Dr. Tahira, Returning patient, Thank you _{Page 14 of 29}

Sorry, I don't know what to conclude, as I am not the expert. I just see some of the symptoms in the KP profile online, but I am humble about all this. I don't know what to do. On the bright side - since my virus is subsiding, I am starting to feel better. Did not nap this afternoon and hoping that sleep well tonite. Also good news is that not noticing too much hair fall.

I had the humidifier on during the congestion, now reduced congestion and have turned off humidifier. Went out for walk and felt better breathing fresh air. Opened windows to let fresh air in, feeling better.

I keep recalling the beautiful calmness i felt when you started me on KP small dose (I think it was 6C). Have been feeling that way again a little, so may be its working again, as I feel better. Not sure why I had the setback in last few days...maybe the virus triggered something deeper in my system?

I know that one emotional trigger that happened was that my close family member was upset with me. After that everything went downhill, and I also fell sick. I have 2 people who are close family members but they are very high emotional people, one of them gets angry in erratic way. Even thinking about it, triggers fears for me. very primal fears, feeling of fears from childhood show up all over again. Not sure if this would help in explaining why all this happened. I am trying very hard to detach my mind from getting sucked into the upset and fear.

I am so sorry, feel like I am not being a good patient. You are a genius in treating me and i know you are right with the KP. It has worked wonders for me during my exam, memory improvement and calm mind. I am trying to get back on track and getting back the beauty of KP.

Feeling physically bit better today. Last night slept better, as very little congestion and was able to breather better. No itch at present - neither scalp nor in the right ear.

Mind a bit more positive

Thanks. Overall have liked KP, could see a calming effect in early acute doses during my exam days.

I have an older sibling, good at heart, but very unlucky in life. We are very close in age, I love that person very much. Our ideology about life is different. That person saw a lot of hardship in childhood, sees life and people as difficult, is not satisfied, gets angry, thinks I'm plotting against. Even gifts or best motives reveal a huge anger / negative response. When I was a kid, I used to feel I never did things right, and that I messed up. Never could please. Even now, the same. But now it's all more serious, 'coz the issues are grown-up issues. I love the person, but can never satisfy. Am left with fear that that person will end up in extreme difficulties in life. Have not been able to deal with the yelling that used to be by phone. What occurred to me as yelling, was probably just loud frustrated speaking. Now we are not on talking terms. Other relatives have told my sibling that I have said bad things about her (I never did). A lot of mis-interpretation by gossip. Am left with worry for the sibling + want to take care of sibling, but am afraid to deal with day-to-day detail which I am not good at. Cannot fully please the person. I feel that I will always make mistakes the rest of my life, that will be misunderstood as plotting or sabotage. On my own, my life is simpler, calmer, not wealthier, but at least I am somewhat satisfied.
My primal fear happens when I think about what if I had to live with person daily, or what if I don't live with person or do more, and something bad happens to the person? Even thinking of the daily ranting get me frightened. The last ranting was a few years ago when the sibling got so upset about 1 thing I said. That night I curled up and body shivered a bit. After that I had hair-loss issues (which are noted earlier in this string).
We used to have some good times together, but now it's all gone. I am told that this sibling even having health issues and I am getting so worried and feeling heavily guilty. That i should have helped much much more, given much much more of myself.
Have recently taken an additional step to help, not sure what response will be.
Ideally, I want my mind to be alert and positive with ideas to solve issues & help others, without getting worried too much.

Have been effective with other people lately.

My scalp:
Last 2 days, dry dandruff returned on scalp, slight itch. Should I turn on humidifier. Is it that the air is dry - or is my scalp dry from inside? Don't know.

