for what ( eg. Names, places,
people, what you read).
ANS.
o)Do you weep easily, effect
of weeping, ie, does it make
you worse or better.
ANS.
p)Are you easily irritated.
What makes you angry, how
do you express it.
ANS.
q)Are you destructive.
ANS.
r)How good are you in
making decisions.
ANS.
s)Do you like company or
like to remain alone.
ANS.
t)How seriously are you
affected by disorder and
uncleanness in your
surroundings.
ANS.
u)How does failure appear
to you?
ANS.
v)Are there any matters that
you deeply dislike?
ANS.
w)What activities you
deeply like? How does it
affect your mood?
ANS.
x)Are you affectionate? How
does others sorrow affect
you?
ANS.
y)Any present fears in your
life or future.
ANS.
z)Any present life or future
life desires.
ANS.

Describe face and
tongue by doing FACIAL and
TONGUE DIAGNOSIS on
visiting
homeomzp.blogspot.com
ANS.

Describe PRAKRITI and VIKRITI
by doing EVALUATION on visiting
tridosha.com/self-test
ANS.
 
0antivirus0 4 years ago
I can consider your case but
you need to give many
answers, copy the questions
list in notepad,
write answers in same way
with questions and then
paste in post reply, NO
SHORT answers explain
MAXIMUM you can.
1.
Age,sex,weight,country,occupation.
ANS.
21 years old
Female
120lbs
USA
Documentation Coordinator

2. Main complaints and other
associated troubles.
a)Where is the trouble; The
exact locality of the
complaint like hands,legs
etc; duration of trouble.
ANS.
head; eyes, between eyes, behind eyes, temples and occasionally back of head; duration beging when I begin to panic from a thought, may last a couple minutes to what feels like days and hours.

b)What exactly do you feel,
Sensation as pain, how pain
feels or burn etc.
ANS.
Pressure pain, immense pressure, somtimes tingling in temples, sometimes sharp between eyes

c)What are the factors that
causes this trouble according
to you.
ANS.
Whenever I begin to worry I have a rare disease, and I am going to die or that I am just going to die, or I am going to be stuck like this forever

d)Condition under which the
complaint is reduced or you
feel better like,cold or hot
application,cold or hot
weather,position as
standing,walking,rest etc.
ANS.
When I calm down, breathing deeply, distractions, exercise, its very hard to get it to go away though.

e)Condition under which the
complaint is increased
like,cold or hot
application,cold or hot
weather,position as
standing,walking,rest etc.
ANS.
Sitting for long periods of time. Silence, with no distractions.

f)Any other complaint any
where in the body.
ANS.
Heart feels weak at times, I feel immense fatigue from fighting thoughts all day, my stomach twists in knots when I experience a trigger.

g)Onset time of troubles in
detail, i.e which came first,
after that what problem and
so on.

