Could any Dr. help me with fears of flying/heights? _{Page 15 of 33}

Hi Sameer, hope all is well with u.

Since last post, i broke up with boyfriend. We are going to work on being friends while i focus on my health and work on being more independent. Over the weekend I was a wreck. I stayed in bed and cried almost an entire day and night. Since then, i have been working on adjusting mentally. i have been pursuing information on getting a blood test done for Lyme disease. I found out today it is $475 for the initial testing. the money hoarding part of me was a little weakened by that news. I'm trying to reason, even if it shows up i have Lyme, i don't think I would want to invest in the traditional treatment route of 6 months of antibiotics.

I haven't mentioned in the last few posts about these weird muscle twitches i get. They are a new symptoms kind of but i didnt know how to describe it until i researched Lyme disease.

It feels like a bunch of multiple twitches in different spots (but within the same localized area). like fireworks are going off inside a muscle. This symptoms was listed as a sign of healing from killing the lyme bacteria.

This was mostly occurring during arsenicum dosing if i remember correctly.

other physical symptoms. lots of alternating between constipation and diarrhea. extremely tired. and of course as you can tell, the mental maladies have been up and down.

considering i broke up with the boyfriend finally is a big deal to me. i haven't really been 'on my own' w/o a love interest the entire time i've been having problems (8 years at least).

Seems like i do better when i have someone to love because its a whole lot easier than loving myself. Its also hard for me to take care of myself when i feel like no one cares are understands me.

oh, my period started on the day 32 of cycle...about exactly a month from the month before, spotting started on day 31 of cycle. i would say the emotions were extremely disturbed the week before cycle arriving. and i haven't cried this much in a long time. its like im looking for someone to care, even though i know ppl close to me do, but i think they dont. and at the same time im having to let my feelings go because i know deep down they are imaginary, but letting them go is difficult!

In your professional opinion, do you think Lyme is a legit suspicion? Do u suggest getting the blood test done? I can afford it even though i have no health insurance, but i just have this thing with giving money to doctors because i've been so let down in the past with no diagnosis and so much money down the drain.

Thank you Sameer,
Jenny

i'm not sure how well i can tell the differences, my mind has been a mess the last month or so, the last 2 months even.

the main thing was the period. when i was on arsen.alb. i was having heavier periods and they were on day 28 or 29. this month it was like on my normal time of 32-ish days.

everything else is seeming to run together. i can tell if things are different or how they are different. i've been feeling pretty crazy most days. but since the 30c dose id say things have come to a head and i'm really like kind of giving up. maybe im giving up control and its been such a big part of how i operate for so long that i feel like i'm losing myself. i just wanna know why my health is this way. i really wanna know but i am soooo tired of spending all this money to find out only to be left with more questions.

I have had a huge acne break out on my neck like right under jaw line. last night i opened up my window shades and slept with no light on. but i was also up from 2-4ish because of a thunderstorm. loud thunder kept waking me. i wasnt extremely scared, just more annoyed that the loud crashed kept interrupting my dozing.

if i can think of other things when im at home with notes, i will report.

so you encourage a blood test to either prove or disprove lyme? i can afford it i just mostly want professional opinion if you think its needed.

thanks a bunch, i know the remedies are doing something i just dont know how or what its working on.

PS. my post sounded more depressed than i actually am. i think i'm actually ok with being 'alone'...or i dont feel alone even tho me and the bf are broke up. there is mostly extreme fatigue overall. especially after eating, i could just fall asleep i feel so weak and tired and mentally im just like, here, and thinking alot to myself. A lot of sitting in my room and thinking and sometimes crying. and lots of praying.

it is a tough thing to describe.

thanks Sameer

No worries.

Do you think it sounds like i could have lyme disease?

those firework twitches are described as part of a healing crisis when treating lyme with antibiotics or remedies. many lyme patients i've talked to have reported that as a tell tale sign. i haven't had them lately, it was mostly on arsenicum. ars was when i felt really crazy too.

I am feeling better mentally. almost like back to normal but different, a little mentally recharged maybe. with every hiccup or altercation i come across in relationships it seems like im learning from them more easily, and giving up my ideas of being right. im ready to feel better already. i'm opening up to my family and expressing i really need help in finding a diagnosis, instead of getting mad at them for not understanding. opening up to them is helping me feel supported even though i'm spending a lot of time alone. theres not even much desire to seek out company or a person to talk to and im ok with that.

getting blood drawn on Monday for lyme. the dr approved to get the test done so all i have to do is send it in and see what they say. if it comes back negative for lyme, i will probably get health insurance and go to the Mayo Clinic and try to get a diagnosis.

the physical stiffness and back pain has been worse.

