Platinum Metallicum _{Page 2 of 14}

I fear this is an impossible request to wait 2 weeks now with the thought that I might be lycopodium. It affects every part of me. And there is suffering. I will not be able to go out tomorrow. It will be the longest 2 weeks of my life. On the other hand I feel like wanting to prove that I can take it and wait, but I cannot. This has to be dealt with as soon as possible.
If the remedy does not react I can let out a sigh of relief and if it does act I hope it wont matter to me anymore.

What do you suggest based on this? Do you really want me to wait 2 weeks and think I can stick to this, feeling worthless and depressed for 2 weeks after I gained some confidence again. I cannot present myself to people now.

I am also done with posting on other peoples threads now since everyone seems to be reading my posts, everyone is going to pick on me and not take me seriously anymore anyway.

May I remind you how my social anxiety started again... I was 14 started smoking marijuana, friends circle changed, started hanging out with people who were much older around 20 - 25 because a friend of mine always wanted to be with them. So I had great respect for them, always been quiet. Than they started picking on me, lost confidence and my life has gone downhill from than on.

I feel like you are already treating me differently now. As if I am a joke

''Oh and by wait 2 weeks, I mean we reasses at 2 weeks, you don't get to just start taking whatever takes your fancy then lol''

I did not take it in a bad way. But the lol in the end felt like I am being laughed at.

I calmed down, and maybe could wait but still depressed about it all

I feel sick in my stomach, it is how I feel when I feel worthless. I still feel stability from platina and not a strong reaction, but it is not pleasant regardless and wish to do something about it soon. I am sorry, criticize me all you, all you want, and laugh at how I am incapable of waiting. I feel like I am ruined already anyway.

I thought about writing that I will take lycopodium soon, as this is the price you/we have to pay for passing on this sensitive type of information to me that I might be the remedy I have the strongest aversion too.

Today I feel bad feelings, a lack of confidence, a sort of vulnerability or whatever the right word would be that I might get attacked and laughed at from left and right. I feel revealad, or exposed. I looked in the mirror a bit and looked for faults.


I must say this is not an aggravation. I did not feel the anthropleura at all apart from the tingling and energy movement I feel. I believe it is because like I reported platina gave me warm feeling of security in stomach area. And so now it is not a feeling of security anymore, this has gone since going away from platina but still very stable. And the reason why I believe I do not feel this remedy much... not on the same level as I did previous remedies before platina.

So this is just the effect of being told that I very highly am lycopodium. Again there is something different about it, no nasty reaction. But I still feel depressed and loss of confidence etc as mentioned above.


I wish I can take lycopodium soon in the future as I must get this behind me, find out whether it is me or not. I cannot feel good about myself and confident as long as there is the possibility I might be it.


I have taken anthropleura lat at night close to midnight on the 12th september. so 6 days


I had lots of dreams tonight.

- I was in a fight game, where about 6 people were put into a closed space and had to fight. I had to fight the actor vin diesel. It was with spears for life and death.

- There was a dream about lycopodium but cannot remember it entirely. I was walking on a street that went uphill with houses around. Than somehow I was in a ditch or big hole that was beside the street, and I was entangled in the grass. I must have fallen into it or something. I tried to climb up again with all my power, really hard, but could not lift myself up. Than I threw away my backpack and all weight and tried again but could not get up. In the end I could not even free myself from the grass or move and than the thought came that 'I will never reach my destination'... This 'I will never reach my destination' I read in materia medicas months ago. And I dreamed about remedies like Platina in the past so I dont know what to think of it.


I had many more dreams but cannot remember them now.

-Oh one was that there was an earthquake constantly and I had to hold the fridge in place to not make it fall over.


-I was back in highschool and a classmate took somet hings from me and I had to fight him.



I am stable. But depressed about the whole lycopodium thing, I felt like wanting to run away from myself yesterday night and cried a bit.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 18 Sep 2011 02:12:45 BST]

Well but how come there are so many celebrities in my dreams? I used to dream about celebrities here and there but now it is quite frequent.


