Platinum Metallicum _{Page 6 of 14}

Most important part of above post:

I could not speak or answer except give a smile because I was unmovable. As if my mind does not want me to do anything as I am uncertain to not humiliate, or embarrass myself even more. I will stay quiet. I am uncertain how it will get across so best to do not do anything. 

I walked down the street and saw a girl standing on the bus stop. Immediately things came up. Anxiety. I was worried about my eyes, everything, tried to control it but I know it is impossible so in the end I had to make a turn on to another street and could not walk past her. It just got to much


Also when I see small children playing on the street it is the same thing. I have no self esteem. I hope I will not have to speak, get approached. I try to control what is coming up inside me, I feel unmovable from it I guess and just try to walk straight and keep my eyes under control to not look scary, etc


At home when I look at someone my eyes after a few seconds of eye contact again get strange, like staring. It is like I loose them, loose control

___

Today I feel like I am a push over, a muppet, on a string just trying to please people and at the same time not put myself into uncomfortable situations.

Those 2 females today were rude and mean. I guess this is what I was just trying to avoid all my life since age 14 when those guys I smoked marijuana with were exactly like that. I don’t know if the 2 females were rude and mean but that is how it felt to me and I just kept smiling while trying to control my embarrassment feelings.

Can we connect a few things here. My yawning yesterday, things coming up from my chest, stomach to my throat and then releasing with yawning or at other times no releasing. Trying to control myself all the time. Keep the feelings at bay. And never want to be in a situation where people are not nice to me.

I don’t feel good Today. Still a bit of sighing and mild feelings of wanting to throw up like yesterday where I either yawn or sigh.

Today I don’t think the scorpio remedy would be right.

As I feel this needs to be targeted with a remedy

But what do i know

Ah, I see whatever I will describe it will always end up looking like I want to do something, or be a remedy.


Anyway, my BDD today came sort of back. First day in a few weeks that it bothered me through the day. My nose seems really big again. But there is no reaction yet. I do not feel glued to the mirror.


I shall be quiet than from now on. Feeling down

I am sighing a lot. frequently. Feel like yesterday things coming up from my chest, stomach to my throat, my throat feeling full. and just tired a bit dont want to move, sit

But it feels good as my chest feels lighter.

Maybe anthropleura doing something? I dont know.

yea. I also feel a bit haugthy. Or I dont know what the right word to describe it is... My mother bothered me, I could not stand hearing her voice and told her often that she should go to bed. She kept bothering me about something about our cat and I told her numoerous times that I dont care about our cat. I couldnt care less if she dies or lives. But than I felt the need to make a joke and say something funny to lighten the mood, to not make me appear bad and say something funny about how I hate her for peeing into our bathtub almost every morning and laughed.

I watched a reality TV-show. With some english girls in it. I couldnt stand anyone. THere were some girls in it that all looked rather ugly but tried to look pretty. There is nothing worse than that.It looked like lip stick on a pig. I couldnt stand it. If you are ugly at least try not to look pretty by putting way to much make up on and wear cheap accessories.

I felt down earlier today about myself but now I cannot stand anyone and am not in a mood to socialize or want anyone near me.

I was chatting with a girl online and seriously thinking over whether to meet her or not. And things that came up were.

First of all I fear the anxiety when I will see the girl, that it will hit me really hard and unable to cope. Or get it down. So I wont be able to talk etc.

The second thing was the need to know details about what will happen when we meet etc so I can plan in advance.

And the other thing was I said I will think about it and need to come up with a plan on how I am gona do all this and that everything needs to be perfect, and than I joked about it, about how ridicoulous this sounds that I need to plan for this.

But I cannot do it. The task feels to big, something could go wrong and will go wrong. And than keeping eye contact and stuff I cannot do it. Or talking I cannot do it. There are to many things about my appearance etc that need to be perfect. Than there is the problem when I will speak and look a bit down on myself wich the girl will surely not like and this leaves me feeling horrible.

There is the feeling that she will not like me but rather the opposite, how am I supposed to feel good about this or want to put myself in such situation.


My speaking is the worst problem. I cannot speak in a normal way. I sound so down and shaky and 100's other bad things. If that would be good and ok I guess I would not have much of a problem.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:30:25 BST]

Please help. I always got the same sort of panic when I was told by my parents to go and find a job or to uni. It seemed like a horrible thing. One I will not manage to do.

Or when I had to get warrant of fitness for my car. It feels to much, I cannot cope. How will my anxiety be, I fear it will get over the top, how will my eyes be, how will my voice sound, will I manage to talk to the guy and get my warrant of fitness. There is the fear when I would get to the place that I would not know what to do, uncertainty. I would totally uncertainly walk up to the guy with panic and not know whether I am ok or not or totally embarassing myself and a laughing stock. But it is the uncertainty and great lack of confidence that is the problem of walking up to this person. I dont know what will happen when I will talk to this person. In my mind I have no picture of seeing myself successfully talk to this person. Great uncertainty and just panic, anxiety.I have a picture of myself in my mind where I do a task like walk up to someone to talk about getting a warrant of fitness and the people around me are looking at me thinking what am I doing? As if I look totally lost and this causes panic, anxiety, uncertainty.

