Platinum Metallicum

When one deals with a platina woman, does one think how high and noble she is or do you get immediately the impression of how this woman tries to be something she is not which makes her look really bad. If you know what I mean? For example when a platina woman comes to you and acts like a movie star, does it look cheap and inauthentic or does she pull it off and present herself like a movie star.


Just trying to understand this remedy whether there are some similarities with me or not. I would think not but cannot explain how I got a new stability since taking it and feel much more ok with being emotional vulnerable at home. And got closer with my brother and father
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 12:54:07 BST]

I understand what you mean with seeing yourself. There is one woman who showed me some pictures of her today where she tried to look like a goddess with her leather outfits and it looked so inauthentic or fake, nothing special that I could not continue chatting with this woman anymore. Aversion. What is worse than trying to be something you are not. Or trying to look special but it ending up looking quite cheap or inauthentic. Its horrible. AVERSION. And you now saying this, sure is true, what I saw in her I often see in myself when I look at my pictures, this sick 'ego' who wants to sickly be something great but looks quite off in the pictures, not the great goddess for example, but off, which is a horrible thing

I have lots of aversions, don't chat with people who are overweight, not attractive, but the girls who are attractive I really want badly. Although since platina the need has gone down to a manageable level where I dont lose my mind. I can live without having that attractive girl now, since there are many other girls in this world, she is not the only one. I also get a great aversion the moment I sense a girl looks up to me as it makes her be nothing in my eyes. I don't need her anymore, or don't want her. Her worth has gone. She is just a number who I have no feeling for anymore,

I don't know why but I am only interested in females. I would not even want male friends. And if I compare myself to anyone than it is with females mostly. strange. I don't know what I would do with male friends. Going into a bar and picking up girls would not be my thing. Driving around with cars and boasting is not my thing. Going to sports events is not either. Having a male friend around and talk about stuff all day. Not all males are the same but in my mind they are mostly just boasters who try to make themselves look big which I cannot stand. It looks so low. AVERSION



''Why would you want to know what a Platina woman is like though? How would that help you decide if you need the remedy?''

Its not specifically to a platina woman. My main question was whether they can feel anxiety in conversations about not appearing a certain way or do they have an unbreakable confidence. If the answer would be unbreakable confidence it would make me sure to disregard platina and call it a placebo. Although I would disagree with placebo as I took anthropleura without a problem to my suprise and did not feel all of a sudden worse since now I might think of myself as not someone high anymore. There was no change or ego struggle. Now it feels like it doesn't matter. Its just a remedy. It doesn't change what I am based on what remedy I took. So thats why I had no problem with taking it

I cannot identify with males that much though. Am rather feminine I would say.


I read over the case. Very interesting. Especially the fathers personality. I have the same view about money. That it will not be a problem for me to find a job as people will want me to work for them. No one will be able to say no to me. Also as I said in the past I do not like the idea of having to go to university and get an education. I feel like a high position should be just given to me.


But I am not a dictator. or like a boss at all. When I try to be this way an alarm goes off in my mind that its not making me look good. Its an ego thing and makes me look low. I am repulsed by whatever makes me look unenlightened, boasting, dictating would be one.


____________________

What will we do if anthropleura wont produce results? I feel like it gave another last try yesterday night and today morning the moment I woke up but I feel great again. I felt great yesterday up till the evening also.

Its strange as usually there would be aggravation for some days for the whole day usually. But this did not happen this time and it cannot because something I feel has changed inside of me. About how things affect me. Which is less compared to before

I have no idea what this remedy is about as it gave me no experience.

You know before, no matter what remedy I got I would have to report something good or bad. And I always wondered how some people on here can just say it didn't act - no change. I think I am like those people now. But of course I will stay open to any possible change or aggravation in the coming days.

If anthropleura does not work I would wish to get back to platina and maybe take a 10M dose as this way it will be seen how accurate the prescription is unless this is not advised and to high or soon for me. I don't want to waste time on Platina if its not right, but lots of good improvements happened though.
If you are certain it does not fit me than I guess its true and I should listen, but that is really hard for me. When I think something to be true, nothing can change my mind, unless I see for myself that it is not true.