Onset of trouble was when I was 15yrs old in the summer between my sophomore and junior year of highschool. I had a bad trip on Marijuana (which I had only smoked 7 times in my whole life, that being the 7th) I was coming down the next day when my dad said he heard on the discovery channel that the world could be a video game, I panicked then my whole world changed, I could no longer control my anxiety, I felt like I was floating and nothing looked real anymore. I would involuntarily shake, had multiple upon multiple panic attacks over things like pain killlers, eating mushrooms becausr i thought they would make me high, whither i was crazy, whither i was dreaming, or if i had actually died, and i would have panic attacks for no reason except that i was afraid of the world now. I was suspended in this state for roughly 3 months until school began. After school began my anxiety transitioned into an intense fear of germs, had i touched my pants even slightly i could not eat my food it was that bad. I still had panic attacks, the derealization had simply lessened. I went to the school nurse a lot, had no friends, ate lunch in the bathroom. It was in this time I developed my great fear of death. I cannot recall what changed me, but eventually the panic subsided, the derealization faded, and i retained 2/3rds of my previous normality for about 1 year and 1 month, in this time I fell in love, had a lot of friends, enjoyed an amazing summer and year, was a varsity volleyball player. Then sadies happened.. my future husband then boyfriend took me and friends to some hot springs, there was a sign that warned of a brain eating amoeba. I panicked again. I writhed in fear for probably 5 days until it proved i didnt have the amoeba, but my anxiety returned, not as infamous as before, however slowly over time i gained many new OCD like fears, next I watched a documentary about the bible, my husband is athiest and we talked about how contradictory it was, that night i was suddenly compelled to believe that god would smite me for that and take away my ability to sleep. It felt like I couldn't sleep for 5ish days until finally i dont really remember what gave, but i returned to normal, this gave rise to my fear of not sleeping and thus death. I then gained a fear of the number 13 from a coincidental stream of bad events which i just so happened to notice the number, i also developed a jinxing fear in which if i thought about something horrible happening i believed it would happen to me if I didnt knock on wood, or say “i dont want to knowâ€Â. These are the extent of my fears. The amoeba and sleeping fear would come and go for about 3 years, having 2-3 sleeping fear breakouts (that only last about a week) and 2 amoeba breakouts (that only last a couple days), the jinxing and 13 fears were constant. Death fear would mostly arise with the amoeba and sleep fear. However 6 months ago i had a sleeping fear outbreak so intense i truely believed i was a gonner, it was the most intense with the head pain and pressure, and my original onset symptoms from when i was 15 have returned and i have no control over my anxiety again. The OCD is SOO intense now being faced with the jinxing, amoeba, sleeping, and death fears all at once inducing fears of craziness, and now I question all of existence with no answers to relieve the questions, I just feel trapped. I dont know if I can turn to god, spirits, or if when i die i will just disappear, which only heightens my anxiety more. It feels extremely hard to get out now that these OCD fears have been cemented for 4 years.
I have gotten better since the re-onset, but I am still cant seem to shake the fears listed above.
Before the re-onset i was the happiest woman alive, and i thought often about how much i loved my life and how well everything was going, i just got married to my highschool sweetheart, we were in the processing of buying our dream home, work for both of us was heading in the right direction, then i was suddenly afraid of losing it all…. The sleeping fear in this instance was backed by a memory of my older sister telling me a whole family died from not sleeping because something was wrong with their brain. When my sleeping fears come on now, I am afraid i have developed whatever it is they had and then it is EXTREMELY hard to sleep and i panic.
ANS.
h)Treatment method
adopted and its result.
ANS.
I tired therapy, it worked to break me out of some of my detrimental ways of thinking, i had nearly believed no one was real and i was trapped inside a matrix like world, the therapy helped stop that train of thought and through ERP and self realization I have nulled that paranoia, though i fear it is still in the back of my mind which scared me horribly. I had to stop therapy because i couldnt afford the cost after just buying a house, had i known this would onset again i probably would have postponed that!
3. History of diseases in
family.
ANS.
Agoraphobia (grandma), anxiety (other grandma, mom, sister, aunt), and OCD (sister)

4. Personal History.
a)About childhood.
ANS.
I had an amazing childhood! Full of extra love, and adventure. I often look back in wish i could be a child again. My husband says i was spoiled, and over loved and that is why this is happening to me….
b)Academic performance.
ANS.
A and B honor roll 5th-9th grade, got my first F sophomore year, junior year average, senior year nearly had a 4.0 had i not given up on my math class.
c)Any major incidents in life
and the effect of it on life.
ANS.
My parents divorced, didnt really affect me because i was so young. The only other event was when i was 15 prior to onset i smoked a drug called spice 1 time! Had the worst trip of my entire life. I used to attribute my anxiety to this event however i was completely fine for a couple of months after, it wasn't until the bad marijuana trip and my dad questioning the universe that all this started, and now when i think of the spice event it is like PTSD.
d)How you are satisfied with
your sex life, friends, family
members, company etc.
ANS.
Very satisfied! Infact it makes me exceptionally sad that I can not enjoy them all as much as I used to.
5. Habits/Addiction.
a)Smoking, Alcohol,Sleeping
pills, Laxative etc.
ANS.
None, my anxiety doesn't even let me take ibuprofen unless in severe pain.

b)Masturbation and
frequency.
ANS.
Not really at all.

6. How is your Appetite and
Thirst.
ANS.
Fairly normal, if i exercise i am more hungry, if i am sad i am less hungry, but still like to eat.
7. Likes and Dislikes.
a)Alcohol Bread Butter Bitter
Salt Sweet Sour Fats Milk Mud
Chalk Egg Spicy food Meat
Fish Fruits Fried Food
Warm food-drink Cold food-
drink Ice Ice cream
Chocolates Tea Coffee.
ANS.
Likes: Vanilla, chocolate, used to like coffee but gave it up once this started again, taro tea, smoothies, strawberries, milk, eggs, yogurt, fried food, cheese, sourdough bread
Dislikes: meat, except fish and chicken, bell peppers, liquor