Just filling you in. thank you for your continued participation in my case. i really feel like theres progress being made even though it seems like i sound hopeless and confused and in unbearable pain.

Thank you,
Jenny

Yea, i'm actually relieved now that me and the bf are officially broken up.

I notice i still have my regular tendencies at times pop up in my head, like wanting him or someone around, but its more like i can identify it and i let it go.

but im 100% ready to not care about anything else but finding a diagnosis and getting treated and being healthy.

before, i kept worrying about hurting peoples feelings if i didnt have time for them.

I slept another night with no lights and no tv. its still kind of hard at times to do, but working on it.

Hi Sameer,
Ignatia 200C arrived today.

I was doing ok for a few days. yesterday i kind of flipped out again. me and the bf have broke up but we were still talking like usual but i guess i was emotional or lonely and i wanted his attention. before monday i was doing alright though.
a few nights i fell asleep with the light and tv on out of sheer laziness. didnt wanna get up to turn them off. last night i slept with lights and tv off completely. i cheat a little bit, i have the shades open to let in the street lights and moon light.haven't been able to fall asleep too easily. i must be anxious over getting test results of lyme. the test/blood was sent in and arrived at the lab...will know in 7-10 days.

physically ive been really really tight, tired, drained, my skin has been really inflamed with acne. i had a really large, almost quarter sized lump on chin. it wasn't like protruding out a lot or very obviously red, just like a large mass piled up underneath the skin. i've had them a few times before but not often. massage therapists have noted how tight i feel from the outside. im communicating better with parents. appetite has been low most times.

Let me know what to do next when u get time.
Thanks,
Jenny

hi sameer,

took ignatia 200c the day u advised.
friday the 25th i was extremely sad and emotional. felt very alone and i had to leave work early a couple hours because i was so upset. maybe i hadn't processed the break up very accurately but for some reason it hit me friday like it was really over with me and him and i was mad and sad and felt alone and i just sat outside and cried, i pretty much cried the entire night only stopping long enough to be 'normal' in front of family. by the end of the fight or talk with the ex i agreed to try to be friends even though i didnt think i could be. i don't know if the full moon and lunar eclipse going on that eve had any part in my mood, i have noticed i get extremely irrational around full moons from time to time. anywho, it was terrible sadness and despair i almost couldnt stand it.

the next morning, i woke up ...almost feeling the exact opposite. i felt completely rational, and controlled. there was an air show in town with open cockpit bi-plane rides going on. i pretty much decided 'eff-it...i'm going on a plane ride.' so, my dad and my brother and mom went too, i went on a plane ride with my dad for 12 minutes in an 84 year old open cockpit plane. of course i was a little nervous and when i was actually in the air and the pilot was turning i preferred not to look. i was definitely a bit full of concern but there was no turning back when in the air. i noticed that it was more unbearable to look directly down rather than to the side, but i did look down enough to see our house and my car sitting outside. the last 2 minutes, i actually really enjoyed, because i saw we were close to the ground lol. afterwards, i was pretty proud of myself and happy, my parents were pretty amazed i actually went along. i've been able to get along as friends with my ex even that same day and we talk regularly and i'm actually really ok with being single. i know its the best thing for me right now even if at times i think i don't like it. i'm sure its good for the ex bf too. i am getting along with family well. i have been sleeping in the dark with no tv and no lights every night. well, except last night i was so tired i fell asleep with the lights on as i was reading.

Physically, not good.
im in a lot of pain, aches, tight muscles, shooting pains in shoulders and elbows. burning and aches in back and neck and hips. feels like bones are out of place so went for adjustment but got no relief. legs ache. had popcorn/firework twitches again in my back after a massage. she got pretty deep and it felt like it relieved some of the tension but that was just today, i am still so achey, and can't feel any relief even after massage.

i felt like i was having menstrual cramps on Monday, day 19 of cycle but no period. lots of twitching muscles of arms, ankles, random areas. most are popcorn/firework twitches. large bruise on palm of hand from catching a frisbee? played frisbee, haven't done that in a long time either, probably since i was little.

acne, mildly improving. still more than id like. eyes are itchy around cat. but...i am happy to report, still no terrible allergies like last year. im certain that is thanks to your help :)

main complaint this week, so so so tight! it feels like my muscles are bricks and i cant find any relief. its like i have to take 2 hot baths a day, and have at least 2 massages a week and drink massive amounts of water to make a dent. its interrupted my sleep, can't fall asleep until around 12 or even 1-2am. just can't get comfortable and my appetite has been lacking.

did arsenicum work for me? it absolutely did something, i know that much. maybe it worked so much my body/i couldn't handle it?

thanks sameer, look forward to your direction when you have time.


jenny

I might not be looking in the right area.
Can't find Ignatia in the 30ml teat of LM1 and 2 on helios site?

