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thank you!, this is clear, nice to understand.
So you are asking me to describe both, what i feel without and with stannum
 
merce last decade
Or to be even simpler, just describe what you feel, without worrying about why you feel it.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
A thought / image:

It is like there is space between the cells or atoms of my body so that there is no clear separation with the world outside. It occurred to me that because there is not clear outline to separate my body from space outside and because the same space is between my cells and atoms, then, it is not surprising I have difficulty to connect with outside and world. There is no interface/skin to communicate.There need to be at least 2 things to establish communication. If I am the outside and the outside is me, we are the same substance, then how can this substance communicate with itself? it is impossible mission, I get exhausted in trying, such us when speaking, speaking to what?, is it worth it, where does it lead to? I am exhausted, no energy to work out these questions...
the stannum seemed to fill the space between my atoms with a 'fake' gas which has nothing to do with me or with my airy body. Becasue fake, it made me inert. an inert object.

I never felt grounded anywhere. At the age of 14 started to feel the urgent need of leaving my parents house and that city which I did not feel connected to in any way at all (this is rather unusual in spanish young people/society at the time), wanted to go 'escape far away into the world' . I had a chance to leave at 22. Since then I have not found a place where i feel is my place, or a job, or a relationship. I have tried hard to make a place, planned it and even built in with my own hands. This was Barcelona 2003, it did not work out to stay there.
My PhD was supposed to at least derive from Architecture which is my base career, and I love designing spaces, but my current project came from elsewhere. I am just now finding interesting connections to architecture But it has a lot more to do with economy and political theories and philosophy. I guess I could keep finding examples like these. Not sure if helpful here.

As to our question what way do I want to move my body / limbs:
when I start running for instance, I start with no vitality or energy. I feel ok in the park. It seems that the initial energy that I need to initially build up to start runing I gather from outside, does not come from inside my body. There seems to not be an energy source that belongs to me, or not a very powerful one. When I have work meetings I cannot imagine how others feel so settled and coherent in themselves, energy seems to flow from inside them outwards to deliver their speech and work. I can only observe this vital energy in others. It is never with me. I just drag myself along. Sometimes I have some thread of energy (strings/tension) but still seems very fragile.
I would like to feel that my body moves itself with energy and the right tension (strings moving puppet in in miniature stage) coming from inside as opposed to having to drag the movements along. I wish to not always necessarily have a consciousness that I need to 'pull' myself together as if I was someone outside myself (the actor holding the strings of puppet for instance) having to collect my body pieces and brain dropped on the floor in order to recompose myself/that body, and pretend and hope (having no choice) that I, those body pieces that now appear as a figure, will from now on move by themselves/itself/myself. But I know this is not the case.

[message edited by merce on Sat, 18 Jun 2011 10:54:55 BST]
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merce last decade
in my sensation there seems to be very generalised slight smooth micro–vibration, micro–trembling or micro–movement of all cells or atoms (of body) in space at the same time, like a cloud of vibration that diffusses the outline of my body. feels like the cells or atoms are separated from each other (there is space between them so they can vivrate) instead of forming a coherent, tense and self-suspported articulated whole body. I can almost hear them. It is almost silent or almost audible, a generalised vibration of millions of atoms or cells. Just by coincidence placed the palm of my hand on surface of laptop to move it to bed and I felt the same sensation from the laptop surface. I dont hear or notice unless I put my hand on it, slight vivration.
[message edited by merce on Sat, 18 Jun 2011 12:32:49 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:26:53 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sat, 18 Jun 2011 20:27:25 BST]
 
merce last decade
This episode I wrote about on Tuesday about a friendship I have destroyed.

For 13 years we used to joke and say he was my connection to the world. He would create interesting social occasions which i enjoyed a lot. Whereever city in the world I went or lived he knew people and places.
This is all gone now. I am terrified.

But I'm string to be strong and hold this problem back (thinking) till PhD deadline is past. 29th of June.
[message edited by merce on Sat, 18 Jun 2011 15:07:28 BST]
 
merce last decade
this and the above 3 posts are new to describe sensation.

