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Derealization- feelings of unreality Page 13 of 19

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rana1968 last decade
Hello Everyone,

i'm 23 year old male from california. im a victim of derealization as well and wanted to tell my store since i've been following this forum for the past month. this is the worst feeling i've had in my entire life.My first DR feeling came to me about 4 months ago, i was sitting at the office computer going throught the spreadsheet. Than all of a sudden i started feeling very wierd, i got a blind spot in my left eye and started freaking out, started feeling very very dizzy and thought i was going to pass out. the first thing i thought about is that i didnt really eat anything so i went to get some food, while going there i started freaking out becuase i started feeling derealized. my heart was racing and my right fingers and a part of my jaw started feeling tingly, i got so scared i called 911, after about 10 mins they came but the feeling went away, plus i got a very big headache on my left side. i went home that day and took some pain killers (ibo or acet not sure).the next morning i felt better and my DR went away. about a month ago i got it again... this time it was scary, i got up from my chair and then when i came back and sat down, my head spinned and the world didnt look the same anymore ( this feeling was accompanied by nausea, feeling very tired like i was going to pass out, lightheadness (not really spinning, my eyes felt really wierd, like i was looking through some blanket, seeing auras around items and hard to concentrate)...i went to the hospital but they said its a flu (wow didnt even do any tests). after visitng my primary he gave me something from nausea and head spinning, felt like it made it worse. i went to emergency because i started thinking something is reaaallyyy wrong with me,stroke,heart atack,tumor. had blood, heart ekg, catscan,chest xray tests, my heart rate was 130, blood pressure was 160 over 100---i was freaking out,the gave my a shot of valium to calm down) tests came out normal. so now im thinking im loosing my mind.
ive been to doctor 6 times, he gave me antibiotics for 5 days (azithromicyn) i started feeling better after the therapy but then in two weeks i started feeling very dizzy and scared again. yesterday i told my doctor to do something because im frustrated. i have a referral to ENT ( i think i might have tonsilittis because my tonsils are deformed with holes and some white things come out, which smell very bad, Infectionist and vision. i had additional tests take for lyme desease,b12 def, hiv, rheumatoid arthitis, and some other immuno deseases.
I started doing my own research but every desease i find has very similiar symptoms...i dont even want to look anymore.
so i started looking back at my other illneses i had in childhood, started asking my parents about their illneses.
my mom has very bad migraines, very often, so my grangranma.
when i was young i had phnemonia, and my legs always were hurting, dull pain. i spent a lot of time in a forest, so maybe i have a lyme desease which my doctor didnt even want to test me for. i read some people go untested for years.
i started thinking about changes in my life... like i moved out from my parents ,live with girlfriend, started eating differently of course. maybe we have some chemicals in our appartment that contribute to the way i feel. because everything started happening when i moved out. a also noticed that i was having some rash on my body(tighs and stomach, it went away.) before everything happen. now i noticed that i have some kind of blood spots (very small,size of a pen head) they are under the skin and they look like just small cappilars of blood.
maybe its because i started drinking red wine after i moved out?dunno...so right now my DR feeling went away, but i get very suppressed couple of times a day. like some virus or my own immune system is attacking me.
i also turned it my stool samples because ive been having diahreea for the past week...
i should get my results in couple of days...hopefully we'll get to the bottom of it...
EVERYONE...don't ever give up...that feeling is not going to stay forever...i know how it feels, you dont want anything at all...this feeling is brought by some virus or changes in diet,stress (i've been very stressed for the past year)
i just pray to god its not anything too serious, but i need an answer...
another couple of symptoms:
white tongue(it was regular color when i was on antibiotics. also, i have some white patches inside my throat. and i have chills at night every other day and sweating at night sometimes. grrrrrrrrrrrr
aliencenet last decade
Wow, aliencenet, that sounds hard to bear. Also reminds me of many of my signs and symptoms and inquiries, especially Lymes' disease, which I believe I do have, even though the blood work came back 'inconclusive.' I will share that I have observed that those with who specialize in Lyme's all say that the blood tests are not a good way to confirm or deny Lyme's, but those who don't specialize in Lyme's tend to believe that the blood test is 'the' definitive way to diagnose it.

Some of your visual symptoms remind me of 'visual migraines,' which is really only a description, and doesn't in itself tell what might be bringing them on. But it might be worth googling around on.

The white things coming out of your tonsils might be tonsilloliths -- you could google around about those too, if you like.

Besides the general symptoms, the white patches in your throat remind me of maybe a yeast infection in your throat (aka thrush). My experience has been that medical folks dismissed yeast as a culprit, because 'it only strikes those with impaired immunity,' and I seemed quite healthy other than my 'weird' symptoms. However, I will just say that, as I wrote the other day, I was helped enormously by cutting out all fermented (aka yeast-laden) foods, meaning alcohol and cheese, and all foods that feed yeast, meaning carbs, including sugar, flour, grains, fruit, potatoes (but I ate plenty of guacamole with my meat and vegetables ;o) ) Also, I will say that, looking back, I really was ***much*** more ill than I or anyone realized when I first fell into dysfunction three years ago. At the first, we all thought stress, an inner ear infection, etc. But the pervasive, totally systemic thing that was first dismissed as not the kind of thing to hit a 'healthy' person like myself, was in fact what was going on.

