Platinum Metallicum _{Page 12 of 14}

But first my anxiety. If I had a doctors appointment or whatever out of the blue in a few days I would feel such horrible panic. Than later I would calm down and not feel anything until the day arrives where I got the doctors appointment and feel so anxious.

So I panic when I get told I need to go, or do something unexpectedly when I am not prepared for it. And when I calm down I think of ways how I am going to act, what I am going to do, how to deal with it. I need to be prepared and have a mental plan otherwise complete panic and uncertainty.

It would be horrible, I would be so anxious and feel like I could not talk, not look at the doctor, not answer his questions... those fears come up because I fear my anxiety panic will be so strong that I will not be able to talk, look at him


This is horrible panic. Imagine you would go to a doctor and fear that you will not be able to look at anyone, not talk but a lot of Gibberish coming out of your mouth, unclear speech, embarrassment would follow and even greater panic.

I cannot do such things. Going to a university and having to deal daily with such things I am not going to go through ever again until I am cured

For the past 5 years I had to go to doctors appointments only for my visa's. It was something I had to do and it was horrible. Such anxiety and panic. I would go for runs, swimming in the mornings, just to prepare myself and get into the best state possible.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 27 Sep 2011 01:28:01 BST]

LISTEN TO THIS PLEASE:

something that is true always.




When I had to go to the doctor it was vital that I left the house and got to be outside around people before going to the doctor. Why? If I went straight to the doctor without leaving the house first my panic would be 2 times higher by the doctor. But if I mixed with people, outside going for a walk, or lie at the beach for a few hours with people around I would feel calmer and better.

It must be that I get the feeling that I might be able to do it (go to the doctor and talk etc) since i have been exposing myself in the morning around people.
This was always vital, never go to an appointment before exposing myself, mixing with people.

This has been that way all my life. If I knew relatives would visit as happened a few years ago. I was actively going into shopping malls etc to prepare myself. Expose myself to feared situations to get the feeling that I can do it. If the relatives would arrive one day out of the blue and me not preparing myself. I would PANIC so hard. Unable to speak or do anything.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 27 Sep 2011 01:34:45 BST]

Please read all my posts of today, after your todays reply and prescribe a remedy. I described my anxiety problem with 100% accuracy and please prescribe something so I will be cured of my panic and fear of failure I am assuming.

Imagine going to the doctor. The panic comes up and you know you will not be able to talk from past situations where you felt exaclty like this before and it turned out bad. What would you do? Would you feel embarassed and start panicking even more the moment you panic and stand in front of the clerk fearing the same thing will happen as in the past.

Or turn around and not go in, when the panic hits by walking up to the doctors building.

And once you are inside, you are inside and going out is not an option, you will have to go through it and you can just hope that the panic will be at a manageble level.

So I amm always so afraid the moment I get in about how my anxiety level is etc. As there is no turning back now whatever my anxiety level I have to stay now. I never walked out or away once I got into a building because of my high anxiety. That would just look weird and scare me even more. THat is never an option. I even was once inside the doctors office in the waiting room and than a mother and daugher came in and sat down. I felt such panic, anxiety. I could not stay in the same postion anymore, they could not see me panic and my face. So I got my elbows on my knees and held my head while panicking, getting all red and feeling such anxiety. Than my brother once got out of the doctors office and saw me there and laughed. It was all horrible. What must have the people thought of me. I could not talk to the clerk later, my brother did that for me automaticaly probably because he thought I will not be able to do it anyway.

Panic, embarassment


Help me

I described my problem 1000% accurately.

And I definately have a fear of failure, a fear that I will not be able to do it.

- lack of confidence and uncertainty

- panic, anxiety


and to my mind only lycopodium comes and arg nit.


I know the exposing feeling, aversion and embarassment I feel when I think of being lycopodium but I would like to know if lycopodium would also be reluctant a lot more to go into buildings than lets say have the doctors appointment on the outside?

When I was in highschool I hoped every day it will be sunny so that pysichal education would be outside and not in the horrible big gym room where I felt so much more anxiety and my eye staring was uncontrollable etc.


Please help out

Thanks!!

I am close to taking the arg-nit. I am so hopeful that the eyes staring and all those troublesome issues I had to live with for so many years could maybe really go away and I might feel ok again. It is such temptation, to try it and see what will happen. But I dont want to jump into it without you being ok with it. As I would feel really bad and on my own.

