Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 8 of 44}

Slept good, didn't have any problems getting to sleep last night or staying asleep, slept straight through until alarm went off. Might have had a dream, but didn't remember anything on waking. Still trying to think about it, usually if there was something I will remember it later, but not coming up with anything. Which reminds me, kind of unrelated, but my thought pattern is very sporadic or should I say broken up. Like I'll have a partial thought and think I have said everything, but then later I'll think of something else, and usually do best when I have a chance to pause between thoughts, which is why it's easier for me to write than to express something in person.

This afternoon, eyes were really tired, and were rubbing them (not itchy) just rubbing eyes and started seeing sparks everywhere, like yellow/gray. Have had sparks like that in front of the eyes before and normally they would fall down, this time they went side to side, left to right, like a plane flying in the air.

Also thought of another way to describe the out of body thing or feeling like I'm going to come out of my body. This afternoon getting back from a regional meeting was in the car and of course had that sensation that when stopped at a light or something that we needed to keep moving, like it was urgent, must keep moving or I'm going to die, come out of my body. This only happens when in a car. But the other thing, was my feeling that I'm almost outside but directly in front of my body and have the feeling like I'm just barely connected to it. Whereas before this all began it was more a feeling like I was behind my body. You know, like the different feeling you get if you have something heavy laying on top of you versus you laying on top of that thing. So when I feel like my body is invisible or foreign, like I don't recognize it, it's almost as if I were in the forefront and my body were in the background.

Something else, I've been trying to think of a good way to explain this, and I just can't, but there's also this odor, or like the air doesn't smell like it should or something, almost like (usually when symptoms are worse, the lightness, I notice it the most) it's this gaseous smell (not like automobile gas or anything, I can't describe exactly what type of smell it is), just in general like a gaseous smell or like that same airy/soluble substance I feel like I'm made of like ether or something, i don't know, it's odd.

The other thing, is that the tingling/fuzzy type feeling I describe in my head, sometimes it's more of a sprinkling, like little sprinkles of energy raining down over my head and I feel the same type of thing in my legs too. It's not really a normal tingling, I mean it seems like it's nerve type tingling, but still different than the typical tingling, only because of everything feeling non physical, that airy, gaseous feeling.

And lastly, when most afraid/scared, panic, when symptoms are worse, also tend to notice a crackling type sound in the nose/nasal cavaties/sinuses. And it sometimes feels like something is there. Not necessarily moving around or anything. That particular symptom has not been quite so bad since I've been back home. Had been worse with a sensation of pressure there as well.

When I started getting some kind of growth in the brain I started wondering if it was more lesions than like a tumor. Checked myself again and growth vial seems less of an issue and Neurons seem to be the main thing coming up. I got Axons, Synaptic Knobs, Synaptic Vesicles, Myelin Sheath and Schwann Cells. Myelin and Schwann are primary out of all the nerve vials that came up. So thinking maybe this could be like some M.S. syndrome or something, but still getting solvent toxin as primary toxin causing the issue.

Feeling tired today, and have had a headache all day, like the other day, throbbing type headache, like pressure in the head.

Went to post back last night and it seemed like the site was down. I am pretty sure that the headache was triggered by the chi machine the other night like a detox type headache reaction. It went away last night by itself and I'm still okay this morning, and it was probably the reason why I was getting nerves so high, because after it went away I got Brain again and Benign growth in the Brain.

I thought maybe my testing could be helpful, shed some light, if I kept track of what seemed to be issues on a regular basis, but while I think to a degree it's accurate, I feel like it's the same issue we have with the remedies where we aren't getting the central issue. It's as if I'm only coming up with whatever is most imbalanced at the time (which seems to change frequently) of testing and because my symptoms seem to come and go faster than the weather, so do my results in the testing. I also sometimes feel as if layers are being created faster than can be torn down or at least changing faster than can be addressed just because I'm so sensitive to things, whether it be external environment or internal.

Slept pretty good last night again, not quite as good as the night before. Woke up a couple hours before my alarm. Had a dream last night, but not sure it meant anything, cause it just seemed to be related to something I just did in real life at work, and that is going to another one of our stores and opening up turning off the alarm so it doesn't go off, and turning it back on when leaving. I think there might have been something else to the dream, but can't really remember anything.

