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sepia Page 6 of 9

This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
may write some lines during the week so that we have a record to look back and reassess past 7 days or more.

wednesday 16:00/ well after usual external factor such as rain and digestion, numbness comes back, point of intensity after concentration: have to lie down.

16:53/ just went for a run, feel much better.

21:17/ energy up and down. have had to work propped up with pillows in bed. Concentration good. Enjoying work more than usual, feel relaxed and able to fully connect to it. Refining the form of the work is an easier task, but mind is so clear!
I lost the fear/sense of scarce time 'I never have enough time'

ABOUT TIME: (there is always some deadline coming up). usual feeling: time transverses my disintegrated slowed down body, at high speed. At the same time I am unable to articulate/move my body/mind (like bad dream). Time is constantly the threat. I cant grasp time, work with time, work/move/plan according to time. Time/vitality escape me.
Constant, always already lost race against time drowns me into my work and isolates me from the world around. No time for friends and the world.

I have laughed spontaneously at ridiculous/normal things 3 times today. I really can't remember the last time this happened, hence felt this to be significant somehow.

[message edited by merce on Wed, 22 Jun 2011 16:56:22 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 00:05:59 BST]
 
merce last decade
Sounds good so far.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Thursday 9:05am. Sunny day, rain clouds gone.

Last night 'fell' asleep one hour before usual, just as the previous night.
Unlike previous night did not wake up again. Slept very well. Clear mind this morning. Working very well from 7:00am.

10:30am. Total drop on digesting breakfast. Digesting small food after 10:am depletes energy. not enough of it. 'Have to' lie down, use blanket, fell asleep a few seconds or minutes. As always, it seems impossible to get back up. Very very hard. Have no choice. Just did. I am exhausted and dizzy. (grey clouds approaching; forecast rain late afternoon).

12:00 slowly recovering, mind is clear. worked a bit. going for run.

14:30 drop. have to lie down. mind not clear.

17:00 drop. have to lie down. mind not clear. will make t light coffee to help digestion first. rain never came, 1/2 clear sky.

18:15 better

18:30 worse

19:30 better

21:00 worse
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 00:04:58 BST]
 
merce last decade
Even better.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
01:42 am. insomnia. I have taken some valium, did not work. will not take anymore of it. It is dangerous. I start to work at desk just now
 
merce last decade
Looks like you posted just as I posted, so my encouragement didn't make much sense.

It looks like a relapse - I would take another dose right away.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Friday:
I kept editing the post before your last post when you say: 'even better'; in order to keep the evolution of one day together in one post. Will continue doing that I did get you encouragement then. Thanks for that!

I have slept from 3 to 7:30

good concetration/ clear mind and certain liveliness from wake up to now 9:00

2 questions:

1 if I use a glass for the split dose, do I need to sterilize that glass like the bottles before I use it agin normally for something else?

2 Do I need to make space beteen food and drink before and after taking the dose?

Ok, if you don't think is aggravation will take another dose and hope today is good.

[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 08:02:20 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 08:03:43 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 09:05:14 BST]
 
merce last decade
It appears the you are going up and down and back up again, is that right. Good one day, not good the next?

Are there still changes going on?

The glass just needs to be washed out in hot water, then rinsed so there is no detergent on it.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
yes, that is right, it is up and down. this could just be due to external factors as digestion, rain, deadline, having slept a little more than the usual the previous night, a housemate arriving from trip and making some noises late at night. I am rather sensitive/fragile person, but I am not sure. I have jsut been at home lately, no meetings, no friends problems and I am not stressed about deadline coming up. I don't have proper experience with homeopathy to be able to judge whether up and downs are due to the hydrogen dose or to my own sensitivity to external factors.
as I wrote from 7 to 9 was very good. Now it is average. Mind is not very clear, just the usual lack of concentration. I can just about work. Level of energy seems more stable than yesterday appart fom certain numbness. By this stability I mean that I do not expect a drop and having to lie down for now, for a while
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 10:57:03 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 11:01:45 BST]
 
merce last decade
Just keep waiting before doing another dose. I am thinking that things are still balancing themselves.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok! will do.
 
merce last decade
Friday:
I have slept from 3 to 7:30.
good concetration/ clear mind and certain liveliness from wake up to now 9:00. Occasionally sleeping about 4 hours seems better than sleeping longer.

from 10:30 liveliness switched off. concentration and liveliness diminishes to usual low. Slight numbness but can still work, just about, with little enthusiasm.

14:30 day continues without much up&down, quite stable, continued feeling is: slightly numb and sleepy, low level of energy (may be due to 4 hours sleep only) but no sudden drop, (only after food). Pronounced apathy.

16:50 drop: not possible to hold body in chair, need to lie down, sleep a bit.

18:30 very low energy, dropping progressively.