And I could never just blindly want to take platina because I self prescribed it and want it to be right. It would be another ego thing, which as I said above I have great aversion too. Last thing I want is to look like the idiot who keeps convincing himself he is right because he cannot face it that he might be wrong. I am much much rather wrong and admit it than humiliate myself by acting in such non enlightened way. I have huge aversion to such things.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 15:06:55 BST]

I must say something. I always have trouble to all of a sudden show myself better or higher than someone else I know as I believe I am hurting that person so I should not do it, but even more so I feel like the person will try with all his will to not make me be high. Hate on me. I am not allowed onto the high position or better said people will all turn against me and want to bring me down if I do. So why would I want that. I might fight everyone off but end up being lonely. And what will I have from it than? Its either be high and lonely or not high but have people around you who don't want to bring you down and hate you.

I mentioned this before, that I felt like you don't want to give me platina and never will because you don't want me to be 'high'. And what person would anyway want to make someone high and be happy that way? No one. I know this is just my view/delusion and not true at all probably. But my experience has been that way all my life. Whenever I was 'it' or great someone tried to bring me down.



If I have an argument I will be... arguing strongly, but the moment I feel I won the fight I turn to forgiveness and feeling sympathy. No need to keep an ego anymore, as I won. No challenge anymore. Or maybe the right word would be I don't feel I need to prove myself anymore. Everyone got to see me.

So I would doubt Platina sounds like me and feel I need to be open to whatever you suggest rather.

I have mixed feelings about me. Sometimes I feel in danger of appearing like an idiot and as if I need to prove that I am not and show how great I am, which I am not certain if I will be able to make it visible to people. and at other times I do feel rather good about myself. What makes my confidence go really up is to have people behind me, support. I can not argue when I am alone, when no one is behind me. Its the easiest way to make me uncertain, if everyone disagrees with me. No not disagrees with me. I am quite strong with my opinions. When people are against me, turn away from me, and no one is on my side this the easiest way to make me uncertain and loose all confidence. Than I might appear strong on the outside but fearful and uncertain on the inside from fearing people will walk away from me. I can be quite confident if I have people.

On the other hand I might get a big ego if I am alone and attacked by people and see it just as an attempt of people trying to break me because I am alone and now supposed to be less confident, its like they are trying to get me at my weakest moment so I feel I must not let myself get defeated. So the big ego is an attempt to show them that I am very confident when alone, that it does not affect me but inside I am uncertain and swing between fear of people walking away from me and the big ego of showing people that I am as confident when alone - untouchable.

Me getting across to other people how great I am is the problem. I cannot do it often - mental blocks. uncertainties, fears and all gets ruined than and I end up looking less great than I am. It used to cause such anger when this happened.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:15:10 BST]

So if there is any remedy I would be certain of for me it would be palladium. - egoistical, high ego but not showing it around people or being mindful of it as it might make people turn away from me, walk away. I need people more than anything. A pleaser and approval seeker often. But it did not work it seems. It was good initially but ever since I got the idea in my head of having defeated the remedies I hoped I am not and now that I am great again I must not let myself be defeated by anything again it turned somewhat intense from than on. People out there want to bring you down when you are great.

And Platina on paper does not fit it seems to me.

I am just thinking over things as I am bored and wondering whether platina should be left behind or maybe tried again in the future
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:47:07 BST]

I am not getting bored of the remedy as it is to early. Am Not going to do something on my own.



There is one thing I was wrong about in my above posts... The experience when you are someone great that everyone will try to bring you down. What I meant rather is that since my social anxiety whenever I tried to be confident or happy, people would try to bring me down and it seemed better to be just depressed and quiet. But things have changed since my early days of social anxiety. Dont believe this to be true anymore.

When I feel I am great, I am confident and this isn't true anymore.

Back in my old country up till age 16 I was afraid of being put down, but since coming to this new country, things have changed. Isolation and feeling distant, not getting close to people, keeping myself distant but also people treated me here very well and made me feel good, somewhat special. My social anxiety appeared once I have gotten treated really bad by some people - humiliating. I don't think it was really bad objectively speaking and since than when I came to new country and people treated me well again I did not want to put myself in a situation where people could all turn against me and start humiliating me. I had an image of being the great guy again and did not want this to happen to me again.




I don't believe it is an ego enhancement. Because I don't have a desire to really go back, only fear if maybe for some strange reason it is my similimum, as I did feel on initial dose such a nice feeling of warmth and security in stomach area, and my body felt tired and as if it was having mild orgasms all day long. I took anthropleura because I thought I might be animal too and the problem of what a remedy means to me and my ego has gone.