I may add that it is a general state. Within this generality, of not having a real or reliable source of energy inside, there are points of intensity every few hours (from 1h. to 3h. depending on the day), when it becomes impossible to continue and have to necesarily lie down for at least 20 minutes. At these points everything blurs. cannot take in any more informatin, the most simple line of text in computer screen suddenly in a matter fo seconds becomes impossible. The text and other thoughts become blurred into one airy mass of indistinguishable atoms. It is as if I had pushed my self for 1 or 2 hours without having the energy resources to do so and at some point just collapse: blurred, faint, gone.

when it gets better: mornings, or just after a nap, it feels much better, but never lasts very long. When I run in the park (yoging) feels as if I am made of cardboard, not energy flows from inside. I have to keep running like that till the rhythm starts to create some energy, until my face becomes red and I feel my energy gradually gets in sync with movements, but is hard, it takes long time, it is as if I have to pull it inside me from the outside, the air, the trees..., that way I seem to collect/gather some energy that I can use in the next 2-3 hours.

where this came from/when: the generalised condition has always been there at least since puberty. the points of intensity as far as I can trace back with my memory they seemed to appear when I had the endometriosis and cist growth in left ovary (only up to 2,5cm), sever problem/pain April 2010.
[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 11:46:52 BST]
 
merce last decade
This is an excellent level of description. I will meditate on what it means.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
thank you very very much
 
merce last decade
another sensation I have not told yet:

many days, not every day, but often enough. I am unable to wake up properly in the entire day, even if I have strong coffee and ginseng. my body feels like it is still fully asleep in bed, all parts and cells of it, and I drag them/it along through the day, trying use it somehow to get some work done. This feeling could also be described as being submerged inside a large volume of water, movements slowed down, sound, awareness are distorted, slowed down. Also like when one of the old cassette tapes does not work, and you can understand the words spoken or sang, but the sound/voice is distorted. These are the times when I would need running the most, to get out of the water situation.

Right now I feel my body feels deeply asleep. I have slept 7 hours (plenty, or perhaps too much? and that causes the problem). dark zones under my eyes in the mirror, my face more yellowish and pale than usual, looks bit sick.

[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 12:15:24 BST]
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merce last decade
I had to go for a run (15:20). But did not get a lot out of it this time, only slightly, I feel some oxigen coming to my brain right now following the run. My face did not turn red, or almost imperceptibly. Remains yellowish, dark under eyes. I could not gain speed as other times. I did not manage to synchronise my movements to the outside air and trees. All the way to the end of the circuit/outline of park, I felt like pulling my cardboard body parts together with pins, and giving them orders to keep running, so that more or less looks like I am roughly running (body remained cardboard). I felt as if I just dreamt this 20 minutes run. May be if i sleep less hours tonight I can get out of water volume. May be 7 hours was too much.
[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:19:51 BST]
 
merce last decade
By now, an hour later I feel better. The running has still done something very good.
 
merce last decade
one hour later:
exhausted again, effect of running fading fast, body skin/outline, cant contain any energy
[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 18:54:38 BST]
 
merce last decade
It got a little better (close to surface of volume of [water = deep asleep feeling]. Slightly more coherent body) towards the evening from 21:30, but generalised fatigue/fragility is there. Feel calm.

[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:21:32 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:25:33 BST]
 
merce last decade
So there does appear to be some kind of mild improvement after the Stannum.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I was more de-stabilised a few days ago, emotionally. But I have been at home since wednesday, without meetings and external factors. Level of energy perhaps from 21:30 just tonight
[message edited by merce on Sun, 19 Jun 2011 23:15:46 BST]
 
merce last decade
I believe that this is one of the gas remedies you are prescribing. It is certainly one of the Imponderables I think.

I have looked at both helium and hydrogen, and I think, as I postulated earlier, that Hydrogen seems well indicated.

Some Materia Medica notes for Hydrogen

MIND

SENSATIONS:
changed perceptions, out of reality,
different dimension, been elsewhere
spacey, out of body, I lighter, clearer, airy, numbness
loving, released-catharsis, 'left myself behind'
nothing is normal, 'life doesn't fit,'
desire to move (physically move house)

INTELLECT:
confusion, difficult concentration, poor focus, forgetful,
irresolution, absent-minded, mistakes left and right,
mistakes in writing, sense of time distorted, messy, clumsy, accident prone, feeling old