Ok but what to make of the: loss of confidence, fear of people approaching me again, or feeling vulnerable to get picked on now that I fear I might be lycopodium again?

So this is not specific to lycopodium than, does not make you lycopodium for sure?

Ok, now that there is possibility I might no be lycopodium I feel better again.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 18 Sep 2011 02:18:24 BST]

I hope remedies dont influence dreams as I dont know when the last time was I had a spear fight for life and death, so that we wont go in circles.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 18 Sep 2011 02:24:28 BST]

Ok good... Yeah I thought so. Last dreams while on Platina I can remember there were babies in there, a black man who greeted me. Since palladium the frequency of dreaming about celebrities increased I believe. I felt like on palladium yesterday night thinking that nothing can defeat me again, but there was no fire or desire behind it thoguh. Or no motivation so it wasnt intense and died down quickly. Why not? because I know the moment I see people I cannot keep this up.

Ok I can see how I am feeling better again and can stand myself again now that the threat of being this remedy has gone down. But I believe I might be it.

Lets just no exclude it, as I had no idea I am describing lycopodium yesterday. And how I got social anxiety from being picked on by people who were older than me which robbed me of all confidence and self believe.

I am not going to delete posts. No worries. My last post in the ABC-Room was rather sarcastic and that is why I feared it will come across as childish. But since posting it I have gotten a nice reply from Nawaz and wished I would not have had sarcastic intentions now. I can never lie about insecurities or my intentions, to cover them up deliberately; it would make me feel so small & wrong to not be able to stand myself any longer. Only if I get put in a tough spot where the consequences would be too high, could I lie. Like me admitting to taking silicea in the past as it would mean the end of our treatment which would equal no hope for me. But I feel good and can let out a sigh of relief for being able to tell about the things I did secretly. I could not stand myself if I kept this secret. Face to face I feel such dilemma in such situations, but over the internet I can admit to it at least to feel better. Face to face I don’t know how I am. But I believe I am deceiving as the need to protect myself is stronger.


I remember once I was on the beach, there was a shark alarm, I was in the water to my waist area with my brothers who were next to me and the moment I heard the alarm which was the first shark alarm I ever heard I got immediately out of the water without looking for my younger brother who was diving near me and didn’t hear it. So my older brother got him on the arm and told him to get out. I felt really bad about it. That I should have been the one who would look around and not just care for myself first, before caring about others. So I felt guilt when we were standing outside, but I guess I hoped no one would confront me about it. It might have been a very small thing. I don’t know. My mother had a go at my older brother as to why he didn’t grab my younger brother but he did do it though., but yea I didn’t do it, because I didn’t even look around just got out and then started looking around. It was bad


In my dreams what would it mean to me to fight a guy like the actor vin diesel? That I am someone great. Like him. I might say I would maybe want to be like him. But I never would openly admit to it. Because It would make me look bad. If I defeated such guy in a fight I probably would feel good and big initially but it would not stick. I would feel good in front of the people who saw it, but inside of me I guess it would not stick past a few days if I continued living like I do on my own doing nothing. I could be wrong but some accomplishments like winning arguments at home with my father and whole neighbourhood hearing it stick for a day or 2. But next day I feel like I am starting from the beginning and the good feelings are gone. It could be because I am on my own, don’t work or study so this brings me down always. It could be. But it is true for the past. No matter what accomplishment I had on a certain day. The next day it felt like I had to start from the bottom again and build up my confidence. It didn’t last past a day. I could never take it with me on to the next day.