I couldn't really give a coherent opinion as to what is really at the bottom of my illness (nor, obviously, of yours): whether the yeast is the basis of my problems, or whether it is the Lyme's, or past drug use, or a virus, or the intestinal parasite, or bad intestinal flora, or allergies, or heavy metals, or pancreatic insufficiency, or adrenal fatigue, or or a combination, or what, all of which sound like might be in your array of issues.

BUT, I will say that for me, going after each of these layers has **gradually** gotten me better, over the course of three years, although I'm still not where I was before my big flare-up three years ago. Which is to say, don't give up, keep fighting, do what you can to make each day have something good in it, and don't stay limited to any practitioners who aren't helping you. When I am feeling really whacked out, I fall back on basic basic grounding techniques: feeling the chair under my bottom, the floor under my feet, the breath in and out -- try to reattach to things that I cognitively know are real, even when my sensory perception is all messed up.

I wish you all the best, and may your illness be easy to beat.

squirrelia last decade
Hi Squirrelia,

thank you for your reply. it really makes me feel a little better knowing that there is someone who understands me. It's just i hate when doctors dont cooperate. I knew that the lyme desease is hard to tell from blood but i dont know who to go to to get tested the right way. i think that those visual disturbances that my migranes bring freaked me out the most because i never felt this way before in my life...its scary, its like a bad trip ..wanna grab or hit something to stop the feeling..so right now im trying to bare with feeling dizzy and nauseus...

thank you, i will keep everyone posted if anything
aliencenet last decade
i wonder if my tonsilitis causes this, have an appointment on march 10th...gonna push for a surgery. also, i think i might have some kind of intestinal parasites now that i think about...i was always skinny. and i had pinworms when i was about 10...
aliencenet last decade
Ok... if anyone is still reading this...i got my tests back.
HIV negative
B12 def negative
Rheumatoid Arthritis negative
ANA (??)negative
SED rate(dont know whats for)negative
chest xray nothing
went to ENT, hearing is perfect, but doctor said i have some growing on my tonsill but nothing to be concerned about.
so at least i ruled out some things..now im waiting for a referral to infectionist...

maybe its just a bad bad flu, damn it...
i dont know..doctor asked if its all in my head again...grrr
but i bought a linden method and started reading and relaxin
aliencenet last decade
Hi aliencenet,

It's getting late and I have to get to bed, but I wanted to let ou know that I did read your post. It gives me a couple of ideas. I also have more new information about my case which might apply to yours too. I'll try to write tomorrow or the next couple of days if I get the time.

Even though it's kind of disappointing, I always appreciate when big things are ruled out, because it opens the door for me to try alternative therapies without worrying that I'm overlooking some great cure that my doctor will chastise me for later on. I figure, hey, the regular MD world found zip, so who can really fault me for looking for help elsewhere?

Funny enough, it might all be 'in my head', but that doesn't mean it is psychological in origin: it might be a bad bug in my brain: that is what I think I've got.

Hang in there!
squirrelia last decade
Long story short, I suffer from Dp/Dr also, for 3,5 years. It also happened with marijuana ... damn thing... (the funny thing is, it was my first time). Anyway, has someone felt this feeling GETING STRONGER over the years? Can you imagine my situation since this worst nightmare is strengthening all the time? Is like every day is the worst day of my life.
Now it is even harder... I have a 4,5 months old daughter, a wonderfull baby I was waithing for so many years, but the dp/dr is still in my life, scareing me more and more every day.

So, to repeat the most important question, has sanyone felt this feeling GETING STRONGER over the time past? It is very important for me to know that.

Thanx for reading
arven last decade
Hi Arven,

don't worry the feeling will go away. you just have to start doing something different, i believe. if you smoking mj, quit, but slowly. after reading and searching i understand that DR/DP comes from some kind of impalance in chemicals in your brain, also it has to do a lot with stress and anxiety and panic attacks. I know it is the worst feeling ever but hang on there it will let go.
aliencenet last decade
Hi everyone. i've just joined the forums today and like you i have been on the search for cures to my derealisation. it annoys me to see people give answers like 'just hold onto ice' or 'do exercise' to get rid of it because while those things may help someone feel a little more mindful of their hand being cold or exercise relieving feelings of stress and anxiety, it doesn't take away the 'bubble'.
So i'm not going to try and offer any phoney quick fix like that but i would like to say that i know i dissociate immediately when a memory from my past brings up a 'negative' feeling in me like humiliation, fear, etc... so to try and achieve the opposite result and get further to the edge of the bubble instead of being so engrossed in it, i think about a safe and pleasant memory. one that made me feel fantastic, laugh, feel safe, feel wanted, feel loved etc...and then i let the thought turn into a feeling. i meditate on the feeling, in other words just stay with it for as long as i can, continue through the memory remembering more things about it and let the feelings continue to flow and let them stay. (as long as they're good feelings.)
i noticed the other night when i dared to start doing this, i could feel the pillow case against my cheek a little more, and the sheet over my body a little more, and my shoulders- i didn't even realise that they had been tense - but they dropped and the tension went out of them. in short i suddenly felt like i was 'here' for a while, in the present place and not so far away.
So i'd like to encourage anyone who wants to, try to do the same and see how you feel and what happens to the 'bubble'.

