Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 19 of 44}

You know, thinking about things some more, I think that the laughing at things inappropriately, it's not like obvious to other people always, more inward, or a smirk/grin, rather than making a scene outloud or something, but I think that was something I have had tendency to do throughout life. Not often, but here and there.


Am up in another store today working on computers for the company and I don't know if just too much time sitting and thinking while this is going on, but I was thinking more about the sulphur and trying to see if there was anything else I noticed and all of a sudden I start having thoughts like, 'You're a jerk Steve.' (Normally it's I'm an idiot or loser, usually never have that internal dialogue say I'm a jerk). And I also had the thought that I should smash the companies computers, maybe destroy, but the thought more of just smashing them. I didn't have any desire to really act out on it, just a thought. Then just started thinking things like my boss is a fat slob, just generally not nice thoughts about things, people. Kind of short lived. So I don't know if it's really important or not, just thought I'd mention it.

Other than the jerk thing, thoughts like that are normal, just interesting that it came up right after I was really trying to focus on the sulphur and its effect on my body.

Also not sure if relevant or not, but immediately after initial reaction to sulphur, felt like it wasn't strong enough, the sulphur, problem is don't know if that's my rational thinking knowing it was 6c or if it was actual intuitive energetic sense.

The jerk thing happened immediately after I was trying to tune into anything that might be different from the Sulphur, so it was almost like I got that jerk thing in response to the Sulphur, in response to taking it or something, I don't know. Other than that it wasn't like there was anything else coming up with that, like nothing that I would BE A JERK because of this or that.

Like I was a jerk for taking the Sulphur. Not sure though.

Head symptoms last night: almost as if head is gone from body and like when I ate and when I took the sulphur my head came back to me. Like it was gone somewhere or not present and it reattached itself to my neck when I had that neck awareness.

With the neck awareness I would say that was really the only time when I felt like my head came back to my neck. Not necessarily that same sensation after eating.


In both cases, head feels no there, gone, not present, not part of my body, not attached, missing etc.

With the eating (after eating) just have the sensation of awareness of head. So thinking about it more, I would definitely say the sensation this morning was different than after eating.

Around 2:30 noticed a rash on my left arm, or actually the wrist area, in fact it was in the exact location that someone would touch to check your pulse. It lasted about 45 minutes. Kind of streaky, up the arm, maybe an inch long, or a little bit longer possibly. And it went away, no more itching almost as fast as it came on.

Now I can't say I've had a rash in that exact location, but I'm sure I've had itchy rashes on my skin before, can't say when. But figure this is probably related to sulphur.

Been looking at remedies that have sensation of lightness in head, but many of them don't really fit otherwise. And particularly the sensation of head not even being there, feeling like nothing from the shoulders up. I think when I had the feeling as if my head wasn't there, that I didn't really feel my neck either. What a peculiar symptom.

Here's an interesting one:

Characteristics.„ŸMomordica was introduced by Dr. Mercier, whose wife made the proving with twenty-four drops of the tincture, producing some very well characterised symptoms. Griping and colic declared its relationship to Colocynth. and Elater., as also severe pains in back and hypogastrium with painful and excessive menses. A peculiar sensation is: 'As if the whole contents of the head had greatly diminished in weight.' Farrington gives as a keynote (though it does not appear in the proving) 'distension and rumbling in splenic flexure of colon,' which he compares with the effects of Lyc.

SYMPTOMS.

2. Head.„ŸDizziness, lightness in head; sensation as if whole contents of head had greatly diminished in weight.„ŸSlight headache




Also John, I think it was around 3:00, but not completely sure, saw sparks before eyes, I think just out of the right eye and it appeared and disappeared quickly and believe it was just one.

Mezereum - As if top of head were gone, but that's not quite it either.

Also lots of twitching or bubbling sensations in the muscles of the legs (thigh muscles), but have had that and in other places ever since my chronic pain.

The proving of this remedy is very interesting and has some of the mentals, vertigo and lightness in head:

http://www.homeoint.org/seror/articles2/samarskite.htm


Something I forgot to mention was that normally when I feel like I'm tired of life and want to die, even though I wouldn't do anything, I think about driving my car off a cliff.

Well, the other day when I was so frustrated it was different, it was more thoughts of 'Jumping out the window.' So not usual, a different method for me.

Yeah, it's contradictory symptoms. And same with my chonic pain, at times felt like it was so bad I just wanted to die and yet at the same time don't want to.

Only when extreme frustration, hopelessness, then have that feeling, even though don't really want to. Like I think about it, but would never actually do it, because too afraid.

So no, it's not at all like the times when I have the physical sensation that I'm going to come out of my body and feel like I'm going to die.

Last night I was really tired early on, I think by around 10:00 I was really ready to goto bed (normally end up going to bed around 12:30 or so). However it could have been because I had a big meal when I got home last night or the fact that I was up very early.

Either way, I was really tired and went to bed around 10:30, but as soon as I lay down I couldn't sleep. Like I wasn't as tired anymore, even though before when I was up I could hardly keep myself awake or so it seemed. This is common for me though.

