Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 40 of 44}

Definitely feeling like this is all acute stuff (clearing). Also, a lot of people around here (not just work, family etc.) have been sick and throwing up and stuff, so there might be a mixture of stomach/diarrhea and issues not even related to the remedy. I feel like Lachesis had a good response, so I'm thinking maybe to wait till all this settles down and try again. But that's just my thinking.

Definitely seemed like there were more times where the heaviness was trying to return which is better than any other remedy so far other than the Medorrhinum which seemed to bring the heaviness back and maintain it for quite some time.

And also feel like I haven't reacted nearly as negatively to certain circumstances that I normally overact to since the Lachesis (particularly in the area of Jealousy and Irritation).

Last night I had a dream that my kidneys were weak because of my liver. And I remember in my dream taking curcuminoids (Turmeric) for the liver.

This afternoon, started having pain on the right side similar to the pain under the left scapula. And also coming through to the front. Very sharp, very painful, and it radiated around the back (right side) to the side of the ribcage near the armpit.

This lasted maybe five/ten minutes at most then it went away and then I got really light, also head became very light, not to the degree where it feels like it's not there, but close to it.

There was also sensation as if the body were being stretched (energetically). Have had this before. Like limbs being stretched, pulled, growing longer, but again all sensation of energy, not physical.

I should clairfy, Diarrhea yesterday was not as bad as before, more just loose stools, but again came on very suddenly, urgency to goto bathroom. Same for today, loose stools and urgency.

The dream last night about my liver was more consistent with my dreams prior to May 8th though as I have had other dreams where I was told in my dream that there was a problem with my liver.

Also at this point, I don't know what to say, still seems like whatever is going on is somewhat evasive despite various treatments and moves around, shifts from one system/organ/gland to another. Similar philosophy of when people have something removed like the gallbladder or appendix and medical profession says these things are no necessary, and inevitably people who have problems in these areas, symptoms just move somewhere else after the surgery. So didn't really get rid of the problem anyway.

So still feeling like things are changing day to day and whatever area of weakness exists, the disease finds a way to go there if the area where it is currently hosted becomes stronger. And by going somewhere else this is like a chain reaction where some other system becomes weak because of it now being located somewhere else. Like it finds any small window of opportunity it can. I don't know, just my feeling.

Have an interesting story for you. A year ago when I was making trips out to Indiana, I got stopped for speeding going through Somerset and my first offense, but lost my license.

So anyway, it's been over a year since that happened. And the other day I'm talking to my mom and out of the blue she says to me, 'So, Steve, whatever happened with that speeding violation, did you ever hear anything?' And I swear, it really upsets me when she can remember every little thing I did wrong, but asks me a stupid question like that. Of course I did, you don't remember that huge incident where I couldn't drive for two weeks.

So anyway, today I get stopped for speeding. I was so upset, and wasn't really going that fast (40), but wasn't thinking about the fact that I'm living in the city now where it's 25 everywhere and I'm so used to always driving 45 on the country roads and stuff. So needless to say I get a ticket $125. Well, totally just ruined my night. But I swear John, it's like my mom is psychic, she knows everything that's going to happen to me. Because whenever she says something, or mentions something, there always comes out of it somehow something that goes wrong in one shape or another, and my mom is a HUGE WORRIER, so there's always plenty that can go wrong. I mean it, to most people it seems like just a coincidence, but I've seen this happening throughout my whole life, it's just too much of a coincidence for me.

So here's the other weird thing. On thursday nights I go to my grandmas, and that's where I was headed. All day during work today I was thinking to myself that I should go straight there and not stop back home and get laundry (I usually take it down there when I go thursday nights and do my laundry while my grandma cooks dinner). So anyway, I was thinking that I should just go to her house and forget the laundry and I'll do it another day. Well, then I decided that I better not procrastinate and just go home and get it and then head down there. Then a few minutes before work I decide I'm going to go get pizza (vegan) for supper, that it'll be a nice treat to not have to go home and cook. I had totally forgotten about going to my grandmas. And in between those two trains of though I was seriously even considering calling my grandma and telling her I wasn't going to come down tonight, I just didn't feel like going. BUT, I went anyway, so it was almost like something was telling me not to go because of this incident.

I've been having a lot of Deja vu moments lately where I feel like I've been in the same place, seeing the same thing before, reading the same thing, doing the same motions over and over, talking with the same person about the same situation on the same exact day, almost like I know what they are gong to say and feeling like I've said the exact same thing before. (nothing new, that happened all my life).