i'm still in a derealised state and have been for as long as i can remember but i've had brief moments of it going away. this technique i made up didn't bring on one of those complete moments of clarity but it pushed me closer than my norm so i wanted to share this in case it could help anyone else.
good luck, God bless
lalaland last decade
What's the worst that can happen?
arven last decade
Thank you, lalaland. I agree with your approach. For me, It's about starting to feel safe within myself, that it is 'ok' to be here. It is REALLY difficutl, but one step at a time, right?

mazou last decade
i'm really happy that i found this forum, knowing that i'm not the only one suffering from this has actually helped me a great deal. i used to think there was something wrong with mephisically, something that needed medical attention like a brain tumor or something, i've even been convinced that i had cataracts because the one thing that freaked me out the most was how strange my vision was when i started dealing with this derealization. but it seems that all of us have gone through the paranoia of what causes this. for me, i think it might be a combination of my past with MJ and anxiety, and all the supressed fears of losing a loved one once again. i don't know if this is something that requires therapy or if its just something to deal with... but after all this time living with it i've found that nothing i do makes it go away, i have only come to terms with it as my own unique perception of the world.
of course this used to scare me because i have worked so hard to fit in with the people around me and this derealization only set me way apart. but it seems that i am only scared of it when i try to fight it. now i get used to it and i remind myself that i am still breathing, just like everyone around me, why should i push myself deeper into my physche by surrounding myself with my own negative energies?

the only thing that calms me is realizing that i am part of the world, just as i have always been. when i put myself in this state of mind i embrace the derealization as a unique distinction from everyone else. sometimes i feel almost robotic but like i said if i concentrate on the energies that relate me to the people around me, the derealzation that scares me becomes something more like a Unique Perception of the world... a perception that lets me know that this relaity is so much more than what we think it is...

what im trying to say is that the more you try to fight it, the more you train yourself to think that something is wrong. nothing is wrong, nessecarily. if you have been to doctors and you do not feel phisicaly ill, this derealization is no danger to anything but your spirits.

**make it a habit to get enough vitamins and sleep, our bodies respond differently when its needs are not met.
veronicavix last decade
Hi Veronica,
first of all i completely understand how you feeling. When i was struggling with derealization i learnt to calm myself down by telling myself that this is not going to kill me nor im going crazy. I was freaking out every morning when opening my eyes, being afraid that the feeling is still with me. i became more anxious. i made my self more sick by thinking and being obsessed that there is something wrong with me. I started doing yoga yesterday after completing the linden method, i drink chamolemeal tea twice a day and it looks like i got my anxiety under control, i dont know if tea helps or i was just tired of thinking that there is something wrong so i quit worrying. if there was something wrong with me, it would already killed me.
i got my referral approved to the infectious specialist. cant wait to find some answers.
aliencenet last decade
Hi Squirrelia,

i hope you are doing well.Cant wait to read your ideas.

God Bless
aliencenet last decade
Heyy everyone whats going on =) .. Well i am a 16 year old female and yes i have been throug the whole derealization/ depersonalization thing .. the good news and the bad news.. After my extremely bad experience of weed i probably had the worst week of my life.. feeling like i was in a bubble, feeling disconnected, depressed, empty souled and yeah .. you name it !! Its been 3 months now and to be completely honest,.. i still feel a bit off somedays and wake up not knowing where i am or whats going on .. but compared to 2 months ago .. i was really depressed .. and the derealization thign DOES go away .. you need to exercise, have faith in yourself .. if you feel like hiding in a hole and being negative about the whole thing .. i promise, it wont get you anywhere.. !! You have to be healthy and once you start feeling fresh which will honestly take a bit of time .. give it a couple of weeks you wont wanna go back to smoking again !! I do feel like my whole world will switch off right before my eyes .. and i know its strange but sometimes i do believe i am dead but i know its all in my head.. Anyway for everyone out there thanks for taking the time to read this =) and good luck .. be healthy .. Tomorrow is another dayy !!
StephyGurl5 last decade
Hey everybody. How are ya? Maybe that's a stupid question. Maybe not. Here's my advice (with a little backstory):
About seven years ago, when I was 24, I found myself lost and depressed. (Reasons aren't really important, though there were many) I began thinking about the big exisential questions... Meaning of life, who am I. Blah, blah, blah. This only made me feel worse, more lonely. I needed something to relieve this. SOMETHING. So I thought I'd start smoking pot.

I'd smoked when I was a teenager, thought it was ok. But I thought what the hell. Why not? It might help. And for the first couple months I was enjoying it, not enjoying life nessicarily, but smoking pot was something different and broke up the boredom. And then THE INFAMOUS NIGHT came...the infamous night of my first panic attack.
Furious shaking, racing heart, rapid thoughts, couldn't swallow, thought I would die. (You all know the routine.) I swore of pot, never to touch it again. About a week later I got high.
That day I was taking a shower, thinking and pondering life as usual. I was using a detachtable showerhead, watching my arm and hand twist and turn the head as the water sprayed over my body. Then I began to think how strange it is that 'I' am moving my arm. By a thought.
'I' thought, 'arm move' and with the intention my arm moves.
'Wait a minute,' I thought. 'Then who am 'I'?'
'My god,' I thought with fear. 'I'm my brain.' And instantly that (my) arm that I was watching felt detached from me. I jumped out of the shower in panic. I'm my brain' It scared the hell out of me. Right into another panic attack. I don't remember much after that. I vowed again to never touch weed again.

