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Derealization- feelings of unreality Page 16 of 19

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Hi all,
No one's written for a while. Is everyone ok?
sunnyisorange last decade
Hi friends,

I had a very unpleasant experience a couple of days ago, that really gave me a huge blast of that DR feeling. What happened was that during a fight, or I might say an episode of emotional abuse he was throwing at me, my husband threatened to stop supporting me and my two kids, and he said it in his angriest way, for the intentional purpose of hurting me. He was also moving around in a way that made me feel physically threatened, although he did not physically hurt me. I felt so suddenly disoriented that I had to hang on to the wall to keep from falling.

I mention it because now several days later, I am a little bit recovered, and am going over the incident to understand how the DR feelings fit into the picture, and to what extent, if any, emotional trauma is at play in my long-term DR problems (which in general are so much less bothersome these days).

I also wanted to share something I learned recently about the triangle of emotional/mental well-being which has three components, each of which affects the others. The three sides are emotion/mental content; chemical; and structural. I had figured out the emotional and chemical relationship on my own years ago, but had always felt that there must be a third side to it, like the fire triangle (heat, oxygen, fuel). Then recently I saw on a white board at my chiropractic neurologist’s office the triangle of factors, and felt “bingo!!” The way the three sides work is that, for example, emotions and/or mental content affects brain chemistry, and even ultimately brain and/or nervous structure. Brain chemistry affects emotions and/or mental content and even ultimately brain and/or nervous structure. Brain structure and/or nervous structure affects both brain chemistry and also emotions and/or mental content. Through this triangular relationship, any aspect of the triangle can be altered either directly or indirectly, for example by changing emotional or mental content by, e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or you can alter the emotional/mental content by changing the chemistry, or by changing the brain structure (perhaps by accident, say by getting Lyme’s disease, which erodes actual brain tissue, etc.)

Sorry if my explanation is not very clear, but anyway, I was thinking that this triangular relationship of emotion, chemistry and structure would explain why some of us seem to get better through a chemical route, for example medicine or food, and some get better by directly affecting our thought content (e.g. don’t fight it, embrace it, etc), or by changing our structural situation by healing the brain lesions caused by disease. That one way works for some people doesn’t mean another way won’t work for someone else, or that it will, for that matter.

I hope this makes sense.

Time for bed,
squirrelia last decade
Hi Squirrelia,

wow, what a great post! so insightful :-) It makes so much sense now why some treatments work better for some and not for others.

I wonder, if people know about the triangle, maybe they'll feel more hopeful about exploring all the possible treatments...and if one treatment doesn't work, they won't feel discouraged of feel like there's no hope. They can simply shift to another side of the triangle.

It seems like a very balanced and holistic approach. Some dr's want to treat everything with drugs, but according to the triangle, there are two more aspects to consider.

I've found that altering all three sides has worked well for me too. :-)
sunnyisorange last decade
Hi Squirrelia,

I forgot to say: it sounds like a very scary experience what your husband did. Does he do that often? Is there anything you can do to get out of that situation? I mean, sometimes changing your environment can also really help, regardless of any treatments you're carrying out. Please let me know if you feel better.
sunnyisorange last decade
Planting the feet in the ground with roots is part of Qi gong.
Mangobombay last decade
I am 20 years old and have been smoking weed for 7 years solid every day an ounce a week. i have recently quit and the derealisations I am getting is beyond explaination, i hear voices, have arguments with myself when no ones around, hurt myself, scared to go outside, switch all my socket outlets off and switch my power off from the switchboard every night to prevent interferrance, once I climbed up on my roof to rip my antenna down because I thought NASA had me under survalance. Im a loose cannon about to explode at any minute and it will be the nearest next person who ticks me off who will be tortured beyond belief and they will regret the day they were ever born into this fake world which is run by a higher force in a galaxy far far away and we are all doomed. HELP ME does anyone else feel like this?? am I normal?
valiantvc last decade
valiantvc, Hi. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but this is beyond my own experiences with dr and of probably just about every one who has written on this forum. The good news is that most things you describe (which sound like a mix of ocd and extreme paranoia) are things that docs/shrinks know more about than the derealization. That being said, get help as soon as possible. They can help you. Good luck.
dikkid last decade
I think its just bad derealisations. im to scared to go to see someone. last night all i heard was loud laughing all night so i climbed up into my roof space and slept on a plank of timber.
valiantvc last decade
Hey valiantvc, seriously, from your previous post this is more than derealization. Audio and visual hallucinations are not part of derealization. You maybe experiencing dr but there is other stuff going on as well. You have to talk to someone, a family member, someone, ultimately you need to go to a professional. You do NOT need to be afraid to do this, it can only help. You are in a sensitive state right now and might not know whats best for you but trust me you need to go. Thinking you are under surveilence by NASA is not a good sign. Just go to someone who can help. Let yourself start getting better NOW. I don't want to scare you, but if you don't this could only get worse. And if you are still smoking weed stop ASAP. And if I see you've posted here again, it better be with the news you are seeking or are getting treatment. Take care and do the right thing.
dikkid last decade
Hey valiantvc,

