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Laughter is the best Medicine : JOKES Page 11 of 14
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Software Engineering
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
'If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?'
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
'If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?'
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
sammy1 last decade
Great Steaks
A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.
'Now see here,' the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. 'Yesterday, when I came down here you served me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the meaning of this?'
'Yes, sir,' replied the waiter, 'yesterday you were sitting by the window.'
A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.
'Now see here,' the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. 'Yesterday, when I came down here you served me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the meaning of this?'
'Yes, sir,' replied the waiter, 'yesterday you were sitting by the window.'
sammy1 last decade
Long Hair
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, 'I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.'
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, 'Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!'
The young man waited a moment and replied, 'You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.'
His father replied, 'Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!'
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, 'I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.'
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, 'Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!'
The young man waited a moment and replied, 'You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.'
His father replied, 'Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!'
sammy1 last decade
American Holiday
Osama ben Laden goes to a psychic who says 'You will die on an American holiday' Needless to say ben Laden is shocked.
'Which one?' he asks.
'Doesn't matter', says the psychic. 'Whatever day you die will become an American holiday.'
Osama ben Laden goes to a psychic who says 'You will die on an American holiday' Needless to say ben Laden is shocked.
'Which one?' he asks.
'Doesn't matter', says the psychic. 'Whatever day you die will become an American holiday.'
sammy1 last decade
The Natural
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said 'Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.'
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
'Now what?', the fellow asked the speechless pro.
'Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup' the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
The retiree replied, 'Oh great! NOW you tell me!'
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said 'Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.'
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
'Now what?', the fellow asked the speechless pro.
'Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup' the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
The retiree replied, 'Oh great! NOW you tell me!'
sammy1 last decade
But Officer...
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, 'This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!' So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, 'Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?'
'Ma'am,' the officer replies, 'you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.'
'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!' the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that '22' was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
'But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time,' the officer asks with concern.
'Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.'
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, 'This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!' So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, 'Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?'
'Ma'am,' the officer replies, 'you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.'
'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!' the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that '22' was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
'But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time,' the officer asks with concern.
'Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.'
sammy1 last decade
Stupid Criminal
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.
sammy1 last decade
Cowboy's Favorite Bible
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, 'It's a miracle!'
'Not really,' said the cow. 'Your name is written inside the cover.'
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, 'It's a miracle!'
'Not really,' said the cow. 'Your name is written inside the cover.'
sammy1 last decade
More Signs Your Cow has Mad-Cow
- Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
- She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
- Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
- Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
- Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting 'MOO' backwards.
- Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
- Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
- Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells 'Bullseye'!
- Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
- She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
- Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
- Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
- Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting 'MOO' backwards.
- Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
- Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
- Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells 'Bullseye'!
sammy1 last decade
45 or 82?
A lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, 'We've been waiting a long time for you.'
'What do you mean?' he replied. 'I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?'
'45? You're not 45, you're 82,' replied the angel.
'Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82, then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.'
'Hold on. Let me go check,' said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. 'Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82...'
A lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, 'We've been waiting a long time for you.'
'What do you mean?' he replied. 'I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?'
'45? You're not 45, you're 82,' replied the angel.
'Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82, then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.'
'Hold on. Let me go check,' said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. 'Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82...'
sammy1 last decade
Scale Convention
At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight.
A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.
She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: 'One hundred and sixty-three.'
At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight.
A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.
She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: 'One hundred and sixty-three.'
sammy1 last decade
Top Ten Changes to Cable Television
10. When you turn on your television, you'll hear 'You've got Pay Per View'.
9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just won't work.
8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.
7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.
6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can't cancel, no matter how hard you try.
5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.
4. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.
3. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz.... again.
2. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don't have a 'real' cable company like they do.
1. 'You've been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated.'
10. When you turn on your television, you'll hear 'You've got Pay Per View'.
9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just won't work.
8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.
7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.
6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can't cancel, no matter how hard you try.
5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.
4. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.
3. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz.... again.
2. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don't have a 'real' cable company like they do.