For the entire week after the 'shower episode' I couldn't shake what I had thought. 'I am my brain.' It made me feel so lonely. Whenever I would look at or talk to someone I would 'see' past there faces. I no longer looked at the body as the person. They were their brain. For example: When someone smiled, they didn't smile, it was their brain that caused the contractions in their facial muscles to make that smile. A smile was just a reaction in the brain. In other words, all reactions happened in the brain, what we see is just the outside, the physical outcomes of the brain's reactions. THis freaked me out. Were we all really just hunks of gray matter? Well, after about week of this I couldn't take anymore of this. I broke down. I sat at my kitchen table and cried... I want to feel good again, happy again! 'GOD!', I said (though I wasn't even sure if even believed anymore) I will do anything, anything to not feel like this anymore. The next morning I woke up with DP/DR.

It was all there. Things appearing fake, flat, cartoonish, colors brighter, distant, felt unreal, foggy. You all know what I'm talking about. That's that, I thought. I'm officially crazy. Went the doctor, pyschologist route. They told me what it was. It didn't help. It was there everyday. All the time. I worried day and night that this was 'my new life.' I began questioning whether things I saw were real or hallucinations. (I had just watched Fight Club a week before this happened, that probably didn't help.) For the next four years or so my story was exactly like most of the threads here. I thought about my dp/dr all the time. I would look at things continually and thought how strange they looked, so detailed. I did this whenever I had the chance it seemed. It consumed me. I tried almost everything, always hoping it would take the dp/dr away. But then I realized something...how can it go away when I'm always thinking about it, or looking to see if things still look strange? You see, I always blamed the weed. Never taking into account all my thoughts prior to the dp/dr and during. Sure, weed did have something to do with this. But not in and of itself. This was a product of worry and overthinking. Just too much of it. My mind is tired. Letting that sink in, I had a shift. The dp/dr was still there. But I felt like 'myself' again. I found myself in the center of all this. I am still here, I am real. This is just something happening to my brain. I am still me. Things that look 'fake' only look that way because they are different from what I was used to. Things feel alien because I'm not used to experiencing them that way. It's all still just as real as it was before dp/dr happened. 'I' am only experiencing things with a slight twist. A coffee mug is still just as real even if it appears flatter, more green, more detailed. My brain, or my senses, is perceiving differently. I could feel again, emotionally, the awful feelings I had were just my constant fear and worry. I was myself no matter what. Think of dp/dr as an illusion almost. First of all stop giving it a name. Derealization. That just reinforces the feeling that things aren't real (or what they used to be or what they should be). If you call it anything just describe it as 'my senses/brain experiencing differently.' Once you do this. You won't fear it anymore. Which is the largest factor in keeping it in place. The next thing you need to do is stop thinking about it. Live life just as you had before. It may feel strange but remember that feeling is just a reaction you are having that is tied to your thoughts. If you feel negatively its because you let your mind view it that way. 'Nothing is good or bad, lest thinking make it so.' So with fear out of the way and you're constant-looking-around-to see-if-it's-still-there out of the way there's nothing left to do but go back to life as usual. This doesn't mean it's going to go away just like that, you've got to give it time. You've got to heal. And everyday you'll begin to notice that it seems better. But don't think about it too much. Just go about your business until eventually you won't think about it anymore. That's how mine slowly got better. But I warn you don't try weed again. About year ago I started smoking weed. (Stupid, I know) About two months ago the dp/dr came back. But I'm not worried. A little angry at mysel, but not worried. I already see big improvement. Much quicker than last time. Incidentally I now know I am not my brain. I am something much more than 'my brain.' How can I be something that I have. My brain works for ME. I have other things to say that might be of help but I've gone on long enough.
dikkid last decade
good post :)
the thing is some people experience it without even smoking pot.last time was many years ago.
aliencenet last decade
Re: 'I felt like myself again' from dikkid's post (very nice, thorough story, thank you).

But I have been this way for 20+ years. I don't even know what 'myself' would feel like. Any other long-time sufferers able to remember what 'themselves' felt like without dp/dr?

I would love to know, to have something to aim for. Any input is greatly appreciated.

Wishing you well-mazou
mazou last decade
Hi everyone,
I also can relate to everything you're talking about. But may I propose that we need not worry so much? Perhaps these terms 'derealization' or 'depersonalization' could be modified a bit so they don't sound so scary. What if we called it 'becoming the observer of our thoughts?, or 'being in the now'?

I know it sounds new-agey. But I think we are entering a new age.

Those sensations of watching ourselves in a movie, of everything looking flat, of strange noises coming from strange places...maybe we could look at them from a different perspective.

Instead of thinking we're all going crazy, what if, and this is a big 'IF', what if we are simply becoming super-conscious of our thoughts, of the 'I' or the 'ego' that we used to let run our minds? What if we're waking up from our previous dream-like states of 'non-consciousness' to the liberating and peaceful state of 'consciousness'?