I am not going to take another dose of the scorpio based on those dreams. They are just so not me. And in genreal refuse to take such dark remedies. And I would like to say that I also do not wish to take animals in general but am not going to say that though. It is based on that fights, murder etc are not my dremas. And animals always feel so violent and strong that I can barely take the aggravation. My intuition tells me animals are not me.


I am a nice guy all girls say so I chat with online also. I do have my haughty side which is not openly though. I could never hurt anyone on purpose. I might have a tough exterior at times to protect myself but still the moment someone is nice to me I get nice and all happy too. And enjoy socializing. Although with my current social anxiety I do not enjoy it at all and rather avoid it, go away from it.

Whenever I was close to fighting someone in the past I could not do it because I cannot hurt someone always came up. I did do some bad things to my dogs. Hit them a few times, and scared them. But when I was doing it I felt terrible sympathy for my dogs and could feel their pain. I tried to stop but I couldnt. I dont know what was going on. I did not hit them hard but it caused my dog to be afraid and for this I was terribly sorry but could not stop.

I dont do such things anymore though. Other than that and the things I did in the email and my marijuana smoking I cannot report anything else that was bad that I did. Downloading illegal software etc? Get a speeding ticket and that is it. And I used to lie often I guess but now I feel horrible if I feel the need to lie. My ego doesnt like it at all. Needing to lie makes you feel small, like a snake... I dont want to lie ever if possible. And with lieing I also feel somewhat disconnected from people. Or keeping a secret makes me feel this way. If I tell the secret I feel more connected or less isolated with people. Closer to them. But the need to protect myself often comes up and makes me not want to be honest but on the other hand I feel bad and small than. So it is a mix. But the right thing is to be honest and not feel the need to protect yourself and to not feel small so my orientation is always in that direction
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 27 Sep 2011 03:00:28 BST]

I was once with a girl in a changing room and I locked us both in. And she sat down on a chair and waited for me. It was kind of sexy lol. And I was flirting with girl for months and I was sure she liked me as much as I liked her. But than all of a sudden guilt feelings came up I believe and I had to unlock the door and go. The chance that I might be doing somehting bad and everyone thinking of me as a bad guy was to much. It seemed wrong and I had to go.

I will be honest I want your help a lot but I also fear getting remedies that will be far off from what I really need.

So I dont know how to deal with this.

I sure do not like the idea of prescribing for myself because what will I do if argentum seems to act. I still will be uncertain and not know what to do after this. Except if the simillimum will really change me and not worry about this anymore.

I only would want to try arg nit and lycopodium

But I do not know what to do if they do act or do not act.


So I still prefer if you prescribe.

I wonder why you say I am on my own again. Is it because I do not like to take the scorpio anymore? But those dreams must be of a really violent person? I can not imagine how someone like a person of such dreams must feel like, he must be a ticking time bomb

I will be on my own than because I believe I am really annoying you. It will be tough being alone again. But hopefully the arg nit or lycopodium will make me stop with the worry about getting the wrong remedy, or not ever getting cured etc.

Ah such dilema I just dont know what to do. I feel bad and guilty if I do this. I feel bad if you prescribe and feel I will not get cured. Lots of conflict.


Sorry for annoying you

I did believe you can cure me but when I get some rare animals prescribed I did not hav much hope that it is right. I am so sorry. I am so bad


_______________________

It was becoming like torture, I was becoming annoying and behaving like a baby so I took the arg-nit. As there seemed to have been no end to this. My believe grew stronger that I am making everything difficult myself and maybe the arg-nit delusion that no one can help him but himself might be true here.

I am terribly sorry and feel guilty but I think I must look past the guilt and getting my mind right is the number one priority. I might feel guilty maybe once more if lucky I thought, otherwise I might feel guilty and make bad decisions millions of times again.

I have a good feeling and chose arg-nit over lycopodium because I am over emotional.

First reaction was that outside on a hill the world seemed more expanded. My chest felt really good. And whenever I should have felt heart palpitations and tense I would have the sighing respiration as in the past and feel good. Placebo or no placebo I don’t know. But I am very hopeful and pray it will work.

You really do not deserve what I did again. I am so sorry but it became visible that I am self sabotaging, making everything difficult etc. Arg-nit became blocked for consideration by you. I had to take an objective look at everything and believe taking arg-nit was very much needed.