EMOTIONS:
hurried, slowed down, nervous anxiety worried,
fear - in stomach / insanity, exhilaration, lack of self-confidence, feels vulnerableness,
thoughts related to death - dead things / killing / suicide
delusions of color / things or self larger or smaller, detached, indifferent, cut-off, depressed, lethargic,
desires being alone, silent, 'does not want to get out of bed in the morning,' dreamy,
irritability, anger, quarrelsome,
laughter - at ordinary, serious things, 'everything seems ridiculous,'
loquacious, suspicious, betrayed, 'people don't like me,' feel pregnant, religious, restless, impatient, senses are acute, confusion over sexual identity, sighing, sympathetic, generous, relaxed and peaceful, calm

Can you get Hydrogen 200?
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thank you very much for working this out. I think you managed to find something very close. The description feels almost perfect (only 2 lines I say 'no') and tackles particularities, as you mentioned before. I will get it. Let me know how you would like me to take the first dose. Below I answer yes/no, and coccassionaly expand to each line of description:

mind

sensations:
changed perceptions, out of reality,
different dimension, been elsewhere
spacey, out of body, i lighter, clearer, airy, numbnes: very much, all of it.

loving, released-catharsis???, 'left myself behind': kind of, but it is more like my body is lifeless, and the life which is not anywhere because is co small, it is like if i hardly exist, minimally, or i am fake, i am not a full person, i have an appearance, but not ever fully there, cannot be counted on, and hence hadrly ever have time or energy for friends. they tend to complain i do not give them enough time, attention

nothing is normal, 'life doesn't fit,'
desire to move (physically move house): yes, nothing fits, always wanting to move to another place

intellect:
confusion, difficult concentration, poor focus, forgetful: yes, very much

irresolution, absent-minded, mistakes left and right: yes, very much

mistakes in writing, sense of time distorted, messy: totally

clumsy, accident prone, feeling old: some of this, but do not feel old, feel younger than i am even lack of energy, perhaps because i have not experience life enough for my age, live with people who are 5 years younger average, slowed down. I tend to imitate kids innocent and naive behaviour. People tend to think that I am younger than I am, but not because I am energetic, just face and expression looks a bit innocent, and skin is not aging much

emotions:
hurried, slowed down, nervous anxiety worried: yes, yes, totally

fear - in stomach / insanity: yes, yes/possibly, deffinitetly paranoid, hence problems with friendships

exhilaration: yes; lack of self-confidence, feels vulnerableness: yes

thoughts related to death - dead: yes things / killing / suicide: suicide yes, only thinking but never attemptin to take action, this life not worth living, no reason, it is too hard, cant cope, dont look forward to things anymore

delusions of color: no

things or self larger or smaller: in my case, lighter in weight than I am (airy, no gravity), size does not necessarily change

detached, indifferent, cut-off, depressed, lethargic: yes, very much

desires being alone: yes silent: yes, very much

'does not want to get out of bed in the morning,': yes, difficult

dreamy: very much

irritability, anger, quarrelsome: very much

laughter - at ordinary, serious things: ordinary things very much so, serious things, not sure, may be 'everything seems ridiculous,': yes, i can lough a lot, and make people lough at things people would consider jsut usual and normal, when they dont expect.

loquacious, in some ways yes,

suspicious, betrayed, 'people don't like me,': very much, unless they somehow demonstrate or show, and then Ido beleive they like me.

feel pregnant ?, religious: in some unconventional ways yes.

restless yes, impatient: yes.

senses are acute: yes (except smell),

confusion over sexual identity: no,

sighing: yes, very much

sympathetic, generous, relaxed and peaceful, calm: this is exactly how people used to describe me.

Now I feel very much I am systematically loosing all my friends. I never have time participate in social occasions, even when they take place in my own house-share, absorbed in my work, and are not always able to be there when they friends need me. I am slow with my work, need all the time for it, hence work-friendship and human relations conflict very much.

[message edited by merce on Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:14:12 BST]
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[message edited by merce on Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:59:45 BST]
 
merce last decade
would Hydrogen also cover problems in lower abdomen such as the endometriosis kind of symptoms, some how?. My intuition is that this is directly connected to tiredness.
I am not sure but I would say that general fatigue was intensified with puberty and that the points of intensity when I have to lie down every one hour or two/3 hours appeared April (a year ago) with those attacks and growths. I would say fatigue and these kind of problem in uterus and left ovary are symptoms of same cause.

can I reuse the same bottle I used for stannum if I clean it or do I need a new one?, do I try olfactory dose with hydrogen?

many thaks
[message edited by merce on Tue, 21 Jun 2011 06:42:36 BST]
[message edited by merce on Tue, 21 Jun 2011 06:43:57 BST]
 
merce last decade
You can reuse the bottles you make up for dosing, but you must sterilize the bottles by boiling them for 2 minutes. Do not boil the dropper, instead use the boiling water to thoroughly flush the dropper out.