b)Anything else about like
and dislike of any activity
with you or surrounding.
ANS.
I dont like not being able to travel, the dirt our dogs bring in the house, i like my husband, life, home interior
8. Bowel movements.
ANS.
hard, regular, 1-2 times a day

b)Any discomforts
associated with stool.
ANS. not really
9. Urine.
a)Frequency, nature,
volume.
ANS. Multiple times a day, normal, i drink a lot of water
b)Any discomfort before,
during or after urination/
odour
ANS. Sometimes smells in morning, other than that no
10. For men.
a)Any difference in
erection/want of erection/
weak erection/Ejaculation
early/late.
ANS.
b)Any other trouble in sex.
ANS.
11. For Females.
a)Menses, Regular,
Irregular,Early, Late.
ANS.
I started to take birthcontrol 2 years ago which lessened the duration of my period over time to 3-4 days light, but regular, a month before this re-onset i started taking no offweek to surpress my period because of headaches i would get at the end of them. Since onset i started having on offweek again 2 months ago. Period has returned to regular, 3-4 days light.
b)Duration of menses.
ANS. 3-4 days light
c)Nature of flow, Scanty,
Blood colour, Consistency,
Odour, Staining, itching/
when and what makes it
worse/better.
ANS. Mostly brown, very light, clumpy, lots of cramps
12. Sleep.
a)The quality of sleep, the
quietness or restlessness of
sleep,
position of sleep, times of
waking and reasons for
waking,
need for cover over various
parts of the body,
whether the window must
be open or closed etc.
common dreams, peculiar
sounds or gestures during
sleep, etc.
ANS.
Usually great sleep unless fear of not sleeping is at the front of my mind. Window preferably closed, but often isnt. Fans must be on, i must be cold so i can snuggle in covers, i love to be close to husband. Phone cannot be near me, no light especially flashing light, very sensitive to sound, wake up to pee usually once, may wake to readjust, but doesnt bother sleep. I usually dream vividly, often about deep water.
13. Sweat
a)How much, what parts,
staining, Odour.
ANS. I sweat a lot, since i was 15 actually, stinks horribly, absolutely Cannot forget some kind of deodorizer.
14. Weather
a)Tolerance to heat and
cold, dryness, humidity,
weather changes, sun,
foggy weather, wind drafts,
closed rooms, etc.
ANS. I Hate cold rooms unless i am sleeping, hate wind unless i am already dirty, or am in nature, other than that nothing extreme.
15. Mental Status
a)The quality of the patient's
life in relationship to loved
ones, family, friends and
colleagues. Overall quality
of energy available to
function in daily life, and
under various circumstances.
ANS.
My relationship with my husband became strained when all this began again, it was absolutely horrible, i feared i’d lose him. Things are getting back to normal now, and we are happy again. My relationship with family is better than ever, we see eachother often, and i feel immense love for them. Friend is gradually getting better again, after highschool my husband was really my only friend. I have limited energy but not as bad as a few months ago, i can work in household projects again. And have returned to a normal work flow at work.
b)Any mental/emotional
shocks occurring in the
patient's life-grief, major
financial losses separation
from loved ones, death,
identity crisis and other
stress in life.
ANS. I got caught up i my imagination when all this started again and feared what if my memories arent real, and i am someone else trapped here. This made it hard to trust anything. But i have finally started to come out of that through love and self realization. My husbands grandma died a month after onset which i was close to… her death was expected for sometime but it still hurt all of us terribly.
c)Memory,ability to
concentrate/comprehend.
ANS. My memory used to be pristine, however lately it has become harder to remember things in detail, im not sure if that is anxiety or just growing up.
d)Are you fearful of
anything eg: Animals,
people, being alone,
darkness, death, disease,
robbers, thunder, storm, high
places.
ANS.
Being alone****, death****, rare disease, losing loved ones, losing self, going crazy, hurting people when i dont want to, being trapped
e)Are you anxious about
anything: if yes, give details.
ANS.
Im worried i’ll be stuck like this and kill myself, or lose everyone, or go crazy.
f)Are you impatient.
ANS. Sometimes, lately more so than before.
g)Are you doubtful or
suspicious.
ANS. Usually not, i am often highly gullible.
h)Are you hurt easily
(emotionally)how do you
react. Does it cause hatred/
revenge.
ANS. Yes very much, i dont grow vengeful though, i grow extremely sad and hurt myself with negative thoughts.
i)Does your pride get hurt
easily.
ANS. Not really, only with my husband because he thinks hes always right.
j)Are you depressed, if so,
reason/circumstances.
ANS. Only when i think about the past, and wish this metal horror will go away again.
k)Do you like to share your
problems.
ANS. Now more so than before, im not sure if i like it, i just desperately desire help.
l)Effect of consolation.
ANS. Usually fleeting, i do not seem to value others opinions in regard to me as much anymore unless they are trainedprofessional
m)Do you ever become
suicidal when? How.
ANS. Yes, when i fear i may spiral into chaos, or that i feel so fatigued that i cannot handle this anymore.
n)Memory- quality if poor,
for what ( eg. Names, places,
people, what you read).
ANS. Events, but its not a very poor memory i just dont have enough energy to recall, if i had more i would probably have no issues.
o)Do you weep easily, effect
of weeping, ie, does it make
you worse or better.
ANS. Yes very much when i think of my previous happiness, or of my doom, however if i cry hysterically i often feel better.
p)Are you easily irritated.
What makes you angry, how
do you express it.
ANS. Only lately, when i have to repeated ask someone to do something, or when someone nags me when i am preoccupied.
q)Are you destructive.
ANS. No, not really, there's been two times in my life when i felt betrayed and i threw pillows around super aggressively but thats it
r)How good are you in
making decisions.
ANS. Horrible. I hate having to many options sometimes.
s)Do you like company or
like to remain alone.
ANS. I love company! Being alone frightens me.
t)How seriously are you
affected by disorder and
uncleanness in your
surroundings.
ANS. It doesnt bug much, it’ll take a few weeks before i am bugged enough to clean something, but when i do it is spotless.
u)How does failure appear
to you?
ANS. Only when i can't control something
v)Are there any matters that
you deeply dislike?
ANS. Death, and controversial religiousscientific topics.
w)What activities you
deeply like? How does it
affect your mood?
ANS. Rock climbing, cuddling with my husband, funny videos, movies, volleyball, playing with children, it relieves some of my metal tension
x)Are you affectionate? How
does others sorrow affect
you?
ANS. Very, very affectionate. Sometimes too affectionate for my husband. I cant handle others woes, it will affect me too deeply and i cant get sad events out of my mind with out ruminating in them.
y)Any present fears in your
life or future.
ANS. That i will have another full blown sleeping episode…. That i will die soon, that i will not be able to return to my previous state of living, that i will disappear when i die, that i will alone for all eternity after i die or i will disappear because i fear death so much
z)Any present life or future
life desires.
ANS.
To return to normal, to have a baby, to travel the world, to take back control of my imagination, and write many books, to be able to trust myself and all the world again.
Describe face and
tongue by doing FACIAL and
TONGUE DIAGNOSIS on
ANS.
(Will post a final eval after the 3 days specified on your site, but this is one day for now)