Please help

I have a great lack of confidence and cannot see myself successfuly doing such small tasks as I failed numerous times, numerous time I felt uncertain and anxious in such situations. And the tasks seem to big for me despite knowing this is ridicoulous, they are small in reality

Help me be able to meet girls, go into shopping malls where many people are, make phone calls for a job interview, open the door when a stranger knocks, walk down the street and be ok with looking at people, go to university or get a job.
Be ok with getting approached by people, if the girls are not pretty I feel I can manage to do it, if they are pretty I cannot, help me be able to stay at home when the landlord comes for inspection, help me be able to go to veterinary office for my dog, I never have been there and dont want to go as I have no idea how it is like there - pictures come up of what if the space is really close, like if the waiting room is where the receptionist sits, that is to close, I will have anxiety, problems with my eyes and I will not be able to get out but need to stay there so I dont go to the veterinary ever.


Thanks
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:57:51 BST]

ok I will take it, but a few more things.

I have the ego problem and I will take it to see what will happen there but have you read above posts - last 4?


After the androctonus we have to adress this. As I have an issue with 'spaces'. The worst are closed wide open spaces. Like shopping malls or in high school the worst places were the library and pysichal education in that big wide open hall. I could not look anywhere without staring and feeling so strange even if I were alone in there.

And another symptom I have like I said is my breathing is like sighing since yesterday, and I have heart palpitations always quick but this sighing makes my chest feel lighter and it goes away quick.


I dont think I am in a bad state. Just got a bit desperate yesterday night. But it is correct no improvements will come, not from platina, not from anthropleura, because as I realized yesterday night platina has not adressed my issues with spaces, controlling my anxiety, the fear of the fear etc, and it will not because it is wrong


I dont know what to do now. THe owner told me he will send me a new remedy for free but I did not get it today?? He said the remedies are made to order so I hope it is in fact a 200C than and not 1M

so 3 drops 2 hits one spoon is the dose i should take. It is how I usually take it?

I thought so. Very nice from you. I have the fear that people just read maybe a quarter and than dismiss it as ah he just goes on and on, nothing important here anymore so they dont go further and might miss out on important info about me. It goes back to the claustrophobic response, like I said in earlier posts when someone judges me and I cannot change their mind, or when someone has an idea about me I dont agree with but when I try to correct it I get called being in denial (gall acid &paris quad). THose are bad times for me. Never want to be in such situations. As it feels horrible as if I am closed in a space and cannot go out. And if I try to change your mind but unsuccessful it just makes me realize more that I cannot get out so I rather do not get worked up. Do not try with all my strength to change your mind, but keep my panic under control.

I soo remember when I wrote the message about the gall acid & paris quad in such a controlling, try to keep calm and keep it under control do not panic about whether David will listen to me or call me be in denial. Do not try with all strength and forcefully change his mind because if I do this and fail all hope is lost.

I will take the dose now. Thanks

BDD is fine today again, but I feel things coming up my throat for the last 2 days.

my perception got back to bad yesterday too, where my nose seemed really big again. I dont ever want to be in such state again and will be inclined to take the platina if no other solution will be found when the BDD might get back to unstable condition.

But no worries I still want to do everything you tell me to do. I am just saying, that I enjoyed it when my BDD wasnt here. How I could throughout the days be without thinking of my body parts

Since about a week the need to post and post is back again. Dont like that. It is as if I am glued on here and cannot go off despite trying and wanting to stop posting.

I cannot believe this just when I took the spoon the courier came to drop by the 1M remedy. Usually he leaves the package in the morning and have it in front of the door when I wake up... Something must have wanted me to take the 200C it seems


I took only one 1 drop today (a first for me) 4 hits and 2 spoons. Sorry I just cannot follow instructions. I try, really want to today take as advised, but than I believe this must have been to little I need to take more or I will be wasting valuable time by not getting a reaction.

But today I have gotten the closest ever to almost take it as advised

Not spoons, 2 teaspoons

I was just about to say that I feel dissapointed and have nothing to look forward too as I cannot believe the 200c will do anything, But things have changed instantly andI feel again the usual fear of what will happen now that I took it. And can already feel things going on in my body and head. It was the worst when I took lachesis from the fear that I will panic, have unstoppable/uncontrollable panic attacks.

Today I have the feeling... when I am thinking or talking/posting that my mind is very unstable and lacking. It is nothing new to not scare anyone, just a new insight.
Which causes the uncertainty.
It is not that it is malfunctioning or not functioning right. I cannot describe it. It is not that it is chaos and needs order. Something else, but cannot describe it. It is not something that it is lacking in a big way

Yea but today I have been pretty close to the recommended dosage.


I am sorry for all this. I will get there with time