Hi Sameer,
I have Ignatia LM1 & 2 with me.

Since last post, overall mentally pretty good. there were a couple questionable days. Me and the ex were getting along really well as friends and then somethin happened with him where he started sounding how *I* used to feel. Saying stuff like he was depressed and no one understands and was gonna stop talkin to me. i had no tolerance for that because the last time i sounded like that he was no where to be found except in a text message. i was harsh in my words at times towards him. we are still talking and i am not letting his mood affect mine. it was my birthday on Monday and i enjoyed it very much until he came over at the end of it in a bad mood. still, didnt let it affect me and even tried to cheer him up but to no avail. seems like he couldnt handle my emotional issues because he has is own. anyway, i think its a good sign that i didn't let it depress me. he had a way of doing that w/o trying just because i wanted to make things better for him but nothing was ever good enough.

physically, a bit worse. i seemed to be a bit more itchy in the face and eyes, yesterday i had a pretty bad allergy reaction to the cat. i feared it was the start of like last season, but today it cleared up with just a stuffy nose and some yellow sinus discharge. i steered clear of cat and all was ok today.
it is day 30 of cycle and i am having cramps but no flow. unwanted body hair seems to be less growth or more fine, not as coarse.

got a massage from a new girl today, felt like kittens were licking my back, quite annoying and a waste of money. my regular lady i trade with is out of town and i just plain didnt feel like having what little energy i do have sucked out of me by the other guy i trade massage with. i find that i have to train a lot of massage therapists on how to massage me, they just can't get deep enough or the right angles.

can't think of much else. still mostly sleeping in dark unless im too lazy to turn light off.

PS. i leave for chicago for a work event all week on monday... not sure if u were going to advise i dose on the new arrivals...but i wondered....if u think it might cause more skin irritation if i could hold off until i get back. my skin has been getting worse and im just finally starting to get that to clear up a little. but let me know what u think is best...dont want to be miserable physically on my trip. i know for a fact i wont be miserable mentally..i love traveling.

thanks Sameer!
Jenny

Hi Sameer!

Great news... My test results came back.

I showed positive for antibodies against B. Borrelia in the IGM and IGG test (Igenex standards), and I also tested positive for the CDC/NYS result. The CDC is much harder to get a positive result on because they require at least 5 positive bands to consider it a diagnosis. I will list the bands I tested positive for:

(IND is 'indeterminate' and basically means suspicious but not strong enough to say '+' --- The more + signs, the stronger that antibody is in the system)

IGENEX IGM RESULT-POSITIVE
CDC/NYSRESULT- POSITIVE
23-25 kDa +++
41 kDa +
58 kDa +
66 kDa +
83-93 IND

IGENEX IGG RESULT-POSITIVE
CDC/NYS RESULT - NEGATIVE
31 kDa IND
34 kDa +
39 kDa +
41 kDa +++
58 kDa +

Basically...this means that a lot of the common main antibodies that are produced to fight the Lyme causing bacteria showed up, BUT...the bacteria itself did not show up in the results. Which is ok i think because thats what BB does, it hides. I am certain its set up camp in my heart and spine and possibly the brain since i have had neurological symptoms such as brain fog, memory loss, confusion, emotional swings that coincide with menstrual cycle, etc.

Band 41 is Flagella...this is how the bacteria swims and moves around the body.



So...I'll get on with the last week report.

Physically, felt like crap. I was extremely achey and stiff from the traveling and walking around, absolutely exhausted.

Plus, i got my period on Wednesday. I did have to take 1 Alieve because it was the opening day of the trade show and i had to walk around all day for work, back was killing me. I had to go to my room and take a break and i actually cried a bit before pullin myself together to go back down there.

I'd say i was a little emotionally disturbed on the day or two before my period and the day of.

My friend i went to hang out with on Tuesday didn't seem to give a crap that i felt crappy, so i pretty much just ditched him to go hang out with my boss and manager. I had a lot better time with them and I was able to ensure that i got home at a decent hour for rest.

On Wednesday, I not only got my period and had to be at the tradeshow all day, i was extremely tired and achey and i got my test results over the phone (at that time though, i didn't understand what the results meant, so i wasn't sure if it meant Lyme).
And THEN, some crazy girl i know that lives in Florida was sending me crazy messages. Long story you don't need to hear, It was just a lot of crap all in one day.

