Could any Dr. help me with fears of flying/heights? _{Page 23 of 33}

Hi Sameer, I am back from my trip. for some reason none of the Whole Foods I went to carried Calc Carb in the 6C potency.

I've been a little strapped for cash due to the hospital stay, barely working, and the vacation I went on. I will be ordering the calc carb 6c tomorrow unless you advise otherwise.

i did pretty well on the plane for the most part. on the way the way there i was a bit more at ease than on the way back.

while out of town i lost more weight, I weigh about 109 lbs.

i didn't do any of my lyme treatment things while gone, just tried to enjoy myself.

upon returning i had more motivation, worked 25 hours in 4 days, and handled a few confrontations with a level head. I even am a little motivated to get back to exercising.

i hope to return to san diego soon and am possibly considering moving back to that general area.

thanks sameer :)
will update soon

Ok, I think it's time.
I was doing pretty good after vacation. was working 30 hours a week with little difficulty. I got a little carried away with sugar products/foods and coffee.

I am starting to cut back now on both and be a little more disciplined in my routine of balancing work, exercise, rest, treatments, and social time. Though it seems i've been a bit up and down as my period is approaching again.

I've still been having pain with intercourse. Not that I have it often, but i even have pain if i get aroused from time to time, sometimes during ovulation sometimes not. I had a pap exam and there was nothing abnormal. I haven't had a pap since 2007. I was concerned about the history of abnormal paps, but it was normal.

chest has been worse with acne, face is a little worse. I hadn't had a fever in a while after i got back from vacation. Starting to have them the last few days again. 99.0-100.0 after a shower or being in sauna.

id say overall i'm having some anxiety over being uncertain about my future and the path I want to go in. I just feel a little lost and still not as confident as I thought I used to be.

I'd say I remember Puls really calming those anxieties down to a degree. I know it altered my sleep/dreams.

I'm not waking up at 3 anymore, because i usually go to bed around 11 sometimes even 12.

i still have some hesitation over flying, that is so deep rooted i feel that will take a while to resolve.

the other fears i have lately, its really hard for me to make decisions. i always feel i'm making the wrong decision no matter what i do.

other than that, I'm sleeping in the dark still w/o tv or lights. i haven't been remembering my dreams as vivid, but i know there are some planes involved.

still have low self confidence level, trying to work on this but its hard to feel like my old spunky self when i feel so different.

long story short, i've always liked puls. i really feel it at the very least helps level me out a bit. gives me a less bi-polar edge.

Hello Sameer,

Hope all is well with you.

It's been a week since dose.

My emotional mood swings were a bit out of control. I haven't been like that in a while. I was emotional, crying, irritable, etc. Very confused about life and it's direction in general.

It was the week approaching my menstrual cycle too. Today is day 35 and i only started spotting today. I'm guessing it will come tomorrow but it's been weird. Swollen breasts and SUPER irritable for like a week, up until 2 days ago actually.

The last two months my period was exactly a month on the dot and my emotional moodiness was minimal.

Guesses as to what it could be from:

1. Babesia herbal treatment that I re-started since beginning of May? It is a blood parasite so I am sure it affects my cycle in some way.

Supposedly it has a 7 and 14 day cycle. I'm trying to record better notes so i can pin down when i am worse and when i'm alright. Seems to usually fall on a weekend i'm worse.

2. I started Diflucan the day following Puls dose. I was having yeast issues following that last course of antibiotics in the hospital. Not sure if that would matter.

So.. overall i was all mentally bad and physically not great for the first 5 days after Puls. Yesterday was my first happy day since. I felt productive again (but i also took the day off work so of course i got stuff done because i didn't punch in to have 6-7 hours of life sucked out of me).

I was alright today too, but i exercised yesterday and i noticed i'm very tired today.

The last two days I've also been having a lot of 'movements'. like 4 times a day. I feel like stuff is detoxing and i really feel like Babesia is my major problem (could be wrong).

My liver enzymes have normalized, they were in the 300's last month.

Most of my anxiety comes over feeling like i need to not work as much to get well, but i feel like i have to work as much as i do to keep my job. I don't qualify for financial assistance because I live with my parents.