I've just read a great book by Eckart Tolle called A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. He's doing webcast seminars with Oprah every Monday night. (If you go to Oprah's website, you can download the classes. They are great!It's free. Over 5 million people around the world have started watching since they started the course in early Mar 2008.)

Anyway, what I'm proposing to you is perhaps on a global scale we are coming to the realization that we are all connected. There is no such thing anymore as 'me' and 'you', or 'Us' and 'Them'. We are all here together on the planet to try to do the best we can, to help each other. What better way to get things started than by coming to the realization that we are all part of the greater 'ONE'?

Perhaps your hand feels like it's not part of your body. But you can turn that sensation around. What if what you're really feeling is a sense of being more connected that you've ever thought possible? What if you're simply realizing that you have the power to observe yourself going about your daily routine, washing dishes, making dinner, brushing your hair. You used to do all these actions alseep. And now, you're realizing that 'You' are not who you really are. This is just an illusion that you've created to exist. But your essense, your true existence is much much more.

There's no religion here. This is about a new consciousness sweeping the world. A new era of appreciating the planet, that gentle buzzing of bees in your ears, that wonderful deep red of a rose, those uplifting smells coming from the sea. Flooding your mind, your sense are in tilt, you've never felt so 'connected' to the world before.

Perhaps you suddenly see that flatness of everything around you. And other times everything is exploding in colors and sounds. You mistakenly think something's wrong with you, that you're short circutting, that you're going crazy. You start to restrict your oxygen intake our of fear. What happens? All those terrible feelings of dizziness, skin crawling, problems in your ears, lack of air in the room, a sensation of wanting to run out. These are symptoms of a lack of oxygen. When you're afraid, your body's emergency survival mechanisms send all the oxygen to your heart. Nothing's left for the rest.
I'm not trying to minimize our problems. I've had all of them too. I'm just suggesting an alternative way of looking at what's happening to us.

Sometimes we see the absurdity of life, of existing. And other times, there seems to be a purpose that continues to allude us, like a clam burrowing deeper and deeper into the sand.

We don't see the purpose of living and yet we shudder at the thought of living forever.

And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, the tree we've always taken for granted is glowing a green so vibrant and so mesmerizing that we can't stop looking at it's beauty. It suddenly looks 2 dimensional. And then, suddenly, we're aware of our eyes seeing it. Then, we can feel our brains receiving that visual stimuli of that miraculous, majestic shape that we used to call a tree.

I say there is no need to panic. What you're feeling is a gift of existence. It's at that precise instant when you feel life has no meaning that the tree suddenly starts to glow. It's your inner knowing sounding an alarm bell to you to WAKE UP. It's pleading with you to become the observer of your thoughts, to disengage from the belief that you are somehow a separate entity.

By observing yourself 'observing' this creation you used to call a tree, you are going through the process of waking up to the REAL world.

This is peace trying to come to you. Don't be afraid of it. Watch yourself listen to the sounds of a stream. It's ok to feel your brain moving your legs as you sit down by the stream and feel your ears actually listening. And to feel your brain receiving the visual information. Let this bring you the joy of knowing that you are finally awake.
sunnyisorange last decade
Hi again,
I just realized I failed to mention something...

What I've found is that when I become the observer of my thoughts and sensations, ie, if I observe that I am feeling dizzy or feeling angry or feeling trapped ( and I have lots of childhood abuse!!) it seems to help give me some peace.

I agree that dp and dr are ways we suppress some past trauma. I do it myself. And one thing that helps me is when I go inside my body and really observe everything I'm feeling. I analyse everything. My heartrate, whether I'm sweating or not, my posture, am I holding a strange position? and then I start to literally observe my thoughts.

If I really anchor myself in my body, I feel safer somehow. I don't feel like 'it' is running me so much as that the thoughts and feelings are 'there' but I have this kind of objectivity and distance from which I can observe them. Eckart Tolle talks about this in the book, A New Earth.

When I do this, something amazing happens. I feel uplifted from the heaviness of being 'me' and from having all my problems -both from the past and in this moment. I realize that my thoughts are not the real me. Thoughts are tools our mind uses to get things done in the world, ie going to work, eating etc. But they aren't really who I am.

Especially memories. Memories are merely thoughts that represent things that happened in the past. My mind wants to cling to feeling that these experiences still dictate who I am. Essentially, they control me. It's like a trap.

But if I become the observer of these thoughts, and if I tell myself 'these memories and these pains are memories, they don't actually exist in this present moment', I do get a sensation of calm, and of peace.

I'm still working on this. It's not easy. And I do believe that this 'becoming the observer' also helps me to see how wonderful living in the moment really is. I mean, ask yourself: If I am always living in this present moment, how can the past exist? How can things that used to hurt me still have any power over me? The past is a state of mind created by the mind! But my mind is not the real me! My mind is merely a collection of electrical impulses jumping from nerve cell to nerve cell. They are constructions. They are flat.

The mind says I am 'I'. But if I take a step away from that I get this really nice sense of peace. I don't know how to explain it. I hope I don't sound crazy. Maybe you can try. Try doing it while you perform your daily tasks. The more mindful I am while doing the most mundane things, the happy I feel! Even standing in line.

There's a lot of safety in the 'now' because no one can hurt you if you are in the now. They can only hurt you if you allow your mind to wander and return to the illusion that the past still exists.