Oh really. I thought I am feeling the mild orgasm from feeling my body again that this is causing me to feel so good. Didnt know that. It felt like after you feel after smoking a bit of marijuana, a nice pleasant feeling from feeling all of your body, like a mild orgasm,

But no worries. If you say platina doesn't fit me, than I must assume it to be true and think there is a better remedy for me out there.

My hair is still regrowing and still my hunger in morning is up.

It is hard to report anything new since platina. As I feel my sensitivity level or whatever it was has gone. Or I got stability. At the moment I don't know what to report on. Except that I feel ok and the same like for the past 2 or 3 weeks. My chest maybe is a bit heavier. That is all

If I were to go in a club this is how I would be:

-Going alone is not an option as it would make me feel horrible. I would feel totally left out, isolated. I could not be in there alone while seeing all those people. It would make me feel so horrible that I would have to go out.

Walking around and trying to approach people is to humiliating but also if it ended up unsuccessful I could not take it. I would feel horrible.

-If I were to go in there with some friends. I would feel good and be ok with being on my own or quiet and wait that girls come up to me. I am not the type of person who goes after girls. As they are supposed to come to me and they always do or used to. That was when I was younger and in high-school. Now it might be different as girls of such age don't come to you.

And there is another picture I have of myself if I were alone in a club. The isolation and bad feelings if I could not socialize with anyone but stayed alone, left out. The feelings of failure, guilt. It comes down really heavy on me.

So I don't put myself in such situations ever because I am alone. When I got people its always better.

I could bear being in a club if I knew some people there

I would be to afraid to have such high ego. Who would want me than? Everyone would leave me and I don't like being on my own. But I am rather alone than humiliate myself.

I remember when new years eve was last year, me and my brother looked down upon seeing people get drunk on the street while driving past them. Kind of like that new years eve is just an excuse for those people to get drunk, a stupid thing... So I am a bit haughty and look down on other people, but its all for self protection. I am rather introspective, read lots of books and this type of knowledge messed me up. I cannot have a big ego mainly because you can get criticised. I expect people to know what I know.

I remember a day when we moved houses. My brother was so criticising the people who helped moving our furniture, about how they smell bad, work slow, just drink and again I could sense the self protection in him. From the knowledge I gained from reading books. And it repulsed me. It was so low thinking that he just does this out of self protection because inside him he must feel very small. He critizised them behind their backs constantly to me and my mother.

I often address people my younger brother knows as idiots out of self protection I guess.


And I avoid everything where I could get humiliated, distance myself from it and make up an excuse, like how drinking is not for me etc


My guess is I rather sound like a different remedy.


I wonder how I would be like if I saw a homeopath in person. As the inner state of me I definitely would not reveal. I could write it down on a paper but not speak about it

If I had to speak I would have my head down and speak with such difficulty from the heaviness and tensions in me trying to prevent me from speaking and humiliating me I guess. I would be totally uncertain as to what would happen if I revealed myself. Total uncertainty and not know what to expect from the practitioner, how he would act towards me now that I revealed my problems. And I would cry probably and feel so strange to do this in front of a person as I cannot connect with other people and don't really like to be comforted. No I think I could not cry in front of a stranger, but I cried often a few months ago when my mother kept asking me about my issues often. It was horrible to talk about it.


This probably doesn't help much or make up for it. I would never want to see a homeopath in person. Talking about my issues with a stranger, phew that would be tough.

Its the emotional vulnerability I guess and not just humiliation that makes it so hard to talk about my issues face to face. I am totally afraid as to what will happen if I do this.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 17 Sep 2011 03:01:54 BST]

There is something else I must say.

If I saw a homeopath I would feel really really worthless, like amongst the most worthless patients. Its the same problem why I did not want to face my brothers friends the last time they were here at home. Utter worthlessness. I dont know where this worthlessness comes from. I feel like I failed in so many ways and I am no where as good as I should be.


My hand gesture is often a fist. When I stop at traffic lights with my car and people around me other cars, I get tense immediately and make fists and press hard. When I see people on the street that I will have to walk past I tense up and make a fist again. I also get a 'killer' look in my face, really tense. People often said about me that I look like I am about to kill someone but the closer I get to this person than I either tense really heavily up or I get a humiliating expression and have to look away as it feels so uncomfortable, its this emotional weakness. I have to avoid it.