Tongue taste- 1
Tongue color- white coating that thins towards end

Facial-
Sunken Cheeks
Glassy or polished shine mostly forehead
Occasional puberty pimples

Describe PRAKRITI and VIKRITI
by doing EVALUATION on
ANS.
PRAKRITI- Pitta
VIKRITI- Pitta Imbalance
 
Aislynnmarie 4 years ago
Thank you so much for reading this! I know it is a lot and I am pretty ridiculous, but truely thank you for taking the time to comment and considering my case.
 
Aislynnmarie 4 years ago
Wow! One of the rare classical homeopathic case history!

All the best to both Dr & Pt.
 
DrKulkarni 4 years ago
i will prescribe tommorow.
 
0antivirus0 4 years ago
sorry but please,

Describe PRAKRITI
by doing EVALUATION on visiting
www.holisticonline.com/ayurveda/w_ayurveda-dtest1.htm
ANS.
 
0antivirus0 4 years ago
take PHOSPHORUS 200c liquid, 2 drops in a tablespoon water, only 2 dose not more than that, not daily, 1st dose before sleep and next dose next morning after wakeup,

{if buying pills then 3 pills as one dose, 2 times, 1st at night and 2nd after wakeup, chew it, do not swallow with water}

do not eat or drink anything 30 minutes before and after medicine,

REPORT FOLLOWING AFTER 20 DAYS

feeling calm=
good sleep=
proper energy level=
self control=
confidence level=
freshness on waking up=
love and affection with others=
mental freedom or freshness=
pressure pain=
any other change you felt=

regards,
antivirus
 
0antivirus0 4 years ago
Thank you so much!

My Vata is 40, Pitta 41, Kapha 19, my predominant dosha is Pitta and Vata.
 
Aislynnmarie 4 years ago
ok..
 
0antivirus0 4 years ago

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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.