That sounds terrifying!! Sounds to me like your brain is misfiring big time. Even though I myself would feel very frightened to go to a psychiatrist with the syptoms you describe, I have to agree with dikkid that you really must do so. The threat you wrote about hurting someone is really scary -- it must be terrifying to feel that way, and if you were to be unable to stop yourself from acting on your threat... well life as you have known it would end for you too.

In your profile,you describe yourself was a 20yo psychotic -- sounds like you have past experience in this arena. I urge you to seek help and stop being scared
squirrelia last decade
i think i might go speak to someone soon i think its time but i cant stop smoking weed and i have a strong meth addiction but ill never give that up cause it doesn't really effect me.
valiantvc last decade
Hey Valiantvc, it's obvious you want help or you would not have posted here. But you are scared of seeking professional help. Why? You do realize something is wrong so why the hold up. I mean almost everyone here has visted a doctor for there dr symptoms which aren't even close to being as something as severe as yours (cuz it's more than dr) I'd venture to guess I know at least part of the reason: Are you afraid the docs will try to make you quit the drugs? Of course you know they will. Wouldn't you give up the drugs (as hard as it may be) to get better? That's want you want, right, to feel better? I mean that's why you started doing drugs in the first place. But you are not feeling good NOW are you? More drugs aren't going to do you any good. Dude, TRUST ME, the last thing you need to do is more drugs and f**k up your brain chemistry more than it already is. I mean drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes can make dr worse, just imagine what weed and meth can do! ( I must reitterate: you are experienceing more severe and dangerous symptoms other than dr) You are an addict and I know you probably can't see the truth in this but this a path you'll have to take to get better. Listen bro, what's happening to you will not go away unless you change something, it will not go away on it's own. So you have 2 choices: take action or don't take action. Both are scary. But if you don't take action where do you see yourself a year from now? TRUST ME, I know and any one who may be reading this post knows what choice you should make. Sometimes that which scares us the most is exactly the thing we need to do most. Take care.
dikkid last decade
thanks for your advice dikkid I went to go see a doctor today and I have not touched any drug all day. I am getting very bad withdrawels and i feel like i wanna rip my skin off. but for once i am gonna give it my best shot! your advice dikkid really inspired me to make some changes and for that I thanku for!!
valiantvc last decade
Valiantvc, I'm glad to hear that. But, as you know, the withdrawls are going to be bad and might not wind down for weeks. Just don't give in, the withdrawls don't last forever. And if you feel like you can't do it, there are programs and support groups with people just like you that will help. Don't give up, no matter how hard. Be valiant just like your sreenname suggests. Remember: it's always darkest before dawn.
dikkid last decade
I am moved by the outcome of these last posts. What good work was done here today, by all involved and by this site!
Mangobombay last decade
hello everyone, this is the saddest time of my life as i have a big problem. my big sister started smoking weed like about six years ago while she was still at uni.. like two three years ago i started smoking weed and hash [and im thinking that's allot stronger].. to cut the story short about four months ago everything in her life has changed.. because she was living all by her self at home, not working, not going out [only on few occasions] FOR OVER TWO YEARS! my family are abroad and everyoneelse is at skool so she was alone at home.. now she talks to herself, sees things, believes people are out to get her, i mean she goes to trafalga's square everyday to feed the birds...she says God wants her to feed them... she's always saying random thing like 'im fighting for us'... she believes our house is hunted and refuses to go back there shes now living with my cousins...sometimes she just randomly stops on the road and kneels or bow's down and when you ask her what she's doing she says shes bowing or kneeling for GOD.... please help, this is tearing my family apart and we all think she's giong crazy and are really scared....please help....
babybaby200 last decade
just to be clear my sister started smoking hash not me....
babybaby200 last decade
Hi Babybaby200,

Sounds very rough! Sorry to hear it. The behavior you describe that your sister does sounds like well beyond de-realization. Unless someone here is able to offer homeopathic advice for serious mental problems, it sounds to like time for her to visit the psychiatrist.

One thing in your post jumped out at me, though, and that is that you wrote that you are having a big problem, but it sounds to me more like your sister is the one having a very big problem, and your problem is that it feels like your resonsibility to fix it. You don't write your age, but I'm guessing that you are at most a young adult, maybe 20? I'm not trying to pry or have pre-judgment about your maturity; for fairness' sake, I'm 48 years old. It also sounds like there are older adults on hand -- the cousins you mention, and your parents overseas. The problem you describe your sister having sounds pretty heavy, more like something for a more mature, experienced adult with more resources available to deal with -- and it will no doubt be hard for them too!