21:30 propping pillows cant contain outline. dead cockroach, without life tension automatically, totally folded up, occupies minimal space, weightless. Expect to sleep well / longer


[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:57:04 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 21:58:14 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:00:07 BST]
 
merce last decade

[message deleted by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 11:28:08 BST]
 
merce last decade
(dose taken last Tuesday)

FRIDAY:
I have slept from 3 to 7:30 only

good concetration/ clear mind and certain liveliness from wake up to now 9:00

10:30 Mind is not very clear, just the usual lack of concentration. I can just about work. Level of energy seems more stable than yesterday appart fom certain numbness. By this stability I mean that I do not expect a drop and having to lie down for now, for a while


-------

SATURDAY:
6:30am saturday. Slept very well since 22;40, needed alarm clock to wake up (5:30). Head/mind allright, not superclear but ok. Early morning always better. Refreshing slow rain, Greyish.

mild punctual pain in left ovary since yesterday afternoon. Unusual while taking pill. It's ok, do not need painkillers.

10:30 very low mood, feel overwhelmed by issues suddenly, depressed, want to cry, not in control, upset, angry, confused.

13:15 still so fragile that I am scared to go running today. I feel as if I had been crying for a long time, but haven't; trying my best to concentrate on work, no choice.

15:50 decided to try to run, could not bear staying all day inside working. Could not synchronise running rythm, not gather energy, body dismantled. Half the usual distance had to stop. Intense pain left lower side of abdomen (may be intestine) and left ovary I think, 2 points. Walking/moving inside the house now is getting worse, I dont want to walk, or stand up. I want to bend down. (I had some of this 4 months ago with the some intensity as no but not nearly as bad as april 2010 when I had to stay in hospital). Pain is bearable as long as I dont move I dont need painkillers. Mood is sad. Mind fairly clear.
very very hot shower felt like support, heat coming inside body, some relief, helps me to feel in one piece, but does not reach to improve punctual pain.

20: 12 very poor concentration on text all day, pronounced loss of appetite.

21:15 mood slightly better, mind quite clear, body exhausted. Pain same.

02:05 am insomnia, totally awake, clear mind. Thread of headache. endometriosis are not good condition.
exhausted. need to sleep to work tomorrow. worried.

----

SUNDAY:
9:30 slept 5 hours. Mind is average. Sleepy, pain better. Working.

10:50 not clear mind at all

12:20 I had to run to clear numb head and work. good news is that pain almost gone. I could run full circuit.

20:03 till now I was pretty stable apart from having slept little, what meant drinking more coffee than usual. But now ovary punctual pain starts to make itself noticeable again.
Punctual pain front–left part of left leg knee today worse than yesterday. mood is better than yesterday, bit up and down still.

21:40 extremely exhausted, really need to rest, really need to work, face disfigured, pains persist but mild, no need of pain killers. So tired I have difficulty to walk a flight up stairs at home?. Really want to sleep, not anymore, mind clear at the same time. Cant work at desk, propped up with pillows, laptop in bed. Mind clear. Need to sleep. Left down by supervisor. Do not trust him any more. Do not trust my work, do not trust 2nd supervisor. missed out this last support, was unable, no energy to cultivate; do not know how to continue fake life, really do not knwo, I do not know what is the point of doing so, why?. there are no reasons, no consequences, nothing fits, impossible to connect things in order to create a path, a way/line to go on. really have had enough. really want to stop, get out of overwhelming space, pointless to insist in creating a world, in putting things together, it is physically impossible, the pieces do not coincide themselves, nothing I can do, The whole world in bits and pieces falling on top, threatens to crush translucent trace of me being in the world. Nothing fits, there is cracks and spills, loss, my trace spills through cracks and spaces. space between pieces bigger than the space of all pieces added up, cold air without oxigen. Mood up and down. Impossible to believe in a capacity of mine for my world creating, capacity does not exist, how do other people manage to go on. do they pretend they have a coherent world or they jsut dont have time to even think

1:21 am. In spite of having slept only 5 hours the previous night and being sleepy all day I cant fall asleep now. After having lost 2 hours trying to fal asleep have decided to start working on text, no choice and no energy at same time, mistakes I guess

-----

MONDAY:
8:20 am. Have slept 4 hours. I seem stable so far.

11:22, cant eat anything, very nervous, dealing with both superviors from home in the phone, trying to reach, messages going on. As soon as I reach main supervisor I want to cancel useless meeting (he has not bothered reading anything)
 
merce last decade
It looks like you need another dose. Do you agree?
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I could not tell,
is this usual aggravation and hence I can expect impovment after a week of having taken the first dose,

is this that the dose has faded and these symptoms are only my own and not due to hydrogen?

you seem to think that the second is what is going on...

I am wondering what kind of action will lead us faster to discern whether Hydrogen is the right remedy

17:25. I have spoken in the phone to both supervisors. One of them is actually extremelly supportive. With respect to the other there remain doubts. I have eaten something and feel generally better. I am not shaky like this morning.