It's like being in a safety zone during a war. It gives me a sense of power over the memories that still want to haunt me. It gives me freedom to step away from that illusion and to focus on the moment at hand.
sunnyisorange last decade
Hey y'all. How are you today?
I'll talk somemore on feeling like yourself. First off one thing we all have to do is stop refering to ourselves as victims, this does not help at all. By doing that YOU mentally labled yourself as such. Victim or sufferer is how you are perceiving yourself through YOUR mind. That feels bad. If this is how you see yourself 'victim, sufferer' feeling bad but blaming those feelings on the so called DP/DR you are confusing this experience with those feelings. No doubt it may be strange, that is, different than from what we 'normally' see or hear etc... But this doesn't mean it has to be depressing, or scary or whatever negative emotion you can think of. This DP/DR is just something that is happening. How it feels is up to you. (this is how it is with everything, by the way.) Believe me, when this first happened 6,7 years ago I was absolutely terrified. My life had been taken from me I thought. And after the first couple months went by and the initial terror went away, realizing it wasn't going to get worse and that I wasn't going crazy, I basically just pined, day after day, for my 'old life' to return. I constantly looked around checking to see if it was getting any better. I could only think how awful it made me feel--lonely, depressed. I could no longer laugh like I used to or care about things like I used to. It had stolen my life from me, and I was angry. Not only did I have the problems I had before this happened, I now had DP/DR to contend with. Life was unfair. But, of course, the DP/DR wasn't making me feel this way. It was my mind's reaction to this that made me feel this way.
Mazou, I am curious as to how your life experience has been these past twenty years. How do you live your day to day life? How often do you think about the DP/DR? Please let me know. You see, if you're constantly thinking about your life prior to the two D's then you will never find 'yourself.' If you are angry, sad, or blaming you will never find 'yourself.' If you are constantly thinking how great life would be if you didn't have to live with DP/DR you will never find 'yourself.' This goes for everyone on the planet by the way. But I do think people going through the DP/DR experience have a great opprtunity to find themselves or as sunnyisorange says 'Awaken.' Though I don't think the DP/DR actually means that person is awakening. Some people can actually lose themselves even more. But, like I said, this is a great opportunity.
I don't know Mazou maybe you are an anamoly, maybe you have it for life (of course, maybe you don't) but even so you can still find yourself again. Which can 1.) make the experience at least not a negative one, and 2.) only increase your chances of coming out of DP/DR (if you wish.) But please write back. How has your life experience been? What's been going on in that head of yours?

Just a note for aliencent. I don't think pot alone can be blamed for these experiences, at least not mine. The first time this happened I was crazy stressed out about everything before I even started up with pot. I think pot was the extra push to make it happen. I actually used to experience DP/DR when I was a little kid, in the winters when I was 9,10 and 11. THough at the time I couldn't articulate what was happening like I can now (obviously.) I just remember going to my mother and telling her I 'feel weird.' I remember most the lighting in the house was somehow strange. I was a huge worrier as a kid. HUGE. That's why I'm sort of grateful for this last bout I'm going through. After smoking pot for a year and half (so dumb)I started to get off course. Not staying in the NOW and letting my mind go astray and start worrying again. This new bout says to me 'Get back in the NOW (where you find yourself, MAzou)and stop worrying. This DP/DR is just a cue, reminder that I've fallen under the spell of constant thinking. Just as sunnyisorange said, it's an alarm bell sounding for me to wake up.
So please, everyone, stop calling yourself victims. How can you be 'yourself' prior to the DP/DR when you weren't a victim then?
dikkid last decade
This is a reply for dikkid.

I just took my dog for a walk and couldn't stop thinking about how potentially stupid the comments I just posted might sound- like I'm just sugar coating everything. (I posted just a few minutes ago.)

I always worry that no matter what I say, someone will laugh at me or critisize me. It really is hard to speak out to people. I guess it's sort of low self-esteem.

So when I saw dikkid's comments that referred a little bit to what I said, and that didn't say I sounded ridiculous, I felt so much better. And I really liked your comments too!, dikkid.

I didn't mean to minimize at all how horrible these feelings of dp and dr are. I just thought I'd add some things that have worked a bit for me.

Obviously I'm still working on stuff--but I really like dikkid's idea of not labelling ourselves as a victim.

Just by having this forum, I feel we can all give each other support and not feel like we're in this alone.

