Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 37 of 44}

There was also a moment this evening where the pain in my left scapula radiating to the front was so bad I thought I was going to vommit. Only for a split second it was just from the overwhelming pain. Not that my stomach was upset or anything.

Last couple nights the lightness has been worse in the evening and the later on into the evening, it seems to get worse. Still the sensation as if I was a balloon that was being tossed around/blown around by the wind.

Or as if my body isn't responding properly to gravity or something. The part that stops you when you decide to stop moving. I feel like that part of me isn't working.

Also with the lightness of body I tend to always want to lay down in the fetal position. Seems left side mostly, but either side fetal position.

Prior to May 8th (2005), I had the constant feeling of just wanting to die. And I bring this up again because I was reading some of Kent's Lectures and one on Antimonium Crudum where he says:

When I hear a patient say:

'Oh, doctor, if I could only die.'

I do not like such a case; there is some deep-seated trouble in the economy that is hard to remove. Something is threatening, and when it comes it is a common thing to see the patient actually die.


Deep seated trouble in the economy that is hard to remove, sounds almost like the block that I've been talking about.

Hi Pankaj. Always welcome and appreciate any insight.


John, did you get the email I sent on tuesday regarding symptoms/indications I wasn't comfortable discussing on the board?

Last night I had some dreams, can't remember all the details, but one part of the dream I remember I was taking a remedy to detoxify radiation from my body.

Another part I was supposed to go to this ceremony dinner to receive an award and my parents were with me and something was going on that I couldn't stay or didn't want to stay and so I left early. I don't remember why, but this is a typical thing for me in life where something happens and I don't feel good or something and miss out on an experience, and many times it's things I DO WANT TO DO. So it's not just getting sick to avoid having to do something.

Then my parents were all upset and my dad was like, 'Steve, you're the only person I know who is so stubborn or doesn't want to do this or do that, something along those lines.' Can't remember exactly what he said, but the basic premise was that he was upset at me for missing out on the award ceremony and I was upset because he didn't understand why I couldn't be there, why I had to leave. I always have good reasons, but it's never anything my parents can understand.

Then we started walking down the road and then next thing I know we're upstairs in the garage my parents had before they moved to their new house, and my dad made up this game where he threw all these advertisements he cut out of papers/flyers etc. and each one we were supposed to determine if it stood for Nuclear Warhead or Nuclear Reactor. (Note: I was watching a show before bed where there was a nuclear warhead that was supposed to go off, so that could have influenced that). And I remember picking up my first ad and it was a computer ad, and I had no idea how it could mean either of those options. Then next thing I know, my dad is picking up his and telling me that his means all sorts of numbers and he mentioned a sequence of numbers I can't remember and then says and that means that it's a nuclear reactor. And it just made absolutely no sense to me. But again this kind of parallels life where we are unable to see each other's point of view.

More feeling like my energy is being pulled in various directions or that the internal body is not matching up with the external body. Like it's shaking or moving back and fourth or like I'm bouncing around inside my body but still have a sense of energy being drawn in various directions, goes along with the feeling like I'm riding in a car even when I'm just sitting.

As well as the feeling of being on an airplane experiencing turbulence. Seems like sometimes there's more heaviness, but these other sensations have increased to an extent.

Today seems like when sitting it's more of the feeling like I'm on an airplane experiencing turbulence and when standing, more of the feeling of being in an elevator.

Standing still there is a feeling of sinking down through the floor or falling from a height

It's really odd lately because it seems like sometimes there are times where I feel fuller, heavier, more grounded and then other times where I feel very light and wonder if I'm going to make it another day. But it definitely seems like it's alternating back and fourth more between those two states on a more regular basis.

I was also thinking today about how 'movement' helps some of the issues. And my mom is a person who can't sit still for one second it seems. She gets very restless, and always has to be moving around or doing something. So I could have inherited that aspect for certain issues.

Tonight we had some tornado watches in our area and about 45 minutes away there were some actual tornadoes.

Even before I heard anything on the news about it, I could tell something was up because the feeling like I was going to come out of my body was greatly increased. Like I could feel all the tension / energy in the air and it was definitely affecting me.

Was at my grandmothers and as you know I'm naturally worse there, so I had to eat a lot more than usual to help me feel more grounded.

Definitely started feeling heavier when it things calmed down and it was just raining.

Have also had an increase in things / objects moving (or appear to be). Like the other night my futon seemed to be rising up in the air and sort of bending forward at the same time. Nothing seems stable, walls seem to move. Nothing new, but definite increase in that.

Noticed a little bit of involuntary twitching of the pointer finger on right hand. Have had that before too in the past, where having my hand at rest and not moving it and the finger would move on it's own.

It has been a long time since it happened, used to happen to me more frequently in the past. It's hard to remember exactly (as far as tying it to one causation) in particular, but I believe there were many times sitting at the computer. The most recent happened just while sitting watching tv. Believe there might again be some electrical/magnetic influence. But also, increased nervousness/anxiety can make it worse. Twitching in and of itself is most likely (at least in my thinking) nerve related, so that would make sense. Has always been the pointer finger on right hand though, never any other.

John, it definitely seems that the rocking/swaying, whatever it is, has a few things that always seem to make the issue worse or better no matter what circumstances.