[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 13:24:53 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 13:44:39 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 17:29:50 BST]
 
merce last decade
It has been long enough, there is change but it is not stable yet. If we leave it too long like this you will most likely just relapse.

For the repeat dose, do it exactly as before but increase the amount of water you put the drop into, to 250mls (1 full cup).
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok, I see. I took the dose on Tuesdya, tomorrow is a week.

I was wondering about pain in my ovary (now seems ok) which I did not have since 4 months, may be normal aggravation...

New dosage clear. Thank you

[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 22:21:15 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 22:32:41 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 22:38:06 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 27 Jun 2011 22:39:13 BST]
 
merce last decade
wednesday 22:30
I have taken the hydrogen dose tonight
this is one day after a week from having taken the previous one

(did not do it yesterday right away because of concern with very important PhD deadline this morning. I have been Ok until the deadline with help of addrenaline. adreanline always enlivens me couple of days before seriosu deadline, but got really depressed just after giving the work toward the evening, thinking my work is really bad and useless, no energy left after a few nights hardly any sleep)
[message edited by merce on Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:09:20 BST]
 
merce last decade
Following from post above:

THURSDSAY 23:00
it has been a great day. Sun from early morning. I friend I love who is in Australia contacted me through skype and I felt close to his as ever. Other times conversation is just OK This time there was a special connection.

I got in touch with firends and I went out to celebrate. Normally I would not be able to and push meeting up for latter. I said yes as soon as they propose. And they are not even very close friends, just people I feel sympathy with. It just worked out and enjoy the wine and conversation enormously!. I loughed with them.

I feel happy. I want to go out a lot.

Today even another person who I am not directly friends with, but who I like, out of the blue and knowing nothing about my deadline, also emailed with some offer to go to some lecture together.

I feel connected to the worls and have an unusual happiness,( even though stilll dizziness from lack of sleep previous nights, and then too much last night). feeling of looking forward is there

Usually with these deadlines where you worlk for looong time till last minute, it can easily happen that right after you feel displaced, confused and a bit sad, a void. It happens to other people to. But I do not feel like that this time at all.
[message edited by merce on Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:20:29 BST]
 
merce last decade
Wow that is a great result.

Of course the real test is how stable this change is.

If this is your simillimum, you may experience something we call the 'jump to freedom', which is a huge and often ectastic feeling of becoming free from your chronic disease. However, it should balance out to a fairly normal healthy feeling rather than an over-the-top joyous one.

Fingers crossed.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Yes, makes sense. Wait and see
there are also all these external events, a series of coincidences, of people getting in touch, getting close unexpectedly and responding more than usual, (this is totally out of routine), the sunlight, and you never know what these heavy deadlines do, they are a shock to the body, lack of food and sleep, but usually is different from this.
Thank you for your comments
hope for sunlight early morning
 
merce last decade

[message deleted by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:24:41 BST]
 
merce last decade
some break downs today, on quite difficult practical/financial problems on two different fronts.

[message edited by merce on Sat, 02 Jul 2011 07:26:08 BST]

SATURDAY 11:02. slightly more stable today. becoming indifferent to bad external factors, or trying to. Feel able not to brake down
17:00 had to lie down, fell asleep.
19:34 pretty exhausted

before deadline I used to go out to shops to buy healthy foods, and for run in the park. I used these as a scape from demanding work. Now that I finished the work I have no desire to go out. Even weather is really nice and worm. I stopped buying food, stopped running. Nothing calls me out there. I don't need to be fit in order to produce work. I don't see the point on stepping out of the house at all, why would I? This reaction has come as a surprise. I really saw myself after deadline being out much more than before.

I have the impression that the dose I am using my not be high enough. I feel that external factors take over all too quickly. Would you reccommend a higher dose at all?

21:16 sick (nausea) with period sensation

SUNDAY 10:10 condition seems more stable (stronger, capable) and healthy.

16:22 energy has reached a limit. Absolutely exhausted. No concentration. I have been sleeping 2 hours everyday more than usual and as body demands. It does not help energy and concentration

[message edited by merce on Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:06:26 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sat, 02
[message edited by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 10:15:42 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 19:26:19 BST]
 
merce last decade
Yes that is my impression as well. The potency is not quite enough to overcome it. The potency must match the level at which the disease expresse itself. According to Divya and Rajan Sankaran's guidelines, your expression of disease actually matches the 10M potency. However, because we have started at 200c, we need to move to 1M first.
 
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok! happy to keep trying till we approximate the right remedy. I really need some energy. I know which projects I want to do. I know exactly what are the next moves, but I also know the level of energy will let me down, and will waste opportunities that only come along once. For example, I have a meeting to discuss my work with a very intelligent and influential person to discuss my work, who I know has the wish to support me in my career, and I am scared to waste this.
what do I need to do in order to move to 1M?
do I need to get a different kind of pillule
or is is a matter of taking the 200c in a different way?

[message edited by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:12:37 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:16:48 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:20:14 BST]
 
merce last decade

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