I'm pretty much feeling totally nonphysical (lightness) at this time, don't really feel any of the heaviness. Almost like the Phosphorus undid everything the Medorrhinum did in that respect.

Yesterday had a little bit (and have had it before) of a sensation like an earthquake inside me or trembling/shaking (not of the muscles), but that invisible force inside me that moves around. Don't have this as often as I do the feeling like it's just moving around and causing the rocking, but still have it sometimes. (Have had muscle trembling though too, normally when nervous, also happened a lot starting years back after intense exercise, I would stop and just be trembling/shaking).

Also the sensation as if I was being turned like in a circle, but only about 1/16 of a circle to the left, then to the right. Not always in those directions, can't say it's one particular way or the other. Then also the sensation as if I'm being tilted (mostly happens when sitting) forward and backward. When backward, as if I was going through the back of the chair, again have had this before. Just doesn't happen often. It's the same type of sensation as when laying and feel like falling through the bed, just a different direction/position.

Also felt thirsty again last night. Throat feels dry and need to drink. Also, been noticing that when this comes on I feel like I need to drink or I would die. So here we have that again, 'sensation of must do X or will die.' Seems like a recurring theme.

Also feeling/sensation of wanting to hold onto my body, but it's like I can't, as if tensing myself up would help me to stay in it and it's like I can't always do that and then when I get the feelings of being pushed around turbulently it's even more difficult.

Fear that I'm going to lose control over my body (this isn't like a panic fear, just something in the back of my mind that I think), like I'm going to be moved beyond my conscious control or something.

Also thanks for the interesting reading. Had my book out last night again and was feeling a little more accurate so I tried again to see what I would get in the book and got §151: 'If however the patient complains of a couple severe ailments the investigating physician will usually find several collateral, although more minor, befallments that give a complete image of the disease.'

So quite different than the first one I got which I guess just goes to show me that I'm just not accurate regarding my own situation, or just not allowed to know or something.

I forgot to mention, I was feeling the other day like my reaction to the Phosphorus at even such a low potency might mean that it is my constitutional remedy. Also the first remedy I've ever taken where I felt like, 'Man, I NEVER want to take that again,' yet I know it's these feelings that constitute a positive change (homeopathic aggravation).

The medorrhinum I had an awareness of it working very deep in my system. In fact it was almost as if at one point I was afraid that it was working so deep that there would be too much for my body to deal with, that I would die cause it couldn't handle it.

With the phosphorus it was just a feeling like it instantly brought all my worst symptoms, most troublesome symptoms to the surface.

The spot of pain in chest isn't very consistent, only noticed it since the phosphorus, had it many months back for the first time, and since phos it's been only maybe 2 days out of all the days since phos, and it's very difficult to discern, like put into words.

Also something else I haven't mentioned, this has been going on for quite a while, can't say if it was before May 8, or if I just only became more aware of it since then, but there is this itching in the chest/sternum area, like between the two breasts. Can't say for sure, but feel it does seem worse in morning, cause I always tend to notice when I take a shower that I have red marks there from scratching it, somewhat do it unconsciously. This is very consistent. Bad almost every day, can't say that anything makes it better or worse though.

Yeah, just red marks from scratching, will fade in time, sometimes in minutes. Just like red streaks. Also sometimes feel that the SKIN is thin, like there is a thin layer and feel like it could easily tear or bleed, but don't have any bleeding.

I would say the thirst starts up around 10:00 (sometimes sooner, but usually at night as opposed to evening) and it's probably about the time that I start to feel tired. Doesn't take a lot to quench thirst and even a little does seem to help with the dryness or at least to a point where I don't notice it or it doesn't bother me.

Also noticed a couple times now too, burning/stinging pain in penis when urinating and also lasting after urinating with a sensation of fullness like have to urinate even after just finished. Again this is something I've had even going back to very young childhood. Sometimes it lasts only couple minutes, sometimes can be close to an hour. Only noticed this since the Phos, only been two times since. Also when had it in early childhood would normally happen once a month, rarely more.

I know I've noticed it since I've been back home several times. So I'm thinking again that it's still a once a month type thing. Not that it doesn't happen twice a month, but doesn't seem to be real often. So if I had to guess, I'd say it probably has happened three or four weeks ago before phos.