Thank you again to everyone who has the strength to be honest and tell their stories.
sunnyisorange last decade
I have been dealing with this for about 2 years now. I first experienced this also while smoking pot, it was about my 3rd time. What happened to me was I first started noticing everyones voice and all of the noise around me drowning out. I was scared to death and thought I was going insane. I got really bad cold sweat, and i felt a tingle type feeling under my skin. It felt as if something under my skin was crawling and grabbing my scalp and arms and such and pulling it to a point. I felt like I didn't know the people around me, I recognized them, but I didn't know who they were. I would notice that Time felt like an illusion, everything If I was doing something, and tried to think back to what I was just doing it would come in the smallest little pieces and seemed like they never happened. I felt like everything around me was a painting, and that I was living in a dream world where every single person and everything around me was just a material of my imagination... In fact I wasn't so sure that I was real. I would get very dizzy, and the walls would seem almost as if they were melting. I would talk to myself in my head A LOT! My own voice in my head project so vividly in sound, that it seemed like someone outside of my body was talking to me. The next day when I woke up, I felt kind of sick, but nothing like I did the night before. I thought that it was just the pot. After a few days of feeling sick, I was perfectly find. I smoked after this and the same thing would happen. Then I would wake up, feel sick for a day or two, then be fine. Well I learned my lesson on Pot there. a few days later I was sitting with one of my friends and we got into a big discussion about life, and we started talking about what if everyone in the world was robots and all that yatayata, I'm sure a lot of you have done that. But when we were talking about it I started to feel iffy, and it started happening again, This would also cause me to go into a panic disorder. I went home that night feeling very very bad. I was having a hard time falling a sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and everything around me was wrong. My sister was in the hallway outside my door, and my door was open, I honestly couldn't tell if it was a dream or not, It looked scary... in fact horrifying. I woke up periodically feeling this way threw out the night. When I woke up the next morning I was still in that state of mind. and It stayed with me for an entire year, 24/7 and started getting better. I cannot describe to you the way if felt. It was the most disturbing and Erie feeling you could ever experience. Very dark and very scary. Have you ever played Silent Hill 4? That is a perfect explanation of our reality... kind of. After about a year I started getting a little better everyday. Some days were better than others and some days were worse than others. Then after about 6 months of that. It started coming back again. Lights were a big part in this. Certain lighting effected me harshly (still does sometimes). I've also noticed that as the sun sets, it starts to effect me pretty badly as well. DR/DP had ruined my life, and It had stopped me from doing so many things. I couldn't even get a job because of this. I felt fatigued all day long every day. I had lost all interest in everything... really everything. I felt like I had lost all of the logic and knowledge that I once had. I could hardly remember the past, And I feel like I'm not the same person as I used to be, But I had found something that helped that I will paste at the bottom of this page. As nice as it is to say that I'm happy that I'm not alone on this, I wish I could be alone on this, because I feel that no one should have to go through this, and for anyone that is going through it, I have felt what you feel, and we will get through this.

If you believe in Past lives and or other mind spiritual things, you might want to check this out. It helped me a lot.

Short Description: Depersonalization Disorder
In Depersonalization Disorder, an advanced Soul incarnates into physical body where the mental component of the inner energy bodies is 'detached' from the all the other bodies. This enables the advanced Soul to break down disempowering thought patterns 'inherited' from many past lifetimes.

Causes: Those who contract Depersonalization Disorder are very old Souls with unusually strong mental energies. These energies are so strong as to be resistant to the normal evolutionary processes of karma and reincarnation. In other words, these Souls will reincarnate time and again only to run into the same blocks to their spiritual progress thrown up by their overmastering minds.

Contracting this disorder becomes a 'last ditch' effort by the old Soul to overcome 'their mental blocks'. So they agree to being largely detached from their mental body in the lifetime of depersonalization to effect real spiritual change and growth.

The major spiritual problem of most who are 'afflicted with' Depersonalization Disorder is extreme lack of patience with the process and flow of life. This 'impatience' arises from many past incarnations where they were extremely successful at 'manipulating' the universe with the power of their minds.

Such successes inevitably led them to believe and act as if life were merely a battle of wills: their will versus God's Will. And although it is true that 'one can conceive and believe, one can achieve', the power of mind can only take an individual so far. For the mind is a servant, but not a master; and a tool, but not the hand the wielding it. Therefore, the old Soul must learn to function 'outside of the box' of their mind before this disorder can fall away from them. This is easier said than done because a strong mind is a 'terrible thing' to resist.

Symptoms: The official definition of Depersonalization Disorder is an 'alteration in how an affected individual perceives or experiences their unique sense of self. The usual sense of one's own reality is temporarily lost or changed resulting in a feeling of detachment from, or being an outside observer of, one's mental processes.' This feeling of detachment comes from the actual disconnection of the Mental Body from the integrated human energy field of the 'depersonalized' individual.

After Effects: Depersonalization Disorder is usually a life sentence. The older the Soul, the stronger their mind, the more they cling onto their 'identity' of the 'mind as Self', the longer it will take to overcome the 'mental body imbalance' that this disorder was designed to correct. Often it will take several lifetimes to get the mind to accept it's proper role in the individual's spiritual development. Once the mind is realigned with the rest of the body in a future incarnation, the individual will emerge stronger for the experience. For their heart and their intuition will have finally 'caught up' to where their mind has already evolved.

Advice: As it says in the Kabbalah: ' I have a body and I am more than my body. I have emotions and I am more than my emotions. I have a mind and I am more than my mind. I am a center of pure consciousness and energy.' Until those with Depersonalization Disorder learn to move past their minds, they will never be free of this disease. This is extremely difficult for the depersonalized individual to do because their personal sense of identity is so deeply ingrained with their mind that their own internal resistance to this process is tremendous and overwhelming.

This is not to say that depersonalization disorder cannot be transcended. Old Souls are usually exceptionally good at manifesting solutions to their problems. Since they cannot rely on their mental processes to produce the desired results, they must 'feel' their way through their healing process by relying more on heart centered feelings, inner knowingness, and spiritual guidance. The depersonalized individual must trust that they can find what they need without relying on their strong mind.