In my dreams where I have fights with classmates, often people come to the help of the classmate and so I have to fight a group on my own then. Or often I make the teacher angry in my dreams who flips out with anger at me and then it feels like the classmates turn against me also for doing this – side with the teacher and I am on my own. Unsure whether I am in the right or wrong. Whether it is justified and the people are bad or whether it is really me which I cannot believe


Or one dream I had about being at a pool party with rapper 50 cent. What would it mean to me? I guess I would feel good, accepted to the high class. But I never would pay him attention if I got there. It would make me look bad. Truth is if that really happened I would feel anxious as hell. But if I didn’t I would keep my distance, but the problem with this is, what am I doing there than, why am I even dare could people start thinking? There is fear that people will see through me, by the way I act, behave. I would be uncertain. If the rapper 50 cent would look at me, into my eyes I fear the same that he would see through me that I am nothing significant. I could never go to someones party because this lowers me. It makes me look bad. Same if I wanted the attention of this famous person. It tells people a lot about me. Of who I am which is that I consider myself below this famous person. But like I said than on the other hand I have trouble of being exposed if I am on my own, as I get uncertain about how I am appearing.

It is the same reason why face to face I have trouble communicating but over the internet it is easier. People don’t see me on here. I can control about how I look or how I am appearing on here much easier. In person face to face it is much harder to do so. I loose out the moment someone looks at me as I look unsure, afraid probably etc.

I often put my sunglasses on when I am outside but it is not a solution. I only put them on when the sun is shining but even than I fear that people think that I have them on just to protect myself. Cover up something.

When playing poker many people got sunglasses on to hide their face. But I never would want to wear glasses to protect myself. With it you show you are afraid of something. This is not good. But on the other hand I would also not want to be like most people as it would make me look to common. People would think after looking at me I am just another one of those idiots who needs to wear sunglasses to cover himself. So I would have to be the one without them on. I could of get ridiculed for it.

Outside I often feel childish or immature. When people look at me I sometimes have to laugh uncontrollably. I guess from the nervous energy of people looking at me in a good way. When I know the reason for it is positive not something negative. Or when I stand on the street and wait for cars to pass I sometimes start laughing and try to hide the smile. It must be from the smoking marijuana in the past. No other explanation for it.

I sometimes swing between feeling that I am much better than I present myself, like its how I feel right now. At other times I feel like there are expectations on me to be a certain high way which I doubt I can meet.

I like how my face looks fuller and have more facial muscles again. I reported this happening since taking platina. If platina does not fear getting picked on, ridiculed I highly doubt it could be my remedy

I have been chatting a bit online with some girls and one wants to meet me. But it is a no way. It would be much easier socializing with a girl I just met on the street than an arranged meeting. As there will be expectation and disappointment, while with a girl you just meet on the street there is none… She wanted to talk to me. So she gets what she saw in me in the moment that made her want to talk to me and I cannot be really blamed for not being what she expected me to be. Well I still can if I look good while just walking down the street but after talking to me she realizes I am a complete idiot. But what I want to say is that it is all much less expectation and disappointment than after chatting online and then deciding to meet face to face.


I will be like an idiot who cannot speak, keep a conversation going. It gets worse when I tell them about my problems beforehand and they decide to want to help me, because I know when they will see me with my lack of confidence, being uncertain and not able to hold a conversation, they will leave. How on earth could they like me or want to be with me. So this makes it even more uncomfortable and makes me feel even worse that someone decided to help me but then saw me and left. It is too much. I don’t want to put people in such situation as I know they cannot like me or decide to want to be with me. Or want me to be their friend. Why? when I am quiet, shy, difficult to have a conversation with. I don’t make people feel good surely. And my experience has been that everyone in the end grew tired of me always and left. It is so difficult when I know myself how difficult it is talking to me or even keeping eye contact, Who would bother?, who could like me and enjoy being around me. Noone. So I would not meet anyone, unless I know that I am up to standard and can have a normal conversation that does not make someone uncomfortable.