I don't blame you for trying to find help for your sister, but in addition, it sounds like you need help yourself with your own feelings of fear, overwhelm and responsibility. I'm not a homeopathic practitioner by any means, but I do sip rescue remedy in my water bottle many times a day when I'm going through periods of really heightened stress. I find it takes the edge off of my own anxiety and that helps me to cope with things I need to cope with.

In addition, I would like to recommend Al-Anon, or ala-teen if that is more your age, to you. It is designed to help families and friends of alcoholics, but the main way it helps is to gradually, over potentially weeks, months, and years, show you how to separate your own issues and responsibilities from those of someone who is suffering from a debilitating disease, namely alcoholism. It also helps people change their attitudes about their own and others' problems, so that the problems feel easier to bear. Many of us in Al-anon (I've been going for many years now) find the techniques and changed attitudes that help families and friends of alcoholics also help families and friends of people with mental illness. It's free, it's anonymous (no one has to know that you have gone, or to find out your real-life identity) and probably there are many meetings near you -- you're in London, I gather? You can find them on-line.

I wish you all the best -- write again and let us know how you're doing.

Squirrelia in California
squirrelia last decade
i've had derealization since late august/early september 2007, around the time school started for this year. i really don't know what to do about it and obviously that's why i came here. i have never done drugs but i did try st. johns wort and i was only 14 at the time. i know youre not supposed to use it that young, but im not sure if that had anything to do with it. also i dont think i realized it at first when it happened, and i just explained it as feeling detached and expected it to go away pretty soon... but it never did. sometimes i have spells where i feel real, or at least i think i feel real, whenever im happy. its a really hard condition to deal with and i need to tell someone who can help me, but i'm trying to tell friends first so i can feel better about telling someone who will help. i see a psychologist at school for about 15 minutes a week and thats nowhere near enough, so i dont feel comfortable telling her anything. i also have avoidant personality disorder and probably lots of other anxiety and depression disorders. either i'm paranoid, or there's a lot wrong with me. i've been officially diagnosed with ADD, a little over a month ago, and i thought that would help but it didn't. i dont do anything that helps my DR. everything i try doesnt work. when i get depressed about it, music helps. i kind of avoid social situations and i cant connect to people. i seem normal during conversation, etc. but it hurts so much more than anyone could tell on the inside. i act happy when i'm not. i guess it keeps me going. but lately ive gotten so tired of it that ive been having suicidal thoughts, and i just want advice and help. and its ironic because today one of my little friends, who's nine years old ironically, was telling me that the meaning of life is to praise God and not kill yourself.
i think my DR mightve been brought on by stress. this school year all of my friends left me and i spent lunch reading. it may also have been the st. johns wort. i also saw this video about the brain-in-a-vat theory (if you dont know what that is look it up on wikipedia lol) and i think it mightve scared me out of reality. i dont really know, i just want out! im so sick of it, and im sick of crying all the time and being stressed out about it. i'm way too young to have such a bad problem.
and like i said, around my friends i seem normal, just more detached because i think in lyrics and music and stuff. i dont know, ive always been quirky, but now im just out of it.
does anyone want to help me back in?
patrickeatspants last decade
Hey--check out a book at www.dpmanual.com. It's an e-book by a guy named shaun o'conner. He has a lot to say about the things that helped him get of the dr/dp state. It'll cost about $17.
dikkid last decade
Hmmm...asking is everyone ok on this forum.... Something finelly made me laugh..
I know I am really negative, but this sh*t is running over me. I have this condition for almost 4 years and I feel like it got me. I feel worse every day (not like most of the others who had the chance to get use to this horible feeling - mine is getting stronger every day).
Have you seen Numb, the new movie with Matthew Perry? Funny, this guy used to make me laugh so hard in Friends, now he showed me my dark side. Anyway, he mentioned in the movie he feels psychotic sometimes. I feel the same... It is frustrating, I can't make it stop, and I feel like it is taking over my life. I have a wonderful 6,5 months old daughter and every time I look at her, I feel I should say something meaningfull so she can remember her sane momm before she completely loose her mind.

So... no... I'm not o.k.

..I hope everybody else is..

arven last decade
Hi Patrickeatspants,

Sorry to hear about your hard times. I hate having suicidal ideas. I know it is bad for me to stew in them, but they have a way of spiraling once they get started.

Here is one thing that really helped me when I used to really struggle with depression. Part of my pain was that I didn't want to feel better, because I knew that after that I would feel worse again, and the falling seemed to be the worst part of all because of the sense of disillusionment that would accompany it. So I had decided that it would be better and more 'true' to just stay down all the time, unless and until someone could assure me that I would never go down again.

