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sepia Page 8 of 9

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No that doesn't matter. The vibration travels through the bottom of the glass into the water. It must be firm hitting - sometimes smacking it on a book can be easier.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok, that helps
I did not manage to hit it very hard at all on my hand so I did it 3 times. this is 3 almost 3 hours ago around midnight.

I slept for about 40 min. then woke up. It is now 2:43. I cant sleep in spite I only slept 4 hours last night. I have some nervousness. This may also be due to the fact that I ate something quite suggary in order to work for another 40 minutes and might too much energy intake. I have important exam tomorrow at 11

I started to do what I had plan in the morning see if the activity makes me sleep back and then wake up later. Usually this works, around 4 am

this happened as well in the night from sturday to sunday when I heared about my mother's health issue and father problem as well at same time.

[message edited by merce on Wed, 13 Jul 2011 02:51:05 BST]
[message edited by merce on Wed, 13 Jul 2011 03:04:35 BST]
merce last decade
not very powerful but still it went all right today with examination discussions. managed quite well discussions with 3 examiners for 2h. After started to really loose strength. It became a huge effort to keep going to pull myself together, forceing tension in my body without having any to photocopy a book, do bits of research, other smaller meetings, walk acroos to next building. I do not feel particualrly optimistic or having any strength inside. I had some exciting news about an application I did to work as a tutor for an architecture workshopt at an international conference in Japan. Even so I feel depresseed. This is amazing news also because I had been waiting for an oportunity to retun to Japan (a place I love where I had so many reliable firends. + there are superinteresting architects and people involved. Good for CV as well. However I feel scared not about that but about , I dont know what, about next few days, packing, moving, planning next steps, total nucertainty, not clues, no stepping stones, puzzle. I feel weak and scared and alone at derive through the world, different countries and peole, disconnected ativities. lost. Scared about dramatic changes in Spain with family issues, about how to continue PhD in that context. This is more or less same as how I felt yesterday before taking the second dose of Hydrogen.

writing 5h later: one of my supervisors called me from his train back to Mastricht to congratulate me and to suggest we have a long chat in a little while after a rest. I felt supported again, much better. Then tiredness and problems at home cropped up again. With or without the homeopathy, 2 days little sleep in a raw and, the tensions of an exam, no time for lunch, etc. is natural that I am totally done.

HITTING BOTLE: the tip of hitting bottle against book will work much better with me. I am not sure I managed a proper 'firm hitting' in the previous doses I took. I always had feeling I hadn't hit hard enough but on the other hand did not know effect of hitting a third time (would this be braking the rule, spoiling the dose?) so did not (only last night, and after I asked you)
[message edited by merce on Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:30:54 BST]
merce last decade
I had arrange a final meeting with main supervisor before moving from London to spain for a few months. He was not in his office. I called him. He said he is expecting bad news about his helath.
good chance he does not survive. He will get final news today or tomorrow morning. We may still meet tomorrow. I went to take money out of bank. In front of machine, I burst into tears, tiers would flow out like a stream of water uncontrollable, without tension. Thinking of him and my mother. I could not contain warm water, the out flow. A woman working in bank took me into her office, and gave me her personal number. She was very kind, if I needed help. I should text her when I arrive to spain to let her know I arrived ok. She gave me water.
This normal in me. I get this break downs of sadness, of no hope. I am not strong enough inside. there is no inside or outside, there is no timeline, not memory, no future, no goal, no aim, all is air, or nothing.

afternoon-evening: several drop, have to lay down, feeling cold; just like before homeopathy

[message edited by merce on Thu, 14 Jul 2011 14:09:49 BST]
[message edited by merce on Thu, 14 Jul 2011 18:17:42 BST]
merce last decade
next day to previous post:
feel much better, it is sunny and hot.
have some energy inside. can deal with things. Not breaking down
merce last decade
Ok good so far. Continue to watch and wait.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
packing and emtying my space for someone else to rent. Physically demanding, heavy book boxes up to the roof space.
had early flight, leaving home 3am,
have slept 1 hour,
arrived to spain,
still OK.
[message edited by merce on Sat, 16 Jul 2011 22:33:20 BST]
merce last decade
Hydrogen has definitely made a difference, no doubt. Very different to the way Stannum was affecting you isn't it?
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
yes, this is my impression.
stannum was definitely something else.
I used to be puzzled as to what sensations and moods, thoughts are due to external factors and what is due to homeopathy, but now it seems that even with obvious external factors such as no sleep and so on I am stable.
lets see next few days. I am hopeful hope in light of latest results.