If the remedy covers the general state, it will cure any symptom you have. Hydrogen is a relatively new remedy so we do not yet have extensive clinical experience with the kinds of pathologies it cures.

You can just take the remedy in the split dose (in water).

After you have made the bottle up (using 2 pillules dissolved into 1 part alcohol, 5 parts water) you need to follow these steps.

Hit the bottle firmly against the palm of the hand twice only. Place 1 drop into 1/2 cup of water. Stir thoroughly. Take 1 teaspoon into the mouth.

Do this once only and lets see how it goes.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
OK!, very clear. thank you.
 
merce last decade
it is now 8:50. I took the split dose of hydrogen as indicated at 17:50 (using a new bottle) yesterday. Generally speaking I would say there are no clear changes. What I experienced might just be my usual up and downs. So I thought I may need to try a higher dose. I experienced need to go to sleep one hour before (23:00) the usual time at 24:00. I then felt more awake but I had eaten some suggary food as I was hungry at 22:00. Me doing this is unusual and suggar can provoke alertness. I then fell asleep at 12:30 and woke up (may be blocked nose, not breathing well, took a conventional remedy and worked past 1:00 am. till nose cleared) but had trouble to fall asleep again and took bit the usual allergens and 1/4 valium (I take these not everyday, but whenever I can't fall asleep by myself, ). This morning I am finding it particularly difficult to wake up but this may be due to valium. Hence not cocentrating well on work/reading, want to sleep. I think (not entirely sure thugh) at other times when I had same portion of valium tablet it was easier than today to wake up with the morning coffee.
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:07:51 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:08:53 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:09:51 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:12:14 BST]
 
merce last decade
Its only been one day. Remedies may take a few days to even show the aggravation, much less the improvement which might not be seen for a week.

It is too early to judge yet. I would repeat the dose before moving to a higher potency, although in terms of the way you express your issues, it certainly is in keeping with the 10M potency.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok!

There was actually a huge amount of rain clouds approaching this morning. The numbness this morning appears to be due to this external factor. I start to loose numbness just now after a few hours of heavy rain. It is 13:30.

The most important interim deadline of the PhD before the end (in 1,5 years) is exaclty in a week, on this June 29th. Until then I would need as clear mind as possible to complete revision of a large amount of text (1/2 book size) for examiners. Then 12 days pretty free while examiners read, and there is viva with examiners on July 13th. If there is the chance of aggravation it may be wiser to wait till 29th of june (next wednesday) to continue testing hydrogen?. Any aggravation after that date will not interfere with my revision work. What do you think about this option? shall we observe symptoms of the dose taking yesterday for a full week and reassess on Wednesday 29th if I should take next dose then?

[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:06:25 BST]
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[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:07:50 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 13:41:19 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 13:42:27 BST]
 
merce last decade
I wouldn't ask you to repeat a remedy within a week anyway. The aggravation may still come, but it should be over in a week even if it does.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
ok, that will be fine.
 
merce last decade
may write some lines during the week so that we have a record to look back and reassess past 7 days or more.

wednesday 16:00/ well after usual external factor such as rain and digestion, numbness comes back, point of intensity after concentration: have to lie down.

16:53/ just went for a run, feel much better.

21:17/ energy up and down. have had to work propped up with pillows in bed. Concentration good. Enjoying work more than usual, feel relaxed and able to fully connect to it. Refining the form of the work is an easier task, but mind is so clear!
I lost the fear/sense of scarce time 'I never have enough time'

ABOUT TIME: (there is always some deadline coming up). usual feeling: time transverses my disintegrated slowed down body, at high speed. At the same time I am unable to articulate/move my body/mind (like bad dream). Time is constantly the threat. I cant grasp time, work with time, work/move/plan according to time. Time/vitality escape me.
Constant, always already lost race against time drowns me into my work and isolates me from the world around. No time for friends and the world.

I have laughed spontaneously at ridiculous/normal things 3 times today. I really can't remember the last time this happened, hence felt this to be significant somehow.

[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 16:56:22 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 00:05:59 BST]
 
merce last decade

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Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.