Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 15 of 44}

Well, it seemed much better soon after I removed the stuff, the fear anyway. Still had the bodily sensations, the rocking etc. But mentally I was feeling pretty good. Also John, something I did last night was I started a journal and just kinda wrote everything out (possibly symbolic of releasing mental concerns, getting them out into physical rather than harboring in mind? I don't know), mentioned that I was feeling scared, afraid etc, and wrote down what you suggested I do, just kinda making a summary of days events. And by the time I was done doing that and then testing for the my new remedy list it was late and I was tired and ready to goto bed. I do believe I slept very well, or slept straight through until this morning. I don't recall any dreams at all.

But I do remember going up the steps last night after one of the trips taking stuff down, and feeling heavier on the way up. The first trip of course I took the pendulums out right away.

You know, come to think of it, I had been drinking a lot of water and then the past two days I don't think I had been drinking as much. I feel today again like I'm more thristy again. But I wouldn't say it was anything that really stands out like before.

Past couple days have been feeling like I can go longer in the evening without eating (blood sugar wise), like if don't eat at 5:30 I seem to be okay till about 8:00, but then again maybe that's another part of it, not eating as much to stay grounded.

ALso of interest, always feel worse as far as dizziness, rocking, sensations of feeling like I'm going to come out of my body at my grandmothers where I was doing a lot of dowsing when I was staying there years back, when first started dowsing. And of course would also do dowsing at her house at times when trying to test her and stuff. Though nothing is there anymore from the stuff I was doing, so I'm not sure what to say about that.

I had a vegetarian chilli and tortilla chips that I used to dip and grapes, had one of my organic granola bars. Used up my chilli both days.

Cereal in morning. Had Yams when got home late tuesday night. And seemed full on just that. Snack had a bagel.

Had a little ice cream tuesday night. None last night.

Tonight going to my grandmas, having stuffed peppers with rice.

Mostly drank water, and soy milk. Some apple juice. Really nothing that I hadn't been doing at home.

Yes, same one, never thought of that, also John, of interest, her father was a very religious man, but used a dowsing rod at times in his life.

Okay, will do. Was also considering checking to see if there was any history of mental illness or psychotic break or anything in the family. My grandmother is really good with family history so she'll be able to tell me for sure.

Something else, have always tended to jerk or start up as if on fright when dosing off. You know, like laying there dozing off and all of a sudden jump up as if in fright, not necessarily jump to feet, just startled, and if people were watching me they would think I was asleep and then think they scared me or something.

Well, the feeling as if going to come out of body also seems to happen then too, when I'm almost asleep but not quite, and sometimes feel as if it's going to happen and get scared and jump and then it seems okay. As if fear/panic keeps me in my body.

Today got really hot and have off work today, so was at home most of the morning and while the mental fear still seems okay, the sensations of rocking, feeling light has been worse. Last night was feeling pretty good, heavy, grounded.

Will try to find out about the other stuff and post back later tonight.

Also something interesting last night, when I got home, I thought I wasn't ready to goto bed so I layed down on the futon to watch a movie and didn't take long for me to be partly dozing off, and then a couple feet in front of me on the carpet, I thought I saw this thing going up and down as if on a spider web. I almst hesitate to mention this because I must have been seeing things, I don't know. But it looked like a little spikey ball thing that was going up and down or rolling over. And a few days ago I saw a picture of a stramonium plant, had never seen it before, well this thing that I saw looked EXACTLY like the stramonium fruit. And I threw my book at it and there was nothing there. So then later I thought, well, maybe it was just a spider and/or I didn't see anything and I just imagined I did. I have no idea, but it was really strange. Last night somewhere around 12:00.

Also was going to order some remedies, but decided to hold off to see where we're going next.

So I would definitely say either removing the remedies or the pendulums greatly helped the mental aspect, and only short term change in the physical, unless that one day was just a freak incident or something I don't know.

Again though with the lightness and sensations in my body today, the muscles that are usually tensed up start to relax, and then when the symptoms of lightness, rocking get better, the muscles are tensed back up again.

Forgot to add, slept good last night too, straigh through, no dreams that I remember.

Well, I was laying down on my left side, head toward the south, and I was a little bit higher than it since I was up off the floor on the futon. I would say it was more where my chest was, and I think I was laying on my back and one point when dozing and then turned back when I woke up (not really woke up, because half awake half not) and then saw it. It could have been out of the corner of my left eye, but I'm pretty sure I had turned back over to my left side when I saw it.


Talked to my grandma tonight, didn't get much useful info as far as her father, she said that his parents were very religious, and he was religious all his life that she knew him, that he lived within 10 miles of where he was born his whole life. She said that he may have had a temper when he was younger but was never violent or anything with them, he would let them know through words that he was upset is how she put it, but nothing physical. So I don't know, she seemed to not think he would be classified as angry or anything.

Now the interesting thing was John, she didn't say much about her father, but she went right into her mother when I asked about her father. She said that her mom was a different story, VERY BAD TEMPER, very short lived and got over, but she did seem to think when it was bad it was bad.

Also something unique, when she would get angry (her mother), my grandma described it to me as 'she would roll her tongue and bite it.' Now to me, when I heard that, that sounds like a classic Kundalini sign from what I've read of Kundalini, or at least that was the first thing that came to me as she was describing. But apparently she ALWAYS did this when angry/upset, and my grandmother said that her mother explained it as part of her family line, that it's a common thing.