The crazy girl and the inconsiderate friend, didn't let them get to me. The continuation of the waiting for results even after getting the results was kind of agonizing. But still, i spoke on it to a couple people and then i let it go and decided to practice more patience. I hung out with a different friend that evening for dinner and had a great time.

I am still hesitant in saying 'i have lyme' until i speak with the Doc on Monday for the interpretation of results. I feel fairly confident though because i spoke with many on Lymenet.org. The lyme community seems to know whats going on and they strongly believe the results mean lyme when i showed my results.

Physically overall, the herxing of twitching is still apparent with Ignatia, not as severe as on arsenicum though.
Sore throat when drinking water.
Stiff, especially in morning. Can't get much comfort or relief. There was also breast swelling a couple days before period. Allergies returning when in close proximity to my cat.

Mentally, was only a little unstable a couple days before my period. I'm still preferring to keep to myself and focus on health and moving forward. I have a better grasp as to where my mind is at. And, still sleeping comfortably in the dark and no tv. By comfortable i mean not afraid, because physically its hard to get comfy in bed, i wake up to adjust positions all the time.

Not crazy about having Lyme Disease/Boreliosis...but I do love the idea that it quite possibly has just been proven and that most all my symptoms can be explained. I almost feel like I've been let out of jail.

Thanks Sameer :)

Well, I haven't flown lately.
I am sure that I am still somewhat afraid or nervous. Haven't had dreams of any planes or flying.

I think Im getting to the point where I'm much less afraid to die in general. Its gonna happen to everything and every one...tired of wasting time being afraid of things.

Fears/Anxieties:
I noticed on my trip that its not so much that I was afraid of things, I did notice anxiety about being in public. I like to look nice, maybe I'm vane or overly critical of myself...i constantly compare myself to other women. i think its mostly because i feel ill and broken on the inside and i think it shows thru in my appearance. So sometimes when i see a healthy weight woman that has nice skin i get a little down on myself.

The other part about being out in public is (and this is only when out of my hometown or in unfamiliar settings) I don't want to look stupid. Like i didn't wanna take the bus in Chicago alone not because i was afraid..but because i had never taken a bus ANYwhere and didn't really know how to do it and didn't wanna look stupid. I know...thats stupid.

Also... when meeting new people, i love meeting new people but i always think they think im different or strange. I'm always wary of their intentions or why they are being so nice. I'd say overall I'm a very trusting person, too trusting. I wanna believe everybody means well. So sometimes I question my judgement of people or feel bad when i don't really trust them enough to want to talk to them.

I'd say overall thats a confidence issue. Everyone thinks I'm so pretty and perfect and I just don't feel that way, I've ALWAYS had a low self esteem and I know i deserve good relationships but i seemed to go for the guys that were mean or stole from me. I got smarter as I went along and i think i make good choices now. But great guys are interested in me all the time but i always question their motives.


Hard to say if 200c is still changing stuff. my acne has cleared up quite a bit, but that usually happens after my cycle is over. I think my face gets bad because i pick at it sometimes cuz i just want stuff to be out of my face.

the period this month started on day 35 of cycle...a bit longer than on arsenicum for sure. and even a little longer than my normal 33-ish days.

I am anxious to talk to the doc tomorrow to get a 100% confirmation on the Lyme diagnosis...anxious to find someone to treat me. I'd say a little more anxious overall.

OOOH...the other stressor...money. I have a little saved up but I totally am not good about spending money unless its on myself. I think thats kind of selfish but I've spent so much money on doctors and treatments the last 8 years i could have put a nice downpayment on a house. theres so many things i wanna do in life and i feel like its all put on hold until i successfully treat this illness. I can't work a full 40 hours w/o being tired and in pain.

I will look at my store tomorrow, no Whole Foods here but will get Thuja asap.

Would it be ok to do a 7 day fast/cleanse? I really want to do one and I feel like it would help me feel better.

I probably wouldn't do a full 7 days considering my light weight already, but it would consist of the following:

green vitamins, alfalfa tabs, dulse tabs, apple juice, apple cider vinegar, psyillium seed and flaxseed, vitamin C, Cod Liver Oil, Niacin, Pancreatin, Chlorophyll and coffee enemas.

I was hoping if I could do this in between remedies after we've given a remedy time enough to work? Don't want to interfere with the remedies but really really want to try this fast for a few days.

Let me know if this is ok, thanks!

Jenny

Ok, thank you. Have to order Thuja, will report as advised.