It is really bad when a girl decides to meet me. She will have high expectations of me. And then the disappointment, and me seeing that she does not want me anymore. I don’t want to put anyone into such situation as it makes me feel too bad. And I don’t want to go through such humiliation either. People not wanting me or walking away from me is really impossible to take for me.
I could think to myself not to worry, as I am not so low and with time I will get back to the old me, but it affects me too much. Cannot grow from it

The 6th day will be over soon. So I cannot expect any aggravation i guess. I would not say I had aggravation on any day for the whole day as usual. Only once on an evening I could feel the relapse of my BDD and in the morning until I got out of bed where it returned back to stable condition. When I felt relapse of BDD I did not spent time in front of the mirror. Only for a minute maybe. It's the post where I said I am feeling 50:50 on my current state about the BDD so I would not call it an aggravation.

And yesterday or today I would feel good also if I would not get the news about lycopodium.

I feel my addictive behaviors like posting on here and being on dating sites is slightly back again for the past couple of days.


I still don't know what to make of the remedy platina and the stability it gave me. I highly doubt it I am it. And why I still feel it. My BDD since getting the news of lycopodium did not come back either. I was just for a brief moment looking for faults on my face but than I left and haven't spent any time in front of the mirror for the remainder of the day. 'Mirror time' has dramatically been reduced since platina.

This clearly cannot be ego enhancement and must be genuine stability or improvement, because the opportunity was here by feeling horrible about believing I am in fact lycopodium. The BDD should have come back but it did not. I only looked for a brief moment into the mirror and no more for the rest of the day.

What to think of all this. I am not platina. I often feel lower than other people I just get the ego to protect myself. But I do have an aversion to people. Like when I hear them screaming out of a bar by supporting a team I look down upon such people as it is a horrible common thing to do. I just cannot stand it and would never do such things.

If I had to chose between lycopodium or platina. It would be lycopodium. And I wonder what it would do if I took it. Whether I would feel better improvement than from platina or less.

But of course I ain't gona do anything on my own.

I did not feel this remedy anthropleura much because there is change in my stomach since platina as I often said.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 18 Sep 2011 08:51:30 BST]

You might be right about yesterday maybe being aggravation. I say this because I feel like my ego is back today, more certainty and confidence again. Back to the norm. It was hard labelling this an aggravation as I usually feel it so clearly through my whole system but not anymore it seems as something changed.

There is one more dream I had tonight: which was about me just about to have unprotected sex with a man it seemed. (I have no idea what this means as I am not gay). So I feared I might get AIDS from him and did not want to do it - A bit of a messed up dream.


So I am wondering whether the truth has come out yesterday when I had apparently maybe aggravation with you saying I described lycopodium perfectly or whether it is to be disregarded.


I expect on my similimum to get my BDD cured first and social anxiety later. This would be the correct direction of cure. Because my social anxiety appeared before my BDD and my BDD is or was my deepest/biggest problem. Don’t want to say its fixed in case it comes back. But at the moment it is fairly stable, not spending time in front of the mirror anymore for weeks. Maybe a couple of minutes a day only.

hmm does not sound good as I feel I am speaking with certainty and no filtering for the past few days. And you saying I described a remedy perfectly to the smallest details confirms it for me that i am speaking without any filtering.

But ok, it does not matter. In the end the truth always becomes visible anyway so time will only tell.


I am wondering whether it is possible that someone is not the remedy to the one he has a strong aversion too? Like how would someone who needs aurum react to being told he is lycopodium. I guess he would feel awful too. So maybe maybe it does not always hold true but I dont know


If it is ok for me to mention this...
I took lycopodium 30c before back when I was with my last homeopath. Back than I had no ego really I think. Just cared about taking the 'confidence' remedy and that was it. What happened was it was the only remedy from the 30c remedies that I felt a bit of a headache that made me panicky a bit on some evenings. Feel UNFORGIVING and cold towards my brother if he did me unjust. And a bit of a sadness on the coming days.

Than all of a sudden few days later I said I am not going to take the remedy anymore that it is not my remedy but do not know why I said that or why I decided to stop taking it. I always have a reason or opinion but I had none for what made me stop taking it. Something just didnt feel right and I had to stop. Didnt want to take it anymore. I took a daily teaspoon for about 3 or 4 days.

