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Laughter is the best Medicine : JOKES Page 12 of 14
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Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
HOME FOR LUNCH
At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home for Lunch'.
The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well, yes' said the one woman. 'We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?'
'Oh,' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went 'Home for Lunch.'
HOME FOR LUNCH
At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home for Lunch'.
The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well, yes' said the one woman. 'We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?'
'Oh,' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went 'Home for Lunch.'
Nesha-India last decade
Haha! That's just great...
Heres one that always makes me roar:
My flight was being served by an obviously overtly gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a rather well-dressed Arabic woman, who hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can itty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head, looked the attendant up and down and rather disdainfully replied, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch.
-Jacob.
Heres one that always makes me roar:
My flight was being served by an obviously overtly gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a rather well-dressed Arabic woman, who hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can itty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head, looked the attendant up and down and rather disdainfully replied, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch.
-Jacob.
Hahnemania last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE HYPNOTIST ACCIDENT :
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...
'S-h-i-t' said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
THE HYPNOTIST ACCIDENT :
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...
'S-h-i-t' said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE CHRISTMAS PARROT :
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. 'How do I get him to sing?' The young man asked, excitedly. 'Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet.' was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: 'Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ...' The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: ' Silent Night, Holy Night...'
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
'How beautiful!' She exclaimed, 'Can he talk?' 'No,' the young man replied, 'But he can sing. Let me show you.' So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: 'Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!...' The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: 'Silent Night, Holy night...'
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, 'What if we hold the lighter between his legs?' The man did not know. 'Let's try it,' he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: 'Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire....'
THE CHRISTMAS PARROT :
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. 'How do I get him to sing?' The young man asked, excitedly. 'Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet.' was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: 'Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ...' The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: ' Silent Night, Holy Night...'
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
'How beautiful!' She exclaimed, 'Can he talk?' 'No,' the young man replied, 'But he can sing. Let me show you.' So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: 'Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!...' The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: 'Silent Night, Holy night...'
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, 'What if we hold the lighter between his legs?' The man did not know. 'Let's try it,' he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: 'Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire....'
Nesha-India last decade
In future you will or may be you heard this sentence somewhere: Wife to his husband' Dear honney run your son and my son together beating our son'
Dr. R. Saroj last decade
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.
The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?
Banta says, 'Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.'
The boss says, 'Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!'
On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.
The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?
Santa says, 'Oh sure.'
The boss asks how deep underground he worked.
Santa says, 'I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground.'
The boss says, '20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, 'What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?'
Santa says, 'Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!'
Categories: Idiots Jokes, Santa Banta Jokes,
The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?
Banta says, 'Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.'
The boss says, 'Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!'
On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.
The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?
Santa says, 'Oh sure.'
The boss asks how deep underground he worked.
Santa says, 'I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground.'
The boss says, '20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, 'What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?'
Santa says, 'Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!'
Categories: Idiots Jokes, Santa Banta Jokes,
Dr. R. Saroj last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE BLACK SHEEP :
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, 'Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!'
The professor replied, 'No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.'
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, 'Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.'
THE BLACK SHEEP :
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, 'Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!'
The professor replied, 'No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.'
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, 'Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
NAKED DIET :
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. 'Guaranteed my ass', he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me you can have me!'
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, 'I like the way this company does business.'
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. 'Are you sure,' asks the representative on the phone, 'this is our most rigorous program...' 'Absolutely,' he replies. 'I haven't felt this great in years!'
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, I can have you!'
NAKED DIET :
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. 'Guaranteed my ass', he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me you can have me!'
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, 'I like the way this company does business.'
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. 'Are you sure,' asks the representative on the phone, 'this is our most rigorous program...' 'Absolutely,' he replies. 'I haven't felt this great in years!'
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, I can have you!'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE ANGRY GENIE :
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, 'Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss.'
So the man agreed and made his first wish. 'I want lots of money', he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, 'This is your last wish, you should choose carefully', and so the man replied... 'I've always wanted to donate a kidney...'
AND his boss's both kidney vamooshed.
THE ANGRY GENIE :
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, 'Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss.'
So the man agreed and made his first wish. 'I want lots of money', he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, 'This is your last wish, you should choose carefully', and so the man replied... 'I've always wanted to donate a kidney...'
AND his boss's both kidney vamooshed.
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
RE-RUN (of this joke)
This laughter material (joke) is on 'How PREJUDICED Thinking Pattern works'
(in homeopathy, repertorisation of the thought pattern, is of paramount importance)
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Johnny. He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then, Little Johnny says 'I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone' To which Little Johnny replied,
'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking'.