And then also, I was at a regional meeting today so I didn't get a chance to post throughout the day, but earlier today even before this incident today I wanted to post again that I'm just feeling really tired John. This goes beyond, physical, mental tiredness. I feel tired spiritually. Like, I feel tired of life and going through the motions. I just feel like I'm here on earth existing but not much else. Like what really am I doing with my life. And yet the things that I work so hard to try to do just obstacle after obstacle after obstacle and it's hard for me to care about much to begin with so it's even more frustrating when I try my best on things that just don't work out. Just that feeling again like I'm being blocked from doing what I'm supposed to do. Like there's something that's one step ahead of me.

The other thing I've noticed in my life is that I just don't seem to get breaks like other people. And I'm not just being pessimistic. I could probably come up with 10 names of people who have known me over the years and they would all say the same thing, 'Steve is a really great guy/nice guy, but he just seems to have the worst luck. Thing just always seem to go wrong, he doesn't deserve the stuff that happens to him.'

It's hard to keep going every day, to want to get out of bed, to want to do anything or try anything, or care about anything for that matter. It seems it's safer to not care about anything because as soon as I do care about something or try, I feel like things start changing because of me having put my interest in a certain direction whether it be relationship, health, job, or whatever. And I can't tell you how many times I have been in such deep despair from the depths of my soul because I just can't deal with the constant struggle, and not even struggle to maintain success, it's struggle to stay in mediocrity.

If it were up to me and I didn't have to have money to live I'd go off somewhere be a hermit and not talk to anybody or have to deal with anything the rest of my life.

I've been told by several different psychics/energy healers that I'm a very old soul and it's hard for me to be here. That I don't really want to be. And there definitely is a part of me that doesn't want to live, but there's also a part that wants to fight, and that is the part that gets frustrated when despite any fight I put fourth it seems to no avail.

My energy really crashed this afternoon. I also (have always been this way)tend to get tired after eating.

Lots of tingling in the head this morning, again as if I wer receiving energy. Not quite as much this afternoon, but still some.

Still having pain in both sides (under left and right scapula) and burning pain in the front spots below the breast on both sides.

Okay, have it ordered, might be a couple days because of the mail being closed on Monday.

The dreaminess of Cenchris fits me VERY WELL. The 'being there' but not really being there. Sitting and staring into space etc.

Well, no diarrhea like I had been having. That has stopped for several days now. Saturday I was really tired all day, took several naps during the day. It's been a long time since I felt like that (Prior to May 8th was that way a lot). Lots of tingling in the feet over the weekend. Alternating lightness and heaviness.

Today had some burning/pain in the right nostril again, kind of in the sinuses. After sneezing 5 times in a row it went away and then had mucous on my throat again and felt as if my sinuses were draining.

Had a dream the other night about a fat man chasing me up a hill (back where I used to live, parents first house)which leads to the township building. And I remember staying ahead of him and then when I got the top thinking that the doors were locked so I wouldn't be able to get into the building to get to the police, and that he was catching up to me, but the door opened and that's the last thing I remember.

Still having the pain below each breast on both sides. The left side is worst, can barely stand to touch the spot because it is so sore. I believe the spot on right side might be the acupuncture spot for liver, but I'm not sure. Not sure what the other side is, definitely worse when sitting and leaning over.

Kidney pain has been okay. Haven't really noticed anything.

Had more dreams last night. One where I was in this store and I had correctly answered questions about someone, not sure if a movie star or sports figure or other well known person. But anyway, because I did that, the store I was in started giving me cash money on the spot, and everytime they made a sale in their store they were bringing money to me, not sure if it was all of it or part of the sale. But the whole time it was just constant nonstop money coming to me. It was overwhelming in a GOOD way. Like total surprise, elation, unbelief, feeling of good fortune etc. Then the manager or someone in charge came over to me and said that it would take them 7 weeks of doing business to make up for the money they gave me today. Then I woke up and that's all I could remember.

Then got back to sleep and when I woke up I vaguely remember that I learned of something going on with my health, something serious that I needed to tell you about and in my dream remember the remedy you recommended (Cenchris) and was concerned because I didn't think that remedy was going to cover this issue and it was so important that I tell you this thing that was going on that I just learned about, but for the life of me I just can't remember what it was.

Also, sensation as if I were water sloshing back and fourth. Nothing new just another way of describing (when I've said in the past about feeling like I'm a fluid substance, not solid).

I haven't found a connection yet, it seems to be random, like some days when I just feel lighter than others. It's that same or at least similar feeling as if my energy were moving in and out or as if the surroundings are moving in and out when I wash my hands at the sink, don't know if you remember me talking about that. It's probably worse when sitting, better when moving. I don't know though I will try to keep that question in the back of my mind and see if I can indentify anything in particular but I just don't see a connection as of yet.