But my therapist helped me to see that everyone will always have ups and downs. Some times will be better than others. Even happy people will have some times that are better than others, or, the flip side of that is some times will be worse than others. The key that she taught me is that the goal in leading a 'happy' life is simply to increase the good times as much as possible (without hurting myself with drugs) so that the balance will start to shift to more good than bad.

So I started to consciously notice, kind of keep score, of whether I was really having a bad time or not, and if so, was there anything, any little small thing that could improve my situation. I mean small: well, I have an itch on my ear, so if I scratch it, that is a small improvement. I'm sitting in the shade, but I'm a bit chilly. If I go over and sit in the sunshine instead, that will be a small improvement. What I found was that the very small improvements that I was willing to make for myself did start to add up over time, so that I had to admit that things were getting better -- really truly better, not just rose-colored glasses that would let me fall again. So, if you would like, I would suggest that you try to find any little thing that will improve your overall situation, bring even one tenth of a smile to your life, and then do it again.

Another thing that helped me, I don't know if this would work for you, but one of my big pains was feeling unconnected to anyone in the world. So lonely, no one cares, all that -- agonizing pain! But what I did was to start to take notice of all the people with whom I was in intimate, if anonymous, contact. For example, the people who put my food into the package, the person who drove it to the store, the person who took my money at the store, etc. I started to see that I am wholly integrated into the fabric of society, whether I like it or not, actually I can't even get out of it if I want to! What I was lacking was a specific type of relationship, that part was true, but the deep deep pain of feeling totally unconnected was based on a false impression of isolation. Anyway, that helped me a lot.

Finally, another sugggestion is that if you 'seem' to do better when surrounded by friends, I would suggest that you try to spend more time with them. Even if you feel it is not 'the real you,' I firmly believe that the more time people spend doing better means that they are doing better. Taking time to myself so I can stew over all the dysfunction and rottenness in my life and feel morose and dip down into suicidal ideation -- that is *not* more real or more true, even though I sometimes tell myself it is when I am low. It is just more painful. At least, that is what I believe.

I hope some of this helps, or that you find help another way.
squirrelia last decade
woww! thanks, squirrelia. i feel better and i've been having 'spells' of 'realization'. right now i don't feel real, but on monday when i was at church i did. and i can do reality checks on myself: i can stop and think, do i feel real? and i can rate how real i feel on a scale of 1-10. but i do think i need to realize i have a place in society, even though im young...and i'm not isolated, even if i'm a loner. and i do need to spend more time with friends... i hardly ever see my best friend any more and that could be the spawn of some depression.

but does anyone have any recommendations with how to deal with the social detachment that comes with dr? i love to talk, as you may be able to tell, but i'm always socially awkward and boring. i have a tendency not to contribute... so spending time with friends can be depressing and boring. i think i have social anxiety or avoidant personality disorder.

hopefully i'll be seeing a real therapist soon...ive been going to one at school but it hasnt helped at all, i see her MAYBE once a week for fifteen minutes or so and that's practically nothing... i just hope this forum can help me in the meantime
patrickeatspants last decade
For people w Marijuana History; search for my post on Cannabis Indica Wet Dose idea, I would like to see if it helps anyone. For those that cannot legally get the homeopathic version.
cassandralinnea last decade
Hi Patrickeatspants,

Glad to hear you had a spell of feeling better! That's great news!

You ask for a recommendation for battling social detachment... I have found worlds of support in 12-step groups. I attend Al-Anon, for families and friends of alcoholics, and Clutterers' Anonymous (it turns out that severe clutter is another of my symptoms). I have also attended Overeaters Anonymous.

There is also Ala-teen, which might be right for you (at 48, I'm a bit too old for that one). You can find out about meetings on-line. There are also on-line meetings and phone meetings, which I hear can be very helpful, but I would recommend a live meeting if you an find one. Of course there is also AA and NA. A major major focus of these groups is to alleviate feelings of isolation. Could be just the ticket for you. I don't know what you may have heard about 12-step programs, but...They function by the guideline: take what you like and leave the rest. In other words, if there is something about it that you don't agree with (liek for example lots of participants are atheists, even though the literature and even the 12 steps themselves are all about god), that's fine, participants are encouraged to simply ignore stuff that doesn't work for them, and instead grab hold of anything that does help (like the hugs offered, and the phone list, for example).

Also, you said you felt better at church for a while -- might as well head on back over there if it helps!

I hope this helps!

squirrelia last decade
thanks! so its okay to go to al-anon and stuff even if you dont know an alcoholic? i wonder if there's a group for people with social anxiety... or anxiety in general.
patrickeatspants last decade

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Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.