Also, probably up until about an hour ago, was feeling really light, and I did just eat, don't know if that helped or not, but feeling a bit heavier. But earlier today around 11:30 maybe the noise in my head/ears, the humming got quiet, stopped, and I think almost because it's a noise I'm used to hearing constantly, got scared when it stopped, like everything else (life) was stopping (same thing as before only I think it was in the evening the last time where I felt like everything stopped and my life was going to stop, though not as dramatic as last time). Then over time it slowly started up again, real quiet, barely noticeable, but still there and then got louder. Also increased tingling/fuzzy etc. sensations in the head. Then started feeling heavier too.

Should clarify heaviness, not normal heaviness as before but more heavy so that at least I'm feeling somewhat more physical. Not so concerned as I was about feeling nonphysical or made of air. I would say if I had to rate it, that it would have improved by 2 points from this morning.

Another sensation wasn't quite sure how to explain. Almost as if I were standing (with feet perpendicular) on one of the belts that move the groceries down to the register at a checkout line, and it's as if it's moving forward and backward really fast, so it's as if my feet were moving side to side, back and fourth really fast, and the rest of the body stays the same, so only feet are affected, yet because of this react to the sensation as if it were whole body, because of the feeling that I were going to come out of body, separate from body. This usually happens every day at least once. Same force causing this as the rocking, just specific to the feet, and then the feet tend to feel almost mushy or like they are spreading out/expanding or something as this happens. Again it's almost like I'm feeling the physical part of me and the energy part of me not lining up quite right.

Also, if reading something aloud to someone often make lots of mistakes despite having easily read it to self. Usually mistakes made when hurried (trying to read it quickly), nervous, anxiety over what other people are thinking as reading, just trying to go too fast, like my mind is going faster than I can keep up with it in speaking.

Blush easily from embarassment, face red, sensation of warmth, and if someone says something about it, points it out, makes it worse.

Both of these things have been pretty consistent since as far back as I can remember.

Hmm, this sounds almost like some kind of energy healing, like Reiki, am I right? I have gotten it done in the past and you know the weird thing is that it seems to make me worse. I've had people do it on me and it seems to worsen my symptoms of feeling light or out of body. At first I was thinking it was going to be talking about magnets and polarity which I do think is an issue for me. And the reason is that I do muscle testing and seem to have problems with polarity, getting strong and weak response. I tend to be locked into strong and don't get the other reaction. Some call it blocked regulation in the autonomic nervous system (that there is some toxin that the nervous system is diverting all of it's energy to dealing with so it can't spread to other areas of the body and cause harm and so it takes away energy from the other parts of the body that need it and no matter what treatment used, nothing will help because regulation isn't open, not flowing.

I was told by an energy healer that I was out of body, that something was pushing me out of my body, that she put me back in one time but I keep being forced out, but couldn't tell me by what. Also at one point told me that the kundalini damaged my crown chakra and root chakras, which she supposedly repaired, but I don't know.

Got my remedies in the mail today, and have my bottles. Was reading up on remedies, Sulphur does seem like a very good match.

Reading more online about mesmerism it's more about hypnotism. I just was thinking it was energy healing because of talking about transfering life force energy to another.

Have never had hypnosis, was told by energy healers that I am in somewhat of a trance like state. But I've been told a lot of different things by different people, so I don't know.

Okay, I thought it seemed like it was some kind of energy transfer. I only got the hypnosis aspect from reading online.

I have the one adapted from the sixth edition, edited and annotated by Wenda Brewster O'Reilly.

Slept pretty good last night, know I had a dream, but for some reason the only part I can remember is something about blood again, bleeding or blood.

Also, not that I'm right, but I checked out the remedies that I got and didn't look at them so I wouldn't know which ones were which and tried testing and after I figured out which ones seemed best I then looked Medorrhinum 1LM was the best, next Natrum Muriaticum 1LM.

Okay, will do.

John, also forgot to tell you that anticipation, like when I'm worried about something coming up always makes symptoms worse. Many times my symptoms will get worse or I will find myself sick when there is something, some evnet or meeting or something that I'm really nervous about or not sure about, scared of (fear of the unknown). Not always, but does seem consistent. Also tend to get shaky and tremble when excited, doesn't matter if it's good excited or bad excited.