Not sure when I got to sleep, it may have been 11:30 or after. Woke up again around 5:00 or maybe quarter of 5:00. But somewhere around there and couldn't sleep. Managed to get myself back to sleep and then next when I woke up in the morning, remembered I was in the middle of a dream. Was back in school again. Had a class schedule I was trying to follow, you know classes, rooms, times and was worried about being in the right place at the right time, and if I was where I was supposed to be etc.

Had an extended sequence in a math class, interestingly enough Math is my least favorite class, as it's not my best subject. But the class was doing something that to me looked like a spreadsheet you would see on the computer. But they were doing it on paper, and there were these columns of numbers they were adding up and then far off to the right they were getting some kind of total where they calculated something with those numbers. And he was explaining to me how it was working, but I don't think I was understanding it. He likened the total at the end though to represent OLIVES, which I thought was kind of strange.

Something else I thought of this morning that's typical for me, if I have to get up really early or even if I get up and I'm still realy tired and don't want to get up, I'm usually really out of it. Like it takes my brain awhile to wake up or something, and I'll do all kinds of stuff, like goto the fridge thinking that I'm going to take my shower there, digging through my washbasket of dirty clothes looking for my clean ones. Walking around, going this way, going that way, not having any clue what I'm doing and then all of a sudden it's like, 'What am I doing, I should be doing this, or going here or going there.' But again that's all typical behavior for me, nothing new.

Also had my blood pressure checked a few weeks ago and have high blood pressure. It was 130/96. And over the past couple years since my chronic pain started I've had issues, mostly with the bottom number. Not taking anything for it. I don't take any medication.

Feeling worse today as far as the rocking like on an airplane experiencing turbulence, when you hit an airpocket and you kind of feel like you're floating on air. Not sure if it's from the Sulphur or if it's because it's normally quiet around here but today there is a lot of commotion going on. More people here doing stuff than normal, and this particular symptom does seem to be worse in crowds, lots of people around. Almost like too much energy for me.

Also pain in the neck on left side up as close to head as possible. There's a part of the neck where there's like an indentation or hollow type spot on both sides, but this is left side, pain, sharp, shooting. Seems worse when opening mouth wide, but not all the time, but that seems to be the only consistent thing I can find when it's worse.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, can't remember how long ago, may not have moved into my new place yet, but was close to when I did. At any rate, had a dream I was in this shop and there were all these homeopathic remedies (COMBINATION REMEDIES) and I was looking at the ingredients on the bottles/formulas and one contained OPIUM and I was really excited, like I needed that one, or like that one would help. There was a specific homeopathic that in my dream I knew I needed, but on waking I couldn't remember what it was that I was looking for in my dream.

Actually been going to been going to one. Had TMJ and he corrected that a few weeks ago. I think it's my right leg that is usually longer than my other leg. Last time I think it was a quarter of an inch. And he had checked my blood pressure the last time.

Last night from 8:30 - Approx 11:00, was feeling the worst as far as lightness. Then around 11 or a little after, I'm not sure that I felt normal (the feeling that I was going to come out of my body didn't really go away), but I felt like my energy was more evenly distributed between the top part of my body and the lower part.

Also something I've noticed more regularly now is that if I'm sitting or laying and I get up, when I first get up, I have more heaviness in the lower limbs, feel like my energy is down there, feel grounded, feel heavier over all too I think, but it is very short lived, so only a few seconds after first getting up.

Last night, not sure what time anymore, I think it was after 10:00, but not sure, had this sensation of pain in the top of my head, right side, toward the front. It felt like pain as if something were stuck down through the head from the top in. I don't want to necessarily say a nail because I know that's a homeopathic indication, but I don't know a better way to describe it, felt like something was stuck down in and there was kind of a inflammed or aching/swelling type pain around that area. And though I don't know if I would describe it as a nail or not, it did remind me a lot of the time when I was helping my dad up on a roof and was behind him and he didn't realize it and his nail gun hit me on the ankle area and got a nail shot into me. It was that type of pain where I could feel something stuck in me and pain (aching, swelling, inflammed sensation) right around that area where the nail was.

Can't say I've ever had that pain before in my head like that.

Slept okay, last night, went to bed around 12:30 and I don't think I woke up until like 7:00, but not sure. If I did wake up earlier I wasn't awake long.

Had a dream that my parents didn't think I should take the apartment that I'm in. Like I thought they would be happy because they wanted me out, but they didn't seem to think I should take the apartment. Maybe it wasn't the same one I was in, could have been different, not sure. All I know is that it was one I really liked and thought they would like it too, but they didn't seem to think it was the right choice for me. That was all though. Nothing else that I remember.

Around the same time as the strange pain in the head, there also seemed to be a sensation of fullness in the right ear.

Have your symptoms changed any? Two words you used when you described your symptoms, 'disturbed' and 'irritated' really hit home, definitely fit me, though wouldn't have thought to describe it that way. And I think irritated is very fitting for me, have been that way for quite some time, almost all the time. Many times people describe me as being that way or feel that I'm irritated/upset even when I'm not, they just get that sense or that energy from me I guess, so that could be a constant psychic influence throughout life.