Not sure what to think about where I'm at with my body. I'm trying to do all the right things and just let go of thoughts that stress me. sometimes it works. but sometimes i sit around for 4 hours doing nothing. doing nothing bothers me. having a disease that makes me tired and feel crappy is hard because i just wanna live life and enjoy it. how can you live life when you have to get a full 9 hours of sleep and keep a strict diet and do treatments and then spend the rest of the time working? Lame

Anyway...overall...mentally terrible for 5 days and a lot better literally overnight 2 days ago. Obviously I'm still having some negative thought patterns left over. Physically today I've had a lot of weird shooting pains in my chest and random places like elbow, knee. shortness of breath. cramps on and off. swollen breasts. fatigued.

Even while i was mentally not great...during the week i worked 30 hours again. Quitting caffeine and cutting way back on sugar again. I seem to like to be drastic about everything all at the same time vs little changes a long the way. Example: you can't give me 2 bites of cake. I need 2 pieces of cake! and then I'll beat myself up about it later. ha!

Thanks Sameer, sorry you had to read that.

You are probably right on #1 and #2. It's just sometimes these depression swings come when I least expect them and it's hard to realize what's happening and get out of the funk before it's too late. Then i feel guilty for being the way I am and it gets really confusing separating thoughts in my head.

I cut back on the herbals. Yes they can cause negative physical and/or mental reactions at times, but with this disease..it's really hard to know what is causing what. Not only do I have borrelia, I have 2 major co-infections Bartonella and Babesia. and when I treat one, the others flare.

Anyway...in the last few days I got my period. 36-37 day cycle. It was regular flow for 2 days, 3rd day and 4th day..spotting (still spotting). Tender breasts lasted all the way to day 2, same with menstrual cramps. the most noticeable symptom, profound fatigue. I am so sleepy and achy. I even was so tender to the touch on my left knee/shin. felt like my skin was burned. It's getting a little better now but still noticeable.

I quit coffee last week, perhaps this is part of the sleepiness I've been experiencing.

Overall though, doing mentally better than last week. Aside from the fatigue. I wish I could get more done with my time, but as they say, there is a time for action and a time for rest. So I'm trying my best to honor my body's need for rest right now. Physically I am in dire need of a massage. my muscles are so tight in my back and neck.

Oh...good news! I am up to 115 lbs! My goal is a healthy 125, but I'm being patient. 115 is way better than 108 last month.

Will await your direction.
Thanks Sameer.

just bumping up...

It's 'alright'

I go in and out of self doubts. Overall, I think I'm pretty awesome considering what i go through on a regular basis, I really have to remind myself at times though. Sometimes when i see someone that is closer to my idea of what perfect is, I get a little insecure or down on myself for not being where I think I should be in life.

I know there is no such thing as perfect, but I guess its always been in my nature to want to be.

I am really working on not talking bad about myself, even as a joke. Trying to speak about positive things more these days. My mind tends to drag me down into a negative place and its hard to fight that all the time.

confidence level is getting better i think.

still pretty irritable when at work. i'm ready to minimize work at my job and invest in trying to start up my own business as a freelancer.

up.

It's confusing, depressing, mostly confusing where I don't even trust my own judgements. I question my decision making abilities and that leads to anxiety.

One minute I feel good and hopeful about my health situation and I enjoy the moment without worry of what tomorrow will bring. The next minute I'm questioning if I even know what I want out of life.

I question if my treatments are helping at all. I question if I'm making the wrong decisions with certain medications or supplements.

I used to want to be with my ex boyfriend but he seemed to never really understand me. Now, recently while I was on vacation I met a new guy and was open to the idea of new relationships. I was moving on, only to find when I got back, all of a sudden my ex wants to make things work and he is treating me really good now.

The only problem is, after all of that time in limbo...he convinced me that we wouldn't ever work out, and I was actually excited about meeting the new guy and what that might bring. I was considering moving back to San Diego even.


I think i need things to be happy, like being emotionally and financially stable, and in a loving relationship where I can start a family and start building my own career.