The other thing, was on her mother's side it sounds like the family history was very much a different story, her mother's father was a drunkard/alcoholic, possibly abusive.

And not back as far generation wise, but on my dad's side of the family, his mothers father was a drunk/alcoholic too. Yet, my immediate family does not drink at all, neither do I.

Another interesting connection, my mom's sister, the one who felt like she was never loved growing up, has been dabbling now in all kinds of metaphysical stuff. I was another one who didn't feel loved by their mother, also dabbling in this type of stuff. Don't know if there's a connection there or not.

Something that happened tonight that has happened many times before, just not to this degree, is that I had a lot of pain, a sharp, shooting pain on inspiration (taking a breath). The pain was right (IMMEDIATELY) below the right breast. And was better from putting hard pressure there, in fact I had to because it would hurt so bad when I took a breath to not do it. Only lasted a short while.

Felt like I had to go to the bathroom at the same time. And had diarrhea (didn't think much of it, but seems there has been alternating back and fourth between diarrhea and non-diarrhea the past couple days, since moving into new apartment).

Also, have noticed also and even before moving into apartment, and we had discussed this with the Phosphorus and it seemed like it was going away, but the headaches seem to be increasing or at least be steady, not everyday, but certainly several times a week. Its the strangest thing because my head feels light. In fact here's another strange thing, sometimes my head feels as if all the energy from the lower part of my body is up in my head, and sometimes it feels like all the energy from my head is down just below my head, and sensation as if I don't have a head or at least like there is absolutely nothing in it. So, it's really hard to describe the headache when you feel like you don't really have a head or anything for there to be a headache, but I guess the only thing I can say is it feels like there's pressure, and it seems to be more the front/top portion. Like if you were to cut the brain in half the long way (perpendicular), the top portion would be mostly where it seems to be and more towards the front. AGAIN, same spot you feel when you get the brain freeze type feeling from cold ice cream. Not that sensation, but same location. And sometimes feel it in the temples, or near there on either side. It's not horrible like it bothers me to the degree I can't deal with it though.

Also, had the sensation of something draining again down into the throat, a little different than last time when I felt like I had mucous on my throat where it just suddenly showed up, this time it actually feels like it's draining from the head, down to the throat. As if parts of my brain were flowing down to my throat or as if the slimy stuff around the brain, possibly Cerebral Spinal Fluid were draining. But at any rate, it's a sensation of something draining from the head.

Something else that I thought of from way back, not really relevant to this issue we're dealing with, but when running the mile in school I would always get so sick on my stomach to the point of feeling like I had to throw up, and would get mouthful of saliva. I would be spitting saliva for 15 minutes after running. It was crazy, it would practically overflow my mouth. My reaction to the nausea was to collapse, fall over, or double over, and I would double over and of course the teachers would always tell you don't do that it's not good for you.

I had stopped at my grandmas to drop some things off because I was going by and decided I would talk to her then about her father etc. Well, she ended up making me supper again, had peas/carrots and Maccaroni and Cheese (soy cheese). And on sitting down to eat felt like my head started getting really light and the sensation of energy being down below my head as if head were not there or invisible and along with that sensation of head draining, or something draining out of head, down to throat. Then we decided after to sit down and watch a movie. The lightness seemed to get a little better. We stopped the movie around 7:30 part way through to watch Jeopardy and during commercials discussed the family issues. Then when the movie was over I happened to be flipping through channels just for a minute or so before leaving and Benny Hinn was on. I was watching it a little just because I find it somewhat hilarious, don't get me wrong, I believe faith healing works in cases, but of course these cases seem many times like they are staged. So I'm watching how two ladies were out of their wheelchairs (one after being in for 33 years or something), then he does the thing where he prays for the people in the audience watching, you know, puts his hand up to the tv screen as if to touch those watching and heal them in the name of Jesus.

The pains in the chest, actually started almost immediately after that. And then had to go to the bathroom and had diarrhea.

Yeah, the headache was kind of throughout the evening. Like it's very much in the background, more subtle, sometimes doesn't even bother me, other times it seems like there's more pressure. I can't say that the headache was better or worse during chest pains, like it hadn't really changed, and it doesn't really change much, just sometimes gets a little more stronger, but still not really bad, like I said, more in the background, subtle.

I would say, I've really only noticed a consistency in the headaches within the past week now. It really wasn't something I was paying attention to, but now only because of it's consistency it came to my attention. And like I said, it seems like it's not everyday, but it seems like when it does happen, it's an all day affair. Haven't done anything for it and can't say that anything makes it better or worse.

Well, you know, it's odd, because on one hand, I was like, 'wide eyed,' in 'unbelief,' I would say excitment, enthusiasm. In the sense that I thought it was ridiculuous. But then on the other hand when he was addressing the people watching, the audience, I was like, 'yeah, yeah, okay, I don't believe this, but I'm going to get real quiet, concentrate, be serious and see if I can receive any of this energy that he's trying to send out there, like open myself up to the possibility that maybe it could do something.'

Also, going back prior to May 8th, sometime in March when I really started doing a lot of the dowsing work, before I started having a lot of trouble sleeping and then the trauma on that date of course, I was having lots of pain in my wrists, which seemed somewhat like carpel tunnel, I mean I could hardly type, it was really bad. And I had never had anything that bad before. I would say it was an aching pain. And I attributed it to the stress of doing the stuff I was doing, dowsing/psychic stuff.