Platinum Metallicum _{Page 4 of 14}

I see a sword and knife also.

stabbing - killing, power? have power over whether this was this persons last breath he took on earth or not.

I see an emotional cold person. numb to all the suffering he might cause.But you have to be this way. Ice cold killer. Who does not need anyones opinion or the need to socialize. He is his own man. And that way he can feel good.

Stabbing - a sharp object penetrating a body and opression lifts off the stabbers chest?
Greatness? Can feel good again.

stabbing - peace, freedom power, defending, quick easy way to get rid of things while feeling big all the way. Since this is not something everyone can do.


What does something big do to something small?

It gets the small out of his way in a quick way if opposed as it is considered a nuisance. But it does not interact with the small. Nothing in common with it. So it ignores it.


Can something that is small do anything to survive or avoid that?

Yea get out of the way. Submission. But it needs to get away. No interaction. Just get away, out of sight.

What happens if something small doesn't get out of the way?

Phew, this would be like a crime it would have to get punished for

EDIT: But not punished in a small way, In a quick way with force that noone can oppose. Stabbing?


Describe that moment when you feel this urge to stab - try to describe the moments when you are standing there and the other person is ther as well.


The urge to stab is only from away. Not close to people, when I am in my big state.

I feel great offence in a way. Offended by everyone. I guess if they would pay attention to me and things like that I would not feel this way.

But this is a bit conflicting with what I said earlier although still true. I dont like people who look up to me. Same thing today when I got messages from girls. I could sense they were all interested in me and I lost interest. Felt repulsed in a way by them. I feel no feelings for those girls anymore. But my sexual drive has gone up now at night time again so I chatted with one of those girls again.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:34:28 BST]

well it is the same thing if I send a message to a girl on a dating website and get no reply. Great offence and I could stab her by what she did to me. I mean the same wanting to stab feelings in my chest. Not that I would ever do it.

I tried to tune into it. And I just kept looking at her pic without moving, and the person I look at is just like an object then, no feelings, I could do bad things to her. This is my current state but it never gets that far that I really think of stabbing someone. I just feel greatly offended.

Dating websites are a horrible thing for me anyway. As I have to do the approach and make girls be interested in me. Which I dont feel like I should need to. So there is a lot of offence I take on those sites. But often also by just showing my pic, girls respond the way they are supposed to. Where I feel I dont need to do anything anymore, I got the girl by my looks alone


And my mother commented on how good I look twice today which I havent heard from her in a long time. Probably because the bdd is not bothering me anymore.

The feeling was not like 'oh wow I look good'. But rather a good feeling that it is back to the way I am used to it being.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 19 Sep 2011 14:08:51 BST]

What happens if something small doesn't get out of the way?

I havent answered this correct.

It better gets out of the way or something really bad will happen to it. what can it do against such big powerful force? It would be a bad decision to not get out of the way.

The picture I got is like a really big stone rolling and a tiny stone is in its way. The result of the tiny stone not getting out of the way is clear to everyone.


And to the big thing it would be a great offence. the force in it would get so strong that it would make the small thing nonexistant in an instant moment.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 19 Sep 2011 15:01:55 BST]

I don’t know but from all the talk yesterday and getting worked up and feeling some intensity slightly more I feel like my chest is slightly heavier again, or oppressed, and my neck also feels the same or full. Also pictures of some body parts like my nose after looking in the mirror a bit yesterday night are on my mind again when I woke up today still in my bed trying to fall back asleep. So they were in my mind, where as before I would not even think about the body parts. But no stress. Just slightly a bit unstable than from how good it was before all the time.

Also I heard my father boast in the morning again. I could not stand it. And the stabbing sensation in my chest I could feel clearly as a result. I Just wanted to get this away from me. This boasting behaviour that I cannot stand. And I had an image of a hand really up high above ones head and stabbing down than.

In my current state with this chest and throat, stomach not feeling so good anymore, I cannot go in front of the mirror as I will feel nothing. distant from myself and be faultfinding again.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 19 Sep 2011 21:17:09 BST]

Ok.

After waking up around 8 am I had no dreams I could remember but after falling asleep again I had one

.The island I was on was getting invaded by large numbers, to large numbers. So in the end I was the last one with a fighter jet fighting, releasing rockets on battle ships, plane carriers etc

I was also once on one of those enemy ships and looking for amunition like guns
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:30:44 BST]

I had a look what Androctonos is as I am to curious unfortunately and saw it is a scorpion. I am scorpio by horoscope btw, although I guess that doesnt mean that much.


I assume I should get 1M so this is what I will order.