[Situation right now is no routine. Need to organize move to an empty house 50 km away, need to organize car solution, may be 2nd hand cheap car for the 3 months I will be here.
Biggest worry right now is that this moves are taking me away from my work]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 17 Jul 2011 07:31:42 BST]
merce last decade
mood still ok, but energy levels not great. In a way not suprising with these radical changes in my routine. Tough complicated Move from London to spain has only commenced. It will take me a while till can sort out a car solution and move to empty house. Working on this very hard. More Packing. Transport of boxes did not work out today. Operation (mother) in between, Staying in my parents flat for the moment. Nowhere to hide, no quiet space to work, so many problems to sort out. Mood is Ok, I am not sad and feel I can deal with things mood wise, but energy drops. I am very tired, exhausted, sleepy, body is slow down (like when unable to run fast in danger in context of a bad dream). Muscles still sore from packing and lifting super heavy boxes in London on leaving and here. As soon as I arrived to Spain I felt a lot of water retention in my body, bigger. I feel this inflation is easing now slowly. This has happened in the past when traveling and getting out of routine.
Quite worried that with all these problems I am getting delayed with PHD. I don't like that. Feels wrong, as if betraying all my hards work and so much discipline till this moment. But emotionally still stable enough to deal with all of other issues here.

[message edited by merce on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 21:37:10 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 21:43:14 BST]
[message edited by merce on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 21:46:54 BST]
merce last decade
Repeat the remedy if you feel you need more support during this time.

Exhaustion is one of the main themes of hydrogen.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
That sounds like a good idea.
should I use 250ml or half a up of water to dissolve the 2 pilules?
merce last decade
You shouldn't need to dissolve any more pillules. You should already have a bottle that has had 2 dissolved into some alcohol and water that you use for repeat doses. That bottle will 'remember' the number of hits you have done, so that you start off when you last left off each time.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
I see,
trouble is that I only took the pilules to Spain (1M and 10M) in order to avoid the liquids trouble in the airport. I did not now about the memory of the bottle and only took the pililes in order to get hold of another bottle in Spain. Im sorry about that.

I will not return to London in 2-3 months. What is best to do? Perhaps waiting till effect 1M is exhausted and then make 10M anew?

Anyhow, it is so madly busy here that I did not have a minute to get the bottle and take the remedy as yet. (I have not even unpacked my luggage yet, still looking for a cheap car to move to empty house). So I have not had a chance to organize making the bottle again and taking another dose. I think yesterday I felt slightly better physically than the day before, but I am not even sure. I cant hardly tell with all these activity and preasures. Everyday some unexpected things and no time to take a rest. 'to do' list in one day is unmanageable. At least yesterday there was some visible progress.
merce last decade
I did not make a new bottle in Spain or take any dose since we last communicated.

I have completely collapsed today, afternoon/evening. Things are too much. Have not been able to unpack since I arrived. Need my own space, nowhere to hide. Very stressed. This evening, fist time since I arrived on July 16th flow of tears coming out. I really cannot deal with anything anymore. I have no place in the world to feel at home. Things packed away in london while I sublet my room to someone else. Things packed in Spain. Still have not been able to move to a definite situation/location. No space-time to work on PHD. Still sleeping in my parents flat in a sofa in the living room. Need to travel to Munich from 1-15th August for hard work (but interesting art related) project without having settled or recovered from the lack of own space. I feel trapped in space and time right now. Cannot solve. In September again

I just received extremely good news we have funding to go to Japan. I had been hoping and dreaming for this for an entire year. But today it only seems bad news, trouble. It means that soon after Munich, without proper time to settle properly anywhere, may need to travel again for another 2 workshops to Tokyo. Cannot deal. I had been looking so much forward to these travel projects, but today suddenly I am only stressed out absolutely unable to cope, very sad. I burst in tears. I feel desperate and extremely exhausted. Its impossible. I cannot manage.