RE-RUN (of this joke)
This laughter material (joke) is on 'How PREJUDICED Thinking Pattern works'
(in homeopathy, repertorisation of the thought pattern, is of paramount importance)
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Johnny. He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then, Little Johnny says 'I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone' To which Little Johnny replied,
'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking'.
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE 'PATIALA' BABIES :
In the backward area of Patiala, Kulu's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the Mid-Wife was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous boozed-up father-to-be busy, the Mid-Wife handed him a lantern and said: 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing.' Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
'Whoa there Kulu' said the Mid-Wife. 'Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet.'
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.
'No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!' cried the Mid-Wife.
Then the boozed-up kulu scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the Mid-Wife: 'Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?'
THE 'PATIALA' BABIES :
In the backward area of Patiala, Kulu's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the Mid-Wife was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous boozed-up father-to-be busy, the Mid-Wife handed him a lantern and said: 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing.' Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
'Whoa there Kulu' said the Mid-Wife. 'Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet.'
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.
'No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!' cried the Mid-Wife.
Then the boozed-up kulu scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the Mid-Wife: 'Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
THE MENS ROOM :
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, 'I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.'
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, 'I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.'
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, 'I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to 'p i s s' on our hands.
*
*
THE MENS ROOM :
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, 'I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.'
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, 'I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.'
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, 'I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to 'p i s s' on our hands.
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
DON'T FART IN BED :
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, 'Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
'What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
*
*
DON'T FART IN BED :
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, 'Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
'What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
♡ gavinimurthy last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
PERVERTED DESTINY :
Kalank, the guy from PATIALA had just got self-promoted as 'Chief executive' of an porn website XXXandMORE.com.
Kalank was standing, (he was very thin and short) at the bus stop. Suddenly a car stops and a beautiful girl waves her hand calling him by his name and asking him to sit in her car. Kalank was surprised but recognized her !
She was Jasmine, an old batch-mate but he didn't know why she was calling him (because she never gave him any 'lift' in the college. Anyhow he sat in the car and Jasmine gave him a warm welcome (kaise ho, kya kar rahe ho etc). Then she said 'Why don't we have coffee together'.
By now Kalank was even more surprised. He thought 'Coffee with Jasmine? (an old dream...coming true) WOW !!' and he gave his consent. At the cafe, all of a sudden Jasmine says 'Lets go to my house there are a lot of people here'.
Kalank is on cloud nine 'Ab to mazaa aa jayega'. When they reached home she asks him 'Why don't we sit in my bedroom, you can turn on the AC'.
The laschivious Kalank was thinking to himself 'Jasmine phas gai hai' and he starts fantasy dreaming.
When he enters the bedroom, Jasmine says 'Why don't you take off your shirt you are sweating'.
Kalank is now 100% sure of the outcome of this meeting and again starts dreaming. Jasmine says 'Be comfortable and I will be back in a minute'. Kalank takes this opportunity to quickly undress himself fully self-admiring his naked skiny body..
After five minutes Jasmine enters the room with 2 children and says 'Dekho bacchon agar Horlicks nahin piyoge to body iske jaise ho jayegi'
('children, look at him carefully. If you don't drink your Horlicks daily, your body will become like him')
*
*
PERVERTED DESTINY :
Kalank, the guy from PATIALA had just got self-promoted as 'Chief executive' of an porn website XXXandMORE.com.
Kalank was standing, (he was very thin and short) at the bus stop. Suddenly a car stops and a beautiful girl waves her hand calling him by his name and asking him to sit in her car. Kalank was surprised but recognized her !
She was Jasmine, an old batch-mate but he didn't know why she was calling him (because she never gave him any 'lift' in the college. Anyhow he sat in the car and Jasmine gave him a warm welcome (kaise ho, kya kar rahe ho etc). Then she said 'Why don't we have coffee together'.
By now Kalank was even more surprised. He thought 'Coffee with Jasmine? (an old dream...coming true) WOW !!' and he gave his consent. At the cafe, all of a sudden Jasmine says 'Lets go to my house there are a lot of people here'.
Kalank is on cloud nine 'Ab to mazaa aa jayega'. When they reached home she asks him 'Why don't we sit in my bedroom, you can turn on the AC'.
The laschivious Kalank was thinking to himself 'Jasmine phas gai hai' and he starts fantasy dreaming.
When he enters the bedroom, Jasmine says 'Why don't you take off your shirt you are sweating'.
Kalank is now 100% sure of the outcome of this meeting and again starts dreaming. Jasmine says 'Be comfortable and I will be back in a minute'. Kalank takes this opportunity to quickly undress himself fully self-admiring his naked skiny body..