1. 'You've been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated.'
sammy1 last decade
A Texas Millionaire
A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.
A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, 'Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible I'll get it for you.'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine.' With that the physician left.
The doctor didn't hear from the Texan millionaire for some months. Then, one day, he got a phone call from the millionaire.
'Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good enough for ya. So I had pools installed and they're all ready for you now!'
A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.
A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, 'Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible I'll get it for you.'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine.' With that the physician left.
The doctor didn't hear from the Texan millionaire for some months. Then, one day, he got a phone call from the millionaire.
'Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good enough for ya. So I had pools installed and they're all ready for you now!'
sammy1 last decade
Santa is a Woman
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowlful of jelly.'
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowlful of jelly.'
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
sammy1 last decade
Tech Support
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by 'Lucille.'
He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
'She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back,' he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
'She leaves her name,' was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.
'How does she spell her name?' the service rep asked.
'L-O-W C-E-L-L'
Another technical problem solved.
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by 'Lucille.'
He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
'She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back,' he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
'She leaves her name,' was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.
'How does she spell her name?' the service rep asked.
'L-O-W C-E-L-L'
Another technical problem solved.
sammy1 last decade
Government Job
guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
'I can't stand this,' said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
'Hold it, hold it,' he said to the men. 'Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?'
'Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job,' one of the men said.
'But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?'
'You don't understand, mister,' one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
'Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree and Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Elmer's sick, that don't mean that Leroy and me can't work.'
guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
'I can't stand this,' said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
'Hold it, hold it,' he said to the men. 'Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?'
'Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job,' one of the men said.
'But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?'
'You don't understand, mister,' one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
'Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree and Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Elmer's sick, that don't mean that Leroy and me can't work.'
sammy1 last decade
Top Ten Reasons why Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, 'I can do better than that.'
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, 'I can do better than that.'
sammy1 last decade
A Story of Creation
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.
At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, 'Let there be light.'
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light 'Day' and the darkness 'Night.' Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, 'Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed.'
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, 'Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth.'
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....
At this point, God created Hell.
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.
At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, 'Let there be light.'
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light 'Day' and the darkness 'Night.' Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, 'Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed.'
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, 'Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth.'
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....
At this point, God created Hell.
sammy1 last decade
For The Kids...
Where do ants go for their holidays?
Frants!
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!
What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
All sorts of antics!
Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
To trip up the ants!
What is even bigger than an elephant?
A giant!
What do you call an ant in space?
Cosmonants & Astronants!
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Impartant!
What medicine would you give an ill ant?
Antibiotics!
What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
An ant's mouth!
Where do ants go for their holidays?
Frants!
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!
What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
All sorts of antics!
Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
To trip up the ants!
What is even bigger than an elephant?
A giant!
What do you call an ant in space?
Cosmonants & Astronants!
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Impartant!
What medicine would you give an ill ant?
Antibiotics!
What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
An ant's mouth!
sammy1 last decade
Internetaholics Anonymous
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?
We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counselling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.
We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never 'cured,' you most certainly can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
10) All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.
Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line.
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?
We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counselling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.
We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never 'cured,' you most certainly can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
10) All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.
Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line.
sammy1 last decade
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left
side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
5. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
6. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
7. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
8. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
9. Russia was slow to recover after WW2 because it kept Stalin around.
10. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
11. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
12. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
13. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
14. When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.
15. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
16. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
17. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
18. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
19. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
20. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
21. They tried to keep a locksmith in prison,
but the nut bolted.
22. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
23. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
24. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
25. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
26. Every calendar's days are numbered.
27. Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?
28. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
29. He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
30. Gravity is studied a lot because it's a very attractive field.
31. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in
motion.
32. Some musicians can be sharp, which is not natural.
33. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
34. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
35. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
36. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
37. Some people's noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
38. Prison walls are never built to scale.
39. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
40. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.
41. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
42. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
43. The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.
44. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
45. Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
46. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
47. In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
48. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
49. Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.
50. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
51. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
52. There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.
53. A doctor drank while putting on patients' casts. He was soon plastered.
54. He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.
55. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
56. When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
57. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
58. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
59. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
60. To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
61. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
62. The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
63. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
64. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
65. Goats in France are musical because they have french horns.
66. If you give some managers an inch they think
they're a ruler.
67. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
68. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
69. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
70. The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.
71. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
72. If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and
go out, it could spell disaster.
73. The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
74. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
75. When the plums dry on your tree, it's time to prune.
76. A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
77. If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
78. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
79. The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
80. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
81. Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.
82. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
83. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
84. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
85. When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right
86. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
87. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
88. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
89. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
90. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
91. There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.
92. Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
93. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
94. Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
95. The queen's favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.
96. His girlfriend wanted him to slow down the car, but he put his foot down.
97. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
98. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
99. Santa';s helpers are subordinate clauses.
100. An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left
side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
5. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
6. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
7. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
8. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
9. Russia was slow to recover after WW2 because it kept Stalin around.
10. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
11. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
12. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
13. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
14. When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.
15. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
16. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
17. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
18. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
19. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
20. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
21. They tried to keep a locksmith in prison,
but the nut bolted.
22. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
23. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
24. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
25. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
26. Every calendar's days are numbered.
27. Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?
28. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
29. He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
30. Gravity is studied a lot because it's a very attractive field.
31. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in
motion.
32. Some musicians can be sharp, which is not natural.
33. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
34. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
35. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
36. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
37. Some people's noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
38. Prison walls are never built to scale.
39. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
40. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.
41. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
42. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
43. The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.
44. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
45. Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
46. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
47. In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
48. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
49. Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.
50. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
51. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
52. There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.
53. A doctor drank while putting on patients' casts. He was soon plastered.
54. He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.
55. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
56. When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
57. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
58. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
59. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
60. To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
61. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
62. The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
63. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
64. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
65. Goats in France are musical because they have french horns.
66. If you give some managers an inch they think
they're a ruler.
67. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
68. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
69. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
70. The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.
71. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
72. If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and
go out, it could spell disaster.
73. The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
74. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
75. When the plums dry on your tree, it's time to prune.
76. A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
77. If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
78. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
79. The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
80. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
81. Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.
82. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
83. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
84. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
85. When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right
86. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
87. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
88. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
89. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
90. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
91. There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.
92. Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
93. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
94. Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
95. The queen's favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.
96. His girlfriend wanted him to slow down the car, but he put his foot down.
97. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
98. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
99. Santa';s helpers are subordinate clauses.
100. An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.
sammy1 last decade
Definitions
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary... alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter... and supply a new definition!
1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6) Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
7) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
8) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary... alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter... and supply a new definition!
1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6) Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
7) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
8) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
sammy1 last decade
Dumbest People Ever?
- A medical student was working in the toxicology department at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. The student told the mother that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
- Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the work field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is automatically activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.
- A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.
- A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
- A medical student was working in the toxicology department at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. The student told the mother that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
- Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the work field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is automatically activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.
- A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.
- A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
sammy1 last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
The Fire Truck :
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says 'Hey little girl. What are you doing?' The little girl says 'I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!'
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. 'Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!' the fireman says. 'Thanks mister', says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
'Little girl', says the fireman, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster.'
The little girl says, 'You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'
The Fire Truck :
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says 'Hey little girl. What are you doing?' The little girl says 'I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!'
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. 'Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!' the fireman says. 'Thanks mister', says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
'Little girl', says the fireman, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster.'
The little girl says, 'You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
HOME FOR LUNCH
At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home for Lunch'.
The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well, yes' said the one woman. 'We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?'
'Oh,' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went 'Home for Lunch.'
HOME FOR LUNCH
At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home for Lunch'.
The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well, yes' said the one woman. 'We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?'
'Oh,' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went 'Home for Lunch.'
Nesha-India last decade
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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.