My BDD is stable again. It is ok again. Dont have pictures of body parts in my mind, dont think about my appearance anymore

I ordered AndroctonUs, which must be the same remedy. No AndroctonOs here on similimum website

Thanks a lot for yet another prescrption.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:51:05 BST]

Thanks for all this. I think this might be right. I also started having a stinging headache on the last days of platina. About 5 times a day I would get a sting. So I called this a sting and scorpios sting.

Yea tubercular I believe is my miasm. I am fighting against time. And phosphorus made me stop reading materia medica compulsively. I was reading it daily before.



So looking forward to see what it will do.

Just a correction about the 'I am fighting against time' I said in last post.

This held more true a few years ago when I was trying really hard to get over my social anxiety. And felt like I need to get over it soon, before I turn 22 as this will be to late than already if I dont. So back than I was really racing against time.

So now it is kind of a depression, distance, dont feel anything, cannot feel this urge. As it feels to late anyway. But I still need to try to get over it as soon as possible but it feels to late though anyway if that makes sense.

Or my birthday will come up soon. So this worries me. I will get older again and want to hurry but than there is huge exhaustion and feelings that I cannot do anything about it. And I dont want to. I guess I burned out, as I was really pushing myself hard with this memory clearing and EFT thing. This brought on the huge depression, bdd, the detachments, distant, numbness.

I get bored still quick of the same old.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 03:51:43 BST]

I remember when I was at the end before I stopped clearing memories... About one year has passed since I started doing it, and then I had to work for a few days at my mothers workplace to help her out with something and every task I had to do just seemed too big, too much, like there will never be an end to it - was the feeling I guess. I had no energy, total burn out. And hated doing anything. I probably got those feelings from the memory clearing as it felt like there will never be an end to it, since I am already doing this for one whole year and still the completition of the task was not close yet. Still quite a while to go.

So this feeling never left me since then I guess. When I think of my birthday and needing to overcome my social anxiety quick. I get this huge weight on me. It feels like just moving my body is almost impossible so I cannot do anything about it anymore. Not try to intensively get over the Social anxiety like I used to want to anymore.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 03:39:12 BST]

And while I was in this state of total exhaustion, numbness, not feeling anything, distant, depression and what will I do now feelings, all looks messed up and hopeless... I placed all my hope on this memory clearing, that it will change everything for the better. but it turned out really bad and I felt much much worse than compared to the year ago before I started using this self help tool. So I had to work for my mother for a few days, worry about getting told to find a job with my social anxiety and other new issues like deep depression, BDD, apathy; worry about getting critizised and insulted for everything, how slow I work, what is wrong with me, why can I not get a job etc. And the future looked black. No idea what I will do. Such horrible anxiety when I thought of that I might be forced into getting a job by my parents in my current bad state. I felt totally lost, alone, and uncertain.

Back than getting critizised or forced into a job but me opposing felt so horrible as it makes me feel alone. Everyone is against me so I have noone. A horrible feeling and as if I will be at threat of constant attack in my home whenever I see my parents.

Deep down I wish to party, have fun with people. That is why I was racing against time. To not waste my youth on my own. But now I cannot connect with people. I have been feeling so distant and been on my own that I dont have a desire. I mean I cannot feel it. Since I dont feel much. I am better than them. They can go and party but I wont. I am above it. Getting a job does not seem like the end of the world anymore and I dont need to socialize with anyone. Can keep my distance without feeling bad about myself. But this feels just like a tough protection to not get emotionally hurt. Inside I am soft and I brake. I cannot keep it up around people. I show whatever I feel on the inside. So I desire to be accepted and liked by people.

EDIT:I could not be the tough guy in a workplace, not keep it up. Or another way to say it would be. I could look tough but the moment someone would speak to me I get soft since I like socializing. THe tough, cold exterior goes by being approached nicely by someone.

EDIT 2: Since I stated this above: 'So I desire to be accepted and liked by people' I got my ego swing again. And it feels untrue. I dont need anyone. I am above everyone. Why would I say such ridicoulus thing? Ah I wonder what the reason for this is.

EDIT 3: It feels like I want people, but I am not going to put myself in a space where I might get hurt or make myself look bad or low. As if I cannot take that noone would want me. That I would stay on my own and feel to hurt by it. So I rather reject everyone. or with my need to socialize I make myself look low or vulnerable and than if I get rejected I feel nonexistant, isolated, offended. And I come with the ego than, that I dont need anyone. People are to low for me and stuff like that.

I apologise if this sounds all confusing now.