After five minutes Jasmine enters the room with 2 children and says 'Dekho bacchon agar Horlicks nahin piyoge to body iske jaise ho jayegi'
('children, look at him carefully. If you don't drink your Horlicks daily, your body will become like him')
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
PATIALA PUSH-BACK :
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, 'My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!'
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, 'My boy that was incredible ! Fantastic ! I didn't think it could be done ! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?'
'KALANK' the PATIALA guy says, 'Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water !'
*
*
PATIALA PUSH-BACK :
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, 'My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!'
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, 'My boy that was incredible ! Fantastic ! I didn't think it could be done ! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?'
'KALANK' the PATIALA guy says, 'Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water !'
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
Long Ago
and
Far away
We walked together
Talked together
Laughed together
Then
Things went south.
He said, she said happened.
and
Far away
We walked together
Talked together
Laughed together
Then
Things went south.
He said, she said happened.
kuldeep last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
as wrote to Dr. Beek ('alexthink') in : http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/44379/
Dr. Beek, YOU have lectured many times on 'Stress, Tension & Panic).
Hope you and others like this :
CONSIDER THIS psychic .'perception'. FROM nesha-india (who else) :
Question : What's the difference between Stress, Tension and Panic ?
- STRESS is when wife is pregnant,
- TENSION is when girlfriend is pregnant,
- and PANIC is when both are pregnant.
heeee .... heeeee.... ho .. ho ... heeee .... heee .... heee
*
*
as wrote to Dr. Beek ('alexthink') in : http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/44379/
Dr. Beek, YOU have lectured many times on 'Stress, Tension & Panic).
Hope you and others like this :
CONSIDER THIS psychic .'perception'. FROM nesha-india (who else) :
Question : What's the difference between Stress, Tension and Panic ?
- STRESS is when wife is pregnant,
- TENSION is when girlfriend is pregnant,
- and PANIC is when both are pregnant.
heeee .... heeeee.... ho .. ho ... heeee .... heee .... heee
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
Oh Mistress Mine
Oh Mistress mine! where are you roaming?
Oh! stay and hear, your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further pretty sweeting.
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.
What is love? tis not hereafter,
Present mirth, hath present laughter:
What's to come, is still unsure.
In delay there lies no plenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
William Shakespeare
Oh Mistress mine! where are you roaming?
Oh! stay and hear, your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further pretty sweeting.
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.
What is love? tis not hereafter,
Present mirth, hath present laughter:
What's to come, is still unsure.
In delay there lies no plenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
William Shakespeare
kuldeep last decade
Re: Help Required From Joe De Livera on 2006-11-02
Dear Murthy
I am glad to see that you agree with the therapy that I have prescribed.
This is the cooperation that I seek from you instead of your previous attitude of attack which is not the Murthy that I encountered on this forum some years ago.
You are free to disagree with any post that others make but not on the terms that you have adopted in the recent past which were abrasive and resulted in a great deal of dissent on the ABC.
I shall count on you to keep up your helpful attitude which can be of assistance to both the patient and the prescriber.
Joe
Re: Help Required From PANKAJ VARMA on 2006-11-02
Dear Joe,
Some friends here at ABC Forum are trying to find the 'single' 'constitutional homeopathic medicine' for gavinimurthy.
They have consulted lot of Repertories....but they are stuck...because of one symptom:
'tendency to heap filth on websites'.....
They visited the graves of Dr. Hahnemann and Dr. Kent and prayed to them for guidance....
The learned Doctors said ...'during our time ...there use to be eyesight, parasite, foresight, hindsight, spouse-fight, rectum-tight, accident-site, mosquito-bite, dog-bite, children-fight, dingu-bite etc.etc. etc...............but nothing called WEBSITE !!'
After deep reflection Dr. Hahnemann said...'I think ..a new drug will have to be proved for this symptom.'.
Dr.Kent said...'I cannot understand how someone can heap filth with a machine that works like a typewriter....the man need a shovel to do that. '
So dear Joe....our friends came back and went straight to consult the authors of 'Rs5/10 homeopathy books in Telgu'.....they thought somebody from the home town / mother-tongue / father-tongue of the patient might have a clue to the possible 'single medicine'.......alas....they were disappointed...because they said...seems to be a case of a unknown virus infection.
So our friends went into deep brainstorming session. But that single medicine was no-where to be found. Finally, they decided they will have to give a Combination Medicine... so that the heavy toxins in his system could be given a severe jolt.