My primal fear - is that I should not have been born. That i am a jerk, I have not helped my sibling enough, I am bad. That deep inside I am bad or have done something bad to hurt sibling. When I was a kid, I used to feel physically scared. Not sure why. Never remember anyone hitting me. But I do remember loud voices, sometime grown ups angry. That scares me. Even today I hate angry voices. When I think of my home, somewhat dark image pulls up. I get scared when I think of home that I grew up in, although logically it is not all that dark. But old building with high ceilings. I feel I am small, little, (although now am quite tall/medium height), but I still feel small. Very small, feel sad when I think about it. Feel nobody is there to hug me.

Thinking about other people suffering makes me feel terrible. Trying not to think about violence, poverty, Japan crisis. Trying to re-connect with nature, to calm my mind.

Dandruff has returned as powdery flakes /dust in scalp. Slight itch in places.

Ear fan like sound 'whoosh' in right ear. Some Nasal fluid discharge. Have been mostly indoors last few days, windows closed because its cold outside. Want to reconnect with nature and fresh air. Will try and go out for a walk later.

Woke up very early this morning around 3 a.m. Woke up unrefreshed and tired.

My memory again feels slow. Was talking with someone regarding an event, forgot to tell that person about a related fact. Spoke the fact at the end of the conversation. So the person asked me 'how is it you didn't say this sooner?'
Maybe am slow because I didn't sleep well.

Thank you for who you are. i am so fortunate that you and this website heal people.

To help my mind am reading a book on Buddist meditation (i am not a Buddhist) called 'Vipassana', by William Hart. It has helped me to observe my thoughts, my ego, and impact of my ego on my body. i am learning to observe my breathing and observe thoughts come and go. It is a useful exercise as it is helping me calm and feel rejuvenated. i also was able to come up with a solution to help my sibling. Have helped through action, with no expectation of an outcome. Just will keep helping as much as i can, in every way possible. Starting to feel a bit liberated.

Had not yet taken the dose you recommended. Will take it today - will take it 2 hours before dinner to allow sufficient gap.

Took the dose yesterday at about 7:30 p.m. Then that night, it was as if activity had started in my right ear. I could feel some cracking and feel as though something was in my ear. Then I felt a certain release ---as if a boil or abcess had released into fluid, then it slowly felt as though draining from the side of my throat. Fell asleep. Had slight pain in right ear at night. Woke up with right nostril clogged. Blew nose a few times. Right ear and nostril still feeling a bit clogged. Opened windows for fresh air. Noticed I was getting a little restless / impatient when talking with a family member. Will observe further and report...

Right ear popped as I blew my right nostril again

This happened all afternoon.

At night I had congestion on right side, ear felt full, and popped as I blew out. Throat again developed the blisters on back of tongue as I have had in the past, but this was mostly gone by morning, 1 still left. the one left is the one that seems to be the one that keeps recurring. The blisters/bumps were a bit painful, side of throat ones were itchy, but now/by morning all itch and pain gone. Restless, didn't sleep well, so slept in late. Woke up feeling a bit better. Now up an walking, back to attending tasks of the day, blowing nose, congestion has gone down a bit. Opened windows for fresh air.

Feeing a bit better today, after some fresh air and sleep. Still have high pitch sound in right ear as usual. Had slight pain last night in right ear, gone today. Some congestion left. Had slight pain on from right side of face, now gone after eating more food at lunch.

Slight tooth ache in last tooth on left side.

toothache subsided soon after.
Slept well at night, had slight congestion, congestion better today.
Today slight pain in right ear while sitting.

Next night, slept for the ost par, then at 4:30 this morning, had itchy flat bumps in scalp (just at border between neck and scalp), almost burning. I put water on it, felt cooler and went back to sleep.

Still some itchy flat bumps. Will wash hair tonight. May have also been related to dry heat in the room.

Felt better after washing hair.
Have been sleeping better at night as have been avoiding afternoon naps.
Eating better - gaining some weight.
Also doing exercise.
Mind is feeling bit cooler - focusing on work, forgiving others, postponing thinking about family politics issues, will try to find solutions if I can.

Just realized that I may have missed my period - had not kept track of dates - with all the stress and falling sick.
will start counting days from today to see if i get in next few weeks.