Thunderstorms/Tornadoes seem to aggraviate without fail.

Rain alone seems to make symptoms better.

Obviously eating seems to always make better.

Tiredness/fatigue - makes worse.

Any kind of stress upon the mind/brain makes things worse (anxiety, panic, fear, stress, anger, etc.)

Anger in particular seems to make the lightness much worse. Have noticed this on more than one occasion that I can be fairly normal heaviness and if I get super angry, like rage angry, major lightness comes on.

Electrical/Magnetic/Geopathic Stress worsens.

Movement seems to make better, but not really takes away symptoms, but seems to help to calm the anxiety/fear that goes with it, or the sense of urgency.

Can't really think of anything else concrete at this time. But will try to keep track of anything else.

Phosphorus just keeps coming to mind. But my response to it should have been better if it was the right remedy, unless we just didn't give it enough time. I know there were times where I was impatient and felt like we needed to try something else, so I may be to blame here. It can be hard to wait and be patient, yet I know this is part of homeopathy.

I forgot one. Urging to urinate makes worse too. Because that brings on tension/anxiety.

Well, urging to urinate, and especially if I am in a situation where I'm sitting still and not able to move about, and can't get to a bathroom right that second, there's the tensing up, nervous/anxiety, which in turn puts extra stress upon the mind and thus I feel makes the symptoms worse.

This being an issue for me going back to I'll say when I was 13 years old, maybe even further back.

I have always had very frequent urination and if it were up to me, to be comfortable I would be going every hour, but everyday life (especially in school) did not permit me to be going that often. So, the urgency was extreme because I had to hold it. This would in turn lead to tensing up the muscles, trying to hold it. Leading to tension, anxiousness, nervous. Urgency not only physical, but mental as well. With enough time, the urgency of urination if not relieved leads to issues with my stomach, where I feel like I have gas/flatulence, rumbling of the stomach, carrying on, waterfalls sounding, just general nervous stomach sensations, which increases the issues with urgency to urinate, which leads to more mental urgency to tense, hold if not in a position to go. Somewhat of a viscious cycle.

And I think I mentioned this before, but inevitably, no matter how severe the urging, I really don't go as much as it would seem normal based on how urgent it seems. Usually tends to be a wide spray as opposed to a focused.

I have in the past had a split stream, but this has not happened for quite awhile.

Not so much lately, but also depending on how bad, anything that increases anxiety/nervousness, makes hands clammy, cold, sweaty etc. And that is something I've had all my life. I remember going to doctors when I was little and every single time they would comment on the fact that my hands were always so cold/clammy, and asked if I was always like that. Even back to age 3/4. Diabetes being in the family I always felt that maybe it was something sugar related. Metabolizing sugars or something.

There is a deep seated general nervousness/anxiety that goes back as far as I can remember being alive.

Something I forgot to mention, my grandmother said she remembers having heart palpiatations even in her childhood. She was also diagnosed with Lupus at a pretty young age as well. I have a feeling having grown up and lived on a farm all her life that she was exposed to a lot of chemicals. I spent a lot of time on the farm too as a child. And also was around a lot of chemicals and stuff when little in my dad's garage.

My whole life I have also had a problem with understanding things when people try to explain to me where something is, or to look for something.

Example, if my grandmother says to me, 'Steve, can you get such and such from the cabinet on the right side, top shelf on the right.' I'll be listening really intently and I'll hear it, but by the time I get over there I'll be looking everywhere except where she said. And I truly won't remember and I'll have to ask again and sometimes again.

Another example would be if somebody sees something and they want me to see it too. Like, 'Steve, do you see that bird on that tree right over there.' It'll take me five minutes while everybody else is saying, 'I can't believe you can't see it.' And it's not an issue of eyesight or anything becaue once I do find it I can clearly see it. I have over the years just learned to tell people that I see it or understand even when I don't because I feel like such an idiot when they are trying to explain or point out to me and I'm just not getting it ('Steve, how can you not see that?'). And it's the expression of 'right under your nose.' But this happens so often to me, trying to make the connection between the different senses or something. Left Brain / Right Brain.

I think this is why I had so much trouble in school in my younger years, slow comprehension. Or just making the connection between what someone says and the real world. Not sure, but I know the above scenarios happen to me so often.

This morning, feeling very light.

Head very light. If you were to divide my head in half horizontally, the top half (forehead and top of head) it feels like most of the weight is there in that part, the rest seem extremely gone, almost to the point of not even feeling it or as not being there if I were to shake my head or something. Seems like I feel the top part because of some congestion, almost like sinus congestion of the brain instead of the sinuses.

Along with this, had diarrhea this morning before leaving for work and then I would say 20 minutes later at work I had diarrhea again, this time though it was pretty much watery, not much solid at all (first time more solid).

Have some coughing.

Some sharp pain in the right kidney, not constant.

Sharp pain in the left arm, outside of arm. I would say about 1 1/2 to 2 inches down the left arm from the shoulder. A particular spot where the sharp pain is, not shoooting down the arm. The spot where the pain is, is very sore to the touch.

Woke up last night to goto the bathroom and I was still half asleep because I hardly remember it, but I remember that I had some dreams, but I just can't remember what they were.

Why do I have the feeling that the dreams that I don't remember would be most important to breaking this case open? Just a hunch.