It makes me feel bad that the only reason I really don't know if I want to continue with my ex is because he can't financially support me, and he already has two kids. I feel shallow for even thinking that way and I feel like if i choose a different direction, it might be the wrong choice. What if someone who IS financially stable and great and seems perfect doesn't love me as much as my ex?

Sometimes, I don't even know what my issues are. When I have a clear head...it's obvious to me. I have major fears involved with not having enough money, and I feel like why would someone that *i want* want me when i have all of these health problems and emotional barriers and fears.



This week I paid off my hospital bill, made an investment in silver, and loaned money to my ex. THIS was all difficult for me. I feel unable to work more than 3-4 hours a day. Anything more and I just get angry towards my employers, towards life, towards myself really. There are so many things i think I can do, like start my own business, but the fear of failing (or succeeding?) scares me.


I am really good at drawing, but sometimes i feel like it's never good enough. And when people ask me what *I want* to draw or paint...I honestly don't even know. Or I think it's stupid and I think no one will like it. So I draw what other people want me to draw.

Another example: Everyone thinks I am super pretty. And I just plain don't see it most days. Like I KNOW I'm ok looking and I'm grateful for what I do have. Lord knows I know this. When I see stories of people who have had amputations or physical scarring that leaves them what society calls unattractive...I feel their pain and I thank God that I don't have it that bad. I have my own pain but it's not visible which I think leads people to get the wrong impression of me. While in Vegas on my trip a guy actually thought I was acting stuck up. And here I was feeling insecure and sickly!

I've gone through so many changes, I feel like I don't even know myself at times. That's why I've been hesitant to get back into a relationship again. I just don't feel good enough for one. And that confuses me because that's all I ever wanted.

I know I'm too hard on myself, but its really really hard not to be. I feel completely limited, physically and financially. And that wears on me emotionally because I try so hard to make it appear like i have my poop in a group when I really don't feel that way at all.

Sorry so long... I have insomnia tonight. and for some reason my eyes are red/itchy again for the last 3-4 days. like when I had allergies, except my allergy part isn't that bad.

just bumping up.

physical issues:

itchy eyes like allergies (they are rough, red, and scab like)

acne on face and chest

skin feels gunky

insomnia

overall i am testing better at draining lymph, but my liver, gallbladder and kidneys are still congested and not functioning very well.

believed to be caused by multiple infections either from yeast or parasites. not sure.

I'm also not producing much insulin. my mineral levels are very low. my hormones are testing unstable also. my left mammary gland is also inflamed.

lots of candida showed up on my test, mildew, influenza A and trace parasites.

intestinal flukes, trypanosoma and haemoproteus were looked at closely so they may be in my system. to what degree, i don't know.


I know my system is screwy, but I am missing my homeopathics :( some of them made my head feel better.

I would say those are all 100% accurate.

I doubted the 'mind - fear - alone, of being'

But perhaps I'm not so much afraid of that right now ( or I think I'm not ) because I'm not alone right now. My ex says he wants to be with me 'forever' and a few other men have expressed their long term interest.

Sometimes I feel like my life would be less stressful if I didn't have a man/love interest to deal with. Then I could focus 100% on myself and health. But ..I do get lonely if I feel like no one is around, downright depressed. So yes... i feel like i need relationships/people/a man around to be happy. I like my alone/independent time but only if I know there are social events waiting on me (even if its simply talking to someone).


'Coition-enjoyment-absent' :

I would enjoy it if I felt healthy. It scares me to engage in it because I've always gotten 'worse' following it. The urge is still there, but just self conscious about my bodies reaction to it

Sounds good. I'll order this today. Thanks Sameer :)

It's been about 3 days since calc carb 6c single dose.

I took it on Monday, which was the day i had a really really bad allergic flare to something. Either my cat, or a piece of angel food cake i had, i have no idea. I haven't had one of those for a long time, it felt like hayfever. Sneezy, itchy watery eyes.

My eyes had been raw for like a week before then, just itchy and red and forming red patches. Not watery and no sneezing.

So, I took Calc Carb Monday evening.