Spiritual books really depressed me. I mean really depressed me. Took me a few years to get over them and homeopathic treatment to forget it somehow. All this truth about the ego just so depressed me, the truth that everyone who wants to be great does want so because he feels small and nothing on the inside. How everything is just a survival thing etc.

Also all the knowledge I got is now messing with me... When I call someone an idiot I get the thought later that I did it out of self protection and it was WRONG. I should have not done it.

With females I often feel like I am supposed to have them and feel offended if they dont pay me attention as I am supposed to have them by the way I am and look. Also with money matters. But on the other hand I also feel like you cannot just expect to get things, you have to work for them, only this way you can feel good about yourself. So there is a bit of a mix.


I doubt I am a very egotistical person as I always think about what is right and wrong. And feel guilt, but I can be at times to protect myself.

I hope I am not confusing my case. As I often swing between ego or my mild side. Having a big ego seems wrong to me.

In saying that I have become a bit demanding and dictatorial at home since taking platina. I have more certainty and a confidence where my mother does not even question sometimes or get displeased about doing something I told her to do, where as before she would certainly voice her displeasure about it.

My father tried to critizise me again yesterday, well no it was not criticism just a suggestion that I should have done something by now and I just feel such force in me when someone tries to critizise me unjustifiably. In the past though often I had to keep quiet as I felt to tense, bad and anxious. So I had to make clear that why I didnt do what I was supposed to do by now is justified and a perfectly valid reason. If someone doesnt see it that way I feel offended.

WHAT?!

I knew it, that's why I had this aversion to it. Ah I am shaking

Please tell me which post, the last one? Or the last 2?

Arg ouch lol, but it's time I get healed
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 17 Sep 2011 08:16:52 BST]

Please tell me if you are certain and whether I should order it. In a way I do not doubt it.

So lycopodium feels guilt also about appearing egotistical? Is that correct

That is also why I probably dictate my mother around many times but never my father.

Hmmm

I don't like this now I feel like I am exposed and revealed as a small guy.

Hmm all makes sense now, and why after platina I used lots of plant language. Like that things don't affect me much anymore hmm

What's the prognosis for lycopodium, can they get over the fear of failure and gain confidence??

Ok. Well I did not read about remedies in a long time except a few days ago as I mentioned I read about aurum muriaticum natronatum because of my pleasing, approval seeking. It has been months since the last time I read about lycopodium.

I thought I am describing platina or arum again. Probably not a surprise now that I wished to be queen or king.

Before seeing your reply I thought about posting that I feel at least happy about having done a good job and revealed my remedy finally

Well you got me convinced now and thinking over it, things I posted in this thread in above posts:

Only go in a club if I know someone in there.
Only interested in females
Critical and fault finding of people but not in front of them.



Well I hope you can trust me when I say I haven't read about lycopodium in months and thought i am describing aurum or platina.


Strange that when I fear I am lycopodium I get a reaction and turn red and feel embarrassed. I already felt a bit of my ego struggle again. And how I am going to look into the mirror now knowing this that I am nothing. A small lycopodium maybe

Hmm wished I would have not gotten this info as it will be hard living this way.

Would this be another lycopodium symptom: my last post on the abc room, after I posted it I feared I looked really childish and small? Well my focus was more on not appearing the way I want to be which is high


Hmm ok I will wait than but it will be a bit of an agony. Having to live with the idea of being lycopodium. Takes all my confidence away. Already avoided people again in fear they will approach me on the street

Things I wrote above
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 17 Sep 2011 09:09:38 BST]

I fear this is an impossible request to wait 2 weeks now with the thought that I might be lycopodium. It affects every part of me. And there is suffering. I will not be able to go out tomorrow. It will be the longest 2 weeks of my life. On the other hand I feel like wanting to prove that I can take it and wait, but I cannot. This has to be dealt with as soon as possible.
If the remedy does not react I can let out a sigh of relief and if it does act I hope it wont matter to me anymore.

What do you suggest based on this? Do you really want me to wait 2 weeks and think I can stick to this, feeling worthless and depressed for 2 weeks after I gained some confidence again. I cannot present myself to people now.

I am also done with posting on other peoples threads now since everyone seems to be reading my posts, everyone is going to pick on me and not take me seriously anymore anyway.