I will stop now.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 04:41:10 BST]

I know very well that you have spent a lot of time on my case and I should not demand anymore time. And I feel this to be completely true. So I am perfectly reasonable and normal. But than why all of a sudden I can feel despite knowing the above completely offended and expect to get total attention.

So the above is just me saying it nicely or having a nice act I assume? As I feel totally offended by any such signs. I have a nice side, but underneath it always is the 'you better dont offend me' thing.

So yes I feel offended by small things and feel all my demands should be answered but I dont want to make an ass of myself. Never. So I always try to stay nice and reasonable. As long as I can.


lol I hope this doesnt sound embarassing or bad. Just thought I would mention it. No worries. I can think outside of the box and can see when I am unreasonable.

So and if I get a reply after saying that I feel offended by something, I feel anxiety that I might get lowered, humiliated by the person who offended me by not answering to my demands. I might get criticisesd or told 'who do you think you are?' etc which just is humiliating and lowering me even more and than the person has gone to far and I feel the ego coming down and the sensation of wanting to stab in my chest, just get rid of the person and feel good again. total confidence - I feel it the moment I get really lowered by someone.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 05:18:13 BST]

i had also a sexual dream tonight. 2 in fact I can remember now.

And I had one yesterday also.

If that could be important, is not offensive and you want to hear it I can send it by email.


- I had also a dream where I was in a shop buying tennis balls. So a girl working in the shop came up to me and showed me how bad quality 1 star tennis balls are. As their quality is rated by how many stars they have

Ok let's try the Scorpio remedy which will arrive tomorrow and after that just in case it does not produce results, I will reveal a few things about me of sexual topic. I believe no one would appreciate it, if i put that on here. So in email, unless this is something i do not need to discuss, should not share. Today I somehow feel ok about revealing it.

Excuse me for being a bit of a trouble maker today. I feel a bit egotistic today
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 06:35:27 BST]

Please read:

My apologies in advance for writing this post. I already hate how I am lowering myself again by apologizing for something but here it goes.


I went out in the afternoon and there is a different sensation when I walk around people. At first I was a bit haughty. Thinking of bad things of people I saw, like bicycle drivers how weird they looked. But then while walking on streets with more cars and people. .. I felt the common sensation of tensions. And I tried to think of how to explain it since I feel good today. At first I thought of describing it as a big force coming at me when I see people. But this is untrue. There is no force from the outside that could make me feel this way. So unmovable, tense. It must be from the inside of me. So I feel unmovable. And my compensation is as I often said. Chewing a bubble gum, taking my phone out, or touching myself on my face etc just to do something to not make myself be frozen as it feels so uncomfortable walking past people when I am unmovable.


There is something else. I tried to google about the scorpio remedy to see what it is – before I knew what it is. And I came to a case where they said that the war machines are (platina, the scorpio remedy, anaracadium, and merc)


So based on my most common sensation around people it would be anarcadium what I would think fits. I don’t know much about this remedy. Just the basics from the past while reading. And even after following a thread on here from member “telesphorus” it never came to my mind to consider as I don’t consider myself to have much in common with it. Even after reading on the thread that there sensation is tension, being unmovable and despite knowing this is how I feel I never considered it.


But there are a few things. I said yesterday that I believe I feel the need to prove myself? There must be some truth to it as to why I said this or mentioned this.


I mentioned a tough exterior but being soft on the inside – I have no idea whether this is something of anarcadium or not. I did not read anything about it as I don’t have homeopathic software anymore and don’t want to read about remedies so that I describe my symptoms accurately.


And another thing I know about this remedy is cruelty. This is hard to say for me but I did hit my dogs, all dogs I had at somepoint. Something would trigger me and I would for a while be violent and hit them. I haven’t done it now for a while, not for the past 2 years.


Does the stabbing when offended fit anarcadium? The tensions, unmovableness that I feel most often around people but also the need to stab when I feel offended or when I feel better about myself?


All this does not matter much. I have no problem taking the scorpio remedy. I just thought of mentioning the sensation I have around many people which is one I always feel. To be accurate in presenting my symptoms and case. I believe my remedy lies between the war machine remedies (platina, anarcadium, scorpio, mer)
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 20 Sep 2011 08:39:19 BST]

This constant lowering and me hating it does not fit platina I would say. They would never lower themselves, correct? But I do it, despite knowing that it makes me look bad. And I guess it is because the need to prove myself is stronger as I said in previous posts.

So does this sound like the conflict anarcadium has or not. Just out of curiosity? I honestly dont know. And have no idea how the anarcadium conflict looks like. I just know they have an issue about proving themselves. Just wondering whether my problem of my ego sounds like anarcadium or not.


Thanks