They said it will have to be repeated often.
Last I heard, they were trying to decide whether to give dry dose, wet dose, on the tongue, under the tongue ...or inject it some where.....
So dear Joe....please have some Arnica and have some sound sleep.
It will still need some time before 'Peace' will return to this once so calm and placid Forum.
Ofcourse, tomorrow will be another day...who knows what it will bring !! So more rest you take ..the better at your age.
May Jesus bless you...and please be happy with the thought that you still have many, many well wishers....and one of them is me.
With sincere wishes,
Pankaj Varma
P.S.
By the way Joe,
During this time Simon Broadlay..our Moderator...sought the intrvention of the new Secretary General of the United Nations for restoration of 'Peace' at this website.
But the new Secretary General said...he is new and still learning the 'trade' of the 'tricks'....and offered to give an appointment three months hence.
As usual of me, I sought wisdom of Sai Baba. Baba said ....this is Sai Leela...and happened due to past 'Karma' of all the people who visit this website.
So dear Joe...don't let all this disturb your sleep...coz some problems go away only when you broom them under the carpet and ignore the stink.
Best wishes,
Pankaj Varma
Dear Murthy
I am glad to see that you agree with the therapy that I have prescribed.
This is the cooperation that I seek from you instead of your previous attitude of attack which is not the Murthy that I encountered on this forum some years ago.
You are free to disagree with any post that others make but not on the terms that you have adopted in the recent past which were abrasive and resulted in a great deal of dissent on the ABC.
I shall count on you to keep up your helpful attitude which can be of assistance to both the patient and the prescriber.
Joe
Re: Help Required From PANKAJ VARMA on 2006-11-02
Dear Joe,
Some friends here at ABC Forum are trying to find the 'single' 'constitutional homeopathic medicine' for gavinimurthy.
They have consulted lot of Repertories....but they are stuck...because of one symptom:
'tendency to heap filth on websites'.....
They visited the graves of Dr. Hahnemann and Dr. Kent and prayed to them for guidance....
The learned Doctors said ...'during our time ...there use to be eyesight, parasite, foresight, hindsight, spouse-fight, rectum-tight, accident-site, mosquito-bite, dog-bite, children-fight, dingu-bite etc.etc. etc...............but nothing called WEBSITE !!'
After deep reflection Dr. Hahnemann said...'I think ..a new drug will have to be proved for this symptom.'.
Dr.Kent said...'I cannot understand how someone can heap filth with a machine that works like a typewriter....the man need a shovel to do that. '
So dear Joe....our friends came back and went straight to consult the authors of 'Rs5/10 homeopathy books in Telgu'.....they thought somebody from the home town / mother-tongue / father-tongue of the patient might have a clue to the possible 'single medicine'.......alas....they were disappointed...because they said...seems to be a case of a unknown virus infection.
So our friends went into deep brainstorming session. But that single medicine was no-where to be found. Finally, they decided they will have to give a Combination Medicine... so that the heavy toxins in his system could be given a severe jolt.
They said it will have to be repeated often.
Last I heard, they were trying to decide whether to give dry dose, wet dose, on the tongue, under the tongue ...or inject it some where.....
So dear Joe....please have some Arnica and have some sound sleep.
It will still need some time before 'Peace' will return to this once so calm and placid Forum.
Ofcourse, tomorrow will be another day...who knows what it will bring !! So more rest you take ..the better at your age.
May Jesus bless you...and please be happy with the thought that you still have many, many well wishers....and one of them is me.
With sincere wishes,
Pankaj Varma
P.S.
By the way Joe,
During this time Simon Broadlay..our Moderator...sought the intrvention of the new Secretary General of the United Nations for restoration of 'Peace' at this website.
But the new Secretary General said...he is new and still learning the 'trade' of the 'tricks'....and offered to give an appointment three months hence.
As usual of me, I sought wisdom of Sai Baba. Baba said ....this is Sai Leela...and happened due to past 'Karma' of all the people who visit this website.
So dear Joe...don't let all this disturb your sleep...coz some problems go away only when you broom them under the carpet and ignore the stink.
Best wishes,
Pankaj Varma
♡ Joe De Livera last decade
Very funny.
Mahatama Gandhi used to sing:
Sub Koo Sanmatee Dea Bhagwan!!
God! Give wisdom to everybody!!
Mahatama Gandhi used to sing:
Sub Koo Sanmatee Dea Bhagwan!!
God! Give wisdom to everybody!!
kuldeep last decade
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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.