Also, the past couple days I forgot to tell you, and this is probably just a different way of describing it as opposed to actually being a new sensation, but the sensation of being pulled or riding along in a car is a bit like being in a bumper car and when it's stopped you're just sitting there, but you know how when it starts up and moves all of a sudden you get that GFORCE sensation that pulls you back. I feel like there's something similar to that, where I'm being pulled forward or my energy inside my body is moving like that, so it feels like I'm moving even though I know my physical body is staying the same.

This all is somewhat tied together, this with the sloshing sensation, just the LIGHTER my body feels the more I feel like I'm water sloshing around instead of feeling heavy and feeling that jerking GFORCE sensation. The lighter I feel the more my body feels less physical and more energetic or gaseous, fluid type substance. Definitely worse when I'm tired.

Feel like I've had a little bit more desire again for sugar/ice cream. But not excessive. And again, always notice that I always want to drink a lot of water after eating something sweet. It's the only time I have that much desire to drink something.

For me, there is a difference between thirst and desire to drink. I often FEEL thirsty, but I don't really desire to drink anything even though I can tell my body probably needs water. Not sure if this gets somewhat back to my not taking care of myself despite wanting to go above and beyond to help others.

At any rate if I wanted to induce myself to drink water, all I'd have to do is eat some ice cream or something really sweet. Happens without fail. Then all of a sudden I MUST have water despite probably having needed water all day long.

Usually 8 oz at a time though is all I can handle. In my mind though I'm ready to drink 4 glasses, but usually after my second glass I'm having to force myself to drink more, can't really do it without getting sick on the stomach.

Also the sloshing is like the bobbing sensation I mentioned, those things that are just out in the middle of the ocean and just bob up and down. But again, it's just when I feel lighter in body that it tends to feel more like I'm just water sloshing around.

Last night I was holding my hand around a container that I had in the freezer and when I opened my hand back up I got a tingling sensation in my hand similar to the one I describe in my feet, so maybe it is more like a normal tingling than I originally thought. If so though I'd say there must be some pretty severe issue with the nerves.

The high pitched electrical frequency sound in my ears also always seems to go away when I'm in the shower, and it gets much more faint almost like whatever it is has been subdued or suppressed in some way, and then the longer I'm out of the shower the more it comes back, like it gets louder and louder until the noise is back to full. This all happens over a period of a minute or so, but I can hear it gradually increase after I get out. And probably if I were to get right back in the shower for a minute and then shut it off it would go away again.

I'm wondering if there is some kind of electrical short going on. Nervous system is shorting out and creating all this tingling/electrical current sensations. Not sure.

Something else, back I would say to January of this year when I was still doing some dowsing, I was also using an alphabetical chart and the pendulum to try to get answers to questions. The whole reason this all started in the first place was because of my lack of confidence in making my own decisions, my inability to choose or even make a decision in the first place, and my feeling like I could never get answers from God, so I thought this was my magic answer.

But anyway to the point. I at one point got a message from a so called entity that I don't know if it was attached to me or what but it was telling me it was NOT going to leave because I needed it. And it had something to do with learning to get over anger/rage or whatever. Also told me that it was feeding off of my compassion. Which really goes back to the whole being over sensitive, taking on other people's pain, emotions, etc.

Also at one point I was asking about the symptoms and stuff I was having and I got the message, I felt it was from a different source, that, I 'was changing into a very SPECIAL person.' I don't know what this meant. But I can tell you I often got accurate things because I was able to get things for Annette about her classes concerning works of literature and stuff I had never heard of or topics relating to the literature that I had no idea what it meant but when I told her she knew how it related to her question.

I also got something several times having to do with some kind of energy changes, something energetic happening (which doesn't help a lot because that's the whole basis of homeopathy) or some kind of spiritual transformation.

Well, back when I was doing the dowsing and using my chart. I was trying to find out what was going on and when I was thinking there might be some kind of entity, I decided to ask like and it came through in my dowsing, like I just started getting the answer and I was not afraid at all until I started getting the answer then I was freaking out. And I tried to ask why it wouldn't leave or why reason it had for wanting to stay. This was after trying all kinds of things to get rid of it and still felt like there was something there. So I did several different protection rituals and asked 'Why won't you leave?' 'What do you want from me?' And I really could only get so much information because it was too much for me to deal with, I was too scared to get the full answer or wait for the full answer so I just stopped. I only tried that one time (several times with a break in between to calm down and then to try to get the rest of the info, but I couldn't do it for long because I got that panicky feeling, feeling like I was going die/come out of my body, so decided I shouldn't be messing with it).

And to be honest I don't know that I was directly connected to this thing it wasn't my intentions to do that, so don't know if I was getting the info from an intermediary source. Or if it was actually part of me and I wasn't even having to go outside myself to get the info, not sure. I definitely avoided any direct contact and I think I could sense when it was getting too strong because that's when I would stop and put down the pendulum, close off and shut off communication.