It is as if today the M1 dose I took in London stopped working suddenly.

[message edited by merce on Sat, 23 Jul 2011 19:27:15 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sat, 23 Jul 2011 19:32:38 BST]
merce last decade
So you don't have the 10M with you?
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Yes, I have the pillules 1M and 10M in my luggage here. I just did not take the M1 bottle from London because of luggage checks at airport, and did not know about memory of bottle.
I have not made new bottle or taken any kind of dose since I moved from London to Spain on July 16th.

Same sadness and desperation continues today. Feel trapped in a situation (time-space) that does not let me get on with my life. Cannot think of solutions, I should have a happy face and smile for my parents, they deserve it, but I am unable to. Yesterday I realized I was cycling (to a shop looking for fridge for house I need to move to) across railway tracks and did not even look if a train was coming, tears flowing out with sound instead. Sound crying voice did not seem my own. I only realized I should have looked/checked if train coming only after I had already crossed.

[message edited by merce on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 08:53:03 BST]
[message edited by merce on Sun, 24 Jul 2011 08:53:53 BST]
merce last decade
if you can see my last post,
I am writing the next morning.
I felt desperate, extremelly sad in my dreams, I woke up crying even though is a perfectly sunny morning in spain. I received more good news about jobs in Japan and about a pssible proper job in London teaching a full year in unniversity. this is all exciting things I had considered too good and impossible till now. I feel still extremelly sad. If my parents werent here I would be crying desperatelly. I feel extremelly sad. Icant go on. There is nothing inside me to go on. It is as if there was othing left of me, as if I was a memeory of myself or a trace, with no physical integrity. As if I had died. I am extremmely sad, unable to connect to things happening around me, to good news, they remain external to me. I am physically exhausted.
what would be your advice?
merce last decade
You need to take 10M right away.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
will do
thank you!
merce last decade
I have made and taken 10M hydrogen this afternoon.
1 drop in 250ml of water (full glass)
having dissolved 2 pilules and hit 30ml bottle against a book twice
is this correct?
merce last decade
I seem to be much better. See...
flying to munich on 2nd, need to accomplish some research beforehand to take. Still not settled in country house.
merce last decade
sorry I missed that post of yours on the 26th. It was the correct way to make and take it though so all good.
brisbanehomoeopath last decade
no worries,
i have now taken the those a few times, so I was confident enough. Just wanted to let you know exactly what I am doing
thank you!
merce last decade
Just collapsed. Had some discussions with buiders, they are not doing things properly. I dont feel well. Perhaps 10M has not startd to work yet. Only took it 2 days ago
[message edited by merce on Fri, 29 Jul 2011 09:09:00 BST]

got back to same condition, nervous and exhausted inside, tears,water flowing out, unable to deal, feel like automata without energy, lost reasons to do things I do, unable to connect with things I do as there is no me (as enerrgy) to establish connection, the part of the connection which is me is exchausted, cannot establish, only fake me, an empty shell without energy, not even an enity, doing automated tasks out of external forces that drag my body along, no matter how exciting these should be, it all has lost meaning.

I am sorry, I would like to give you better news, I guess M10 needs a bit more time
[message edited by merce on Fri, 29 Jul 2011 16:18:25 BST]
[message edited by merce on Fri, 29 Jul 2011 16:19:11 BST]
merce last decade
flow of liquid pooring out, spilling out (tears) is constant, does not go away. cant contain.
it flows because there is no life in it. it can be wasted, meaningless substance. Thats all there is inside. Physical sensation is a lack. there is a shell, and something should fill shell but the lack of the substance is felt on the empty shell, and the way it moves, the way it communicates. It expresses nothing. Conversations with people I need to work with are non-sense. They reach no conclusion, Just as if they never happened. Tomorrow I will move finally to house another empty house/shell, the partial result of my own effort/work. I will not have a chance to settle as I need to return monday in order to fly tuesday to Munich and I need to use the 2 days to do urgent delayed research work. I have not much to bring to munich appart from fake water.
[message edited by merce on Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:56:14 BST]
merce last decade

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