Case History: An individual with Depersonalization Disorder was advised against receiving Shamanistic Healing. Being detached from the Mental Body, shamanistic work leaves the depersonalized individual open to being attacked by entities of lower 'dark' energy. These 'entities' would easily be able to attach to the energetic opening between the Mental Body and the rest of the energy field. Very likely these 'dark entities' would have quite seriously compounded the problems that this depersonalized individual was already experiencing.

I can't post the website, but if you are interested look it up!

The best of wishes!
Im_alive last decade
Thank you im_alive.
This is a good post, very spiritual. Actually ignoring the DR feeling and distracting my mind with other activities (yoga for example) helped me to overcome the feeling.
aliencenet last decade
What's up everyone? How are ya?
I thought I'd make some more comments. (I'm laid-off right now so I'll probably be posting a lot. Besides, this is kinda fun.)
Anyway...I'malive's post was very interesting. I'm amazed at the similiarities throughout all these posts; there seems to be 3 major themes. Some posts may touch on only one, others on all three. Anxiety (worry of the self), weed (or some form of mind-altering drug), and spiritualism. Or maybe there's only one larger theme throughout most of these posts: SELF. I'malive's post is very interesting. I'm not sure I agree with that theory there (just seems to be SO many theories, you know). But I don't think it's without merit either. I do think most of us here do or have had to some extent very strong (or should I say active) minds. I do think this is why dp/dr happens. Too much mind. There is an ebook by Dr. Ronnie Freedman on dp/dr with the simple theory that it's a defense mechanism of the brain: too much energy is being used by the mind so the brain cuts-down on certain activity to conserve energy and thus heal itself. This would explain why we see things in such detail or see 'more' of something. It's the same reason people are more in tune to certain things on weed; it cuts down on various parts of the brains activity thus seemingly heighting other parts as well. Take this for example: It's like watching TV when there is a lot of activity going on around you (other people talking, traffic, etc.) so you have to turn the volume up to, say, 30 to hear and understand what's going on. But at night when maybe your in bed and all is quiet you only have to turn the volume up to 12. If we kept it up at 30 it would seem almost insanely loud. But we don't have a volume knob on our sight (for example), so when the brain shut's off or slows down parts of our brain (what the people talking and traffic represent)then our sight, still turned up to 30, seems and is more intense. And what are some of the activy that is being cut-down? For me one of the things I notice is that I'm not as quick in thought, my recall. Which is interesting. If her theory is correct, it makes sense that my thought faculities would be something that would be slowed down. According to her theory, it's too much thinking that got me here in the first place. Of course this doesn't mean the theory in I'malive's post couldn't be right either. In a broader scope they could both be right. But who knows. I don't think it matters. Somehow we all ended up here and we all know where we'd like to go. It's getting there that seems to be the issue. Well, if I have anything to say, there has been very good advice from just the past couple of posts from I'malive and sunnyisorange. One talks of being in the NOW as a way out of dp/dr, the other of a stong mind unable to go with the flow of life as the cause of dp/dr. I myself have commented on the very same issues, as have others. Why? How come we haven't seen posts from someone saything that they believe the cause for dp/dr is from eating too much or There are three themes here: Anxiety (stress, worry), weed (which alomst everyone here, just prior to the onset of dp/dr, here has had an anxiety/panic attack while using) and last but not least, the SELF (which is the source of the anxiety.) It's just our minds people, the source of all suffering. And I'm looking at you sunnyisorange on this one. I can see you are on the right track, keep doing what you are doing. By doing that life will only get better day after day. But may I point out (and I think you realize this) you weren't fully there on your walk. Self-conciousness is your mind. And you know that. ( I see you read eckhart tolle. Thank god for eckhart, he is reaching so many people.) But you were worried about what other people thought about your post. Why? I doubt anyone read that and thought it was stupid or flippant. It comes from the mistaken belief you are not good enough. And where does that come from? Well, I hope I'm not getting too personal (you are completely anonymous so I wouldn't worry)but a lot it is obviously undoubtedly from the abuse you spoke of. I was never abused but I know some people who were in some form, even dated a girl who was abused, and I know it can wreak havoc on a person's self-esteem. (This can loosely apply to anyone reading this who has low-self esteem, abused or not.) Traumatic experiences can echo in our minds forever shaping every subsequent event, shaping our lives. A father's harsh diapproving voice can over time convince someone that there is something wrong with them, that they are not good enough, or unworthy. The feeling 'not-good-enough' then becomes how that person indentifies themselves. So that 'not-good-enough' for the father becomes 'not good enough' for my partner, 'not good enough' for my boss, 'not-good-enough' to share my opninions with others, 'not good enough' to post my thoughts on a forum without someone thinking it's stupid. So when one of you out there feels 'stupid' at some point in your life, you've more than likely labled your self 'not-good-enough' and the more often you catch this the more that self-imposed label will dissolve. Which will create less stress,you being happier and more 'you', which will help dissolve the dp/dr as well. (Look at that I tied it all back together.) To sum up: most of us here know anxiety all too well, the worry of self in some way, which causes dp/dr, and the best thing we can do is learn to go with flow and be in the now. Okay my fingers are sore so I should stop. And by the looks of things I'm still unemployed so I'll probably be checking in gain sometime. Later.
dikkid last decade

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