Tuesday:

sneezing stopped, itchy eyes were better. I had sore tender breasts and sore soles upon arising (normal). I was mentally better, I did some exercising even. Had a touch of insomnia a little later on that night probably from the exercising. For some reason that happens even with light core strengthening moves.
I worked only 4 hours and felt little pressure at work so this was good.
Temp ranged from 97.8 to 99.6 (after a sauna session)

Wednesday:

I was a little bad again, there were fortune cookies and pretzels (chocolate covered) at work and I had a few. Eyes itched again and was sneezy, not as bad as Monday. Toward the end of the day I got kind of depressed and 'blah'. I felt bad about myself, like I wanted someone to scoop me up and tell me everything will be ok, but I'm so stubborn I won't seek that out anymore. I just keep to myself because I don't want to burden anyone with my confusion. Instead, I forced myself to take a bath and meditate. It helped me get out of the funk long enough to go to sleep.

Thursday:

Woke up feeling much better mentally. I put in about 7 hours of work. I liked work today because I helped at my health food store with truck and then at my 'full time' job, I worked with the web coder on our website, so I felt needed. Plus, I had a coffee :) it didn't tweek me out though, I have been showing self restraint in the coffee department.


Overall, safe to say there was improvement even though I got a little depressed. I feel like I handled it a bit better than letting the funk take me over (like it can so easily do).

Physically, the only confusing thing was the hay fever symptom. I remember in 2009 i had hayfever for like 4 months STRAIGHT it was nuts. It hasn't been like that since. Possible I reacted to the wheat allergen that tests results say I'm allergic to?

Thanks Sameer :) Will await your direction.
Jenny

The last two days I've been pretty down mentally.

I went from happy to short-lived rages (over the internet being slow) to crying (over confusion on how long until i will start feeling better). I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, took a nap today.

I *really* tried to fight it off yesterday and was good for the most part but i am worse when left alone.

Like today I was amped to start designing my website for my art. Then I got to researching artists and I saw a lot of people that were better than me. And then i felt lost, like I dont even know what my style is anymore because i rarely have time to devote to the practice. I am in pain so its hard to sit and for as long as i have to to draw. So i laid down, cried a little and took a nap.

temp today has been around 99.4 and i felt fluish

my eyes are still raw and the corner of my right eye is 'cracking'...think of dry chapped lips.

extreme back/neck discomfort.

sneezing again when cat is around me. maybe she is dragging in more allergens from outside than usual.

The depression and rages are Bartonella related. I'll post the symptoms below that I have off and on (that I believe can be attributed to Bart):

___Fatigue (often with agitation, unlike Lyme disease, which is more exhaustion)

___Low grade fevers, especially morning and/or late afternoon, often associated with feelings of 'coming down with the flu or a virus'

___Sweats, often morning or late afternoon (sometimes at night) - often described as 'thick' or ***sticky*** in nature

___Headaches, especially frontal (often confused with sinus) or on top of head

___Eye symptoms including episodes of blurred vision, red eyes, dry eyes

___Ringing in the ears (tinnitus) -off and on, random

___Sore throats (recurring) - especially after drinking water.

___Swollen glands, especially neck and under arms

___Anxiety and worry attacks; others perceive as 'very anxious'

___Episodes of confusion and disorientation that are usually transient (and very scary)-mine aren't terrifying, but noticeable

___Poor sleep (especially difficulty falling asleep); poor sleep quality

___Joint pain and stiffness (often both Left and Right sides as opposed to Lyme which is often on one side only with pain and stiffness that changes locations)

___Muscle pains especially the calves; may be twitching and cramping also

___Foot pain, more in the morning involving the heels or soles of the feet (sometimes misdiagnosed as plantar fasciitis)

___Nerve irritation symptoms which can be described as burning, vibrating, numb, shooting, etc.

___Tremors and/or ***muscle twitching***

___Heart palpitations and strange chest pains

___Episodes of breathlessness

___Gastrointestinal symptoms, abdominal pain and acid reflux

___Shin bone pain and tenderness


Thanks Sameer. Will await your direction...

Jenny