I am back to feeling good and the threat of lycopodium is not going to ruin my days any longer.

I got another sort of arranged meeting with a girl. And I feel a lot less anxious if the person for example is a different race for some reason. I dont know why. Or I arranged a meeting with a girl without seeing her pic. Expecting her to not look good. But than when I saw her body from a pic she sent me my anxiety just went up. I am also a lot more anxious about having to drive to her place. I much rather have it if they would come up here where I at least know my surroundings. Meeting a stranger in a place that is away in the big city with lots of people around me is just to much.

Girls I chatted with also called me cute etc many things and it just makes me angry and not able to believe that this is happening to me. Unjustice of having wasted so many years on my own when I would deserve or could have had much better than I have. Hard to believe. Makes me feel angry but on the other hand think of what a failure I am. I dont look like one but I apparently act like one.


There is not much of a chance that I will decide to meet anyone of those girls


Oh and I am a bit ugly on the inside I guess... STDS, HIV, viruses, how many partners she had before - all this bothers me when I think of being with a girl together. So its not an option. I cannot ask a girl about this but not keep quiet and ignore this either
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 18 Sep 2011 16:24:50 BST]

I had a dream tonight where I was invited?? to go to japan and go for a ride on this big thing (posted picture below) by Joe De Livera. So I never drove this far ever and did not know how I will manage to get there. I thought I will need google maps to get driving directions. So than I got there. And a Japanese couple gave me there experience how it was having a ride in this big thing. And I told them that I am afraid of going up there for a ride. What if it brakes or stops or something happens. So I am not going to go for a ride.

Other dreams where of sexual nature again, being back in highschool, deciding to go to school instead of walk around the city to not feel bad, getting REIKI healing by a classmate, Walking in basements of school and people who looked like bullies following me which I had to shake off. Noone would hear me in the basement or able to come for help

(This post contains an image. To view the image, please log on.)

I wonder how come I dream about things from the following day. Like last night I dreamed about lycopodium (the word lycopodium was mentioned in the dream) because it was an issue all evening to me. Tonight I dreamed about having to drive somewhere, which came up yesterday when a girl I met online asked me to drive to her place. The same idea came up in the dream that I would not like to drive somewhere I haven't been often there before. Or not in a long time.

Today I feel aversion to all the girls I chatted with yesterday night after seeing new messages from them in my inbox. I don't know why. I feel emotional blankness, no connection I guess. So I feel aversion. It feels like those girls are needy and just want something from me, like sex or whatever.

Not going to even chat with them anymore.
I am really bad though as I might have given the impression yesterday as if I just wanted something from them. Truth is that I don't want anything from them except to be friends and just talk I guess.

So I often put an act on to protect myself, to not get hurt, or talk about sex with them. In truth I just want to talk though.

When the family member comes home every day in the afternoon while I am alone at home I feel anxiety, whether to quickly run, hide in my room or stay. And I often decide to stay out of fear that he might see me run and think bad of me. Well I don't actually run, just walk quickly.

Since the palladium though I don't walk away as I could not bear the bad feelings of what a coward I would feel I guess. So I don't leave and feel the anxiety.


THis all is hard admitting for me. Revealing my inner state. But it is true. When my mother or brother come home no anxiety. Just this particular person.

I already can see what remedy I am.

I feel embarrassed by having taken Platina or titled this thread platinum metallicum, suggesting that I might be it
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 19 Sep 2011 03:59:58 BST]

And what is funny is that when I was reacting, really sensitive I did not use those words. But now that I am not so much anymore those words come naturally to me. It is no secret that I am sensitive and expect getting hurt always. I cover posts with my fingers because I always expect a hurtful reply. Well I don't do it anymore. But used to do it always as you know. Every time I saw a reply from you or anyone there would be anxiety and reluctance to read the message.