Hmm I felt ok, chest feels good, I even have the symptom of sensation as if iron bar on middle of chest as arg-nit has…. But I am sort of haughty right now. Feels similar to the platina aggravation…. My father was talking some crap about how great and good someone is. I could not stand that type of boasting which makes him look so small… my brother was working out and drinking milk which irritated me so much again. I could not even say anything when I thought about how small he is that he feels the need to work out and drink milk to grow. Argh


Maybe I really need platina maybe not. I listened to an emotional song and I felt all of a sudden like I don’t want to be part of it, need to distance myself. I am above it. hmmm if arg-nit does not work, lycopodium is next to get it out of my way once and for all and then there is nothing left and the path to the throne is clear and I am PLATINA – QUEEN lol. But as soon as I will take it I know just like last time the need to be special will go instantly and all this will not matter anymore, not want to distance myself anymore

If that is not some proving from previous platina doses, the haughtiness I have no idea why is coming up right now again. It is true platina made my BDD be in a cured state very quick. And haughtiness is not something new to me either. Lets see

I was really social and talk active, but then the boasting I heard made me just wanna go away and changed a few things as if I got triggered.

hmm I am suprised by the question... I fight and argue a lot? good question... well I definately dont see it as arguing or fighting, rather like stearing a boat into the right direction

Ok good... you go now and contnue following other people's advice... I am not platina by the way.

Oh god, how smart people have gotten. lol. You got me honey! No, nothing is as simple as it looks. Me not having interest in what other people have to say isnt really true I would say. I joined this forum for more than one reason.

I am sorry for all this. Honeykhama thanks for your suggestions.


Really sorry for taking arg-nit as David really tried to help and spend so much time on me which I really apprecitated and will want to pay back when I am healed.


I feel fine pyshichaly, my chest feels lighter. But emotionaly I am so so. My face is bothering me but it isnt compulsive yet.

I am not curious. Rather afraid that a remedy I think I might need will help but the 'doctor' does not think so. So there is a dilema, trust myself or the doctor.


Phew I got really really anxious seeing yet another members reply in my thread. And I feared it will be some new criticism, everyone turn against me which makes me feel so isolated,seperated, on my own. As if something is wrong with me and will never be able to have friends or be with people. Always this fear.


Please no more posts to not scare me anymore and to not make me feel sick in my stomach lol

Unlike most of you on here who are involved with life. I don’t have a job, no education, no friends, my appearance is a mess. Every day that passes it feels like I sink deeper into a hole and will be unable to ever climb out. Going back to society and get a job or education seems hopeless. I don’t see what it would change as it is to late it seems anyway. And it would fail anyway and not make me happy. But I have no other choice than to keep trying.

There are so many issues, like how I will ever have a girlfriend or go into a club and dance , those are all things that are very uncomfortable for me. Things I would want or like to do but I cant as I don’t know how.

I see so many issues. I do not believe I am an animal right now at all. And taking another animal right now would be too much. It would destroy me. I could not wait for 7 or 14 days knowing that it will do nothing and in the meantime get all the horrible feelings, that something is really wrong back. I cannot, I am no robot. The issue of getting a remedy prescribed I would not agree with would be too much for me. Not able to bear it.

Or stuff like the lycopodium which always makes me react, feel embarrassed, exposed was never explored. A remedy I think I highly could be. I cannot wait any longer and watch the days go by. I am too afraid.

So it is arg-nit right now, than lycopodium if nothing happens – although as far as I know they are not over emotional or emotionally intense people. Then maybe aurum for my strong worthlessness and fear of failure and emotional problems I have in common with if this will fix me and last back to platina if nothing else will work. There is no other remedy I could be anyway.

At the moment I think arg-nit might cure me. My eyes look and feel better and my voice sounds good.



Thanks for all the help. I hope i didnt hurt anyone. But I probably did. I know this are my problems and all my fault. Sorry

I hope once I find the remedy I might get help with potency selection, dosing etc if that doesnt sound bad. It is nothing personal at all. Just my fears of nothing changing etc, So please forgive me

THis was never about who is right who is wrong, about domination or a battle of egos. Rather the fear of missing my remedy and never getting cured. THis is what I think at least. If it seems otherwise to people than I am sorry.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:49:45 BST]